Cover me
by ProfAT
Summary: Being a shinigami and a lieutenant is hard, it's scary, and in the long run it's an excellent way to get yourself killed. Trying to get close to someone without doing something incredibly stupid like falling in love should be comparatively easy. Too bad "easy" is pretty much impossible for anything involving Renji and Shuuhei.
1. Otherwise Exclusive Events

The Court of Pure Souls, with its purpose and goals in mind, had but one primary principle by which everything was run. The key word: Efficiency. From the Soul Reapers themselves, groomed both physically and spiritually for their duties, to the layout of the entire Gotei Thirteen which was orderly and composed of uniform pure-white stone, the Courts that doubled as home and workplace to shinigami was as smooth as such an extraordinarily large an operation could get.

Even the mail-rooms, tended to mostly by unranked or low-ranking soul reapers, run on a strict and timely fashion. Toiling in the mail-rooms is an important step for any fledgling reaper, and you would be hard pressed to find any experienced soul in the higher ranks who had not at some point been tasked with the sorting and delivery of mail. As such, the reapers assigned to mail-room take their duties quite seriously and with enthusiasm. As well they should, seeing as it simply would not do for a possible calamity to take place just because someone received an important report a few hours late.

As a high-ranking and well-known officer, Abarai Renji is one of the people whose mail delivery take priority over almost everyone else in his squad. Everyone excluding Captain Kuchiki, naturally. Renji's mail arrives in the morning at the exact same time every day on the dot, appearing in a tightly bound bundle in the middle of his desk.

Now, normally Renji appreciates the little kindnesses sent his way in life, mail-service included. But on the final Thursday of every month, Renji loathes that little bundle of mail, and he automatically loathes whatever poor soul had been tasked with delivering it to him, even though by now the person in question was long gone.

On days like these, Renji does every possible thing he could do to avoid the bundle, disrespectfully shoving it to the very corner of his desk where it teetered on the brink of falling over. Renji will then proceed to find ways to keep himself busy and away, even going on so far as to take unneeded delivery chores himself, or dragging his squad members into the frigid winter air for an impromptu training session. But sure enough, by the end of the day Renji finds himself seated at his desk, with the mail.

Still, the struggle is not yet over, and the war against the unfeeling and unloving force known as postal delivery has not yet been drawn to a close. In true Renji fashion, he refuses to give in that easily, instead choosing to waste at least fifteen minutes pulling at the string holding the bundle together or flicking maliciously at one of the crisp white corners of a page that stuck out too far, as if testing if the delivery would explode if provoked. I was a worthy foe, Renji can admit, remaining stoic and unresponsive to even his most malicious of prodding. Renji's lips pull back in a sneer, a growl of irritation rumbling through barred teeth. This quickly morphs into an expression of mortification, however, when someone invariably walks in on the vice-captain of the sixth division hissing at his mail.

"What are you doing?"

Renji bolts upright, his spine stiffened comically as if a bolt of electricity just ran through his body, much to the amusement of the petite figure at the door. Rukia observs this behavior with an amused smirk and a hand placed confidently on her delicate hip, her shoulders shaking very much like she's struggling to avoid laughing.

"Uh, what am I doing? Completely standard mail procedure or something." Pushing past a hot flash of indignation, Renji stammers and pushes the package of mail behind him, his other hand nervously scratching the back of his head. "You know, taking care of extremely vital vice-captain junk. You know how it is."

"You were growling at it!" Rukia points out, brandishing her index finger accusingly.

Renji feigns an exasperated tone, rolling his eyes as if in impatience. "Rukia, you never know what kind of danger is lurking in the corners of the Seireitei. Who knows what people might do to harm someone as dangerous and heroic as me, even to stoop as low as booby-trapping the mail! You can never be too careful, honestly this is, like, basic lieutenant knowledge."

"I'm sure. I know you live by this belief, but paperwork doesn't actually hurt you, you realize."

"Ah, who asked you?" Renji retorts, brushing aside the bundle so it slipped off his desk together and fell to the floor with a dull thump. "If you came to see the captain he's out right now, but he'll probably roll back in here sooner or later. I think. I really couldn't tell you what he gets up to on his spare time."

Rukia sighs, "I figured as much. I already reported to Captain Ukitake, but things have been pretty slow in the human world. I guess the hollows still aren't sure what to do with themselves after the war so they're hiding in the shadows in case a rogue arrancar happens to storm by or something. I guess I was hoping for something just a little bit exciting."

"And gods know nothing says exciting all over like Captain Kuchiki."

"Hey, don't talk about my brother that way!" Rukia barks, giving Renji a playful shove. It doesn't do much to move him, but his stance is more unsettled by her pushing than usual. Rukia's been getting stronger, Renji notes with appraisal. "I guess I'll try catching up with him at home. Honestly, you'd think once in a while something actually fun would happen. Like, as in exciting without all the war and death stuff."

"Yeah, yeah. Get on with ya and go find the captain, 'honorable little sister'." Renji says with no small amount of sarcasm, ruffling Rukia's hair as she shoved him aside to leave the office. She bid him fairwell with a slap to the hand, and Renji turns with eyes back with dread to the mail lying abandoned on the floor. He drags his feet to where the papers lay and set them back on his desk.

When the task could be ignored no longer, Renji sighs and the strings holding the papers together come away with a snap. The papers felt heavy and stiff in his hands, the ink somehow a darker black than any other paperwork Renji was forced to do before. Such was always the feeling of reading the casualty reports for his division.

There was nothing more depressing than seeing the roster of new Soul Reapers, fresh from the academy and flooding the ranks after the Winter War with joy and naiveté, only to see those same names on the death toll months later. Almost worse still were the reapers who has served under him longer, already pledged loyalty to the sixth and proven it with their lives on the line of duty. Renji could see why his captain kept such an icy demeanor even to his subordinates if the weight of so many deaths settled so heavily. To some, getting emotionally attached was begging for heartache.

Speaking of said captain, Renji notes that he had better finish reading through the casualties and fill out his necessary signatures as a witness before turning it in to Captain Kuchiki. As lieutenant, Renji was tasked with confirming the newly deceased's former place in the squad, but it was his captain who would have to file for notices to the next-of-kin, if the names on the list were so lucky to have such things. Renji supposes that he should be morbidly thankful that it took so long to read the lists that his captain appeared back in the office later in the day, not long before Renji finished.

Now the finale.

"Captain," Renji winces at the sound of his own voice breaking the previous silence of the office, making it louder like an echo in an empty cave.

But Captain Kuchiki just glances up from his own papers, looking for all the world as if Renji has just barely succeeded at capturing his attention. He looks back down to his desk to place one bold, finishing stroke on the paper in front of him before looking back at his vice-captain.

"Have you finished with the casualty reports, Vice-Captain Abarai?" He asked.

Renji nodds, refraining from wincing apologetically. Common sense rather than experience has taught him, or at least implied that Captain Kuchiki would not have anyone offer him pity for simply following his orders. The dark-haired man nodded and motioned with a sweep of his palm for Renji to lay down the reports on his desk.

In the twelve steps it takes for Renji to walk back to his desk, Captain Kuchiki was already engrossed in the reports. In the few moments it took for Renji to gather and put away all his things at his workspace, his captain was nearly halfway through the stack of papers. And Just as Renji's toe was entering the doorway, a stern call of "Lieutenant" echoed through the nearly empty office.

Renji fought back a twinge of annoyance. Reading through the list of his dead subordinates had put a serious dampener on his mood, and he had little patience left for his Captain who possessed something of a noble eccentric sweep. If Byakuya Kuchiki thought that Renji was going to spend another night in the office re-writing an entire report because the original authors had printed it in the "wrong" ink, he was going to be very disappointed.

"There seems to be a mistake in these files." Captain Kuchiki announced, voice even but not cold, using his sentence as an invitation for Renji to approach his desk.

Renji sincerely doubts that there was a mistake in the reports, given how anal-retentive the filing of the Sixth Division was. Still, he would feel pretty shitty if some poor bastard's final resting arrangements got screwed up because of him.

Nineteen steps back to Captain Kuchiki's desk, "A mistake, sir?"

With a slide of his fingers, Captain Kuchiki turned the file across the shiny surface of his desk to Renji so he could read it. "Do you understand what is troubling me here?"

Renji hates standing in from of Captain's desk like this. It always made him feel like an unruly student back in the academy, standing before his teacher's desk and struggling for an answer to a problem he simply did not know the answer to. He looked at the documents anyway, taking note that everything seemed to be in order. The names were listed, surname first, along with their rank if they had any to speak of. In the column next to that was the time and place of death, and further next to that was cause of death.

"Uh," Renji blinks, thinking perhaps that either he or his captain have maybe been working a little too hard. If there's ever an appropriate time for a mental breakdown, Renji hopes that it isn't tonight. "Everything seems to be in order here, Captain."

Kuchiki gives Renji a hard look that further outlines the uncomfortable teacher comparison, "I advise you to learn to look between the lines, Lieutenant. You were not put in the division of noble reason for nothing. I know what the report seems to be, now tell me what you _see_."

Mind games are not Renji's forte by a long shot, but it wasn't at all usual for his normally straight-forward captain to become so cryptic. So Renji steels himself, trying to connect the invisible dots and scan the paper for whatever apparently glaring flaw his captain is trying to get him to look at.

And then it jumps out. Not just jumping, it leaps off they page like an animal in attack. Renji's inked eyebrows jump high underneath the cover of his bandana and something drops into the pit of his stomach as comprehension slowly dawns in his mind

"Captain?"

"You understand, then," Kuchiki says with the same stoic calmness, hands folded in his lap with impeccable neatness, "why I assumed this to be an error in the report. Because the alternative is simply impossible, is it not?"

Captain Kuchiki's dark eyes strikeck Renji, who can only return a nod of agreement, mind still churning through the full implications of this revelation.

"I think it would be wise if someone capable were to take this into their own hands, Vice-Captain. These reports are rather thin, but I'm sure that the official Sixth Division records are practically overflowing with information."

Captain Kuchiki stand up slowly from his desk, not bothering as Renji had to rearrange the already pristine layout of his workspace. "The nature of this matter is very suspicious, is it not? I wouldn't trust just anyone to go delving into the matter."

As his captain walks past him, Renji considers the casualty report. It was merely a hunch, but a hunch from Head of Kuchiki house and captain of the sixth division was ever hardly without reason. A small gust of wind shifted the dry air and Kuchiki Byakuya was gone in a flash-step, and Renji was left with the seed of growing suspicion. He sighs at the empty space where his captain used to be, preparing for the long trek down to the filing room.

To say the Rukongai was an unpleasant place to spend one's free time would be like that to say that Hitsugaya's bankai was unpleasantly cold, or that Rangiku had a habit of getting unpleasantly tipsy. The further districts of the Rukongai were notoriously dangerous, inhospitable and, in certain unpopular spots, soaked in a rancid stench that arises when masses of people simply cease to care about their surroundings and allow the filth around them to pile up and fester with age.

Shuuhei supposes that he should consider the bar he was attempting to enter a gem of the Soul Society slums. Despite its ramshackle appearance, with the layers of paint peeling in long strips from the dilapidated walls, Shuuhei had good memories of this place. Perhaps not many, but he didn't much like to think of himself as fickle about that sort of thing.

Two burly men attempt to barricade the entrance, both glaring and one shifting his robes to flash the hilt of the knife in his obi menacingly. Shuuhei refrains himself from rolling his eyes at the boorish gesture, instead reaching over his own shoulder with one hand and yanks down the sleeve of his dim green overcoat to reveal the Vice Captain badge tied around one bare arm.

The second brute's eyebrows shot into his mess of unkempt hair, presumably either impressed or afraid, and he nudges his cohort aside. The other obliged, but when Shuuhei treads past the two he hears a wet sound that he could guess was a wad of saliva aimed in the general direction of his sandals. Not hitting them, landing just slightly off the mark to land on the wood floorboards, but a sign of disrespect just the same. Shuuhei can't really find the heart to blame them- he couldn't remember having much love for the shinigami either before he owed his life to one.

The bar is dark, and the floorboards stink of being doused in alcohol countless times. A busty brunette in a cheap kimono delivered drinks and bar food to a table of patrons, who gladly wolf it down before bothering to inspect the substance. So few people felt the desire to eat in the Rukongai that it hardly mattered what was food anymore for those who do, just that it was something to fill the stomach or show off some meager sum of status. Those that picked at the food seem satisfied with their meal, but Shuuhei has to force himself not to gag at the smell. The Thirteen Court Guards were making him spoiled.

Someone called a hardy "Oi!" in his direction, and Shuuhei gave the waitress a wide berth to follow the voice to a small table in the back. There, two men were already seated, the man on the right gesturing to Shuuhei to sit with them.

The lieutenant smiled shyly at them as he sat down, beginning to feel guiltier at not seeing his old childhood friends as much now that they were all face to face.

"Well, well, if it isn't our prodigy-boy come back to us lowly commoners!" Tori laughed, giving Shuuhei a gracious slap on the shoulder. "You'd think we'd be forgotten by now?"

"How could I forget you knowing how much money you owe me?" Shuuhei retorts, picking up the already quarter-empty bottle of sake. No one bothers with formalities here, they've all known each other far too long.

Tori scratches his grizzled chin. His robes were old and fraying but clean, which was more than could be said for many people in the bar. Have the battle in trying to get work and board in a higher district is looking like you want it. "What a cold way to greet an old friend! I'da thought you'd have more class than that, Mr. Vice-Captain!"

On Shuuhei's other side, the large form of Kenta snorts, "If I loaned money to snakes like either of you two, I wouldn't soon forget it either!"

"He says, passive-aggressively gloating over the fact that he has money now." Shuuhei adds with another eye-roll and a long sip, "A job, a house, a family- the ordinariness of it is positively terrifying. How do you live with yourself?"

Kenta's round face brakes into a grin, "Why, Hisagi, you almost sound a bit jealous there?"

Tori burst into short bark of laughter, shoulders shaking. "Between all the drinking and women, when would he have time to be jealous of you and your ball and chain?"

Shuuhei's eyes widen, but his face twists into a mischievous smile, "Who says anything about drinking and women? That seems hardly fitting for a man of my reputation."

"Hisagi, you dog, that _is_ your reputation! At least take pity and tell us if the women really are prettier in the Court Guards!"

"I will confirm no such thing." Shuuhei turns his nose up in mock indignity, "A guy like you would be more likely to get his arm broken by a lady shinigami than have her give you the time of day, anyways."

"Speaking from experience, are you?" Tori chuckles. He looked old, Shuuhei notes. Old in the eyes. Out of the three of them, Tori had been the only one who hadn't yet worked himself out of the lower districts. Shuuhei had clawed his way into the academy, took as many repetitive classes and anxious tests as they wanted him to, jumped through all the hoops the Academy had asked of him. Through the tireless effort of his construction company and the good graces of his clientele Kenta had risen through the districts in his work, albeit both for different reasons. Shuuhei was a man with a mission to follow in the footsteps of his role-model, earning his keep as a shinigami while Kenta pursued a better life for his family of four.

"How's your wife? I haven't seen Nagami in a while." Shuuhei asks, mostly out of politeness.

Kenta chuckles, tapping the pads of his fingers against the table. "I truly hope you're talking about my wife _Megumi_, or else I think I'm in deep trouble."

"Can't blame a man for trying."

"Well, as it happens, she's rather… troubled." Kenta recounts, taking a thoughtful sip from his sake cup.

"What's she got to be troubled for?" Tori grouses with an expressive wave of his hand. "Wasn't it every mother's dream to give birth to Soul Reaper, or is she too drunk from celebrating to remember?"

"Don't talk about my wife that way, you pathetic weasel!"

Shuuhei blinks, absorbing Tori's words. "Soul Reaper? Oh, did your daughter graduate from the academy already!"

"She's been in that damn school for years, Hisagi, they gotta let the pipsqueaks out of training sooner or later. Even my little baby girl." Kenta says with a sigh. The heavy man hesitates for a moment, pouring more sake into his glass, "Megumi had grown concerned about Rikuto. It's been months since we've received a letter from her following her graduation. I gotta say, I'm worried too."

Tori shakes Kenta's shoulder affectionately, "The kid's probably just too preoccupied celebrating! You know how they spoil the shinigami rotten behind the white walls, right Hisagi?"

Shuuhei considers his friends. "It's true that we try to keep new recruits busy. What division did was she assigned to?"

"They shipped her off to the Sixth Division fresh out of class."

Shuuhei felt a prickle go down his spine. The Sixth Division had, seeing as its numbers had still been depleted since long after the events of the last invasion, been inactive for a good few weeks now. Shuuhei's considerate gaze went from his friends to his sake.

Kenta and Tori share a glance, the former looking more agitated by that distant look in Shuuhei's mind, like he could see the cogs in his head turning. "Hisagi?"

Shuuhei's gaze snapped back up to his companions, "I'll check in on Rikuto for you."

"You don't have t-"

Shuuhei raises a hand stubbornly, "It's no trouble. My friend's the lieutenant and if she's gotten into any sort of trouble it'll be best that I find her before he does."

Kenta's face paled, the flush of alcohol under his skin draining with anxiety. "T-trouble?"

"Like Tori said, she's probably just celebrating. Stupid kids. The usual stuff." Already Shuuhei was pulling his coat tighter around himself, standing up from the table with gusto. "It's about time I turn in, anyways. Work tomorrow, you know?"

"You barely just got here!"

"I'll come meet back with you guys here soon- pay for drinks and stuff to make it up to you. Promise."

"Don't be a stranger." Tori grumbles, already praying upon Shuuhei's abandoned sake cup as the lieutenant made for the door.


	2. In Which Happenstances Happen to Happen

Naturally, the Gotei Thirteen was old. For most things that statement didn't mean much in the realm of Soul Reapers, but the Gotei was extremely, magnificently, inexcusably old. Hundreds upon thousands of years had been seen through by the organization, each relevant and sometimes shocking lesson learned by its soldiers promised to not be forgotten.

In the beginning, there had been one massive filing room kept in the first division, which was the home of every record of every shinigami, their squad history, where they were born, what missions they had completed, did they achieve shikai, ectera. But time drew on and each division grew more independent from its brethren, quite an upheaval took place for the complete ownership of their own records. An outside enemy was easy to kill, but interdivision rivalry was much more difficult to terminate.

So each squad took possession of its own files, and was tasked with keeping up with them should they become relevant again. Sadly for Renji, that responsibility was often shared with him.

He wasn't unfamiliar with the Sixth Division record hall. In fact he had spent many a long weeks here on the obligation of his vice-captainship. He could recognize the long, low, elegant building adorned with royal blue, the color of his squad, almost instantly from the outside. Which was a good thing, seeing as how all the lights had been extinguished by now and all the squad members gone home.

Renji took a tentative step forward down the hall, wincing when he heard the floorboard squeal under his toe. He rubbed his temple, willing himself to act less like a nervous child afraid of the dark. The inzuri streets had not been kind to its younger occupants, but after the sun went down the dark alleyways and creeping shadows were as good as death. It was a hard instinct to recover from.

But this wasn't the rukongai, so Renji shuffled on down the hall, his hands feeling against the side of the wall for the door. His fingers skimmed along the wood paneling until they hit a ridge that had to be a doorway. Renji's hands fumbled for the handle, pulling the door open very slowly, very quietly. Even more ridiculous, seeing as Renji not only worked here but knew full well the room was going to be empty, yet still didn't quiet want to disturb the sleeping silence of the building.

The records room was pitch black, and closing the door cheerfully reminded Renji that he hadn't thought to bring a lantern or anything that could have been useful for night-time spelunking through his squad's files. Fine then, he simply had to settle for waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

Renji blinked, trying to acclimate to the lack of lighting. Slowly the shapes of shelves and filing cabinets began to stand against the more distant darkness clinging to the walls, the blackness starting to melt away. If Reni concentrated, he could almost-

Almost didn't catch that sudden sound. A flutter of papers, sound like a brush of wind except that there was no breeze to be felt in the dusty records room. Adrenaline shot through Renji like a strike of lightening, his hands spasming as they fumbled to settle protectively on the hilt of Zabimaru.

No one was likely on the list of people willing to sneak onto Squad Six ground after work hours, let alone head for the records room, without confirming these actions with Renji. The lieutenant took a step forward, willing his footsteps to be quiet. He wasn't quiet enough, apparently, because whatever had made the papers flutter was now a soft pitter-patter of footsteps echoing indistinctly around the room.

Renji whipped his head around, still unable to see who or what else what stalking him around the room from the shadows. The impulse of fight-or-flight reared its tempting head, but Renji bit down his excitement and willed himself to concentrate. He wasn't nearly as proficient as his captain or even Rukia at locating spiritual pressure, but maybe if he really pushed himself…

What followed next set off a cascade of events. Renji spun ninety degrees on his heels, the hand on his zanpakuto pulling the sword free and ready to strike. It would have been a perfect swing except Renji, who was a master swordsman in an outdoorsy, spacious setting, had sadly in his snap decision misjudged the depth perception needed to avoid harshly knocking his elbow into the filing cabinet on his immediate side. The metal crate toppled over unceremoniously on the shadowy source of spiritual pressure, pinning a very person-sized shape to the ground. Renji hardly had a second to decide whether this unplanned sequence was worthy of his pride or his mortification when the hand of the person being assaulted by the filing cabinet caught his sleeve in its fist on its descent and brutally yanked Renji off his feet.

Renji yelped indignantly as his face hit the floor, limbs splayed and sore from the impact of the fall. He looked up to see a set of familiar triplet scars running down the face of his intruder glaring at him from under the overturned filing cabinet. "If that was your plan, Abarai, I would have hated to see how the rest of it went."

"Hisagi?" Renji pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked at his friend. "What the hell?"

"I could be asking the same thing of you." Shuuhei said bitterly, twisting underneath the cabinet and prying it off his body. "How do you still have so many recruits if your first impulse to finding anyone on squad grounds is to attack them?"

"Well, usually they aren't sneaking around after-hours in _another squad's_ filing room!" Renji snapped, feet finding purchase with the ground and standing up on bruised knees.

Shuuhei stood up as well, irritably rubbing the spot where the filing cabinet had hit him, "I was here first. You were the one who was sneaking on me. What are you even doing here?"

"I work here, genius. What do you think _you _are doing here?"

Shuuhei brushed dust off of his hakama, the look on his face comically serious considering the very ungraceful actions that had just occurred, "If you must know, I'm currently involved in an investigation regarding one of your squad members, and naturally this seemed the first place to look. Maybe you can fill me in on why there's a missing girl when according to your own records your squad currently has no active, long-term missions to send soul reapers on?"

"Oh?" Renji crossed his arms defiantly refusing to be cowed by the business-like attitude of his friend. "Investigating a missing person's case, hmm? Sounds kinda like a suspiciously low-maintenance job to assign to a vice-captain."

Shuuhei looked for a second like he might challenge Renji's boldness, opening his mouth but then faltering at the last moment before admitting. "Well, 'assigned' might be kind of a strong word."

"Ah? Why so?"

"It's really more of a… personal favor." Shuuhei scratched the back of his head.

Renji raised an inked eyebrow, "You broke into my division's record room on a personal favor?"

"I didn't break in! The door was open. But that's not the important part." Shuuhei argued, "Maybe, seeing as you _did _try to attack me, you could at least help me out in locating one of _your_ subordinates."

An eye-roll from the redhead followed this declaration. "If I do, will you promise to stop snooping around like a creep? You could have just asked me for help in the first place."

Of course, Renji knew Shuuhei wasn't likely to ask for anyone's help. Period. Still, it could have saved Renji from embarrassing himself in front of his good- if currently annoying- friend.

"Well, you weren't here at the time. Still, what do you know about the whereabouts of a Sutortsu Rikuto?"

Renji cocked his head, eyebrows furrowed, "Sounds familiar. She have a rank?"

"No, just an ordinary shinigami."

Renji hummed. He had definitely heard the name before, and heard it recently. Shuuhei was correct in that Squad Six hadn't issued any new, important missions so it couldn't be that. Suddenly, a heavy weight dropped in the pit of his stomach, and he remembered what that same was from.

"You said Sutorstu, right?" Shuuhei's nod confirmed Renji's dread. Renji's lips twisted into a grim line, and he turned away from his friend to inspect the shelf a little ways away.

"What are you-" Shuuhei's protest faded as Renji rummaged on through the shelves, coming only to a stop when he found a folder under the 'S' section.

Renji returned with a plain manila folder only a second later, holding it out for Shuuhei to take. The scarred man opened it, revealing a picture of a youthful girl stamped over in angry red letters "DECEASED".

Shuuhei studied the file with narrow eyes, as if he was waiting for the stamp to fade away and the girl would be alive again. "Shit." he said quietly, "What am I gonna tell her father?"

"Sorry." Renji offered weakly. "I only got the list earlier today myself. There must have been a delay in identifying the body…"

Shuuhei's eyes flitted over to Renji, wearing that same look of quiet consideration that Renji has always found the slightest bit unsettling. "A hollow attack?"

"Yeah, but that's sort of what I was investigating here myself." Renji shifted closer as to look at the file over Shuuhei's shoulder, "Turn the page. Look at the death record."

Shuuhei turned the picture, the file now baring a similar document as to the list of deceased reapers that Renji had gotten earlier. "Look at where they place the location of death. Really _look_."

"…They say she was attacked in District Five." Shuuhei realized, his finger tracing the report as he read, "But that's hardly a hundred miles away from Seireitei. How the hell did a hollow get that deep into Soul Society without the Gotei noticing?"

"I have no idea. Even seeing hollows get into the lower districts is so rare now, I can't think of an excuse for how one could go undetected." Renji admitted, "But wasn't just the one. In the reports, twelve other unranked soul reapers were killed in Districts One through Eight. None of the hollows were even reported by other shinigami, only civilian eyewitnesses."

"That's not possible. It can't be." Shuuhei whispered, one of his hands drifting to cup his mouth as if in deep thought. He flipped the file closed in his other hand and looked up at Renji, "Do we tell the captains?"

Renji sighed, "My captain already knows. He was kinda the one to spell it out for me. He doesn't seem to think telling everyone 'hey, hollows are attacking right under our nose and we have no way of knowing how!' would be a very good idea."

"I see." Shuuhei sighed to match Renji's. He turned to face Renji and placed the file snugly under one arm. "Then I guess it's up to you and me to figure this out."

"… You and me?" Renji blinked, "Woah! Hey! These are my people at risk! If anyone should be looking into how these damn hollows are getting in and then skewering whatever is responsible, it's gonna be me and only me!"

Shuuhei scowled at him. "Well it's not as if I'm not involved already, and if there's been attacks on Sixth Division members I hardly think that there's not anyone else equally at risk. A very good friend of mine is now the father of an ex-soul reaper and I'd really like to be able to tell him why. Besides, if you say no I'll just have to tell the Captain-Commander anyway."

Renji grit his teeth, glaring at the other man. "You wouldn't."

"I would. Technically, I should already just knowing what I know now, but I was thinking I'd hold off on that. When I do, though, I'll be sure to tell Captain Kuchiki who oh-so-helpfully assisted me in piecing the whole matter together."

"Hisagi!"

"Abarai."

Renji sputtered, beginning to regret not taking a swing at Shuuhei with his sword when he had the chance. "Fine! We'll investigate together!"

Shuuhei's grin oozed self-satisfaction, "Sounds good, then."

"But we've got to keep it under wraps until Captain says so-"

"Sure, whatever you say."

"-_and_ it's my squad that we know has been attacked so far so I'm in charge here."

"Naturally. Meet me by the gates of District Five at noon tomorrow."

Renji exhaled heavily as Shuuhei spun on his heels and began walking away, the folder still tucked under one arm. "You're already getting way too invested in this, aren't you?"

"Don't be silly, Abarai, you couldn't hope to find a more professional investigating partner." Shuuhei assured him throwing in before disappearing down the hall. "After all, there's a mission to be done."

Exactly ten minutes before noon, Shuuhei was already sitting at the District Five gates, and was feeling uncharacteristically excited. No, a young woman and at least twelve other soul reapers were dead; there was nothing exciting about this at all. Then again, ever since the beginning of the Winter War, Shuuhei had been placed under one set of careful eyes to another- as acting captain, under which endless amounts of scrutiny and comparisons to Tousen in all sorts of ways were not uncommon to find, now to Captain Mugumura, who couldn't seem to stop treating Shuuhei like the same delicate child he had been when they first met. Maybe doing some solo work would give Shuuhei the breath of independence he had been craving.

No, not solo work, Shuuhei reminded himself. The very reason Shuuhei wasn't out and about right now was because he had promised to work with Renji on this. The fellow vice-captain was obviously disturbed by the deaths of his subordinates, and Shuuhei could sympathize in wanting to tear the head off of whatever creature had killed them.

Shuuhei waited and watched noon pass, growing more and more irritated. Getting tired of standing he scanned the streets for a bench, slumping into it after finding one and trying not to feel impatient. It was chilly out, a faint breeze cutting through the air and digging into Shuuhei's exposed arms. Shuuhei shivered against the cold, but ultimately decided he was unwilling to find a building to go inside of and take shelter in.

There weren't many people outside now, most of them at work or home, so Shuuhei didn't feel as self-conscious about tucking his legs into his chest and wrapping his hands under his knees, essentially curling himself into a ball. He rested his head on the top of his knees, facing sideways so his knee was digging into his cheek. He held this position for a moment or two, enjoying the captured heat of his own body.

"You're late." Shuuhei chastised, recognizing the spiritual pressure that appeared behind him.

"Only by like ten minutes!" Renji said in protest. Shuuhei turned his face the other way to glare at him. Renji chuckled and gave Shuuhei a lopsided grin. "You look as if I stood you up or something."

"A gentleman expects punctuality, Abarai."

"Whatever." Renji joined Shuuhei in sitting on the bench. "So do we have a plan for this investigation junk or what?"

Shuuhei nodded, "Rikuto's report said that there was one eyewitness to the attack. We're gonna ask her about what she saw and decide how to further to look into the matter based on what that tells us."

"Doing some interrogation, I see." Renji chuckled, "You be good cop and I'll be bad cop?"

"We're both gonna be good cop, because we're both going to be polite and professional." Shuuhei stretched out his limbs, yawning before standing up. "An innocent bystander had witnessed a horrible tragedy, and we will treat said bystander with kid gloves in case she happens to be fragile."

"When you said fragile I thought you meant in the mental sense." Renji whispered to Shuuhei. On the other side of the table the two vice-captains were sitting at, an ancient old woman stroked the fat tabby cat on her lap.

"Would you like more tea, dear?" the old woman asked, her voice warbled and the wrinkles on her face multiplying when she spoke.

"I'm fine thank you, ma'am." Renji said, uncharacteristically polite.

Shuuhei subtly rolled his eyes at his companion before addressing the woman, "Mrs. Honda, we were wondering if we could talk to you about a rather serious matter."

"Oh I know." The woman said absently, "You're here about my nieces, yes? That's wonderful- they're lovely girls. We were beginning to get worried about them. Twins, you know? Having two gentleman callers at once I'm sure will-"

"No, Mrs. Honda." Shuuhei said, beginning to feel his patience grow thin. "You reported witnessing a hollow attack about a week ago."

"I did do that, didn't I?" Mrs. Honda asked the cat. "Hmm, yes. Dreadful business. Dreadful business."

Shuuhei met eyes with Renji, who nodded in the direction of the old woman in a "get on with it" motion.

"Well, Mrs. Honda," Shuuhei continued, considering how to go about this, "Could you please tell us what it was you saw on that day?"

"I'm afraid I can't."

"Can't? Why not?" Renji broke in from the side, earning a sharp elbow to the ribs from Shuuhei.

Mrs. Honda, however, laughed dreamily. "Dear boys, I'm afraid I haven't seen much of anything lately. I've been completely blind for thirty years now!"

Shuuhei and Renji exchanged another look, both now holding an expression bordering on panic. This time it was accompanied by Renji mouthing _You didn't know she was blind?!_ to which Shuuhei mimed _How was I supposed to know?_

_You worked under a blind captain for years!_

_What part of that means-_

"However," Mrs. Honda interrupted the silent argument, albeit unknown to her, "I'm certain I can show you!"

The two lieutenants blinked in unison. Renji, being the first to catch up, tentatively asked. "Show us?"

Without another word, Mrs. Honda stood up from the table, the fat tabby on her cat meowing in displeasure as it was unsettled from its perch on her lap. The old woman slowly began trodding into the back of the house, leaving Renji and Shuuhei peering after her.

Shuuhei's mouth twisted into a frown, "Are we supposed to follow her?"

Renji merely shrugged, then hoisted himself up from the table himself to walk after the old lady, his footsteps thundering after her dainty ones. Shuuhei shared an exasperated look with the tabby cat before going after him.

Renji had followed Mrs. Honda to the back of the house, to the doorway that opened to the back garden. "Hisagi?" Renji bellowed to the soul reaper behind him, "You're gonna want to see this."

Renji stood in the doorway, holding the door open as if he had frozen in midstep. Shuuhei poked his head underneath Renji's arm. _'Honestly, what's so important about the garden.' _he thought, before he too froze.

A crater nearly encompassing the entire garden sank at least ten feet into the earth, leaving mounds of unturned earth on the rim. Great chunks of the ground had been pulled free, and what once must have been a pleasant little orchard of cherry trees had been yanked from the ground by their roots and lay about the yard in various states of being shattered and splintered. Great long jagged tears of what was most definitely huge claw marks marred the wreckage, and what must have been liters of dried blood dyed the gruesome scene a rusty brown. The entire area stank of a foul spiritual pressure, the reistu so filthy it seemed a tangible fog laying over the garden.

"So…" Renji said after a minute.

"Yeah." Shuuhei agreed.

"Remember how your plan was that we look into the attacks further based on what we could find out?"

"Yeah."

"What did we just find out?"

Shuuhei tested the spiritual pressure again, and had to fight from gagging. It's reistu was strong- stronger than anything that could have been allowed to go unnoticed by the Gotei. Hell, event he Kido Corps should have been able to easily pick its traces up.

"We found out an obscenely powerful hollow somehow popped up almost in the center of Soul Society with nobody finding out long enough for it to kill one if not more people."

Renji hummed in agreement, "But you know the big question here that we didn't find the answer to?"

"How it got in?"

"Bigger."

Shuuhei looked at Renji suspiciously. "No. What?"

"If a hollow that strong managed to sneak in here so quietly," Renji wondered, his face turning considerately towards the sky, "Where is it now?"

"I'm rethinking your proposal to tell the captains. It still seems like a terrible idea." Renji announced to Shuuhei around his meal. The latter had insisted on a serious discussion about what they had discovered and the former had insisted on lunch, so it seemed an ample opportunity to hit two birds with one shakaho.

Shuuhei raised his brows, "Right, because obviously keeping a potentially life-threatening secret has always been known to work so well."

"Come on, Hisagi, think about this."

"I _am_ thinking about this!" Shuuhei said firmly, pointing his utensil at Renji accusatorily, "I thought that maybe beforehand we had a shot at getting this done ourselves, but so far our current method of spending all day on a wild goose-chase has turned up several more questions and exactly zero dead hollows."

Renji snorted in response, "So you just want to go crying back to the captains because we couldn't catch one measly little hollow? They'd laugh at us straight out of Soul Society if they didn't fire us on the spot for looking like a pair of idiots first."

"If we just tell them-"

"What, tell 'em the truth? Here's the truth." Renji held up his pointer finger, "We've got one hollow that's A) capable of killing," The second finger rose. "B) running around in Soul Society somewhere _we think,_" A third finger joined its brethren, "C) and our only witness can't tell us what it looks like. And we top it all off by admitting that we're incapable of catching the fucking thing without help from the big kids. Do you want chop off your dick right now, or wait until your dignity is completely gone first?"

Shuuhei glared at Renji over his teacup. Loathe as he was to admit it, Renji did have a very good point- Shuuhei had wanted to take on this investigation because he wanted to prove himself capable. Giving up now would only attest to him being incompetent. Still, if Shuuhei and Renji kept up this self-assignment as a mission and something went wrong, Shuuhei would have nobody to blame but himself for not speaking up sooner.

"You know what this really is, don't you?" Shuuhei said, willing himself to sound calm. From Renji's confused stare it was evident he didn't, "You don't really want to keeping doing this because you're afraid of your pride being wounded, you're just afraid of disappointing Captain 'Don't Cause a Scene' Kuchiki."

The reaction was instantaneous. The brash vice-captain's face turned as red as his hair as soon as Shuuhei had spoken. "Okay, here's why that's bullshit!" Renji barked, the frown on his face contorting to a blistering sneer. "I'm not afraid of disappointing my captain! I'm not afraid- period. Maybe you like having a leader again who's willing to coddle you and give you pat on the back because hey at least you tried your best, but that's not how I do things!"

"And what the hell makes you think that's how _I_ do things? It's not like I want to ask for help, Abarai!" Shuuhei shot back with exasperation in his voice. "And in case you didn't notice, my new captain is just as strict as yours, only minus the years of adjusting to your usual insolence, so it's not only your ass on the line here. Captain Mugumura does not 'coddle' me!"

"So what? You're going to go running back because you're afraid you'll fuck up?" Renji growled, now beginning to garner attention from the other patrons in the restaurant, "Please tell me that's not what this is about. Tell me you're not wimping out on me just because you're scared of getting a slap on the wrist, you coward!"

Shuuhei grit his teeth, blood draining from his face at the accusations. Before he could fire back a reply, a small voice tentatively echoed "Excuse me..." from his side.

"WHAT?" hollered both lieutenants in harmony, turning to the trembling form of the restaurant manager. The little man shrunk under the fiery gaze of both shinigami, but addressed Shuuhei.

"Y-you're being just a little distracting to the other patrons…" He said. Shuuhei and Renji glanced around to meet a number of irritated, scared, or pitying eyes fixed on them from the other tables. Shuuhei felt a flush of embarrassment; he hadn't even realized that he and Renji's voices had been growing progressively louder. "If you and you're partner-"

"We're not partners." Shuuhei interrupted, standing abruptly from the table, "In fact, we're not even working together." He shot an icy glare at Renji's irate form, "I'm sorry, Vice-Captain Abarai, but I don't think it would be wise for me to assist you with this mission any further."

Shuuhei walked past the rows of clustered tables to the exit, Renji yelling after him "Fine with me! I didn't want your help in the first place!"


	3. The Good that Men Do

Once upon a time, hollow attacks in the Rukongai were not that uncommon. Renji was still a child scrabbling in the slums of District 78 when rumors went around that the Soul Reapers were going to start enforcing a curfew to prevent people from falling victim to the creatures. Of course, if such a policy ever had been issued, young Renji never would have known. Word from the center of Soul Society rarely worked its way that far out to the higher districts.

Still, such talk had affected Renji and Rukia on a deep level at the time, and they and their other friends agreed to stay far away from the wall bordering between Inuzuri and Kusajishi, for as the stories told the hollows dwelled in the dark forests outside of District 80 where not even the shinigami tread, so naturally the closer they were to the border then the more likely a hollow would attack.

Renji hadn't been to District 80 all that much. All he really knew was that it was a lawless place, more dangerous than his childhood home of Howling Dog. To survive there, you either had to be a ruthless warrior like Captain Zaraki, or half mad like… well, Captain Zaraki was still the only name that could be called to mind.

The shadowly forests outside the Districts were even more foreign, with only the gruesome tales of the now reaccepted Visored bringing any light to it. Renji was a notoriously brave man. Brave to a fault, some would even go so far to say. But even he was not so eager to go marching straight into the proverbial lion's den, particularly seeing as he had used one of his so meager vacation days from work for this little search and dying would be a fine way to use up his day off.

The outer walls of the 80th District were dull and gray, in strict contrast to the pure white of the Seireitei fortifications, and were crumbling apart from age. They looked sturdy and thick, but when Renji placed his palm against the cool stone the wall creaked ominously before a sizeable crack appeared and shimmied across the rocks in a spider web.

Renji grimanced. A hollow could have no problem breaking through here, Renji was surprised that hollow attacks weren't a bigger issue as it was. On the bright side, finding the hole that a huge-ass hollow had broken through shouldn't be too difficult.

Renji strolled alongside the walls, occasionally checking the spiritual pressure of the area for any incoming hollows. There were small chunks of the wall that were missing, gaping holes through which Renji could just make out the shadowy outline of trees. Even though it was broad daylight and somewhat warmer than the day previous, the canopy of trees made the forest look dark as night, and a draft seemed to freely leak from the holes in the wall.

Renji sighed, noting the growing soreness in his feet. At this point he had nearly crossed the west side of District 80, and his examinations had yet to turn up any missing gaps large enough for a person to get through, let alone a hollow. He hated to consider it, but Shuuhei would probably be better at this whole "following clues" sort of thing. Renji thought that looking for an entry point would be a very Shuuhei-like thing to do, but now that he was here he could almost hear his former senpai chastising him for his inefficiency and wasting his time out in the middle of nowhere.

Sitting down against a more solid-looking part of the wall to rest his aching feet, Renji considered what Shuuhei had said yesterday. Renji was certainly on his own with this one now, but being on his own was lonely, and (more importantly) it was really boring. He wondered if Shuuhei would really tell the captains about Renji's secret investigation. He loathed thinking of what Captain Kuchiki would think. Shit, maybe Shuuhei had been right about Renji fearing his captain's disappointment.

Something flickered in the back of Renji's consciousness, like the sudden inexplicable knowledge that someone was standing right behind you. Against his will, the corner of Renji's lips turned up in a smirk. He knew who that spiritual pressure signal was.

"Now I _know_ I was here first this time." Renji announced. A second of silence, then the telltale humming sound of something moving too fast to be seen and Shuuhei flickered into existence a mere few feet in front of him.

Shuuhei looked severely annoyed, arms folded over his chest. "What?"

"You're following me." Renji stated, still sitting nonplussed on the ground, "Cut it out."

"I'm not following you. I just thought that it would be perfectly in your nature to do something stupid like try to retrace the steps of a fucking hollow of all things. And look, I was right. Color me shocked." Shuuhei said, shrugging his shoulders a fraction of an inch.

Renji's face lit up in a smug grin and pushed himself off the ground to stand over Shuuhei. "Translation: You knew I was still gonna look for the hollow and you decided to come after me because you were worried."

Shuuhei's face twisted into a sneer, "Worried that you're gonna get yourself killed by being an idiot."

"Aw, Hisagi, I didn't know you cared!" Renji turned on one heel and began to walk away, "But I'm good. Thanks for the offer."

Shuuhei gaped at Renji's retreating back. "'You're good'? What do you mean 'you're good'?"

"Like I said, I don't need your help. I'm gonna find the hollow and I'm gonna kill the son of a bitch without you. Sucks to suck." Renji called out behind him. He continued walking, his long strides quickly putting distance between the two shinigami. For a few moments, Renji thought that Shuuhei's silence might have mean that he flash-stepped away, leaving Renji to his task. But the telltale sound of frosted grass being crushed by a pair of stomping feet signaled that this wasn't the case.

"I told you to stop following me. I don't need your help." Renji said, not bothering to look back at the vice-captain trailing him.

He heard Shuuhei grumble, "I'm not following you and I'm not helping you. I'm just looking around, same as you. Got a problem with that?"

Renji thought. Did he? At least maybe now this investigating business might be a bit less boring. "Nah."

The two walked in silence for a few more moments, each stewing in his own thoughts. Abruptly, though, Renji felt a shivery, creeping sensation crawl up his spine. He stopped, listening to the silence and the quiet "oof" from Shuuhei from walking into him.

"Why'd you stop?" Shuuhei asked.

Renji looked back at the dark-haired man. "You feel that?"

Shuuhei's gaze intensified. "Hollow." He confirmed. "But where-"

The end of Shuuhei's question was drowned out. Renji blinked, "Sorry, what?"

Shuuhei opened his mouth again, his lips forming words that didn't quiet seem to meet the air. Instead, a loud, fluttery buzzing sound filled Renji's ears, eating away all other noises. Renji winced when the buzzing escalated into a sharp wringing, searing his brain in a hot streak of pain. Shuuhei appeared to have felt it too, his hand flying to his temple and his eyes squeezed shut against the sound. A terrible wave of pressure seemed to be squeezing Renji's skull, pushing out every other thought except the registry of pain.

As quickly as it had arrived the buzzing harshly died down, fading slowly to a distant flutter before disappearing altogether. Both men cracked an eye each open to the wall expectantly, already putting a hand on their zanpakuto and readying to draw. They were, however, unprepared for the heavy thud of something massive landing directly behind them. Renji turned, only to be knocked nearly off his feet by something long and fast.

He swiped at the projectile with Zabimaru, but when a spurt of red blood spout out of the limb, another appeared and took a swipe at him. A few yards away, Shuuhei was also swinging his katana at more of the vine-like limbs which, Renji realized, were attached to a huge hollow.

The creature stood hunched over on all fours like a dog, his mask wearing a gruesome gaping mouth as if it was in mid-howl. From its back, hundreds of vine-like tentacles writhed like snakes, each independently lurching at Renji and Shuuhei as if they had minds of their own.

_'At least we found something this time.'_ Renji thought dully, "Howl, Zabimaru!"

In its unsealed form, Renji's sword easily cut through dozens of the vines, each falling into the grass to wriggle like worms with blood still oozing from them grossly. The monster groaned, little lumps working their way from the roots in its back to the severed tips of the vines, which burst forth from itself and regrew the tentacles with new vigor.

"It regenerates?" Renji asked no one in particular, cutting another vine and watching it grow back.

Shuuhei, it seemed, had a different idea. Unsealed and now in its twin scythe form, the blades of Kazeshini flew in a spin through the vines straight towards the body of the hollow itself. Renji could see the trajectory, the spot where it would hit and surely sever the beast's head, if only the hollow had not also seen the path of the blade, his vines flying not towards the scythe but the chain connecting it. Shuuhei's blade flew off its path, leaving Shuuhei with one scythe for which to defend him for the wave of vines that assaulted him immediately afterwards.

Renji dodged another vine, shifting quickly out of the way as they shot after him like fired arrows. The creature had cornered him with Shuuhei, who was now on Renji's immediant right.

"I've been rethinking about rethinking your proposal to tell the captains." Renji admitted. Shuuhei snorted. At least he hadn't lost that same sense of dark humor.

The hollow approached them, vines hovering above their prey menacingly. "So how do we do this?" Renji asked, "I go all Bankai and Bone-Cannon this thing's ass back to Huenco Mundo?"

Shuuhei licked his lips, "I think we- What the hell is that?"

"That's a hollow, Shuuhei, I think we've already established that problem."

"No, not that. _That!"_

Shuuhei pointed towards the ground, a foot away from the hollow. What looked like a sinkhole was bubbling up, eating up the ground around it, but where it should have been empty darkness in its place was an eerie blue light bubbling up and consuming the ground like a flood of water. Again, a buzzing sound swarmed the air, suffocating all other sounds. The light expanded and the hollow stood dumbly in it, looking nonplussed. Even faster than before, the buzzing escalated to a shrieking sensation, forcing both Renji and Shuuhei to cover their ears against the assault of noise Still growing, the light ate up the ground underneath Renji and Shuuhei's feet.

"Can't be anything good!" Renji howled to be heard over the noise, "We should get away-"

But before either man could turn to run the ground seemed to disappear beneath them. He heard Shuuhei and his combined yells of surprise when the light engulfed them in a blinding electric blue.

As soon as it happened, it was over. The bright blue was replaced by black although Renji soon realized that this darkness was merely his own eyes squeezed shut. Cracking one lid open, however, revealed no further sense.

Renji knew- was strictly positive, in fact- that only a moment ago it had been daylight, the sun shining happily away overhead just as it was predicted to do for the whole week. Why then, was a cold rain falling on his back from a murky dark sky overhead?

Renji forced himself up onto his knees, his legs sinking into the loose mud underneath him. He hurt from where he guessed he landed harshly with the ground. He knew right away where he was, could tell just from the feel of it, but how had he gotten to the real world so fast?

"Shuuhei?" Renji called out, whipping his head around, "Shuuhei!"

A groan came from a mass in the mud, next to him, "I'm right here, quit screaming."

Renji reached out to his friend, but Shuuhei brushed his dirt-soaked had aside, "Any idea where our little friend went?"

Something familiar growled loudly, "I have an idea."

Renji hoisted himself into a standing position, trying to grasp his bearings. He didn't recognize where he was, which meant they weren't even close to his usual stop at Karakura town. They seemed to be in a more marshy territory, and behind them a cliff trailed off to a rush of uninviting river underneath.

Renji looked blindly for the hollow, oblivious to the vine coming at him until it found hard purchase with his head. He fell to his knees from the sharp blow, his vision going dark around the edges. He could barely see the creature's ugly masked head arising from its hiding spot in the mud, could make out one of Shuuhei's scythes becoming caught and tangled in the furious knot of vines while he desperately tried to fight off the others with the single remaining blade.

Renji saw the hollow crawl out of the ground, breaking apart the dirt and turning up chunks of loose earth that tumbled into the river running madly underneath. Renji witnessed his world spin out from under his feet as the ground fell apart under him a second time and sent him tumbling into the water himself.

"Ren-" Shuuhei tried to scream out for limp form plummeting into the river, cut short by another vine from the seemingly endless mass writhing in front of him catching him in the side.

Shuuhei cursed, one scythe of Kazeshini was lodged firmly in the creature's back, the vines entwining the blade and chain. Shuuhei grit his teeth clutched the chain with both hands and yanked furiously but the weapon would not budge. He was caught, with only one scythe left to fight and meanwhile Renji was drifting further and further away by the second.

Oh God what if he had already drowned? Oh fuck what if it was too late? Shuuhei craned his neck to look back and saw a form of something he hoped was Renji fighting against the current sweeping him away, head bobbing ontop of the water.

Shuuhei considered the huge hollow, the cold rain stinging his eyes and blurring his vision. The monster was apathetic to Shuuhei's plight or Renji's peril- Maybe it didn't even notice the scythe sticking out of its back, half of the weapon Shuuhei had spent decades loathing but was defenseless without all the same. Blood welled up around the spot where the metal had pierced and weeping down the hollow's sides.

Shuuhei gave one more desperate tug, and when that proved hopeless he released his grip on the chain altogether, the remaining scythe falling onto the loose earth with an empty thud. He slipped and stumbled gracelessly in the uneven mud where the ledge had fallen apart and squeezed his eyes shut before madly diving into the rushing river.

The water was oppressively cold, freezing even. Shuuhei struggled to the surface to breathe, fighting against the current trying to pull him under. He looked around, desperately hoping to see that flash of crimson that signaled the presence of his fellow vice-captain because Renji would not be dead, Renji _could not_ be dead.

There, for just a flicker of a moment, a head nodded above the foamy waves before disappearing underneath. Shuuhei took a massive gulp of air before diving under, limbs stinging and going numb from the cold but madly propelling him towards the form of Renji.

His hands found something to grab, clasping together around Renji's midsection. Shuuhei's legs kicked furiously, trying to push both him and Renji back above the water. Renji was limp in Shuuhei's arms, head unconsciously nodding with the pull of the current. Shuuhei swam harder for all he was worth but something was weighing them down, sealing them under the water.

Shuuhei opened his eyes under the water, the mud and grime smarting but he could see the flash of metal. He could see Zabimaru still gripped tightly in Renji's unconscious clutch, unwilling to let go to the part of his soul whom he had relied on so much. Shuuhei pressed Renji harder to himself, one arm releasing him as to grab Renji's wrist. When he found it, Shuuhei worked his grip further down, prying Renji's fingers off the hilt. They were running out of time- Shuuhei's vision was already beginning to go black around the edges.

Underwater, Renji made a small gurgle of protest, but Shuuhei worked the hand free relentlessly. Finally the zanpakuto slid from Renji's hand and was swept to into the darkness below. Freed from their burden, Shuuhei kicked against the water with new fervor, his lungs now feeling as if they were on fire from being denied sweet precious oxygen.

Unanchored by their weapons, Shuuhei broke through the surface of the water and scrambled for the riverbed, dragging the unmoving form of Renji with him. His clothes felt heavy from the water, and Renji felt heavier in his arms but Shuuhei refused to release his grip. At last his feet found purchase with the ground under the rush of water, for his sandals had been eaten up by the current long ago. Shuuhei struggled forward until the water was only at his knees now. Pushing against his legs, Shuuhei toppled over onto Renji's unresponsive form, sloshing gauchely in the shallow water. Fear gripped Shuuhei's heart, and he fought to right himself and pull Renji to the solid earth.

There he dropped Renji, his eyes shut and giving no indication of awareness. Shuuhei panted heavily, falling to his knees beside the redhead vice-captain. Renji was deathly pale, black lines of his tattoos standing out starkly against the white of his skin. Renji was a lot of things, including a symbol for Soul Society, a beacon of freedom and rebellious abandon and strength through sheer hard-work and pure _will_, but the man looked as fragile as porcelain splayed out on the wet ground.

A trickle of water dribbled from Renji's lips and Shuuhei choked back a panic sob. He tried desperately to remember what Kira had taught him, back when the blond was still in the Fourth Division. If there was ever a time to remember what had once seemed a trivial bit of information, it would be now.

Shuuhei pressed his palms against Renji's chest, over his heart, trying not to notice how cold Renji was. He pressed firmly, repetitively, acutely aware how easy it would be to accidentally break a rib this way. Shuuhei grit his teeth. Hopefully Renji was just a little too strong for that.

Shuuhei counted to thirty, then moved his hands up to cup Renji's face. Shuuhei tilted Renji's head back, pulling the jaw forward carefully, oh so carefully. Renji gave no warning of waking up, but the unsteady rise and fall of his chest from Shuuhei's resuscitation was all the hope Shuuhei needed to continue.

Shuuhei pinched Renji's nose, locking off air before forcing his mouth over the other's and exhaling- hard. Forcing air and life into Renji, blowing firmly into his airway before pulling back to gasp for air himself. For a second there was nothing, silence except for the rush of river that had almost taken their life and the fall of the rain and Shuuhei's terrifying observation that Renji had been cold and still as stone against his lips.

And then Renji coughed.

A wet choking sound forced itself from the redheaded man's lips. Shuuhei exhaled shakily before putting his hands under Renji's head and tilting his head forward for Renji to cough more slimy water down his chin. Renji's hand weakly sought out Shuuhei's but held with a deceptively powerful grip. Shuuhei winced as his palm was squeezed but didn't force Renji's hand away. Renji turned his head away from Shuuhei and wretched, the wet sound of liquid being forced out of his lungs sounding like the sweetest music in the world to Shuuhei.

Renji supported himself on his side with one elbow, panting and gasping heavily over the emptied contents of his lungs and stomach. "Don't move too much." Shuuhei warned, voice sounding small.

Renji looked over his shoulder at Shuuhei, his eyes fluttering drowsily as if he had just awoken from sleep. "Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Help me stand up." Renji asked, putting his arm on Shuuhei's for support, "I don't think I can move much like this."

"You're telling me." Shuuhei said, expression matching the serious tone in his voice, "We need to find a place to take shelter."

Gray eyes scanned the forest, looking for a relatively dry spot, somewhere out of the cold of the rain and the spray of river water on their shoulders. Shuuhei fixed his gaze on a small canopy of trees, the branches serving as enough of a roof that would at least serve as better cover than staying out in the open.

Four limbs struggled to stand, shuffling towards the cover of trees. Shuuhei gently lay Renji down against a trunk, sliding down next to him. He shivered in the cold, and from the water still soaking their clothes. Renji's teeth were gritted with pressure, but he trembled as well.

"Hang on a sec." Shuuhei demanded, chilled hands clearing a small patch in their makeshift camp and clearing debris. Some branches were a little less damp, dry enough to make an ample pile in the center. One small hado resulted in a flickering fire, casting a glow on Shuuhei and Renji's faces against the murky darkness.

"Resourceful." Renji snorted. Renji looked over to Shuuhei, who scooted a little closer to the fire to pick at it with a stick. "You look cold."

Shuuhei cocked an eyebrow at Renji. Though it was still in its usual ponytail, Renji's hair had darkened with the water and grime almost to a brown, which hung in a stringy mess on the back of his neck. Shuuhei couldn't have looked much better, his black hair plastered to his forehead and falling into his eyes. "You look like you almost drowned."

Renji shrugged, a smirk playing across his face. "Eh, it happens." As fast as it had appeared, the smirk was gone, replaced by something more somber. "I guess I kind of owe you big, considering you saved my life and all."

"Yeah, 'and all'." Shuuhei grinned, nudging him with his elbow, "What do you think that was, anyways? That portal that brought us here to the human world?"

"No fucking clue. Thanks to it, though, we have no idea where we are and we're definitely not going to be able to find our way back to Karakura so we can get home like this." Renji sighed. "Maybe we should have told the captains after all."

Renji's hands went to rest comfortingly on the hilt of his sword, but found only air in the red scabbard. He looked down in surprise. "What the-?"

"Uh, sorry about that. My bad." Shuuhei winced, "Zabimaru was kind of dragging us down. I had to drop it so we wouldn't sink underneath. I lost Kazeshini, too, so…"

"Well that's just great!" Renji groaned, throwing his arm into the air, "What good are two sopping shinigami with no weapons?"

An uncomfortable silence stretched between them. The rain fell cheerfully around them, the canopy of trees sheltering from the water but not the chilly air.

"Cold." Shuuhei said, quietly.

"Huh?"

"Two sopping shinigami with no weapons are cold." Shuuhei emphasized, looking downcast. He settled himself close to the tiny fire, curling his legs to his chest to conserve heat. "Hope we don't get hypothermia or something from this. That would kind of suck."

Guilt stirred in Shuuhei's gut. "I didn't want to drop Zabimaru, just as much as I hadn't wanted to abandon Kazeshini." He admitted, "But I didn't have a choice. You were unconscious in the water and if I hadn't done those things you would've… I'm sorry, Renji."

An arm gripped Shuuhei's shoulder, pulling him closer to the redheaded vice-captain. "What are you doing?"

"You said you were cold." Renji said in answer. He pressed Shuuhei's side against his own, arm still wrapped around the older man. "Thanks for pulling me out of the river, by the way."

"Don't forget resuscitating you. I basically brought you back to life, you half-dead idiot." Shuuhei said, leaning into the meager warmth that Renji's body-heat provided.

Renji cocked an eyebrow. "Eh, resuscitating? Like mouth-to-mouth?"

Shuuhei colored, tensing into himself and alarm plainly on his face. "Well, uh…"

"You totally did, didn't you!" Renji said, beginning to laugh, "Aww, Shuuhei, you _do_ care after all! Sorry I couldn't be there for it."

"It's not funny, jackass!" Shuuhei barked, hitting a now howling Renji's shoulder, "I thought you were gonna die!"

Renji's laughs came in panting breaths, using the one hand to wipe forming tears from his eyes, "So you used your magic prince-charming kiss to wake me up. That's so sweet!"

"It wasn't a kiss! It was CPR! You're beginning to make me regret saving your ass."

Renji's laughter died down, ending with a breathy, happy sigh. He curled up closer to Shuuhei, mirth still twinkling in his eyes. "I know. I'm glad you'd do that for me though, Shuuhei."

"Yeah, don't expect this to be a regular occurrence…" Shuuhei trailed off. He looked up and Renji, one eyebrow risen under the heavy fringe of his wet hair, "When did you start calling me Shuuhei?"

Renji thought for a moment. "When did you start calling me Renji?"

"Did I do that?"

"Yeah, when you were kinda apologizing for saving my life."

"Oh." Shuuhei looked up at the cover of trees, through which he could almost see the night sky. Thick black rain-clouds blocked the view of the stars overhead. "Neither of us seem to do that very often, do we?"

"Well, why not?" Renji asked, "We're friends, aren't we? We've been for years. We should be able to call each other by our given names."

"Yeah, but you only do that for your _close_ friends. Like Kuchiki, Kurosaki, Madrame... It's like, they're your real friends, the rest of us- Kira and Rangiku and me and the rest of our friends- and we're all just background noise." Shuuhei said, stating it matter-of-factly.

Renji's face twisted into a scowl, "Hey, don't say that." He demanded, jostling Shuuhei's shoulder so he would look at him, "You're my friend. I care about my friends, okay?"

A set of dark gray eyes met amber. Renji had a stubborn look on his face, the familiar arrogant grin from earlier gone without a trace. In the face of Renji's determination and endless resolve, Shuuhei suddenly felt very small. "Okay."

Shuuhei tentatively put his arm around Renji's shoulders, the way Renji had done for him. Alone in the woods, they anchored each other. Renji yawned, and Shuuhei's eyes drooped with tiredness. The events of the entire day seemed to be catching up to the two vice-captains all at once. The last thing either would remember before falling asleep would be Shuuhei grumbling "You smell like a wet dog."


	4. Gracing Period

Renji woke up first, a cold drop of water striking his temple harshly. One eye cracked open, fuzzily confused about where he could be. Did he fall asleep in a tree again? His vision was met by a blinding ray of sunlight striking through the leaves of unfamiliar foliage. Unfamiliar, but maybe not _that _unfamiliar…

Last night came rushing back to him. The argument with Shuuhei, the hollow, that mysterious portal that brought them to the real world instantaneously, coming back to consciousness to the sight of Shuuhei's scared, wide-eyed face.

Over the course of the night, Renji and Shuuhei had slid further against the tree until they were lying down. Looking over confirmed that the bundle in Renji's arms was indeed his fellow vice-captain, who had his own arms now wrapped around Renji's midsection. They were lying side-by-side, chests pressed together, legs tangled on the grass. They must have had fallen asleep embracing, Renji realized with a flush growing across his face.

Fortunately Shuuhei still seemed to be asleep, eyes closed serenely. Renji smirked at the way his damp hair had dried into a messy, unkempt bedhead. Deep, sleep-heavy breathes drifted from his slightly parted lips.

He looked peaceful, and Renji thought that if they could both just stay like this he would be perfectly content with that. Lying here, listening to the rhythmic inhale and exhale of the other man like this was very relaxing.

Still, mortification crept into Renji's mind at the thought of Shuuhei waking up to find himself and Renji like this. A second blush worked its way up Renji's neck as he realized he had been staring at the other man. This had to stop.

Renji gently lifted his arm from where it had come to rest on Shuuhei's hip, then attempted to work the other one out from where it was pinned underneath Shuuhei without waking him. Nearly free, Renji slid it under the dark-haired man very carefully.

Shuuhei twitched in his sleep at the movement, the 69 tattoo on his face jumping as the muscles in his face jolted. He mumbled a low nonsense word in his sleep and nuzzled the scarred side of his face into the crook of Renji's neck.

Against his will, Renji's mouth lit into a grin and he had to slap his free hand over his face to stop a giggle from squeaking out because if that wasn't just the most adorable display he'd _ever_ seen. Renji wouldn't have pegged Shuuhei for being a big cuddler. Except, Renji reminded himself blatantly, they hadn't been cuddling. They were just sharing body heat to keep from freezing- it was the natural thing to do. More importantly even if Shuuhei cuddled, Renji most certainly did _not._

Renji found Shuuhei's hand draped over his side and lifted it, unwinding himself from the tangle of limbs that was him and Shuuhei. The rough, callous-covered hands of Renji met the surprisingly soft skin of Shuuhei's face, gently cupping his cheek to lift it from his shoulder and lay Shuuhei's head on the grass, his messy hair fanning like a short, spikey halo around his head.

Now separated, Renji had no qualms about jabbing Shuuhei in the ribs, "Hey, wake up."

Shuuhei whined something in his sleep again, earning another poke. "Whaaaat?"

Renji smirked at the annoyed look Shuuhei gave him, "Get up. We gotta go to Urahara's so we can get back to Soul Society."

"Can we get breakfast there?"

It was much easier to grasp their bearings now fully rested and with a clear sky. Both vice-captains sensed the closest city, and with some well-placed flash-steps were there within the hour.

Renji was unfamiliar with this town. He wandered around a crowd of oblivious humans, Shuuhei trailing behind him. Spotting a road map sticking out of one man's pocket, he swiped the map and opened it unceremoniously.

"You can't just take people's shit like that." Shuuhei hissed, to which Renji ignored.

The owner of the map had marked their current location, a small city only a few towns over from Karakura town. Getting there too had been easy, although Renji attributed that to the fact that he no longer had an entire river in his lungs. It was noon by the time they reached Urahara's shop, and Renji's stomach longed to be filled. It growled in protest of its emptiness.

Shuuhei smirked and punched him mockingly on the arm. Renji rolled his eyes before stepping up to the porch and through the open door of the store, walking to the back where he knew the living space to be.

To his surprise, it wasn't only Urahara and his usual pack there, but also Rukia and Ichigo and their gang.

Rukia started at his appearance, and looked at him with shock in her big indigo eyes, "Renji? We were just about to go looking for you! What the hell happened to you?"

Renji figured they would look a mess. Even if they had dried off in the sun, they would still look unkempt and partially covered in mud. Renji shrugged his massive shoulders tiredly, "It's a long story."

"You're telling me." Shuuhei added, ducking out from the doorway Renji was blocking.

"Lieutenant Hisagi?"

Shuuhei rubbed his arm anxiously. He must have also realized that they looked especially grimy, "Don't suppose anyone would take pity and feed us?"

While the Urahara bunch seemed to take a sadistic delight in being stingy with their food for Renji, they had no qualms when asked by Shuuhei. Tessai and Ururu laid out a warm brunch that the vice-captains fell upon eagerly.

Shuuhei was practically a novice when it came to getting himself ass-deep in trouble in the real world, but Renji had the practice down to an art. The redheaded vice-captain retold the story; his and Shuuhei's investigation, what they had discovered, the bizarre blue portal that opened up in District 80 and instantly dropped them in the real world, miles away from any senkaimon.

Shuuhei filled in for the part of Renji falling into the river, having to pull them out and make camp for the night until the following day. Shuuhei did not, Renji noticed, mention performing CPR. He felt a tiny sliver of guilt at making the scarred man self-conscious, but he also didn't mention the snuggling for warmth, which Renji could appreciate.

Their audience was captivated, Urahara being especially interested in their tale of the portal. He rubbed his chin considerately, his hat shadowing his face as usual. "The light you described sounds like a senkaimon, but I've never heard of hollows being able to open anything other garganta. Normally they can anticipate things like where hollows will appear in Soul Society, so any old hollow being able to stroll right in without anyone being able to sense it could be a serious problem."

"So the hollows are the ones making the portals?" Rukia asked, to which Urahara shrugged.

"Nothing untraceable should be able to punch a hole through two worlds like that so easily. Sounds more to me like someone else is tearing Soul Society and the Material World a new one and the hollows are crawling through the holes that are already being made."

Ichigo tensed up, his hand drifting to where his substitute shinigami badge was in his pocket, "Don't tell me we have to go and kill whatever is making the portals."

"Hmm." Urahara hummed, "Not quite yet. If the portals are using its source as an interfacing, I _might_ be able to tell you what's making them and how to trace it."

He turned expectantly to Renji and Shuuhei, "Of course, I'll need samples of spiritual particles from you two gentlemen. It's very likely that that much uncontrolled energy from the portals brushed off on you when you fell through it."

"Wait a second." Shuuhei intervened, "Shouldn't we leave these things to the Court Guards? It's not-"

"-Not that you don't trust me," Urahara finished for him, "you just prefer an expert opinion."

Shuuhei faltered under Urahara's hard gaze, "Well, uh…"

Noting Shuuhei's discomfort, Renji cut in, "Honestly, I'd rather you do it than Captain Kurotsuchi." Renji admitted, settling Shuuhei's qualms, "Let's do this."

"Noble words, Mr. Abarai." Urahara said, "Tessai? If you wouldn't mind, please prepare the Rieshi pump?"

"Oh God."

Shuuhei had been moved into the guest room for privacy as Urahara conducted his tests, leaving Renji to wait in the hall. Both men were proscribed a hot shower and a long night's sleep afterwards. Renji, however, had rested enough. He felt the urge to punch something settling in his gut, but from what it stemmed from he wasn't sure.

His hand twitched at the place where Zabimaru should be, finding only air.

"Where's your zanpakuto?" A voice came from beside him. Renji started, whipping his head around to find a set of observant brown eyes belonging to Ichigo focused on him.

"Ah, well," Renji stammered, "I kinda lost it."

Ichigo's eyes widened, and his expression turned into that I-Can't-Quite-Believe-You're-Really-THAT-Stupid look that Renji was sadly getting used too. "What do you mean you 'lost' your zanpakuto?"

"I mean-" Renji tried to explain holding his hands up in a sign of helplessness, "It got washed away in the river. I couldn't do anything about it!"

"Uh-huh. The river you also almost died in."

"Yup."

"Huh. That's actually kind of a relief." Ichigo admitted, leaning against the wall like Renji was doing, "It would explain why you're so out of it."

Renji cocked an eyebrow, "'Out of it'?"

"Yeah. Dude, you've been spacey ever since you got here." Ichigo explained, his look flashing from cocky to concern in an instant, "Unless there's another reason…"

Against his will, Renji's mind flashed back to that morning in the forest. In stark contrast to the previous night, Shuuhei had been warm. Had it been from lying in front of the fire all night, or was he like that normally? Now that he had time to fully absorb the experience, Renji was hit by the impulse to reach out and touch Shuuhei- grasp his arm, stroke his skin, anything if only for a second. The curiosity was _killing_ him!

"There isn't." He assured Ichigo.

"Whatever." Ichigo nodded inside the guest room, "What about him?"

For a moment, Renji grew extremely concerned that Ichigo had turned mind-reader overnight. But then Ichigo emphasized, "He doesn't have a zanpakuto either."

"Oh yeah!" Renji realized, "He lost his, too. Abandoned it to jump into the river and save me."

Ichigo smirked, "Well aren't you the damsel in distress?"

Renji's eye twitched in irritation. The portrayal was eerily accurate, especially since he had made the Prince Charming reference to Shuuhei himself last night. "Shut up."

Even as he denied it in his mind, Renji knew for certain that somewhere over the course of events, Shuuhei had turned from Renji's friend into his knight in shining armor. And that didn't sit well at all.

To Shuuhei, using someone else's bathroom was the weirdest experience in existence. The unfamiliarity and strangeness of the whole situation was just unsettling, particularly under the roof of Urahara, who was nothing if not unfamiliar and strange.

Regardless a hot shower had been bliss. A near-death experience's worth of mud, dirt, filth slid off Shuuhei's body onto the linoleum below. And yet several times, out of instinct and ingrained paranoia more than anything else, Shuuhei found himself checking the spot where his shinigami uniform was folded up for Kazeshini. The zanpakuto had a knack for being unpredictable, but the spot was just as empty as it has been the last time Shuuhei checked.

Shuuhei sighed, massaging shampoo into his scalp. It wasn't that Kazeshini had been especially companionable or even pleasant- far from it in fact. When considering the dark spirit's company, a little went a long way and often Shuuhei disliked needing to retreat to his inner world to have conversations with the brute, but knowing that if he didn't check on the zanpakuto once in a while Kazeshini would act out of his own accord, the high cackling laughter falling all on deaf ears but Shuuhei's as the twin scythes spun and twirled out of Shuuhei's control.

Putting his conflicted emotions aside, Shuuhei turned off the shower, the flow of water coming to a stop above him. A shiver ticked his spine, so he toweled off quickly and dressed himself in the plain white sleeping robe that was on loan from Urahara's shop.

He picked up the bundle of his uniform, still coated in grime and grit. Shuuhei sighed, and noted that he would have to do laundry first thing tomorrow.

The shop was warm and well ventilated, for which Shuuhei was very grateful when he trod down the hall from the bathroom to the guest room. He sniffled a little, refraining from wiping his nose on his robe. If he didn't catch the flu from this whole ordeal he would count it a miracle.

He held his clothes under one arm as he walked, stopping slightly only when he heard his name being whispered, muffled slightly by the thin wall. Shuuhei paused, and looked around to see if anyone had called him.

The hallways were empty, but he recognized the voice that had said his name of the human, Orihime. They had fought one of the Bount together, so Shuuhei could be pretty damn sure it was the same girl.

"… Think it's unusual for Mr. Hisagi and Mr. Abarai to work together?"

Shuuhei's eyebrows rose. Determining the source of the conversation to be the kitchen, he pressed the side of his head against the closed door.

"Not unusual, I think." That was surely the voice of Rukia Kuchiki this time, "Just out of the ordinary. They don't often work together, especially in secret. They're just really different people."

Shuuhei subdued the urge to snort. He and Renji weren't _that_ dissimilar, at least no more than any of his other friends. Shuuhei had a brash, rebellious side just as much as Renji had a responsible, mature side deep down. _Way _deep down.

"But you said that they were old friends. That they hang out together all the time in Soul Society" Orihime protested and even though no one could see, Shuuhei found himself nodding in agreement with her from the other side or the wall.

"Yeah, but I don't know if they're old enough of friends to work an entire case of a hollow attack in secret!" Rukia argued. "Renji never lets anyone help him, even me! I think there's something they're not telling us."

Shuuhei winced in confusion. Not telling them? Neither he or Renji spared any gory detail in their recollection of events, except, of course the mouth-to-mouth, and that hardly seemed relevant.

Shuuhei gave credit to Rukia in that he and Renji didn't make likely work-partners. Renji was hardly his first choice in conducting a secret investigation that required snooping and- above all- stealth and secrecy. Renji was far too honest and straight-forward for Shuuhei's definition of an undisclosed operative working under the radar, and he sucked at lying. But even if they didn't get much accomplished in the way of investigation, Renji's company had been nice. It was refreshing relief from Kira's sulky attitude or Iba's overcompensating insecurity. Maybe Rukia only thought something was strange because the experience had brought them to be closer friends?

Shuuhei thought back to the previous night, when Renji noticed that they had called each other by given name without realizing it. Shuuhei didn't do that with just anyone else, and the fact that Renji detected such a detail and was even _pleased_ by it was… touching. Shuuhei found he wasn't used to such attention.

"Vice-Captain Hisagi." Suddenly came the recognizable voice of Urahara almost directly behind him. Shuuhei stiffened up in an alarm and spun to face the mysterious man, shamed that he was caught looking like an eavesdropper. He could only hope that the girls in the other room hadn't become aware of his presence.

Urahara's smiling face remained unchanged, "You seem to be lost. My apologies, I didn't tell you where you would be staying for the night."

"I don't want to be trou-"

"No trouble at all!" Shuuhei wished Urahara would stop interrupting him, "We haven't enough room just now for two separate visitors, so you'll be sharing the guest room with Mr. Abarai."

"Oh, that's great!" Shuuhei said with a smile. Reminiscing about Renji's company had actually begun to make Shuuhei miss it.

Urahara seemed cheerfully puzzled by Shuuhei's enthusiasm, "Great, you say? At least one of you is ready to turn in and not go snooping around my house for scraps."

With that, a green-sleeved hand indicated that Shuuhei should go down the hall. "First door on your left, Vice-Captain Hisagi."

"Thank you." Shuuhei said, forcing himself to be a little more subdued this time, before padding down to the specified room.

Inside, Renji was already changed into his night robe, his slightly damp hair made into a loose braid. He sat on one of two futons in the otherwise Spartan room. "Hey," Renji said in greeting, "Urahara give you any trouble with that spiritual sampling?"

"None." Shuuhei answered truthfully. He dropped his bundle of dirty clothes flopped down onto the other futon. "Why? What happened to you?"

Renji chuckled, "I'm pretty sure that bunch jabbed me with a few extra pointy things while they had the chance. Jeez, I thought I really hated doctors but it turns out the home-version of the game is even worse. I like the brats, but they aren't making Nurses of the Year in my books."

"Well, I'm sure being able to track down whatever was making those portals will be abundant compensation." Shuuhei yawned, "Of course the famous Renji Abarai would be willing to sacrifice his delicate constitution for the good of Soul Society."

"Hmm. Well hasn't someone been practicing their Hado: Smart-assery."

"I'm a master at the technique."

"Well you're gonna need it." Renji said, smile suddenly faltering before sinking altogether to turn into a crooked half-scowl, "Seeing as how neither of us has a zanpakuto now. Thank you, mysterious reality-ripping force, for dumping us in possibly the most inconvenient location in the possible history of locations."

Shuuhei cocked his head at Renji, "You and your zanpakuto are pretty close, aren't you?"

Renji started at the question, as if he wasn't sure if he'd heard Shuuhei right. The dark-haired man winced, "Too personal. Sorry-"

"No, it's fine." Renji shrugged, shifting to sit cross-legged on the bed. As he considered Shuuhei's question, Renji reached a hand to the hair draped over his shoulder and absently tugged his braid, which the elder lieutenant decided was a surprisingly endearing nervous habit. "I guess we're close, Zabimaru and I. The again, you kind of have to be to get even close to bankai. Sometimes it's hard to be sure though- they're not really into all that dumb spiritual chit-chat that everyone says you're supposed to do with your sword."

"Not into that in what way? Like, they just don't talk to you?"

Renji pulled his hair again, chuckling fondly, "Nah, we talk just fine. Just that between the three of us we usually just end up spitting insults at each other. Figures that part of me reflected in my zanpakuto would always be on my case so much."

"It sounds like you don't really mind that much." Shuuhei pointed out, falling back onto his pillow. "That's good, it sounds nice."

"I guess." Renji turned a cautious look to Shuuhei. The night robe on Renji was a little too small for him, and his ankles and wrists stuck out of clothing awkwardly. He looked rather like a puppy during its awkward adolescent stages, still growing into its oversized paws. "What about you? You always said you didn't like Kazeshini very much."

"I don't." Shuuhei said plainly. He rested the back of his head on folded arms, "He was a brat and a pain. But he's still my sword so that makes him my responsibility."

"Harsh." Renji grimaced, but Shuuhei only made a non-committal clicking noise with his tongue, only half out of irritation.

"I know that the relationship with my zanpakuto is… unusual in its nature. I just can't imagine it any other way."

It was quite for a moment after that, neither really sure where to turn the conversation after that. Renji, being Renji, didn't let that last long.

"Dude, you and your issues are bumming me out." Renji announced with a grin then opened his arms out wide, "Does Shuuhei need a hug to make it all better without that mean ole' sword?"

Shuuhei snorted and batted Renji's outstretched arm away. "Shuuhei needs you to go to bed already so he can get some sleep and escape from this crazy misadventure you dragged him on."

"But I'm already _in_ bed!" Renji whined,

"How old are you, honestly?" Shuuhei said with a roll of his eyes,

Renji pretended to think for a moment as he kicked himself under the covers, "Physically or emotionally?"

Much later that night, Shuuhei had failed to fall asleep. Perhaps it was the anxiety of knowing that the source of the mysterious portals might be revealed tomorrow, or maybe it was the sound of Renji tossing and turning in his sleep.

Shuuhei sat up and watched Renji shift in his state of blissful unconsciousness, raising an eyebrow at the sight. The sheets were now impossibly tangled around his legs, and somehow through the night Renji's pillow had become a makeshift teddybear, one of Renji's arms curled around it as he lay on his back while the other arm was splayed out at what looked like an uncomfortable angle.

Shuuhei chuckled, sliding himself out of the futon. His bare-feet were cold on the wood-floor, but Renji would be colder when he woke up to discover he had kicked his blanket off in his sleep. Shuuhei picked the cover up off the floor and snapped it in the air once, before pulling it over a still soundly-sleeping Renji, who seemed oblivious to his efforts. Shuuhei sighed and rubbed his eyes, although he no longer felt tired at all. He was rather restless, in fact.

Shuuhei decided he needed a walk, and he knew just where to go for it.


	5. Please, Be Surreal Here

Renji was automatically aware of something maybe a little out of the ordinary when the school of angelfish drifted over his head. Calmly, serenely, Renji lifted his hand upwards, and the fish fearlessly drifted to his outstretched grasp, slipping through his open fingers and nibbling on his arm.

He opened his hand flat, and one of the angelfish floated into his palm looking as complacent as if it was being held there, frozen by an external force.

Something approached from behind, and Renji watched in curiosity as the fish dispersed, only to come together in their school to inspect the newcomer. Renji craned his neck backwards, supporting himself and pressing his palms into the grainy surface of the sand.

"You again?" Renji asked, smiling cockily at the figure.

"I know." Shuuhei answered, the little black and white bodies of angelfish hovering around him like a backdrop. "Seems like you can't get enough of me, eh?"

"I'm dreaming." Renji realized aloud.

"You are." Shuuhei confirmed, "I wouldn't fret about that, though. It's very pretty here." Dream-Shuuhei stretched his neck skywards. Renji followed suit, looking upwards past the drifting patterns fish swimming overhead.

"Yeah. It is." Renji agreed, taking in the sight of the sun's reflection against the surface of the ocean water from below, it's light distorted to a brilliant white that bounced and danced off the calm waves as if the whole ocean was set aflame. It contrasted quite nicely with the teal tint of the water deeper down on the seabed where Renji sat on the soft grainy sand. It was nice. Peaceful, even.

Renji pushed himself off the seabed, surprised to find himself floating just as easily as if he were truly underwater. He twisted against the faint current to face Shuuhei, who was still rooted in his stance on the sand as solidly as if he were on dry land.

"If I'm here," Renji mused, "and you're here, then are we both dreaming?"

Shuuhei chuckled, his eyes full of warmth that was almost never seen in them in the waking world. "Two people sharing the same dream? Renji, that absolutely would be ridiculous."

As he spoke, a barracuda drifted over to the duo, playfully chasing away the school of angelfish.

"Whatever you say." Renji muttered, suspiciously eyeing the fish as it swam to brush affectionatly against Shuuhei's shoulder, "Then you're a part of my dream, right? Like my subconscious?"

"Like your superego? I suppose it's possible. That in mind, I could take any form I chose to in your dream. I could have been any one of your friends or mentors or symbols that are meaningful to the mysterious concoction that makes up your brain." Shuuhei stated, reaching out a hand to pet the barracuda fondly. It wriggled in his grasp, spine arching like a cat at his touch, which was an odd sight at the look of its rows of wicked, jagged teeth. "Tell me, Renji, why do you think I'm in his form in particular?"

Renji cocked his head, "Does there need to be a reason?"

"Pretend there does. Humor me."

Renji rubbed the back of his neck, trying to think. A dark stain on the seafloor of a shadow passed over his head, and Renji looked back up at the twinkling surface of the sea. Dozens of neon reds, purples and yellows flitted in between of the mass of writhing fish. One drifted a little behind the school, spinning dazedly as it tried to catch up to its siblings.

"Because we're underwater? Like when you- the Shuuhei in the non-dream world, saved me in the river?"

Shuuhei released his grasp on the barracuda, who swam away to continue snapping at the angelfish, and began walking underneath the shadow to follow the school of fish overhead. Unlike Renji, the water didn't pull him up to float, he merely tread along the ground as if he were oblivious to the scenery. In fact, his clothes and hair didn't even look wet, "A good guess, but a bit literal. This is a dream after all. Try to look at the bigger picture."

Renji dug his heels into the sand, using it as leverage to propel his buoyant body forward to catch up. His footsteps felt too light, devoid of traction against the water and the sand to get a good walk going on. "If you know, can't you just tell me?"

"Like you said, I'm just a part of your subconscious. How would I know anything that you don't know?" The Shuuhei of his dream shrugged with an arrogant smirk.

"For being a part of my brain, you're just as annoying as the real Shuuhei." Renji grumbled. He followed Shuuhei, "So riddle me this, Mr. Inner-Mind Guru; if I know I'm dreaming, how am I still asleep? Shouldn't I be awake by now?"

Shuuhei tuted, kicking up a small cloud of sand, "The nature of dreams is hardly so black and white as you seem to think it is, Mr. Abarai. Clearly you're having a lucid dream of some sort, which is a little different from a regular dream. Try to enjoy the ride, why don't you?"

Renji chuckled, shifting to float on his back, suspended in the water at shoulder-height with Shuuhei. He smirked, "Now I _know_ this is a dream. Shuuhei's never this relaxed about anything."

"Which reminds me that you still haven't answered my question!" Shuuhei chastised as he put his hands resolutely on his hips, the softness in his voice hardening to the same recognizable tone he had in real life when he was scolding someone.

"Uh, what question was that again?"

Shuuhei stepped forward and spun on his heels to stand directly in front of Renji, reaching his arms out spread-eagle, "Come on, Renji- of all people, why me? Why has your subconscious taken the form of Shuuhei Hisagi?"

"I don't know?" Renji shrugged, "I've been hanging out with you- him for a while now recently. Maybe that's it?"

"You've known Shuuhei for years." Dream-Shuuhei replied, sounding unimpressed with Renji's deductions, "Why would he suddenly pop up in your imagination if your feelings hadn't changed at all?"

Renji's eyes widened in alarm. He whirled in the water into a standing position again, aside from his feet which still floated an inch or two above the seabed. The current picked up like a sudden breeze around him. "Woah, hold on- Who said anything about my 'feelings'?"

"It always comes down to that, doesn't it?" Shuuhei deadpanned, folding his arms with resolution in his stance, "If you didn't have such a hard time really letting people in, because of your stupid-ass insecurity bullshit-"

"Wait just a second! I do not have stupid-ass insecurity bullshit!" Renji protested, stepping up to Shuuhei to tower over the man in his full height. But Dream-Shuuhei just gave him an analytical glare.

"You never think you're worth the effort, do you? Good old Renji, always there to take a beating so the real heroes can have their chance at glory- is that what you think of yourself? It's the reason you distanced yourself from Rukia, and that you developed this obsession with beating Byakuya Kuchiki, and now you're letting it get in the way of confronting your real emotions again!" Shuuhei was hissing at Renji now, finger pointing accusatorily at the seething red-head.

The water was picking up, the current tugging at Renji and Shuuhei's clothing and whipping their hair about their heads chaotically but neither paid it any mind.

Renji shouted back "That's not how it is! I know I have room to get stronger, so how is it bad that I work to achieve that? Is it so fucking terrible that I'm not expecting everything to be all sunshine and rainbows? How am I supposed to protect my friends when I'm not strong enough-"

"-Get _over _yourself, dude!" Shuuhei fired back, interrupting Renji's objections, "You're putting all this baggage on yourself and then when a chance to have something actually good comes along you say it's too hard! What about all the people who care about _you_?"

"I never asked anyone to care about me!"

"But you need it all the same. Just like you needed help when you were drowning in the river." Shuuhei pointed out, "Did you even think about how terrifying it must have been for Shuuhei to almost watch you die like that?"

"Well I'm so sorry I almost drowned! I'll send him an apology card first thing in the morning!"

"You know what I'm talking about! Think about the future, Renji! And for once something beyond proving your value to a world that isn't worth the effort, and try to realize that some people actually are! What would happen if you were to die now? What will you wish you had done differently? If you never just own up and start acting like a man and tell Shuuhei about these feelings you've been developing-"

_"I don't have feelings for Shuuhei!"_ The last sentence came out in a scream, the words seeming to echo against the hellish tossing and turning of the water. Renji panted after the outburst, clutching his fists until the shallow nails bit into his palm. He was so furious he felt himself shaking-

Except that it wasn't just Renji shaking. Alarmed, he realized that the startled expression on Shuuhei's face meant that he was feeling the tremors as well. The shaking was real- or at least as real as it could be in a dream. They both looked down at their feet, where the sand seemed to shift and distort between them. The grains slipped into oblivion as a jagged valley of black _something_ opened up in the space between Renji and Shuuhei. The valley grew into a chasm, the quakes upsetting the ground around it and knocking Renji and Shuuhei off their feet while sand poured freely into the growing dark cavern. The gap yawned wider, revealing stiff, solid walls amongst the trickles of sand falling in.

After a few more moments the tremors quieted, then stilled. The cavern was still, as if it had always been there, with only the flux in the current as water and sand were pulled into the gap in an attempt to fill the empty space to show anything had changed at all. Renji dug his feet into the sand to avoid being pulled closer himself.

"What the hell is that?" He called out to Shuuhei,

"I'm not sure!" Shuuhei shouted to be heard over the rushing of the current in their ears, "_Your_ dream, remember? I'm just a figment of your twisted imagination!"

"This whole 'I only know what you know'-excuse is getting real old real fast!" Renji growled in response.

Renji craned his neck forward to look down the chasm, finding little but inky blackness. The word 'insecurity' pulled at his mind and he snorted with humorless laughter in response. He freed one foot from the sand and took a tentative step forward, needing to hold his arms out for balance to avoid being sucked in altogether.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Shuuhei screamed, sounding more scared than outraged.

"This is my dream!" Renji bellowed loud enough to clearly be heard. By now he stood at the edge of the abyss, toes hanging freely off the edge.

"Stop, you idiot! You don't know what's down there!"

"This is _my_ dream!" Renji repeated, "And it can't tell me what to do!"

And with that, Renji allowed the current to pull him into the yawning chasm.

Dretched in a cold sweat, Renji awoke with a start. He sat up on the futon, swallowing and still expecting to hear the mad rush of the current in his ears. His breathing slowed when he recognized the absence of an ocean, replaced instead by a chilled breeze and a few rays of light slicing through the shadows of the Urahara guest room. The whole scene was eerily calming, perhaps a bit too much like in the same way Renji's dream had started out.

Renji looked over to the adjacent futon, and was surprised to find it empty. That was Shuuhei for you- pissing Renji off in his dream, then wake up first thing in the morning just to make him look bad.

The bed was unmade, but when Renji laid his palm on the pillow it was obliquely cold. Shuuhei had been gone for a while now.

Renji whipped his head around, looking for any other signs of life. No good, the red-headed vice-captain was the only one in the room.

Renji got up and stretched, eager to get last night's dream out of his mind. He mentally cursed his own traitorous brain and its pushiness. His "feelings" were stupid- Shuuhei was his friend! And a guy, a guy who was very interested in women in fact. Moving in the direction on the bedroom door, Renji tripped over a small bundle placed at the floor. The small bundle actually happened to be his shinigmai uniform, washed and mended and carrying the slightly bitter scent of laundry detergent.

A note had been laid out on top of the clothing, written in scrawling handwriting.

_"-Mr. Freeloader_

_We took the liberty of taking care of these for you and your companion. Hope you find it to your liking! A bill for dry-cleaning services has been provided for your convenience with this note, naturally."_

Naturally.

Renji sighed, but pulled the uniform on anyhow. The note claimed that Shuuhei's clothes had also been washed but they were nowhere in sight, meaning the dark-haired vice-captain must have already changed.

Had this most recent of journeys into the Real World been planned, it was much more likely that Renji would have his hairbrush on hand. Instead, he had to make due with combing his fingers through his hair before pulling it into what was hopefully an acceptable pony-tail, all the while hating the world.

It was quiet outside the guest room- too quiet, Renji decided with his eyes narrowing in suspicion. Urahara, Tessai, Yoruichi and the twerps must have been busy minding the shop and the research from Renji and Shuuhei's samples. Shuuhei himself was no-where to be found as of now. Everyone else must have been at school. Renji himself didn't envy that most of his friends in the real world had an education to get, and he didn't even fathom how Rukia could stand it after her being cooped in the Academy for so long as he had.

Renji brushed the stiffness out of his freshly-washed clothes with his hands, walking to the kitchen-area in hopes of scrounging up some food that had not already been hidden or booby-trapped in advance from him. To his surprise, it wasn't a deceptively delicious-looking pot set out temptingly in the kitchen, but Rukia.

The petite soul reaper had set out three bento boxes, one in front of her and two on either adjacent sides of the table, and looked as if she was just about to start tucking into hers when Renji walked in.

She looked up upon his arrival, "Ah, he lives." She said with a teasing smile. She was wearing her school uniform, but it couldn't have possibly been later than morning, could it?

"Shouldn't you be at school or something?" Renji said. Normally he wouldn't be so snappish, but he was still feeling tired and stressed out from the dream. He rubbed his eye with his wrist and yawned.

Rukia pouted, tossing a piece of her lunch into her mouth before replying "I came here on lunch break to bring you food. You're welcome, by the way!"

"Lunch?" Renji said, perking up, "What time is it?"

"It's like half past noon, dummy."

By this time, Renji was already supposed to be hunting down dangerous universe-ripping hollows, but instead he had slept half the day away! "You're kidding! Who the hell's idea was it to let me sleep for so long?"

Rukia rolled her eyes, "Considering you spent the previous night holed up in a ditch somewhere, we thought you could use some rest. You could have gotten really sick out there, you know? Now stop being ridiculous- sit, eat, appreciate the gift of my friendship." She pushed one of the boxes in Renji's direction, who sat down at the table and tried not to sulk.

Renji didn't realize how hungry he was until he was scarfing down the boxed lunch. As he ate, his eyes drifted to the unattended bento across the table from him. Rukia noticed his gaze and followed it.

"That one was for Lieutenant Hisagi." She said, answering his unasked question, "Making it seemed the polite thing to do, seeing as all the trouble he went through to take care of you-"

"-Why is everyone saying he took care of _me?_ I wasn't _completely_ useless out there, you know." Renji scowled, but Rukia cheerfully ignored him.

"-But Mr. Urahara said that he went out on a walk late last night. He came back earlier for breakfast when I came before school to check on you, but other than that he's been gone all day."

Renji cocked his head, taking a momentary pause from feverishly eating, "All day? Where's he running off too without his zanpakuto?"

"You sound as if you're worried about him." Rukia pointed out with a smirk, leaning on her elbow. Renji furrowed his brow in response.

"You sound as if you think that's funny."

"Lieutenant Hisagi is a grown man. I'm sure he's fine wherever he is doing whatever he's doing." Rukia stated, her easy smirk slipping into a slight frown, "He _is_ fine, right?"

"He was fine last night."

"Are _you_ fine?"

Renji polished down another morsel of food before giving Rukia a grin, "I'm always fine."

Rukia didn't look convinced, her eyebrows knit together in her usual way of looking torn and frustrated. "It's okay if you're not fine. That hollow gave you a pretty good crack in the head. We could get Orihime or Hanataro to-"

"Hey, now!" Renji interrupted, waving his had dismissively. "You know me- Good ole' Renji, always willing to take a beating for the team." He said, quoting almost exactly what Shuuhei had said in his dream.

Rukia looked disturbed at the statement, indigo eyes growing big. "You shouldn't say stuff like that, jerk! As if we don't have you throwing yourself into danger enough as it is!"

In the face of Rukia's sympathetic indignation, Renji hesitated. How many times, in fact, _had_ Renji been beaten within an inch of his life simply because he was the willing party? Still, he never stopped to think that this could prove fatal and he always got out okay in the end. It's not as if he asked people to be concerned about him!

Renji grunted noncommittally, turning his attention back onto his food. Rukia did the same, albeit still giving him a suspicious look.

"They're still trying to pin down and trace the spiritual particles found on you and Lieutenant Hisagi." Rukia threw in after a moment of silence, "It's taking longer than expected, supposedly. I'm told that whatever kind of portal you happened to get yourselves stuck in was extremely unstable."

"Gee, no kidding? And I thought that the tearing holes through the fabric of the universe was completely stable business."

"They just don't make world-changing phenomena like they used to, do they?" Rukia agreed with a sardonic smile.

A third voice drifted in from the doorway "You young'uns don't know the half of it."

Both soul reapers looked up to the familiar figure leaning against the doorway, wearing a cocky smirk that didn't quite meet her hauntingly yellow eyes. In fact, she looked all together tense.

"Miss Yoruichi?" Rukia asked, "Is something wrong? You said Mr. Urahara hadn't finished compiling the data yet."

"He hasn't, at least not completely anyways. As far as I can interpret from all the scientific jargon-shit flowing from his mouth, we can't yet determine the source of the portals. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

Renji furrowed his brow. As far as anyone had told him, the general plan was to sit on their asses until Urahara could point them in the right direction. "What else could there be-"

Even before the question had made it out of Renji's mouth, he stopped.

The now-recognizable buzzing noise was back. The same noise that had been made on that day Renji and Shuuhei first came into contact with the portal.

"What in the world _is _that?" Rukia groaned, clamping her hands over her ears,

Yoruichi was also affected by the sounds, her fingers rubbing circles into her forehead where Renji could guess a headache was growing. "The sound of the seams of the separate worlds being split apart, as it happens."

"This is nothing." Renji said, a little louder now that they were all competing with the buzz for attention, "You should have heard this when the portal opened under me and-"

Rukia gasped, "Lieutenant Hisagi!"

Renji started as well. Another portal was opening, likely carrying another hollow. And Shuuhei was out there without a weapon, basically a walking talking buffet of spiritual energy. Renji's heart sank fast- that portal could be opening anywhere but something in him knew, just _knew_, that no one but Shuuhei could be that unlucky.


	6. Writing to You From Inside the Lion

**Author's note: Quirky chapter titles now included in this story. Because we needed it to be a little more pretentious around here, didn't we?**

The atmosphere of the scene was absolutely dismal, but Shuuhei was feeling good.

His tabi were soaked brown with mud, his ankles wet with the damp bottoms of the legs of his hakama slapping heavily against his legs. Shin deep, the river was just as mucky and gross-looking as it had been the day before, and the only upside to the situation was that at least this time it wasn't raining. But still, Shuuhei was feeling pretty good.

For hours, he had been walking along the bank of the river. All day he had been looking, hoping that maybe for once his luck would turn up. Logically, his brain told him it was a fruitless effort, but Shuuhei had to at least try.

At first, Shuuhei had thought it was a log. Coated in mud and algae, one could hardly make out its original shape outside of being a thin, long object washed up along the riverbank and providing a new home for gods know what kind of infectious germs from the water. Shuuhei had only noticed after nearly stepping on it, and noticing the ridges in the mulch that were congruent with the object of his search.

Immediately he fell to the ground to pick it up, ignoring the fresh mud staining his knees of the uniform he had only just gotten back clean. His hand picked it up where he knew the hilt was, rubbing away the grime until the solid mass of the hilt came clean.

The sealed form of Zabimaru felt awkward in his grasp. The hilt had been held, gripped by and molded to the individual shape of Renji's hand from decades of use. Years of battle and partnership was evident in that press in the hilt, the press that Shuuhei's own fingers didn't quite fit. Rarely did Shinigami hold the zanpakuto of another. It was an unspoken rule, a term of etiquette more than anything. A zankaputo was a reflection of another shinigami's soul, and to take handling another's weapon lightly was a grave injustice to that particular soul reaper.

For a second, Shuuhei marveled at the fact that he was almost literally holding Renji's heart in his hands. Hopefully, Renji wouldn't mind too much.

Shuuhei raised Zabimaru in his hand, looking over the sword before turning it in his wrist as to wipe the flat of the blade on the dew-soaked grass. A long strip of filth was smeared clean from the sword, but Zabimaru still looked dirty. Shuuhei's reflection in the blade was muddled and distorted, stretching his face disproportionally as if he was looking in a funhouse mirror. The effect could very well have been the courtesy of human pollution in the river, warping the exterior of the blade. Renji's zanpakuto would need a good polish and some TLC before it was fit for battle again, but at least he would have it.

Pride and relief came like a wave to crush the doubt that had settled on Shuuhei's mind ever since he had pried the blade out of Renji's hand in the river. It had been long worth it, even with the wet uniform and the sudden chill running up and down Shuuhei's spine.

Wait. No. The temperature was the same, not even a faint breeze to bring a chill. Something else had made Shuuhei shiver.

Shuuhei stood up, opening his mind to the area's spiritual pressure, tentatively feeling and nudging for an oddity. A spike of white-hot spiritual energy flickered menacingly distantly, the upset spiritual particles echoing and blaring much like the unhappy sound that Shuuhei knew to recognize from the arrival of the portals.

On instinct Shuuhei almost put Zabimaru in Kazeshini's sheath. Something made him hesitate, however. He had lost Renji's zanpakuto once before- Shuuhei didn't want to keep taking Zabimaru lightly. Still there was hardly any time to run back to Urahara's, so Shuuhei slid the blade into the sheath, the material squealing against Zabimaru's form in slight protest of his new and unfamiliar shape.

As second in command of the Gotei's security force, Shuuhei was used to knowing his battle ground of Soul Society. Now in the real world the odds were turned a little more against his favor, the territory here a little stranger and a little more dangerous for that. It would not be a pre-thought battle plan that would win the fight, but Shuuhei's skills and quick thinking against the uncanny instincts of the hollow or hollows.

The portal was opening above the small city by the river, but Shuuhei knew better than to get too close now. Suspending himself gracefully on a telephone pole, he mentally prepared himself to perform a quick kidou- he would get this done, and he would get it done fast. Shuuhei was handicapped, tactically crippled without Kazeshini. There was no reason to give the enemy a chance to take advantage of the fact.

But as the portal opened, an influx of air being whipped around Shuuhei's head as it struggled with the sudden displacement caused by the appearance of a huge mysterious something, it didn't immediately spit out a hollow. The portal hung in the air, looking frozen suspended in the sky and yawning a great fantastic nothing but darkness.

Shuuhei furrowed his brow in confusion. A voice in the back of his mind screamed at him to take the opportunity to flee, but the thought was crushed by bigger questions.

Shuuhei stepped off the pole, holding himself in the sky against gravity; he quickly edged himself closer to the portal. He flinched back once as he came closer, preparing to duck out of danger at the next sign to an approaching attack. But still, there was nothing, and Shuuhei received the chance to peer inside the maw of the portal.

Shuuhei himself hadn't seen much of Huenco Mundo, but he had an idea of what it was like. The captain of the Twelfth Division had harbored affection for the place and all the scientific anomalies it was home to, so the squad had taken many pictures. To Shuuhei, the dimension of hollows didn't look terribly interesting, home only to monsters and rolling valleys of desert and death with the ruins of Los Noches tucked away somewhere into the far corner being the only standing structures as well as the only thing even remotely invigorating about the shadowy realm. Perhaps Shuuhei would have found it more exciting if he had a burning desire to die in the middle of nowhere surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of miles of nothing but white sand.

Then again, in Shuuhei's observation Huenco Mundo had always been empty. Not like now, when the desert floors were teeming with creatures.

Shapes of black, white and gray teemed and writhed from miles below the opening of the portal, as if Shuuhei was looking down on a colony of ants. Like ants, massive holes in the sand had been tirelessly, neurotically dug and the hollows disappeared and reappeared outside of them like rabbits in a warren.

Shuuhei watched, struck frozen by the absurdity of it, as another hollow with massive burrowing claws dug up bone-white sand in a flurry. It took hardly any time at all for the displaced sand to reveal a flickering blue light.

_'More portals' _Shuuhei realized with dread. The portals were appearing underground, the hollows happily digging them up and using them as their own personal transit.

A flash of blue light down one of the tunnels signaled the opening of another portal, and another hollow crawled out of the network of holes, stumbling and crawling over and around its mass of fellow beasts. Only this hollow Shuuhei could recognize. He recalled the gloomy mask and wriggling vines just as he recalled the scythe lodged in its back.

Kazeshini was still in shikai form, perhaps sensing that it was still in attack mode and that it's would-be prey was struck by it. The zanpakuto was still stuck in the hollow's back, the blade remaining intertwined with the vines and now caked with the creature's dried blood. The chain drifted behind melancholy on the ground, the second scythe dumbly sliding and making flat tracks in the sand. The injured hollow moaned pitifully and scratched at its back with one hind leg, seemingly only recently aware that it had been wounded. Its brothers paid it no mind, though, busy with their own search for automatic, effortless escape routes into gods knew where.

Shuuhei sucked in a breath. He was so close. Against all odds he had found Zabimaru and now he had found Kazeshini except Shuuhei's zanpakuto was all the way down _there_.

Mind reeling, Shuuhei struggled to come up with a plan. Maybe he could lure the hollow through the portal, but how to do that without alerting the other hollows of his presence? The hollow with Kazeshini was drifting further and further away along with Shuuhei's chances of getting back his weapon!

Shuuhei looked at Zabimaru's hilt, still filthy and dirty from the river water. If Shuuhei jumped through the portal into Huenco Mundo now, not only would it be suicide but he'd be taking away Renji's chance of ever getting his sword back for good. Renji could put on a good front, but the man had been despondent without Zabimaru and the feelings weren't entirely reasonable but Shuuhei really wanted to be the one to give Renji back his zanpakuto.

To prove to him that yes, Shuuhei was as reliable as his reputation had built him up to be and yes, he was someone that Renji could trust and _yes_, he was damn worthy of being someone Renji was close enough to call by his given name after knowing each other for years!

Torn, Shuuhei almost didn't notice the shock of red energy until it nearly blinded him. Shuuhei looked up with alarm at the cero and summoned a binding kidou, creating a shield between himself and the oncoming blast.

The kidou held up, but the projected energy was strong and the barrier cracked around the edges. A hollow, one with a grinning, ghoulish face and four insect-like wings, the one who fired the cero, hovered above its brethren. The other hollows all looked up, their attention now caught on the soul reaper in the open portal above them, practically oozing spiritual pressure.

Madness ensued, the hollows that could fly or that could jump high enough swarming towards the open doorway of the portal, while the others below gathered in a throng and roared in rage and anguish. Shuuhei jumped down from his perch in front of the portal to avoid the winged-insect hollow soaring straight for him.

The hollow angled it's dragonfly-like body to sail back around at him, and Shuuhei opened fire. Red fire flew from Shuuhei's palm, his shakkaho's aim proving true as it hit the hollow with an explosion of scarlet. The hollow howled and dripped blood as it dissipated, leaving Shuuhei with just enough time to dodge the outstretched, pincher-like arms of one of the other several hollows spilling from the portal.

Thinking on pure instinct, Shuuhei pulled Zabimaru from his sheath and swung at the arm. The limb fell clean off, but not as clean as Shuuhei wished it was. Zabimaru just wasn't his sword. It felt too uncomfortable in his hand, the weight being terribly off. Shuuhei didn't know if it was the weight or the length but he was sure it would only prove a fatal disadvantage in battle.

Holding Zabimaru in one hand, Shuuhei aimed his palm at the other hollow. Heat reverberated down his arm to his hand where the blue ray of a sōkatsui incinerated a good half of the hollow's body. Shuuhei prepared himself to fire a kidou that would be the finishing blow, but something hit his back with a rough force and nearly knocked him off his feet.

Another hollow from behind struck him with its long tail, a similarly shaped one flicking its own with a gruesome grin. The limb met with Shuuhei's shoulder, and Shuuhei heard the familiar sickening sound of bones giving way from their joints, a skeleton partially dissembled within one's own body. An aching, flaring pain rushed up Shuuhei's left shoulder as his arm hung weakly at his side. The hollow that Shuuhei had injured with his kidou was bleeding freely from its damaged side, but still standing on shaky limbs. Shuuhei was being surrounded, circled like cornered prey by a pack of wolves.

A tail snapped out again and Shuuhei braced the blow with Zabimaru, the hand of his injured arm struggling to hold the flat of the blade. Shuuhei grit his teeth against the pain but the assault could have been much worse. He had staved off the attack, but his back was wide open, a flaw that would certainly mean death.

"Hado Number 31: Shakkaho!"

That voice.

Red fire decimated the hollow behind Shuuhei, saving him from what would have surely been a death-blow. The hado itself hadn't been the neatest, but it was surely destructive.

"Renji!" Shuuhei cried in realization, looking up at the redhead. Renji grinned, his palm still smoking from the release of energy.

"What are the rest of us? Back-up dancers?" Another voice sniped, "Getsuga Tenshō!"

A wave of black spiritual pressure annihilated the hollow in front of Shuuhei, who turned in time to see Ichigo attracting the attention of the majority of the hollows.

The orange-haired teen stood his ground, drawing them closer in. A pale circle began to glow underneath him, enveloping the pack of hollows. Ichigo vanished, flash-stepping out of the way as Rukia's zanpakuto created a towering pillar of ice, capturing the monsters in a frozen prison before shattering into a thousand glittering fragments.

Rukia herself stood a little ways away, concentrating on her shikai. Intensly focused, she was unaware of the shadow of a massive hollow approaching her until it tried to attack from behind, but was quickly dispatched by a combined hit from Ichigo's Zangestu and Renji's hado blast.

With the hollows dispatched, Renji relaxed slightly. It was common knowledge that kidou was not the redhead's specialty at all, and his palm was slightly blackened on the skin where he had difficulty controlling and focusing the power of the blasts of his demon arts. He dropped his other hand from his wrist and ran to Shuuhei's side.

"Shuuhei! Hey, you alright?" Renji called to the other vice-captain, "What the hell was the big idea vanishing all day like that? Are you hurt?"

But Shuuhei's attention was no longer on the trio who had come to help him. He whipped his head around, looking back up at the portal through which his enemies had come from only to see that the blue vortex was shrinking. He had been _so close!_

Renji caught up to him, standing at Shuuhei's side. He glanced down at the object in Shuuhei's hand, eyes widening at what he saw. It was dirty, sure, but Renji knew that blade by heart.

"Shuuhei, you found Zabimaru?" He said, his look of worry melting to a sincere grin, "That's great! Thank y-"

"That's my zanpakuto, Renji!" Shuuhei announced with a hitch in his voice, panic and alarm displaying clearly. All thoughts of gratification from Renji were dashed and erased from his mind.

At the outburst Renji frowned, lines of confusion evident on his face. "Uh, no…" he said cautiously, "Shuuhei, that's _my_ zanpakuto. Zabimaru, remember? It does the big baboon-snake thing? Are you okay?"

"What?" anxious, Shuuhei looked down to where Renji was looking at the katana in his hand, "Oh. Oh, No, I mean in there!" Shuuhei pointed towards the portal with the sword-wielding hand, emphasizing the vortex that was rapidly shrinking until it was little more than a speck of light. It contracted and shriveled in on itself like a fire deprived of oxygen until finally it fizzled away altogether, swallowing itself out of existence. "I saw Kazeshini in there!"

Renji looked up to where the portal was, eyes trained intensely as if he was trying to feel for the spiritual pressure of the portal. "Up there, in the portal? Are you sure?"

"_Yes_, Renji! I'm positive I saw it!" Shuuhei protested, beginning to feel frustrated, "The portal was open and I looked inside it! It led to Huenco Mundo!"

"Huenco Mundo?" Another voice echoed behind them. Ichigo hefted his sword onto his shoulders while Rukia sheathed Sode no Shirayuki. "Are you sure? Is that where the portals are coming from?"

"Yes… no… maybe." Shuuhei's shoulders slumped in defeat, frustration rolling off his body like waves, "All I know is that there were portals all over Huenco Mundo, and a lot of them. And the hollow with _my_ Kazeshini was there!"

Renji's eyes widened at his friend's distress. He put a reassuring hand on Shuuhei's shoulder, squeezing gently. He gave Shuuhei the bravest, boldest smile it seemed he could manage. "Don't worry, we're gonna get it back."

"The portal…" Shuuhei groaned, earning the hand on his arm jostling him.

"They'll be more where those came from. You got Zabimaru back, so we can't just forget about Kazeshini."

"We won't." Agreed Rukia, giving Shuuhei a reassuring nod of her own. "But we do have to go back to Karakura so you can tell Urahara about Huenco Mundo."

Shuuhei stifled a sigh, not wanting to appear even more uncollected in front of Rukia and Ichigo then he had already proven to be. "Alright. And at this point it would just be asking for trouble not to report this situation in with the Court Guards. A threat from Huenco Mundo could be detrimental to Soul Society if we continue to keep it to ourselves."

"Then what are we waiting around here for? Let's go-" Ichigo began to offer, but stopped halfway through. He looked at the scarred soul reaper, looking him up and down observationally, "You're hurt."

"Am I?" Shuuhei looked at his left arm, the one not holding Zabimaru and held by Renji. The shoulder was obviously misaligned, the bones of his arm rotated at an odd, painful looking way and starting to swell. Shuuhei had been cradling his arm to his chest unconsciously on instinct.

Renji ducked around to Shuuhei's other side, eyes widening at the sight of the injuring. "Shit, you _are_ hurt! Oh man, we should have gotten here sooner! Oh, Shuuhei I'm so sorry-"

"Calm down." Shuuhei sighed, shifting his injured side to hold his arm more comfortably, "It's only dislocated, you big baby. Do me a favor and take this thing off my hands already will ya?"

Shuuhei held Zabimaru out to Renji, who took it and sheathed it without really looking at the sword. "Shuuhei?"

Shuuhei put his right hand around his left bicep, firming his grip tightly. Rukia looked at him suspiciously, "Lieutenant Hisagi, you're injured. Are you sure you should be doing that?"

"It's fine." Shuuhei assured her, "I've had plenty worse than a dislocated shoulder joint. Just gotta pop it back into place and-"

"NO!" Three people shouted in unison and three hands grabbed his wrist.

"Are you crazy? You shouldn't do that by yourself!" Ichigo, one of the owners of the three hands demanded.

Shuuhei balked at Renji, Rukia and Ichigo all restraining him, "Why not? I've done it plenty of times before!"

At that statement Renji paled, and Rukia fixed him with a kind of maternal scowl that Shuuhei guessed was usually reserved for Renji and Ichigo. Ichigo looked paticularily disturbed, "Hisagi, my dad's a doctor and it there's one thing I've learned to _never_ do it's to relocate your own shoulder! You might just make it worse!"

Shuuhei snickered, honestly amused by the three's over-exaggerated behavior. "Fine, fine. You guys do it then."

"We will!" Ichigo assured him, ignoring the small "we will?" from Renji. "Get down on the roof- _carefully!"_

Shuuhei chuckled as the four of them descended slowly to the nearest rooftop. "You're all making a big deal of this. Did I ever tell anyone about the time I stepped in glass and had to take all the fragments out of my food with nothing but a rusty pair of pliers and a rubber band?"

_"Shuuhei!"_


	7. Dramatically Throws Clams Into the Ocean

**This fic ended up being entirely longer as a whole than I had been expecting. The chapter title doesn't actually have anything to do with the story, it was just something that came up today that more or less fit the mood of this chapter if you had actually been there to experience it. It was hysterical. I write fanfiction, therefore I don't have to make sense.**

Renji had every right to be suspicious. Ichigo was Renji's friend and had proven to be a stellar comrade time and time again, but he also wasn't incredibly well-known for taking care of himself, "my dad's a doctor" line aside.

Shuuhei didn't seem to share Renji's concern, nor did he seem to share Renji's rapidly developing phobia of home-practiced medicine. He let Ichigo sit him down on a rooftop, and allowed him to tentatively place two fingers on Shuuhei's injured shoulder. The powerful youth appeared to know what he was doing, but he also wasn't famed for being gentle and when those digits pressed into the flesh at the place where the joints in the shoulder were _supposed_ to meet Shuuhei couldn't withhold a grimace.

"Sorry about this." Ichigo said, wincing in sympathy, "Wish Hanataro was here. He probably wouldn't even take a second to fix this, then. We don't even have painkillers to give you right now."

"It's fine. Really, minor injuries all sort of just fade into the background after the first few times you get stabbed." Shuuhei chirped, the hand of his good arm absently rubbing the wrist of the other.

Renji smirked, pretending not to notice the nervous rubbing or the way that it was somehow making him anxious. "I can help with that, if you ask nicely."

At his side, Rukia lightly punched him and rolled her eyes. "Who needs to ask for a reason to get into a fight with you?" Her eyes went back to Ichigo and Shuuhei, "What do we do to help?"

"Uh," Ichigo thought for a second, "Can you find something we can use as a sling? An injury like this should heal pretty quickly for a soul reaper after we set it back into place, but we don't want it sliding around too much on the way back to Karakura town."

Rukia nodded, flash-stepped into the building they were stand on top of. Renji could feel her spiritual pressure moving around inside, ducking into rooms in its search.

"Hey, can you come over here?" Ichigo asked, breaking Renji away from his focus on Rukia's location. For an awkward minute Renji looked around, wondering if maybe there was someone else Ichigo was talking to because Renji did healing about as well as fish did flying.

Renji pointed to himself in question, to which Shuuhei chuckled and Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I can't believe I talk to you either. Are you going to just stand around taking up air or help me out with this?"

Huffing a little in annoyance at the jab, Renji followed Ichigo's request and approached the two other soul reapers. At Ichigo's insistence, he kneeled in front of Shuuhei while the orange-haired youth stood at Shuuhei's side.

"Okay, grab his wrist." Ichigo instructed, placing his own hand on Shuuhei's elbow and bending the arm at a ninety-degree angle at the elbow. Shuuhei grit his teeth at the movement, his wrist shaking a little in Renji's grip from pain.

Ichigo noticed, "Sorry, Hisagi, but this might kinda hurt. In a way, it's too bad your arm wasn't cut off or something, or we could get Orihime to put you right back in shape."

"Such a shame." Renji idly commented, breaking the tension with no small amount of sarcasm in his tone.

Smirking a little at Renji's snark, Shuuhei shrugged his good shoulder then craned to look back at Ichigo without doing himself further injury "It's okay." He assured Ichigo. Then, to Renji's surprise, Shuuhei turned his head around again to boldly meet Renji's eyes, holding his gaze, accompanied by a small, dreadfully sincere smile when he continued with "I trust you."

Renji had to force himself to swallow down oxygen into his airways, feeling like he was drowning all over again and maybe wanting to die a little bit but if Ichigo noticed that the last part of the exchange was directed at Renji or the inexplicable affect it had on him then he didn't comment.

Although it was probably because at that very moment he was about to be causing Shuuhei an extreme amount of pain.

"Still, sorry in advance."

"Seriously, its fi- OW! _Sunovabitch!"_

Ichigo bit his lip as he coaxed Shuuhei's arm to rotate from its position pressed to his chest outwards in a backwards L-shape. Slowly, but surely the arm moved and the shoulder slid back into place with an uncomfortable 'pop', and only then did Shuuhei visibly relax with a heavy exhale. The wrist in Renji's hand went limp, and in his grasp Renji could feel Shuuhei's pulse ease.

A hum of moving molecules and suddenly displaced air later and Rukia was back on the roof, carrying torn bed sheet with her. "This is the best I could find!"

"That'll do." Ichigo confirmed, running over to meet her and inspect the make-shift bandages she had scrounged up.

That left exactly one awkward Renji and one oblivious Shuuhei behind. Shuuhei tenderly felt his newly relocated shoulder with his other hand, his curious gaze rising from the shoulder up to Renji. Renji suddenly found the time to realize that Shuuhei looked very vulnerable like this. Maybe not "vulnerable" as the correct word, as much as "docile". Docile to let Renji this close, to not even mind seeing Shuuhei injured.

"It doesn't still look too bad, does it? I think it's still swelling up." Shuuhei mused.

"Not important." Renji said, biting down the impulse to chew on his own lip before continuing, "How does it feel?"

Shuuhei sighed heavily in annoyance, like getting his arm snapped out of its slot was just a minor inconvenience to his day. The sigh tickled Renji's nose, making him realize how close their faces were. He could see where the pupil of Shuuhei's eyes met the steel-colored irises, where the muscles in his neck twitched when Shuuhei set his jaw thoughtfully. There was that need to swallow air again. "Feels sore and achy- and generally all around like I've had my shoulder dislocated. But like I said, I've had my worse days."

Shuuhei seemed to suddenly notice Renji's grasp still on his wrist, which was more than Renji himself could say he noticed about that particular part of the situation. "For the record, I'm gonna need that arm back."

"Sorry!" Renji recoiled as if he had been burned, pinning his own hand uniformly at his side.

Shuuhei laughed lightly in response. "People keep apologizing for helping me today. It's sort of making me feel bad."

Renji's mouth twisted into a scowl, although that chuckle from Shuuhei had the effect of melting all the anger out of his body. "Well maybe don't get hurt and people won't have to help you!"

A head of shiny black hair popped up between the two men without announcement. "Gentlemen, am I interrupting something?" Rukia questioned. "Because if not, I'd like to direct your attention to the matter of why we are still gathered here."

She shook a bundle of torn-up bed sheets separated into strips in their faces. "Awright! Geeze!" Renji relented, scooting backward so that the vice-captain of the thirteenth squad could arrange the sheets into a makeshift sling around Shuuhei's shoulder.

"How's this? Too tight?" Rukia asked, tying off the ends of the sling.

"No, it's fine. Thanks, Miss Kuchiki."

"Please, Miss Kuchiki is my brother's name." Rukia quipped, smirking at her own joke, "'Thanks, _Lieutenant Rukia'_ to you… I mean- if you prefer, Lieutenant Hisagi."

Shuuhei was good at covering up the discomfort, but not even the sling around his shoulder could prevent his sore arm from jostling around gracelessly as the four soul reapers flash-stepped back to Karakura town. His jaw was clenched, his injured hand curling into a tight fist that drained the knuckles white.

When the four of them stopped to catch their breaths, Ichigo eyed Shuuhei warily. "We can stop at my place before sending you guys back to Urahara's and give you some pain meds. The sooner the better, since they'll take a while to kick in."

Shuuhei nodded, but wore a somber look at the instructions. Renji repressed a smile- the poor guy probably felt like huge inconvenience as it was. It was his own fault for going out alone unarmed. Although his efforts did get back Zabimaru, Renji thought, rubbing his zanpakuto's sheath fondly as if he were comforting the soul inside that he had been forcibly separated from.

In fact, the very notion that Shuuhei had gone out at the crack of dawn and stomped around in that damn river (which simply had to be cursed, Renji knew of it now because no place could carry that much shitty luck) just to find Zabimaru was really,_ really_ nice. Renji scowled at nothing in particular but his own thoughts- who had given Shuuhei permission to suddenly start being such an awesome person? Had he always been that kind? Surely, Renji would have noticed that about him before a bit more strongly then, wouldn't he?

And then there was that damn dream, with Dream-Shuuhei who has been extremely unawesome in comparison to the real deal. Renji would have to make it a point to start kicking himself every time Shuuhei did something sweet that made Renji's insides go all fluttery because feelings were dumb and Renji would be having none of them at all, thank you.

When Renji arrived with Ichigo, Rukia and Shuuhei on the Kurosaki house's roof, his emotions had become decidedly so muddled up inside now that he couldn't decide if he was happy to have Zabimaru back, upset that Shuuhei had gotten hurt and they had only uncovered more questions about mysterious hollow-eating zanpakuto-stealing portals, or angry at himself for acknowledging that both those previous emotions revolved around the scarred man who he had to remind himself again was his _friend._

Not even his best friend like Rukia, who Renji had always patiently waited on himself to fall for. They were best buds, they fought for each other, and they'd protected each other ever since Rukia's almost-execution so everyone seemed to expect them to become a couple. After a while Renji started to expect it to, only it just never ended up happening. The desire to be anything more than friends never really clicked for Renji, and Rukia gave no indication that she felt any different. Surely on the totem pole of Renji's feelings, Rukia's closeness to him must have put her on crush-worthy level over friendship level, right? Surely at least more so than Shuuhei, who Renji had known for less time and less intensely up until the past few days.

_-And was a guy!_ Why did Renji keep forgetting that? Shuuhei was a guy who liked Rangiku, as everyone in Soul Society and beyond knew, so he was a guy who liked women. Damn, why was Renji even thinking about this?

Renji cast a sidelong glance at Shuuhei, who could easily duck into Ichigo's bedroom window after Ichigo and Rukia with only one active arm. He followed after Shuuhei, feeling no closer to understanding his own mind than when he had first had the stupid dream.

Ichigo motioned for Shuuhei to follow him. "We've got the painkillers in the clinic downstairs. I'll show you and grab you some water."

The two left, but when Renji made to trail after him he found a pale, elfin hand holding him back with a surprisingly firm grip.

Shuuhei and Ichigo disappeared down the hall, and Renji looked back questioningly at a serious-looking Rukia.

"Uh, sup?" He tried weakly.

She was not impressed with his response. "You. Me. Talk. _Now."_

Renji turned around to fully face her, feeling that same Troubled Student metaphor arise from when he had spoken to Captain Kuchiki in what seemed like forever ago. "What did I do this time?"

The petite lieutenant glared up at him, arms folded resolutely over her chest. "I know what's going on with you and Hisagi."

Emotions up, brain shut down. "No you don't!" Renji blurted out, internally punching himself in the face for saying so even as it was happening.

Rukia's frown deepened at the outburst, "Actually I'm pretty sure I do. Vice-Captain Abarai Renji I cannot _believe_ you would be so inconsiderate with someone else's feelings!"

Wait a second.

"What?" Renji asked, now thoroughly panicked and confused and wanting a little bit to curl up into a ball and wait for death to claim him.

Rukai tossed her short dark hair and fixed him with a chastising look. "Don't play dumb- it's obvious that Lieutenant Hisagi has a crush on you!"

Renji silently sucked a breath in through his teeth, an indignant scowl painted on his face. Shuuhei had done those kind things for Renji out of his duty as a friend, surely. "No, he doesn't! I mean- how can you be so sure?"

"I know the way he looks at you." Rukia announced, looking unperturbed, "The way his voice changes when he talks to you. He's cold and distant to everybody but he can't seem to jump on the opportunity to do something for or with _you _fast enough. Which is fine- or it would be, if you didn't keep stringing him along like you've been doing!"

"Stringing him- No, Rukia!" Renji held his hands up in a surrendering gesture, "I'm not 'stringinghim along' or anything! I didn't even know he had a crush on me- I mean I still don't know- I mean, I'm still not sure I agree with you that he likes me like that."

As usual it seemed Renji's pleas of ignorance were the only thing Rukia could fully believe from him, her posture relaxing a bit and her icy gaze melting just a little to something more sympathetic. She sighed, "Just… I wanted to talk about it with you because if he confesses, I don't want you to do something stupid like break his heart."

"'Break his heart'?" Renji echoed, feeling his own sink somewhere into the pit of his stomach.

"Don't sound so surprised." Rukia continued, not seeming to register Renji's tone, "Vice-Captain Hisagi is a strong man, but people are notoriously fragile about these kinds of things. I know you want to preserve your friendship with him, but brashly putting aside another person's emotions like that just because it makes you anxious or scared is just mean."

Renji felt like Rukia's words were coming in slow motion, not really absorbing their meanings in time with the way she was speaking. "I just… it is?"

"It is." Rukai confirmed. Quick as a whip her voice turned hard again, her expression comically severe. She pointed a finger at Renji warningly. "So you're going to be nice, so he doesn't figure out that I told you or that you know about his crush. But not too nice so he thinks you're reciprocating!"

"Okay?" Renji confirmed, although his answer sounded much more like a question.

"Good." Rukia stomped past Renji to the door, "We should see how Ichigo and Lieutenant Hisagi are doing, in that case." Before exiting however, she gave Renji one last warning look. "I've got my eye on you. Behave."

She ducked into the hallway. Renji had little to do but sigh and follow her.

Was Rukia right? Shuuhei didn't have feelings for him- the idea was even more ridiculous than the concept that Renji had feelings for _him_.

Renji's hand drifted to Zabimaru. Before it had seemed lighter, it's weight lifted by the knowledge that it had been retrieved by someone who trusted Renji and that Renji could trust in turn. Now the weight just seemed to be dragging him down.


	8. When You Symbolically Step on a Lego

Shuuhei figured that Urahara must have finished his research in the time they were away, or at least have come pretty close. The small building looked to be functioning as normal with the two kids outside sweeping, Ururu doing the majority of actual work while Jinta seemed to be fighting just to stay awake as he leant his weight against the room with his eyes drooping lazily.

Cracking open an eyelid, the redheaded youth noticed the four soul reaper's arrival in front of the shop with his usual sour-faced scowl. "Oh, the usual weirdoes and 69-face are back. It's about time, Boss has been waiting for you slackers!"

"Is that code for 'Welcome, we finally have some straight answers for you'? Because we could really use them right about now." Ichigo said, sharing the same impatient and frustrated glower shared by Rukia, Renji and Shuuhei.

Before Jinta could respond with a rude snap, Ururu stepped in with a modest bow of her head. "Yes, the boss is prepared to see you. You can go inside- We're very sorry for the delay."

"No we're not! Stop apologizing!"

Little mind was paid to the disquiet siblings as the four soul reapers gave them a wide birth to sneak around to the back of the shop. If Urahara had finished with the spirit particle samples, perhaps some shadowy mystery regarding the appearances of the portals in Huenco Mundo could be uncovered at long.

Urahara and Yoruichi were waiting for them when they returned to the shop, sitting at the low table and automatically stopping in their hushed discussion when they noted that they were intruded on.

"So how'd it goooooo?" The mysterious storekeeper asked, seeming to ignore the sling wrapped purposefully around Shuuhei's person.

"Oh, fabulos." Renji grumbled as he shuffled in along with the other three. Shuuhei gave Renji an inquisitive look as the red-head had appeared to fluctuate in his moods wildly throughout the day, currently thoughtlessly frowning in a troubled way. Shuuhei debated whether or not he should talk to Renji later- if Renji wanted Shuuhei to know something, he'd just come out and say it. Probably. Sometims it was hard to know for sure. For as outspoken a man Renji was, he did a good job of holding certain things close to his chest and away from his friends.

Taking quick inventory of the room, Shuuhei noticed the living area that served as headquarters was thrown from its usual austere setting into disarray, with various papers of numbers and scientific jargon spread about the table. Devices that appeared as if they could be used to take some sort of measurements (or alternatively, a challenging tool for torture) that looked as if they had been uncovered from Urahara's private laboratory itself were haphazardly piled into a messy little mound on the floor.

Shuuhei noticed that the rogue scientist himself even seemed rather disheveled. His blond hair seemed ruffled under his hat, heavy dark bags hanging under his eyes. Yoruichi, elusive and bright-eyed as ever, subtly edged a cup of hot tea in his direction, which he picked up gratefully before making to address the younger reapers in the room.

"I take it you all happen to be curious as to what I've found out." He began, pausing to take a sip from the cup, "But before I answer your question, how about a pop quiz of my own?"

Renji groaned and Shuuhei elbowed him in the ribs on impulse. The taller shinigami doubled over, and Shuuhei realized that he had received not one but two jabs to the middle, one from him and one from Rukia at exactly the same time. Ichigo snickered while Renji shot glares at all three of them.

"First off," Urahara continued, happily ignoring the frenzy, "What's between here in the world of the living and in Soul Society?"

All four fell silent, wondering if perhaps they were being lured into a trick question. Shuuhei couldn't say he knew Urahara even remotely well, but rumors traveled fast about a man in a bucket hat with a penchant for being manipulative and mischievous.

"The Precipice World." Rukia answered, a little uneasily. "It's the only way to get from here back to Soul Society without a Hell Butterfly."

Urahara jovially swat the air, "Correct! Lieutant Kuchiki, you continue to be the brains of the operation! The Precipice World is the go-between of the two worlds, but it also serves as Soul Society's primary defense against intruders- including hollows. The Kouyu traps hollows who attempt to traverse the Dangai, and the Koutotsu comes regularly and kills whatever has been ensnared. It's a handy-dandy little cycle of a firewall to keep nine out of ten hollows out of Soul Society. But then you have the Garganta."

"But we already know that the portals aren't Garganta." Shuuhei pointed out- or at least tried to point out. The sling was proving to be an obstacle in physical gestures.

"Yes, that's true." Urahara, "Also, as we can be sure from what little research we have on the subject, Garganta work very much like senkaimon. The main difference between the two being that while senkaimon uses the Precipice world as an interface, neatly clearing aside a path between the two dimensions, a Garganta doesn't have that option. It simply rips apart whatever world it is opening up in, and while the physical damage to each plane seems to heal itself well enough, it actually takes massive amounts of spiritual energy being activated to close those doors so neatly.

"Now with Aizen out of the picture the Garganta have opening less frequently, only a fraction compared to how many were activated during the Winter War. The effect of opening up so many doorways and then suddenly closing them all off in on Huenco Mundo is potentially disastrous to its structure as a dimension, similar to heating up a metal frame to melting point and then blasting it with ice. The dimension has no choice but to release some of its excess energy in the portals. Do you understand?"

Shuuhei looked to the three stationed soul reapers, who all looked just as overwhelmed by this new influx of information as he felt. Fortunately it was Rukia who spoke up.

"So how do we stop them?"

"Ah, now that is a question." Urahara mused, stroking his chin, "Spirit energy being what it is, it's entirely possible that such a massive build-up will gather in one place in a physical manifestation. If _that_ can be destroyed, then by proxy the portals would stop appearing instantly."

"Vice-Captain Hisagi, you said that when you saw into Huenco Mundo the hollows were digging up portals, didn't you?" Rukia intoned, casting several pairs of eyes on the dark-haired lieutenant.

Shuuhei nodded in confirmation, "Yes, the portals seemed to be appearing underground, and the hollows were digging them up from under the sand."

"Then that's where the energy is going to be then, right?" Ichigo asked, looking from Shuuhei back to Urahara, "We only have to find it and destroy it."

"That's the gist of it, yes." Urahara nodded.

Renji's mouth settled in an uncharacteristic grim line, his attitude improving little with the new task set before him. "Awright, then. The three of us go to Huenco Mundo and shut down the portals for good."

To Shuuhei that sounded like enough of a plan- wait.

"Three?" Shuuhei echoed, looking at Renj in surprise.

Renji turned his head to look at him, but his eyes didn't seem to hold any weight. They were fixed on a point on the wall, looking through Shuuhei as if he were invisible. "Sorry Shuuhei but you won't be coming on this one."

"Says who? You don't exactly own the right to any situation in Huenco Mundo, you know!"

"Maybe not." Renji said, his gruff voice reflecting absolute severity, "But you're injured and you're short one zanpakuto. If you came you'd only be more likely to get hurt!"

Shuuhei gaped at the gall of the man, "Okay, _first_ off-" He began, struggling to keep his voice composed, "-I was hardly even injured at all! I won't even feel any discomfort by tomorrow morning. Secondly, my zanpakuto is _in_ Huenco Mundo, Renji! I know I saw it!"

"I believe you. I'm gonna find Kazeshini and bring it back to you in Soul Society," Renji said, his own voice steadily rising, "After I get Kira and Matsumoto to come and escort you back!"

Escort him back.

"Who said I needed an escort?" Shuuhei demanded, "Who said I needed to be escorted at all? This is my mission just as well as it is yours!"

At the reminder of their pact to investigate together, Renji's frown exaggerated into a snarl, "Then you can be the one to explain it to the captains, but you're not coming with. You'll only get in the way like this!"

Shuuhei felt as if he had been physically struck. He seethed at Renji, all concern for the other's mood emptied and hollowed out and replaced with bile and betrayal. "How dare you! How dare you think you can treat me like a fucking defenseless child, you arrogant, smug-"

A light cough came from the side, and Shuuhei and Renji both whipped around to find Ichigo, Rukia, Urahara and Yoruichi all pointedly looking anywhere but at the two furious men.

A hot flash of mortification pierced Shuuhei's mind. He felt the image of himself being the mature and responsible vice-captain in the minds of his audience shatter, broken by the echo of a voice whining about being left behind for his own good. Not only was Renji denying him the right to do his job, he had also made _Shuuhei_ look like the unreasonable one in the process!

"Fine." Shuuhei grit his teeth, his feet moving without thinking of where he was going down the hall. "Whatever. You want to do and get yourself killed without me, be my guest! Please do pardon my uselessness."

"Shuu-" but the end of Renji's call had been muffled by the slamming of the guest room door.

Shuuhei stood in the guest room, leaning back against the wall. His privacy was only relative under the roof of someone else's hospitality and if he was quiet he could make out the muffled voices of the others outside, but he willed himself not to hear them. Okay, Shuuhei, what's wrong with this picture? Renji had no right to deny him to come to Huenco Mundo. He had proven earlier that day that even without his weapon, Shuuhei was more than capable of taking out a few hollows with his kido skills. Okay, maybe a couple, but…

Shuuhei buried his face in his hands. Who was he kidding? He would have surely been killed by those hollows if Renji and the others hadn't appeared just in time to save his ungrateful ass. Shuuhei was a vice-captain, dammit, so shouldn't it be that he would have been able to defend himself in the material world without needing someone to hold his hand for _three days_? Maybe if he was better at fighting with kido like Momo or Izuru they would at least let him come along for back-up and maybe some healing spells. But he wasn't as good as them, and he couldn't do healing kido, and he didn't even like Kazeshini but right now he really wished to have it back at his side and feel secure knowing he was at his full ability and in his element.

Renji had been right to tell him no. Right to think about Shuuhei's safety above his honor. Shuuhei sighed, and ran his unslung hand through his spikey hair. Frustration welled up inside him like boiling water, threatening to bubble to the top and overflow.

Now looking around the guestroom, Shuuhei huffed an irritated breath at the realization that this was probably the worst possible place of all places to storm off too. Partially due to the fact that A) now he looked like an overdramatic child throwing a fit after stomping off to his (borrowed) room, but mostly because B) reminders of Renji, the man he was trying to stay mad at, were now striking him in the face with extreme prejudice.

Renji's night robe, cold and abandoned carelessly on the floor. The blanket that, despite Shuuhei's efforts at covering him the previous night, had been kicked once again to the floor. Rumpled sheets on an unmade futon. Everything of Renji's here had been mussed up and fumbled with in a trademark Renji way and Shuuhei felt that he fit right in. Inexplicably drawn to do so, he walked to Renji's futon and sank down onto it, developing a deep, spiritual connection to the bed sheets which would obviously not return the sentiments.

His arm, the recovery process merrily pushed along by his high spiritual pressure healing his sprit particle body, didn't hurt anymore. It was merely a dull throb starting from his collarbone and reverberating down his arm. In few hours that would be gone, too. Shuuhei's hand fumbled for the knot of the bed sheet-sling and it fell free of his person, sliding to the floor to lie there forlornly.

He stretched out his arm, cautious of the joints. Flexing his muscles a little, Shuuhei wondered what he'd do when he got back to Soul Society. What even happened to Soul Reapers who lost their zanpakuto? Would they still allow him to be a vice-captain? The chances were unlikely, and if they did any hope of captaincy (of which there was little, but when running the division on his own Shuuhei had considered the possibility) would be dashed for good. As previously indicated, he was no kido master but his skills were still noteworthy, as well as his battle prowess. At the very least, he would still be a seated officer, probably. That is, if his inevitable demotion didn't come with punishment for jeopardizing the safety of Soul Society by withholding information from them for not reporting a noted anomaly the second he left the Sixth Division's filing room with Renji.

Shuuhei grimaced at the thought. If he managed to escape with devaluation and a loud lecture from Captain Mugumura instead of a call to trial from Central Forty-six, he'd be a lucky man.

_"I'm gonna find Kazeshini and bring it back to you in Soul Society."_ Renji had promised that. Shuuhei hated that he believed him. If Renji marched defiantly back into Soul Society, the safety of the living world and the spirit world back in balance and a hundred fresh hollow heads to be taxidermy and carrying back Shuuhei's sword _on top_ of all that, Shuuhei would announce it a miracle right then and there.

He also might just kill himself, because if those events actually transpired Renji's ego would swell to massive proportions and Shuuhei would never have peace from it again. Miracles be damned.

With a sigh, Shuuhei lay down on Renji's futon. It felt softer than Shuuhei's own guest bed had felt. Most likely just from being slept in more often, Renji being a guest of the home as often as Renji was. He wondered if he should pack up his belongings before he realized that he had nothing to pack. He had been thrown, violently and unexpectedly, into the material world with no luggage to speak of and now he would return with his load even lighter than when he had entered. Didn't they say that was how you knew when the army had lost the war, when they set out to gain and instead they returned with fewer resources than when they started?

Just as well. Shuuhei never had much of patience for war games anyhow. He rolled to the edge of the futon, sitting up before standing.

In the living room, Renji faced possible execution at the hands of the lieutenant Kuchiki.

"What the hot, sweaty hell is actually _wrong_ with you?" She hissed, throwing her tiny fist into Renji's arm, "What the fuck did I _just_ say before we got here? Didn't I say to be nice? Didn't I say to behave? What part was confusing to you, you imbecilic-"

"Oh, come on! You know I was right! I should have dumped him back in Soul Society the second we got back here." Renji protested, half-heartedly raising an arm to block Rukia's punches.

He looked to Ichigo on the other side of Rukia for support, knowing Ichigo was hardly new to protecting people by putting them out of harm's way, but Ichigo just sat back on the heels of his feet and gave Renji a judgmental look. Sadly for Renji, Ichigo was also known for developing sympathetic attachments to people quickly, and it was clear that Renji wasn't in a very sympathetic position right now.

"I'm not saying it would be nice to have the one guy who's actually seen the portals and where they come from up close and personal, buuut…."

"Why. Couldn't. You. Just. Leave. That. Poor. Man. Be?" Rukia demanded, emphasizing each word with another slap.

Renji caught her hands in his own and pushed them away, "I know, okay, I _know_! But without a weapon he's not exactly in fighting shape, and he'll be safer back in Soul Society! He's already gotten hurt here."

Rukia stopped trying to strike at him, but her face was still fixed in a frown. Ichigo pretended to be very interested in one of Urahara's documents of theories about the portal phenomena. Urahara himself was buried nose-deep in a manila folder off the table as Yoruichi inspected her nails.

Inspecting his audience, Renji deflated with a sigh. "I'll talk to him, okay? You guys just work out how we're getting in and out of that hollow's nest of crazy without me."

He released his grip on Rukia's hands, who let them fall into her lap and give Renji an unreadable look. Renji shook the gaze off his mind and stood up, pointedly setting his gaze forward as he marched in the direction of the guest room.

Renji walked down the hall, trying very hard to think of what he would say. How was he supposed to say, to even _begin_ explaining that he just didn't want Shuuhei in danger, that he wanted Shuuhei to be safe and that-

That he would worry about Shuuhei too much. Renji ground his teeth together, and the urge to physically take his anger out on something gripped him but not as hard as the dread of seeing Shuuhei's face again, full of anger and betrayal with his lips drawn back in a snarl that seemed to make his scars go uneven and jagged like a fresher wound than they really were.

Renji stopped at the guest room, considering the door. Shuuhei was in there, probably thinking about how much of an asshole Renji was but so was everybody else right now. Renji raised his fist, preparing to gently rap against the door, but instead his hand hung in the air a second longer, frozen in time.

A scowl deepened on Renji's face. This wasn't supposed to be this hard, was it? Just knock on the door, and-

Before his fist could make contact, the door swung open and Shuuhei barely escaped getting accidentally punched in the face. Mortified, Renji withdrew his hand and pinned it to his side, where it awkwardly opened and closed its clutch like it wasn't sure what it wanted to do.

"Shuuhei-"

"I'm sorry."

Frozen again. He mentally checked himself; no, Renji was pretty sure Shuuhei hadn't broken his nose and he had just failed to pay attention. Hadn't hit Renji or done anything that he could have done to warrant an apology. In fact, Renji was pretty sure he was here to apologize to Shuuhei, not the other way around.

Renji opened his mouth to speak, although he couldn't think of what he would possibly say. Luckily, Shuuhei cut him off with a raised hand, palm forward in a "cease and desist" motion.

"Let me finish- You were absolutely right. You were the one thinking smart, for once, and I overreacted. It was petty and foolish of me, throwing a temper tantrum like a willful child, and I apologize for that."

Shuuhei lowered his hand and his eyes followed, fixing on the floor. "You don't need to call me an escort- I can return through the Precipice World on my own. I should at least be able to handle that." He chuckled weakly, and Renji felt a fist wrap around his heart.

"You- you don't actually have to, if you don't want to." Renji said, his voice catching embarrassingly. This wasn't right. Renji was supposed to be convincing Shuuhei to _go_ back, and now somehow the tables had been turned.

"Actually I do." Shuuhei countered, folding his arms over his chest in a casual gesture, "Someone's got to tell people that you, Kurosaki and Kuchiki are running headfirst into danger again. You and I have been AWOL for a bit longer than we planned on being."

Running headfirst into danger. Putting himself in harm's way. Taking a beating for the team. Making Shuuhei sit on the sidelines and wait to see if Renji would be okay like that night by the river.

"I'm going to talk to Urahara. Borrow his senkaimon to head back. I'll report to Captain Kuchiki as soon as I can to let him know you weren't playing hookie so he doesn't slice you into little, bite-sized Renji-pieces when you come back." Shuuhei continued, and he shifted on his feet, angling to get around the living doorblock, Renji.

Shuuhei's hand pressed against the doorframe for leverage. And even though it didn't need to, Renji's palm found the back of that hand. It just sort of floated there, not holding Shuuhei's hand but just sort of extending the moment, as if this one gesture froze everything around them and as soon as Renji moved he knew the world would be set into motion again. Shuuhei's skin wasn't as warm as he imagined it would be like it was the morning they'd woken up in the forest, but Renji didn't mind that. It was sort of nice the way it was.

Shuuhei looked up at him, eyes flickering with slight impatience and curiosity and something Renji didn't think he'd ever be able to understand about Shuuhei.

"Renji?"

Renji mentally struggled for words, but his mouth moved faster than his mind. "Thank you. For everything, Shuuhei." He matched Shuuhei's look with one of determination, because what he wanted to say needed to be more true that anything else. "And I promise I'm _not_ going to die out there. I have to stay alive so I can bring you back Kazeshini."

Shuuhei blinked at him, looking shocked before his mouth curled up at the corners. He smiled a wide, crooked kind of grin, the kind people do sometimes like they've only just relearned how to smile with their whole face. Renji's heart did that weird fluttery-thing again, but he forgot to kick himself.

"Good." Shuuhei announced.

Renji watched from the next room as Shuuhei approached Urahara. He didn't hear them exchange words but he saw them nod at something in agreement. He saw Shuuhei let himself be lead to the back room where he'd decent to the basement and training area of Urahara's, where the senkaimon would be opened, and then closed.

He didn't stop looking down that hall until a hand shook his shoulder. "-Ji. Hey, Renji!"

Renji shook his head, as if waking from a daydream before looking at the owner of the hand shaking his shoulder. Ichigo looked at him, an intense, thoughtful kind of frown planted on his face because in order to know Ichigo you had to be well-versed in the many flavors of frowns.

"Hey, Rukia wants to talk about a plan about tomorrow with us. I don't see the point, seeing as how a plan's never really helped up before. Humor her and maybe she'll give up."

"Hmm?" Renji seemed to process the words slower than they happened, eyes still flicking back down that hall. "Oh. Yeah, sounds good."

Renji let Ichigo lead him in the opposite direction.


	9. Hope is a Melody on an Un-Tuned Ukulele

Author's Note: I'm gonna be out for a few days on a school trip, so I'm not sure how soon future chapters are gonna get written. As penance, I spoil you with the longest chapter I have written to date.

Shuuhei stared blankly at the row of stony faces. Twelve figures, eleven of them split into unitary aisles on either side of Shuuhei leading up to one figure who faced him, locking his gaze. Twelve figures, twelve captains, twelve people with somber gazes and intense eyes full of age and with spiritual pressure rolling off them in barely-suppressed waves strong enough just to make Shuuhei's eyes water the tiniest bit as if he was looking into a bright light for too long.

As he made a brief report of the situation regarding his experiences with the portals alongside Renji, Captain- no, _Captain-Commander_ Kyoraku gave no indication of being troubled by Shuuhei's explanation, although his hands were folded in front of his face, leaning in on his elbows in interest. He was an entirely different Commander than Captain-Commander Yamamoto, and not just because Shuuhei had seen him drunk. He was complicated, thoughtful for each shinigami in a way that Shuuhei had never imagined the previous Commander being.

In a way, that concern only gave Shuuhei more reason to fear the man. It made him feel like Kyoraku was actually expecting something from him, and Shuuhei was entirely capable of disappointing him.

Shuuhei's retelling of the recent events was accompanied by a solid gaze on a spot exactly six inches above Kyoraku's head. He didn't turn his gaze to his captain. He didn't see Captain Mugumura's expression. He didn't want to yet.

"… As I speak to you, Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki, Lieutenant Kuchiki and Lieutenant Abarai are preparing to journey to Huenco Mundo to destroy the pent-up energy and seal the rips between Huenco Mundo, the material world, and Soul Society." He finished. He restrained himself from casting a glance in Captain Ukitake or Captain Kuchiki. Neither happened to be new to the concept of their second-in-commands running off to accompany Ichigo on self-assigned missions, but Shuuhei wondered if they thought him irresponsible for not bringing them back with him.

Kyoraku leaned back in his seat at the end of the two aisles. It may have been his imagination, but Shuuhei thought he heard the fluttering of someone as small as Nanao's footsteps from outside the room. "Thank you for sharing this with us, Vice-Captain Hisagi. You've done admirable work as always, and brought back a new puzzle for us to consider. We are grateful for your time and effort."

From the sincerity in Kyoraku's voice, Shuuhei could not tell if he was being mocked or not. He was inclined to believe the latter.

"Would you mind excusing us captains to discuss what you have just told us? No offence meant against you, naturally, it's just that we do try to keep our bickering out of sight of the lieutenants."

They wanted to talk about Huenco Mundo. They wanted to talk about whether they should let the trio investigate unsupervised. They wanted to talk about what they'd do about Shuuhei if- _when_ he never got his zanpakuto back because he wasn't allowing himself any hopeful fantasies about what could or might be.

"Not at all, sir." Shuuhei bowed, taking the dismissal as gracefully as he could manage.

No one saw him out of the First Division headquarters. All squad members were busy tending to their offices, to the orderly chaos that came with being in the division of the captain-commander. Shuuhei outranked every soul reaper he passed by, but something in him felt vulnerable compared to them. Each shinigami went about their business, their zankaputo swinging about their hilts. Some noticed Shuuhei, and broke into almost inaudible whispers. Vulnerable is what he was, Renji had made that clear. A declawed cat in a pound of dogs.

The massive front doors of the First Squad swung behind him with purpose, closing off any further chance of an audience he would have with the captains for a good few hours, at least.

Shuuhei repressed a sigh, scuffling his sandals against the polished stone of the stairs leading down from the doors. Now that he was back in Soul Society, the atmosphere seemed stifling. His adventure in the real world had been a surreal experience. A secret mission turned into an impromptu camping trip, it was scary and exciting at the same time with Renji every step of the way to experience it with him. Now was everything supposed to just go back to normal? Did he pretend that none of that every happened?

He reached the bottom step and picked a direction to walk in, hands stuffed into his pockets. He had no desire to put himself behind a desk just now, so there really wasn't much left for him to do other than go back to his quarters in the Ninth's barracks. What was Renji doing now? Probably preparing for going to Huenco Mundo tomorrow. He had better clean his sword, and maybe cleanse his spiritual pressure a little since Zabimaru was still pretty filthy from its overdrawn swim. Hollows and Arrancars, nothing- rust and bacteria were the _real_ mortal enemies of the shinigami!

Shuuhei half-heartedly kicked a pebble out of his path, where it rolled and bounced along the cobblestone before coming to an uneasy rest. Shuuhei gave it another kick with his toe, sending the pebble soaring in a small arch through the air. The third kick was a bit too rough, sending the pebble shooting off sideways against his foot where it stumbled against the sidewalk into the grass.

"Something must be seriously wrong. You usually take your aggression out on much more responsive targets than rocks."

Shuuhei jumped at the voice, somehow not expecting to come across anyone during the workday. And yet, only a few yards away Izuru gave him a raise of his one visible eyebrow.

Kira Izuru was Shuuhei's best friend, but he was difficult to read sometimes. His body language said little, holding together just as tense as he usually was. To be understood, you had to read Izuru by his face, which was lit into a tentative friendly smile. Shuuhei realized the blond was happy to see him, but was nervous about it. Shuuhei couldn't blame him. He was probably rolling off some pretty negative vibes that freaked the younger vice-captain out.

"No one's seen you for a couple days." Izuru noted, tilting his head just a fraction. "You're more jittery for it. Are the rumors true, then?"

Shuuhei straightened himself, tried to look less like he was on the verge of throwing a paroxysm. "Hey, Kira. Fancy way to greet a friend back by telling him that people have been talking behind his back." Shuuhei mockingly chastising, clawing his confidence back together in what he hoped was a cool, self-assured smile, "What exactly have people been saying in these quote unquote 'rumors'?"

Izuru cocked his head in a thoughtful frown, "You should ask Rangiku. She knows more about them then I do. But…" Izuru gave Shuuhei a critical look. He did that a lot, despite the fact that Shuuhei was about eight years his senior. Then again, stuff like that rarely mattered in the spiritual plane. "They say that you and Abarai were given a secret mission from the Captain-Commander himself, and then something about a magic door that sent you back in time and you fought sea monsters together in prehistoric Huenco Mundo."

"Wow, really? Man, I wish that had happened." Shuuhei chuckled, leaning against the wall in an attempt to look casual, "That sounds a lot cooler than what we actually ended up doing."

"I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to tell us when-"

"Oi! Shuuheiiiiiiiiiiii!" A high voice called out gleefully. Shuuhei managed to turn around just in time to see a blond-and-black blur barrel into him. Rangiku crushed him in a hug, slender arms holding him with more power than one would have guessed they were capable of.

With her, Rangiku brought more with her welcome wagon. Behind her trailed Ikkaku, Yumichika, and Momo to see him back. None of them seemed at all eager to pry Shuuhei away from Rangiku, her grasp holding steadfast and her breasts smashed into his chest.

"Shuuhei, we were so worried! You and Abarai went missing and I thought you decided to ditch work _without_ me!" Rangiku complained.

"Yeah, we did." Ikkaku agreed with a matter-of-fact tone, "But then we realized you were too much of an obsessive workaholic to do anything dumb like have fun, so that idea went right out."

Shuuhei snorted, not even bothering trying to squirm out of the vice-like grip of Rangiku, "Well I guess for once that statement is correct, seeing as I was busy away on a very secret mission. Extremely classified, as it happens, very hush-hush and whatnot."

Ikkaku's lips curled in a smirk. "Well, well. Maybe you _were_ having fun after all." He elbowed Yumichika, who wore his own look of curiosity.

"When you say 'secret mission' how hush-hush are you talking, now. Word had it Abarai went A.W.O.L the same time you did. They don't just fling vice-captains off into the far corners of Soul Society and beyond for nothing."

Shuuhei struggled with an explanation. He could spill everything to the captains, but how much was he supposed to tell his friends and fellow ranked officers? "Well, you see…"

"Come on, Shuuhei! Spill!" Rangiku prompted, jostling him in her embrace and looking very much like her bosom was about to spill out of her haori itself.

It occurred to Shuuhei that normally, he would have been reduced to a sputtered, blushing mess the moment Rangiku wrapped her arms around him. As it was her breasts were often an obstacle in retaining his train of thought. But even though they were doing an excellent job of being a distraction with the way they jiggled when pressed against his person, it was easier than usual for Shuuhei to tear his gaze away from two of Rangiku's claims to fame.

He wondered why that was, but seeing as he had been locked in mental combat for the ability to do just that since he had first met the lieutenant of the Tenth he decided not to question it too much.

It was Momo who came to Shuuhei's rescue, who gently tugged on Rangiku's sleeve. "Rangiku, you're crushing him." She remanded, and the busty vice-captain reluctantly released her grip on Shuuhei.

Now that he was mobile, Izuru tugged on Shuuhei's haori insistently, demanding attention back to the topic on hand. "So what happened with Abarai? If you were on the mission together where is he now?"

"Most likely? Getting himself into trouble, as usual." Shuuhei said, taking advantage of his newfound freedom to rock back on his heels. At the cryptic response Izuru gave him a searching look that seemed weighted heavily enough to force Shuuhei's vision back to the ground, which was getting an awful lot of attention from Shuuhei lately. "I'd be out there with him right now but I, uh, was given the red flag so to speak."

"'Red flag'? Hisagi, what are you talking about?" Momo pressed. Something seemed to dawn on her and she lifted a hand to cover her mouth in surprise as she asked "Abarai didn't… ask you to leave the mission, did he?"

_Yes, that's exactly what happened because I'm a worthless excuse of a lieutenant and a shinigami, thank you ever so much for asking._

"No, no it wasn't that." Shuuhei voiced, mentally smashing his internal monologue underfoot because it was absolutely _not_ like that, "It's just that I sort of outlived my usefulness in combat since I sort of… lost my zapakuto."

Something like a heavy cloud of quiet overtook the scene. The silence that overtook the five lieutenants was almost impressive, if it hadn't been so damning.

"You… _lost_ Kazeshini." Rangiku intoned with disbelief blatant in her voice.

Shuuhei nodded, eyes till cast downwards in solemn penance. "I guess I did."

"How do you _lose_ a zapakuto?" Yumichika asked, almost accusatorily.

"I lost it by losing it! What part of this is unclear?"

Ikkaku blurted in response, seeming to be exasperated with Shuuhei's own incompetence, "The part where a zanpakuto's not a fucking pen you leave in your other pair of pants, Hisagi! You don't just lose a zapakuto!"

Shuuhei had planned to be mature about this. He had planned to be calm and professional and definitely not let semblance of composure slip out from between his fingers as he stammered under the stares of ten judgmental eyes, now painfully aware of how ridiculous his own recollection of events must have sounded. "Well, the portals… and then the rain… I jumped in to… mouth-to-mouth and…"

Ikkaku sighed woefully, letting his shoulders go slack and exhaling dramatically. "Well, he's finally cracked. We all saw it coming, we just didn't know when. Abarai did something to him that finally pushed him off the deep end."

"Now, now." Yumichika defended, tapping his best friend on the shoulder chidingly, "I'm sure that with the gentle guiding hand of Fourth Division's psychological department he'll make a swift recovery. In due time, I mean to say."

"Don't mind them, they're only obnoxious." Izuru gently assured Shuuhei, who was feeling much too mentally exhausted to raise enough energy to be mad at the jabs to his sanity. "However, I agree that if you were trying to make as little sense as possible, you did an excellent job of it. You honestly don't know where your sword is?"

"Last I saw, it was in Huenco Mundo. That was hours ago, though, so it could be anywhere by now." Shuuhei tried to explain, only realizing too late that this answer only served to befuddle his friend even more.

"Okay, now _I'm_ worried that you're going crazy, Shuuhei." Rangiku said, pursing her lips and eyebrows knit.

"Maybe I am just a little bit." Shuuhei admitted, shrugging, "It's been a long couple of days, to be honest. A lot happened in a short amount of time."

Momo cocked her head, "If that's the case, maybe you should go back to your quarters and focus on recovering. I'm sure there will be plenty of time to figure out what to do about Kazeshini."

Shuuhei tried not to let it show that this was exactly what he was planning on doing, and was exactly what he had been on his way to do before being jumped by his own Welcome Back party. But then again, it felt like he had been resting a lot lately. Going out, facing a threat he would only realize in the moment he was vastly unprepared for, then napping it off. Truly the lifestyle of a warrior, the only problem being that he didn't have another opponent to fight before ducking off to lick his wounds this time. Or Renji to share his thoughts with either, for that matter.

"You're probably right, Hinamori." Shuuhei admitted, "I think it would be for the best if I just-"

Whatever it would be the best for Shuuhei to just was lost on the five shinigami, because at that moment a heavy hand clapped Shuuhei's shoulder and clung with a vice-like grip. Captain Kensei Mugumura barked a brief order to "Move it or lose it," although Shuuhei found that he really didn't have a choice in the matter.

He hazarded one lopsided wave goodbye to his friends, who stood with mixed expressions of surprise and amusement, before Captain Mugumura steered him away, dragging him down the rows of walls of the Seireitei like a wayward puppy.

"Thought you were in the captain's meeting."

"Captain's meeting was shorter than expected. Keep moving."

Maybe it said something about Shuuhei as a person that he didn't struggled against Mugumura's hand on his shoulder, or that when he was pressed forward in a clear indication that he should be walking he just let his feet move in the direction of Captain Mugumura's weight. Even if he did protest, Shuuhei knew, it would be pointless anyways since the silver-haired captain was destined to get his way.

From the way he was being marched down the Gotei's alleys, Shuuhei couldn't see his Captain's face. He didn't need to, though, because he knew without a doubt that he was wearing that one expression- gritted teeth, one pulsing blood-vessel visible under the silver-gray spikes of his hairline, the slightest twitch in one maliciously glinting eye that made lesser shinigami run for cover. Shuuhei wasn't worried, though. Mugumura was hotheaded but graciously he was not unreasonable. Kensei's anger had no direction in cases like this.

"When I took this job back, they assured me that you were the one to get in the _least_ amount of trouble." Captain Mugumura announced in a low sort of growl, the kind Shuuhei had come to know signaled that the statement was meant specifically for him, compared to his louder growl which meant that he was meant to be heard by everyone within a five-mile vicinity.

"Well, from a perspective point of view I think I'm still doing pretty well on that."

"Yeah, from the point of view of a shinigami that happens to stumble into one of the hugest gatherings of hollows of this century! Did vice-captains get more reckless since I was gone or did I just get smarter than everyone else?"

Shuuhei didn't respond to that, although he wondered if he should point out to his captain that he had just gotten that shoulder healed so it would really be in bad form for him to get Mugumura-sized bruises in the shapes of fingerprints just now. But he decided that maybe that anecdote would not help his case at the moment. Perhaps it could be saved for a later time to make his captain feel guilty, should the chance arise.

"Now, I for one have to say that the brat of a substitute shinigami somehow manages to end up doing alright against all odds, and his gang of misfits seem to do well by him. If it were up to me I'd let them off the leash with this one and see what they bring back to drop at our feet, but since apparently I'm back under my 'obligations of captaincy' we can't just let soul reapers chase down whatever the fuck they want to. _I_ in particular can't do that if my own subordinate managed to trip himself up in the damn mess!" Captain Mugumura said, and Shuuhei could quiet clearly visualize the exasperated eye-roll accompanying the laments of duty.

Shuuhei hummed in acknowledgement of the statement, "They'll be sending a back-up team then to see that they make it out okay, then?"

"Don't say it like that. Sounds like we're babysitting a bunch of rowdy children! Then again, we're doing that most of the time, but this is different!"

Shuuhei would bother to ask how this was exactly different then when they assembled support teams for any other situation in the material world but the words died in his mouth when he, pulled along by Captain Mugumura's unwavering grasp, marched right past the Ninth Division's headquarters. Wherever Shuuhei was being taken, it wasn't there.

"Where-"

"Keep walking!" Mugumura demanded. Shuuhei decided that wherever he was walking towards, he did not need to be told twice to get there.

The gates of the Tenth Division passed them by, along with the Eleventh, and the Twelfth. Only when they had reached the last, high-standing gate of the Thirteenth Squad was Shuuhei spun part way on one heel and shoved forward.

"Am I allowed to be suspicious yet?"

"Not 'til we stop, you're not."

Compared to the hustle and bustle of the Ninth Squad and the frankly terrifyingly efficient workings of the First Division, the interior of the Thirteenth's headquarters was rather peaceful. They saw few soul reapers who were not otherwise occupied or were taking a brief repose, and those that were spotted were polite enough to pretend that seeing a well-known vice-captain being pushed along like a shopping cart by his visored captain through another squad's offices was not vastly unusual.

Shuuhei appreciated that small kindness.

Past all the desks, past the two third seats of the Thirteenth who managed to be the only source of chaos in the building, was the captain's office. The door to it was shut, quite purposefully so. Shuuhei couldn't guess why such an approachable figure such as Captain Ukitake would close himself off so obviously like that, but if Shuuhei had been alone he wouldn't have dared to intrude to ask why.

Captain Kensei did not, however, have that same problem. In fact he didn't have any issue at all with barging straight into Captain Ukitake's office unannounced. Shuuhei wasn't sure whether or not he should be grateful to have a headstrong captain to do these things.

Captain Ukitake was, predictably, seated at his desk. More surprisingly, however, was the addition of Captain Kuchiki, Captain Hitsugaya, and Captain Otoribashi sitting before him.

Shuuhei had pretty much figured he was done and over with dealing with the captains today, explaining the tale of his failed secret investigation in ways that made the story seem a little more unprofessional each time he ran through it, that he could not suppress the feeling of dread at four more patiently waiting for his captain and his presences. The thought that he should be grateful that there wasn't more of them present nagged at him, so Shuuhei figured it was best to work with God's small graces.

Captain Ukitake smiled invitingly, seemingly unaware of Shuuhei inability to perceive any reasoning for why he could possibly be here right now. "Ah, Captain Mugumura, Vice-captain Hisagi! We were waiting for you. Please have a seat."

Captain Mugumura pushed Shuuhei into the office, moving past him to sit next to Captain Kuchiki. The gazes of the two captains met in a split second, and Shuuhei could only hazard on the depths of the nonverbal communication before each man seemed to reach a silent understanding and turned very pointedly away from each other.

There was a gap between Captain Mugmura and Captain Otoribashi, and after assuring himself that yes he was also supposed to be sitting down, decided that this seat was perhaps a better gamble than trying to squeeze himself onto the ends next to Captain Hitsugaya or Captain Kuchiki. When he did so, the blond visored captain offered him a small smile, the way you would to greet the child of a friend who had been brought to a group event out of obligations of courtesy to the parent.

"Now, Lieutenant Hisagi," Captain Ukitake addressed, thankfully driving Shuuhei's attention away from more self-esteem crushing observations, "Following your field report, there was a brief dispute among the captains to which you should be aware."

Captain Histugaya snorted lightly, and Shuuhei appreciated the young captain's honesty regarding the fact that any dispute among the captains was hardly ever "little".

"Since Lieutenant Kuchiki and Lieutenant Abarai are both currently on the mission, Captain Kuchiki and I felt it would be appropriate for us to decide on who would be on the back-up teams for them. Captain Hitsugaya and Captain Otoriboshi both volunteered their lieutenant's services, and Captain Kuchiki has agreed to oversee the support team. Do you see where I am going with this?"

Shuuhei's heart sank and there was a lump in his throat that he did not dare try to swallow. "Yes sir, I do." he bowed his head slightly, trying to focus on how an uneven crack in the floorboards suddenly became so interesting. "It was wrong of me to become engaged in the situation in the first place. I understand entirely if you think me unfit for duty and wish for me not to be involved in the mission any further. I respect your decision."

"That's nice, Lieutenant, but I think you misunderstand the situation." The voice of Captain Otoriboshi read amusement, and when Shuuhei lifted his gaze to look at the man the expression was also clear with a laughing twinkle in his eyes. The visored captain nodded his head towards Captain Mugumura, "This one over here dived right into a speech on why you should remain on the mission as soon as you left the room. He shot down anyone who tried to disagree with him from the get-go."

Shuuhei whipped his head around to Captain Mugumura, who was sitting his with one arm folded and the other pretending to be clean his ear, attempting to look every bit uninterested. When he noticed his lieutenant's look of surprise, he feigned one himself. "What? It's not like you're gonna be more useful anywhere else around the office until after his mess blows over!"

Remaining quiet up until that point, Captain Kuchiki continued to face straight ahead, but his eyes glances over to bore straight into Shuuhei's when he started at the sound of the noble captain's voice. "You seem to have vastly uninformed your vice-captain of the situation at hand, Captain Mugumura. Could it be that he does not wish to be further involved in the mission?"

Shuuhei's hand twitched, unconsciously and without effort. The hand that Renji had touched and promised that he would be okay in Huenco Mundo. Renji had said it with such conviction in his voice, like he was so perfectly sure that he had seen all that the worlds could throw at him and could handle twice as much. Renji had assured Shuuhei that he would be safe.

But he could be so much safer if Shuuhei was there, too.

He choked on air the first time he tried to respond, if only because the words came so fast they got jumbled together before they reached his throat, but the second time he clearly said, "Yes! I would very much like to be sent back on the mission!"

"Then it's settled." Captain Mugumura announced, "Hisagi, you're excused. Again. Go talk to the lieutenants of the Third and Tenth and they'll tell you where to meet for deployment tomorrow."

Shuuhei stood and bowed graciously, scrambling together some semblance of proficiency as he exited the office. He was back on the mission! He was going to help Renji and the others!

He took the long way back to the Tenth Division to talk to Rangiku and Izuru, and Shuuhei smirked to himself when he thought of what Renji would say when Shuuhei showed up on the back-up team. Without Kazeshini, Shuuhei might not be as effective a fighter, but he was a shinigami, dammit, and he would prove that in any way he could.

The day dreamy smirk grew when he thought of Renji's promise to bring back Shuuhei's zanpakuto. That was Renji for you- arrogant in the most thoughtful of ways it was practically mindboggling. And he had held Shuuhei's hand like that? What a drama queen. Okay, maybe it was only more like Renji touched Shuuhei's hand with his, but it was close enough to hand-holding for Shuuhei.

Continuing his walk, Shuuhei wondered to himself when exactly the last time someone had held his hand was. He settled on the memory of his first date, which had seemed exciting and terrifying and wonderful at the time but would be looked back on as being dreadfully boring. It had been in his early days of the academy with a girl who told him that she thought his tattoos were hot. Shuuhei was inclined to agree with her and asked her out not long after that. They had a dull meal in a dull restaurant that was cheap enough for academy students to afford and Shuuhei paid for her meal, then they took a dull walk in the park and she slipped her hand into his and it was nice.

And then she kissed him, which wasn't so nice. She smoked behind the school buildings between class periods, and not the kind of cigarettes that were nice and classy and had a ticklish scent that was tolerable. She smoked the cheap, gross kind with no filters and made her breath taste like misery incarnated into a flavor. But she was Shuuhei's first kiss and he pretended to enjoy it even though she tasted like he was licking a cigarette off the floor and she used way too much tongue. When they broke the kiss apart he gently tried to suggest that they not do that again and she got mad and they stopped seeing each other after that.

Years after that at some point recently following the time he was attacked by the hollow that gave him his three prominent scars, Shuuhei saw her again. She was flirting with a taller guy, an underclassmen that Shuuheu recognized by the telltale red hair and tattoos was one of the three freshman that had helped him fend off the hollows when he was injured before the captains could arrive to save them.

After she left, Shuuhei took it upon himself to try to warn the student about her ashtray-breath and overzealous tongue. He laughed and they began a conversation lamenting about their individual failures of love lives together which continued over a round of drinks and Renji and Shuuhei had been friends ever since.


	10. The Plot Can't Get In Without Clubcards

Author's note: Not making demands or anything but reviews would be nice sometimes, guys.

"Who was your first kiss?"

Renji glanced over at the person sitting aside him, who was not looking at all different than the last time he had seen Shuuhei in his dreams. There was no ocean this time, but the grassy meadow that took the scene in this particular dreamscape rolled like emerald waves under the gentle push and pull of the breeze.

Renji was spread out on the ground, lying on his back with his hands folded behind his head as a cushion. He tried to focus on the clouds floating overhead in a gray, colorless sky. What, was his brain was too uncreative to make the sky a proper cheerful blue?

"I don't remember that topic coming up in conversation. Why do you ask?"

"Just call me curious." Dream-Shuuhei murmured as he sat cross-legged next to Renji, idly inspecting a yellow blossom he had plucked from one of the scattered patches of wildflowers that cropped up in the meadow. The flower was twirled by its stem in his long fingers, petals dancing as they picked up the faintest traces of the wind.

Renji sighed, turning his head so he could see Shuuhei between the stiff blades of grass taking up most of his vision. "I know what you're trying to pull here. Don't treat me like I'm stupid."

Dream-Shuuhei adopted an expression of mock-mortification, brows raised over exaggeratingly wide eyes, putting down the flower in his hand and questioningly pointing to himself in a perfect picture of innocent obliviousness.

Renji rolled his own eyes, not impressed. "Don't act innocent. I know this is your own weird way of pushing the whole 'feelings for Shuuhei' thing on me again. I so am not interested in getting a lecture from you again."

"I thought we had elaborated the last time I spoke to you here that I was merely a manifestation of your own deeper desires and impulses, therefore I literally cannot push anything upon you that you aren't already pushing upon yourself somewhere in your psyche." Shuuhei pointed out, slumping over to rest his elbows on his knees. Thoughtfully, his eyes gazed out into the distance but at what Renji wasn't sure since when he raised his head to look in that direction all he could see was the miles and miles of rolling plains.

"You know I hate it when you do that." Renji whined, letting his head fall back against the grass. "And you can forget about all the overly personal questions and psychobabble working on me, because nothing you say is going to make me confess anything."

"So you admit that there is something to be confessed."

Renji threw an arm from under his head to over his eyes, blocking out the dream-sunlight and the sight of Shuuhei smirking at him, "This is revenge for sending the real you home in the waking world, isn't it? You're plaguing my mind by being extra-irritating as punishment."

"No, I wouldn't do that because I don't think you were totally in the wrong with that decision. You just had a lousy, half-assed way of going about it. Then again, maybe that's just you making me say those things so you'll feel less guilty. But I digress," Shuuhei lightly rapped against Renji's forehead with his knuckles, "come on, spoilsport! The realm of dreams is no place to dwell on physical problems in your waking life. We're all about you and your _emotional_ problems here. First kiss. Exclude no gory details. Go."

"But if you're a part of my mind, shouldn't you already know the answer to that question?" Renji asked, raising his arm to fend off Shuuhei's fist, "Unless by asking me, I don't really know, myself? Or is it, like, by subconscious and my conscious memories are different? Or-"

"Just answer before you hurt yourself."

Renji sighed, bracing himself to speak, "My first kiss was on my graduation from the academy with a girl who was assigned the fifth division with me way back. I don't remember her very well. She was nice. Dark skin. Pretty. But that's all that I can really recall."

Leaning in, pressing his fists to his cheeks, Shuuhei looked surprised. "After the academy? So late?"

"It's not late! Shut up, okay! I wasn't in a rush!" Renji defended, sitting up to point a razor-sharp glare at Shuuhei, "There's nothing wrong with it. And we had sex afterwards, so there."

"First kiss and first fuck in the same night, eh?"

Renji waited a second, hesitating as if to see if Shuuhei was mocking him. After the moment passed and Shuuhei's face betrayed no pretense of cruelty or laughter, he cautiously continued, "Yeah. I didn't tell her that, of course, but I think she could figure it out easy enough. I guess that doesn't sound very romantic or cool, does it?"

"Nope." Shuuhei confirmed, "But that's okay. People do things at different paces. How was it?"

"The kiss or the fucking?"

"Either. Both, I guess."

Renji shrugged. He turned his gaze to the distance, following Shuuhei's eyes over the hills to a place unseen. "S'alright, I suppose. It felt real good when I was doing it, but I didn't feel special or different or anything afterwards with either one. It's not like the gates of sexual awareness descended down upon me from above and handed me my official, designated guidebook on how to be a sex god. Really, I was just kinda glad I got it over with. I would have done it a lot sooner if real-you hadn't warned me about Smoky McCigBreath. Thanks for that, by the way."

"_I_ didn't actually do that, but you're welcome. Hmm." Shuuhei tapped cheek over the tattoo with an idle finger, "Maybe that's why you're afraid of deeper feelings in your relationships. Are you scared that if you get into a serious relationship that you'll be disappointed if it doesn't make you feel different or special?"

Renji groaned, rolling his head onto one shoulder, "This shit again!"

"Fine, fine! I'll shut up now. Besides, you're never gonna end up learn anything if I have to sit here spouting all the answers for you."

"Good, then." Renji said, twisting his mouth defiantly into a scowl.

A moment passed. Then another. Or perhaps it was no time at all that had moved. The process of time in dreams sure is confusing. Renji lay in the grass, Shuuhei looked over the hills, the breeze continued to roll the grass along like ripples in a puddle.

After a few more presumed moments of silence, Renji finally broke. "So what now?"

"Hmm?" Shuuhei hummed again, "What do you mean 'what now'? You wanted me to stop psychoanalyzing you, so I did."

Renji turned over on his side, supporting himself with one elbow, "I mean last time I stopped dreaming after I jumped into that chasm thingy. How do I know when I wake up now?"

"Dreams don't always have to be so dramatic, Renji. Sometimes they just keep going until they stop. You'll know you're awake when you wake up."

"God." Renji moaned, falling back against the grass, "That's such a load of-"

A blinding, stabbing pain struck Renji's temple before he realized it was the sensation of consciousness. His feet were freezing cold, and he had kicked the covers off again. He had rolled precariously close to the edge of the futon so that half his body was pressed against the floor. Which was also cold.

Renji cracked one eyelid open, and was greeted by the Urahara guest room's ceiling. With a groan, Renji pulled the covers back over his body, rolling over to the other side of the futon. "… bullshit."

Renji did, eventually, get up to greet the morning, but it was mainly due to an empty stomach provoking his attention. Cursing mornings and all who dared to enjoy them, Renji pawed around the nearby floor for his clothing and pulled them underneath his sheets to get dressed in relative warmth.

After that was done with only mild struggling, Renji could confidently roll back onto the floor as he regained control of his motor functions and pulled his hair back into his ponytail. Now standing, a yawn forced its way out of his mouth and Renji rubbed his eye with his fist as he stumbled to the window.

We wished he hadn't. It was still dark outside, what was visible of the town pitched under a blanket of darkness just preceding dawn, the feeble light that was present standing out in contrast of the thin white sprinkle of snow powdering the rooftops and sidewalks. If Renji had been more energetic he might consider the scene rather enchanting, but the dream starring Renji's subconscious in its reoccurring role of Hisagi Shuuhei had drained all the philosophical or poetic properties out of him.

A pathetic growl came from Renji's stomach, vying for attention and food, making him grimace. Renji's pride had taken its fair share of hits since becoming a guest to the Urahara household, but so far he had not stooped to having to wake anyone up to make him breakfast. On the other hand, Urahara and Jinta usually made it as difficult as possible for Renji to get his hands on any leftovers that may be available, and recently Tessai and Yoruichi had made it into a game to see who could kido-trap any food to self-destruct the moment someone snuck a greedy paw too close. No one ever admitted to anything, but he was pretty sure Tessai was winning by now.

Fair enough. Renji would just bother someone else for breakfast.

Ichigo's family's house was close enough that Renji could walk the long way there and still arrive well before the winter sun was up, but he chose to make a swift departure. Admittedly, it wasn't just because of the need for food, but the need for company as well that prompted his speed. Renji didn't want to be alone with his thoughts just now.

Stupid Shuuhei, butting into Renji's brain again! And the worst part being that the real life Shuuhei probably didn't even know it. He probably in his quarters sleeping right now, obliviously unaware of his obnoxious dream-self counterpart, and its firm insistence on making Renji talk about his dumb feelings.

At the thought of Shuuhei, Renji's stomach felt a little heavier and it wasn't from a lack of food this time. Dream-Shuuhei had been right when he chastised Renji's harshness in kicking Shuuhei out of the mission, and while it may have been for his own good the thought didn't help Renji feel any better about it. Shuuhei had probably spent the whole night sulking, and when Shuuhei sulked he tended to be especially vulnerable to peer pressure, not that the scarred vice-captain would ever admit such a thing. Renji would be surprised if one of their other friends had led Shuuhei to a bar to drown his sorrows in.

Renji hoped this wasn't the case. Shuuhei had made a lot of progress in straying from his old self-destructive habits since the Winter War/Tousen situation.

Renji stopped in his tracks, slapping a palm to his forehead with a groan. In sending Shuuhei away he had meant to keep himself from worrying about Shuuhei only to invent more possible scenarios to worry about Shuuhei for!

Trying to cast aside those thoughts in his mind, Renji focused on landing on the perch of Ichigo's window.

It took about fifteen loud taps on Ichigo's windowpane before Rukia heard from the guest room and stomped into the bedroom. She leaned over the bed of a soundly sleeping Ichigo to open the window, wincing at the sudden influx of frigid air and flurry of snow that kicked in from outside.

"Thanks." Renji murmured, climbing through and not really caring when he accidentally kicked Ichigo, waking the teen up as he got to the floor.

Ichigo groaned under the covers, "I should quit being a shinigami and just get cats."

Rukia didn't look too enthusiastic herself to see Renji, her normally glossy and neat hair tangled and mussed, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "Renji, it's like four in the morning. What the hell are you even doing here?"

"I want food. Feed me now."

"Four. In the _morning_, Renji!"

Something shuffled behind the door of the bedroom closet, and after a second the door slid open and Kon's plush yellow head popped through, "Can't a guy get any sleep in this house! I need my beauty rest, you know."

"I'll say you will," Ichigo agreed, voice muffled by the blankets, "you're going to school today and you've got a hell of a math test to take."

The mod soul flopped down onto the floor, bounding over to Rukia, "Dumping your work on me again, eh? That's fine with me, since it will be just me and my precious Sis-"

Kon jumped to embrace Rukia's leg, only to meet a swift kick to the side from Rukia's foot. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm going too."

"Awww…"

"And no, Renji, we're not talking pity and feeding you! We have enough strays around here and it's too early for his nonsense."

Renji rubbed at his abdomen in protest, "It's seven somewhere in the world! Come on, you know I can't get any food at Urahara's, just let me peek in your fridge real quick!"

Ichigo waved an arm lazily, "Fine, just don't wake up my dad or sisters. We should get up early today anyways. There's poptarts and junk in the cupboard. Don't set anything on fire."

"I make no promises."

Ichigo's kitchen narrowly avoided being set aflame thanks to Renji's decision to eat poptarts cold. The toaster was a wonderous product of human innovation and real world technology, but it was not to be trusted.

He was debating whether or not to open a second package when Ichigo and Rukia unceremoniously entered the kitchen, still in their night-clothes and looking no less sleepy than before.

"Well don't you two look cheery. You know I heard it's bad for teenagers to sleep too much- hey!" Renji complained as Rukia relieved the package of poptarts from him.

Rukia snapped the plastic open and chastised him around a bite of chocolate-fudge flavor, "Don't whine! It's annoying."

"You're both annoying." Ichigo threw in, shuffling around the contents of the cupboard to retrieve a bowl of cereal.

"It's a mutual gift." Rukia admitted with a slight shrug. After swallowing the contents of the first poptart, she took more time with the second, picking it apart cryptically as she studied Renji from across the kitchen table. "How'd your talk with Hisagi yesterday go? Is he still mad at you?"

Trust Rukia to hone in on the one topic Renji was actively trying to avoid thinking of, "Probably. But we'll both move on."

"You're not worried, then? I've heard he can be pretty intense when something sets him off."

"Worried? Nah." Renji answered, completely confident with his answer this time, "Shuuhei puts on the whole 'serious and responsible' act but trust me when I say- and I mean this in the most affectionate way possible- he is secretly a massive dork."

A bit of milk splattered around the bowl onto the counter, missing the cereal entirely when Ichigo looked to Renji in surprise. "Seriously?"

"Mmmhmm," Renji confirmed with a wide, sincere smile, adding fondly, "Ever since the academy he's actually been the biggest nerd."

He caught Rukia's eye and the smile slipped off his face at the mischievous look she gave him. The corner of one mouth twitched upwards as she dissected her poptarts into bottom crusts and top crusts.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"_What?"_ Renji pressed, voice flattening to a gruff tone. At Rukia's continued silence, he looked back to Ichigo shuffling to take the seat between them. "What is it?"

"Huh?" Ichigo looked up rather distractedly before going back to his cereal, "Oh. You called Hisagi by his given name."

Well that habit was bound to get noticed sooner or later. Perhaps it was a mercy that they were up so early, and that the light was so dim that the blood flowing to gather and glow in Renji's face could not be detected. "So?"

Ichigo shrugged, only offering a terse "I dunno." while Rukia continued to wear that smug smile.

"Shuddup and eat yer breakfast."

Renji wasn't entirely sure what Huenco Mundo would look like by now. His imagination's eye was caught between his first impression of the plane, being barren desert- lifeless except for the hollows that roamed few and far between, and Shuuhei's description of teeming with creatures like flies over a spoiled piece of meat.

What he got wasn't quite either. The desert appeared as empty as Renji guessed it would be, but he could sense spiritual pressure, a mass of raw energy that nearly knocked him off his feet from the sheer throbbing pulse of it beating beneath his feet.

Ichigo first noticed the holes. Massive craters of various sized, the biggest easily being the size of a house. When the orange-haired teen leaned in over the side, the sand shifting under his feet was unsettled and kicked into the mouth, into the descending dark until is disappeared into the black. Renji was eerily reminded of his dream under the ocean.

"Holes?" Ichigo asked, crouching over the edge. His voice echoed deeply from within the chasm.

Rukia and Renji joined him in peering over the side. "Tunnels." Rukia clarified, "I can feel more of them underneath. There's something else down there too…"

"Guess that's why there aren't any hollows up here to say hello. They've all dug underground for something else." Renji predicted, suspiciously eyeing the gap. It was a ridiculous sentiment, but he couldn't help but keep expecting to be pulled into it like he was in his first dream. "We're going in those things, aren't we?"

"Oh yeah." Ichigo confirmed. None of the trio moved, however. They stared into what was for all they knew a bottomless pit. If one's balance was lost, it was easy to imagine them falling, falling, falling down and not fathoming where the end of the tunnel could possibly be.

"Maybe not this one, though."

"I like that smaller one over there. That one is nice."


	11. Worst Road trip Ever Everyone Go Home

Author's note: looking back on that last chapter I don't like it so much anymore. Hopefully this one is better. Hang in there, you guys! We're ALMOST at the part where I can start getting down to the real shippy stuff!

Shuuhei ran through a mental checklist of everything they could possibly need in order before they went. Ranked officers had been informed of the mission and their superior's departure so that the squads would be able to run normally, they all had recharged spiritual pressure, they were all armed-

Well, on a technical note. The standard katana currently taking residence on Shuuhei's hip hardly counted as a real weapon compared to that of his comrades. Shuuhei felt the heavy weight of someone else's stares crawl up his neck. He risked a sideways glance to Izuru, who immediately looked embarrassed at being caught and averted his gaze to his shuffling feet. Shuuhei didn't risk looking over to his other side to Rangiku, although he could perfectly visualize the expression on her face, worried and complete with a crinkled brow and pursed lips. Flanked between the two as they walked, Shuuhei felt like a child with two annoying, over-protective parents.

Captain Kuchiki and Captain Hitsugaya walked a few paces ahead of the three lieutenants, following the trail of spiritual energy that Ichigo, Rukia and Renji had left in their wake. Normally, Shuuhei considered himself pretty pin-point accurate in handling and sensing spiritual pressure, especially on a spiritual plane like Huenco Mundo was supposed to be, but doing so here was different. The three vice-captains had given an experimental try when arriving in Huenco Mundo, reaching out with their own spiritual energy only to hit a wall of bubbling energy rising up like boiling water from below. Tracking even the wildly uncontrolled spiritual pressure of even Kurosaki Ichigo would be like finding a needle in a haystack.

The tunnel they had followed the trio into was dark, descending on a steep slope that nearly made Shuuhei's sandals slip up in the loose ground that had turned from sand to very loose dirt since they entered the tunnel some ways away ago. The tunnel had gone from the same freezing temperature as above in Huenco Mundo's endless night to gradually becoming warmer, slowly heating up like a furnace. Shuuhei wiped the back of his hands across his forehead, bringing the hand back to find it drenched in sweat.

"Geeze," Rangiku said, breaking the silence and fanning herself with her hand, "When did the arrancar turn up the thermostat in here?"

Captain Hitsugaya responded with a grunt, wiping at what Shuuhei could not see but could guess were beads of sweat rolling down his face. "Agreed. This heat is starting to become obnoxious."

Ah yes. Ice zanpakuto in hot weather. Not a good combination.

Apparently Rangiku did not share the same sentiments. "Hey Captain! Why don't you use your shikai to make it nice and cool in here again?" She suggested brightly.

"Hyourimaru is not a portable air-conditioner!"

No matter how heavenly the idea sounded about now.

Before Rangiku could object on the matter of her personal entitlement to controlled temperatures, Captain Kuchiki interrupted with a dignified clearing of his throat.

"If we could calm what I'm sure is a very interesting and engaging form of bickering, perhaps we should divert our attention elsewhere."

He motioned upward, and the four other occupants of the tunnel followed his eyes to the dirt ceiling.

At first Shuuhei thought that it was the light reflecting off of water, before he could think that the tunnel was too devoid of moisture for anything to be reflected off of. Still, he could not think of what else would create the glimmer of light peeking through the tunnel in fine, skittery cracks.

A blue light shimmered above their heads, almost the same color as the blue Shuuhei had seen twice now in the portals but softer, muted almost. Heat radiated from the light like a ray of sunlight and raw energy pulsed like fluttery heartbeats.

"What in the world…" Shuuhei tried to ask, craning his beck up towards the strange light.

Next to him, Izuru took a step forward, looking deeper into the cavern and following the vein of light above with his gaze. "It feels like… spiritual energy. Raw, pent-up spiritual energy unpressurized into a living form."

"That's what's making the portals?" Rangiku asked, her cheerful demeanor from before now lost and replaced with a mature, businesslike tone.

"As far as this particular case, probably not." Captain Kuchiki corrected, "But whatever it's connected to, where the energy is coming from, is. We'll have to find the source and destroy it."

Captain Hitsugaya looked down the tunnel, "Then we go deeper."

The walk quickly went from bearable to torturous. More cracks shimmered above their heads, deepening and multiplying the further they walked in. The veins of energy split and snaked down the walls of the tunnel, spreading down to the floor to flash between their footsteps until the five shinigami were bathed head to toe in the soft blue light. With the increase in lighting also came the resilient rise in temperature.

Shuuhei could finally be grateful for his sleeveless haori during the wintertime, but his heart went out to the rest of his companions with their sleeves plastered to their arms from sweat. He wished that Rangiku and Izuru would stop walking so close to him, as the two of them together made him feel twice as overheated. Rangiku's hair was dark from sweat at the roots and Izuru needed to wipe away precipitation from his forehead underneath his bang almost constantly now. Ahead of the vice-captains, even Captain Kuchiki was starting to look rather heat-frazzled, and Captain Hitsugaya looked on the verge of becoming downright murderous. Shuuhei half-hoped that the younger of the two captains would reconsider the idea of using his zapakuto.

Shuuhei grit his teeth in annoyance. While he had been wary that this mission would be dangerous, he almost wished a hollow would burst into the tunnel just to take his mind off the stifling heat.

Time was untraceable in the cave, with only the increase of light from the veins of spiritual pressure and the heat that seemed to ooze from them like furnaces to give any indication that the group had made progress since the beginning of their journey. Shuuhei was beginning to lean towards the hope that the captain's would be as sick of walking in the same direction as he was and issue a short break sit down and collect themselves when he felt a quick flash of spiritual pressure, a pressure foreign from the ones from the veins in the cave.

"Hey, wait a second." Shuuhei commanded, stopping the other soul reapers in their tracks.

"Hisagi-san? What is it?" Kira asked, turning to face him only to be ignored by Shuuhei as the dark-haired lieutenant squeezed his eyes shut and tried to search for that energy again.

There, outside of the pulsating heat of the labyrinth of tunnels all mixed together in an endless maze of energy, was another energy signal, this one heavier and more solid. In the eye of his mind Shuuhei could see it, mostly muted by the echoing pressure of the tunnels but still standing out starkly was a splash of magenta like the last hue of color in a dying sunset. It was doubtlessly Renji, further proved by the fact that the more Shuuhei concentrated on the energy the more clearly two more colors, one a darker red and another a pale ivory that simply had to belong to Ichigo and Rukia respectively, came to light.

Shuuhei opened his eyes again, looking to the varied expression of impatience and concern of his audience. "Do you feel that-"

Shuuhei didn't get to finish, the words dying in his mouth when the ground shook beneath his feet. The other shinigami shared his alarm as the tunnel began to violently shake, ground turning loose from the top of the cave and sand pouring in as if through hourglasses.

Instantly, Rangiku and Izuru took up their battle positions, their hands readying to draw their katana. Shuuhei took an attack stance himself, despite that he was very sure that the ordinary, non-zanpakuto blade he had been gifted with before coming on the mission would not do him much good against a hollow.

Captain Histugaya's hand went to his zanpakuto more tentatively. He looked over to Captain Kuchiki, asking directly to him "Do we fight? There's not enough room here for any of our attacks to be effective. We could bring the whole cave down around us just by trying!"

Captain Kuchiki glanced up at the ceiling of the tunnel and Shuuheu followed his eyes, seeing that the tunnel was beginning to fall away in larger chunks. Shuuhei's eyes were torn away from the ceiling a second later by a guttural roar that echoed from somewhere deep below his feet. He could sense a massive _something_ heading right towards them, clawing through the ground to their tunnel.

"We can't fight here. Run. _Now!"_ Captain Kuchiki demanded, decidedly slamming his sword back into its hilt before running ahead, the rest of the group following hot on his trail. Without being able to see far ahead in the dim light and not knowing where one was going flash-stepping would be just about impossible, so they were made to run on foot.

In the blur of movement Shuuhei heard that same rising something from below break out from the ground and into their tunnel, but he didn't risk looking back to see what he already knew was a hollow pursuing a home-delivered meal of deliciously high-powered soul reapers. Now they were being pursued, no one able to stand and fight back for risk of triggering a fatal cave-in.

Suddenly the air thickened with heat, stifling as if they had just run into an oven. The blue veins of light lit all around them, casting a glow and revealing that the tunnel had widened to a much larger area, curved overhead with more tunnels winding in and out of the walls like the inside of a gigantic hive.

Izuru got the first strike, "Bakudo Number Four: Crawling Rope!"

A ray of light split from his fingertips, curling and twisting through the air like real bindings to twirl around the enormous something. The light from the kido and from the veins of energy allowed Shuuhei a moment to gape at the something that had been chasing them.

Caught in Izuru's bakudo, the hollow writhed around on his multitude of short, stubby legs budding from its side. It thrashed on his long, centipede-like belly, the shiny insectoid exoskeleton of its body harshly refracting the dim lighting cast about it. The creature's head itself, masked by white bone and wide ugly grin, was taller than Shuuhei himself and while the tail of the hollow was unseen inside the tunnel the thing was so massive one could imagine that its length simply went on forever.

Now with more room to move about and the hollow at least temporarily detained, the real fight could begin.

Shuuhei heard the calm murmur, "Scatter, Senbonzakura." before Shuuhei's vision was swarmed with thousands of razor-thin blades fluttering into the hot air, the blue light from the cave mixing with the petal's pink to a violet hue.

The infamous attack struck at the hollow at what would surely tear any other creature to pieces, but rather instead the blades bounced off the monster's thick exoskeleton. The hollow's armor protected it from all outside damage!

Rangiku's Haineko joined the scene, hoping to find a weak point in the armor. The ashes swirled around the beast but wherever Rangiku struck, looking for a chink in the joints, the exoskeleton was too tough. Even the blast of ice against the monster from Captain Histugaya had little effect, and the intense heat of their surroundings made the ice weak and breakable under the hollow's thrashing.

"It's got to have a weak point somewhere." Captain Histugaya encouraged, urging the other shinigami on, "Lieutenant Kira, hold the bakudo!"

And Izuru was trying, trying to keep the spell in place. His eyes fixed in concentration on the monster and it's binding but as good as Izuru was with kido at a long-distance fight Shuuhei knew his zanpakuto was much more affective close range which happened to be very difficult to do when a hollow was trying to squash you/one wrong swing from Wabisuke in this cave at it would all collapse and kill them all.

If they could keep this up long enough, maybe they would have been able to find the hollow's weak point. If the hollow was just a bit more stupid they would have had a better chance but such was not the case here. The hollow made a sinister "skreeeeeee" noise, pausing in its struggling to dart out a reptile-like tongue, sensing the air for spiritual pressure, searching for the energy that was controlling the binds around its body.

Black, cold, clever eyes narrowed onto Izuru, and the spiritual binding groaned with the effort of holding together as the creature coiled to strike. Izuru's eyes widened in the realization that he had become a very viable target and he dropped the spell altogether, the binds shattering in a burst of yellow light, to summon a Bakudo Number 39 with barely any time to spare before the hollow's teeth crashed into the barrier with a sharp clack.

The hollow groaned and pushed against the barrier with its maw full of drool-covered fangs, forcing Izuru and his barrier back and crawling forward to finally reveal its end, complete with a razor-tipped tail that swung hazardously around Shuuhei, Rangiku and the captains as if they were horseflies.

Shuuhei's brain told him to hold back. It told him to wait because this was just one dumb hollow and the captains could easily take care of it and Izuru was in no real danger no matter how his barrier seemed to flicker weakly when the hollow chomped into it so brazenly-

Shuuhei was forcing himself through the incantation before he realized what he was doing. And as the frantic need for an attack grew with each millimeter the fangs dug deeper into the barrier the faster the words came until Shuuhei was practically stumbling across "-Unleash but slightly the wrath of your claws!"

The burst of blue spiritual energy struck the hollow, glancing harmlessly off its armor but with enough force to cause it to pause in its attack. The creature turned away from Izuru with a rage-fueled howl and twisted over its fat, spindly body to rush at Shuuhei with its mouth peeled back, gaping with thick, sharp teeth and Shuuhei felt the hot, rancid stench of its breath, like rotting meat and old blood before he flinched and squeezed his eyes shut from what could only be certain death.

But death never came. Surely if he was to be torn to shreds by those teeth there would be pain before death. There would be nothing, not the fear of pain nor the dry heat or the sound of Shuuhei's own breathing rattling through his throat.

Something hot and wet splattered down from above, scattering droplets like rain on Shuuhei's face and front. Blood, but not from a wound of his own.

Shuuhei opened his eyes, greeted by the sight of the hollow frozen above him. The monster hung, mouth agape but no longer to swallow Shuuhei up like a tasty shinigami snack but to hang slack-jawed, seeming to wear an expression of shock at the distinctive blade sticking down its open throat.

The hollow was impenetrable from the outside but the inside not so, at least from the way that the hollow make a sickening choking noise and something squished from deep inside it. The creature's own blood dripped out of its mouth as it gave one last pathetic noise of protest before dissipating into darkness around the form of its slayer, Zabimaru.

Zabimaru (and how many times had Shuuhei seen that goddamn sword in the past week alone, honestly) contracted from the open air, still dripping slightly with the blood of its fresh kill, over Shuuhei's head. He had to turn to see behind him the blade realigning at its hilt in Renji's hand.

If Shuuhei was at all hoping to pull a big heroic move and prove his worth, he had failed. If the universe had planned to conspire that Renji should for any reason be happy to see Shuuhei at that very moment, it had failed rather spectacularly. The red-headed vice-captain wore possibly the sternest glare Shuuhei had ever seen him muster, eyes narrowed dangerously and his lips twisted into a grim sneer.

"What part of 'Go the fuck home' was lost on you?"

Shuuhei felt shame well up in the pit of his stomach. Shame at needing help again, and shame that it had to be Renji of all people when Rukia and Ichigo were just finally catching up to them a few paces away.

"I told you guys I heard something down here! Are you all okay?" Rukia asked, kicking up dirt as she slid to a stop, "We would have come sooner, but the spiritual pressure in this place muddles up everyone's senses."

Captain Kuchiki looked over the other shinigami, Captain Hitsugaya trying to brush off the water that his ice had melted into off his person, Rangiku collecting the ashes of Haineko, Izuru casting off his shield and brushing himself off, and finally Shuuhei trying to dab hollow blood off his face as much as his shattered dignity would allow.

"Yes, I believe we're all fine. We had come to help you on your mission, but we got a little… sidetracked in the process."

Ichigo looked around, "Is anyone hurt? We- Ah, Hisagi!" his eyes locked on Shuuhei, "That blood-"

"Isn't mine." Shuuhei answered, trying not to sound sheepish as he wiped the liquid off on his wrist.

Renji returned Zabimaru to its shikai state and sheathed it roughly. "Yeah, and he's damn lucky it's not!" He turned, casting an accusatory look towards Izuru and Rangiku, "Who's idea was it to bring him here!"

"Hey! I'm not luggage, you know! I'm standing right here." Shuuhei protested, feeling more than a little offended,

"Yeah, I noticed. That's kind of the problem!" Renji retorted with bite,

"You know if you would just-"

Rangiku boldly stepped between them, arms outstretched conciliatorily, "Ladies, please! You're both pretty! Can we stop the yelling now?"

Izuru sidestepped a little behind Shuuhei, throwing in "Abarai-kun, we didn't decide to bring Hisagi. The captains approved him for continued action on the mission. We were just as surprised as you are to find out that he was coming."

"Oh yeah?" Renji cast a suspicious look towards the two captains, who both looked nonplussed at the accusation.

Captain Hitsugaya shrugged, "We needed volunteers. He volunteered. I don't see why you should be so critical of an offer of assistance."

There was a passive-aggressive jab nestled somewhere in there, but Shuuhei was glad Renji either didn't pick up on it or refused to address it.

Captain Kuchiki nodded his agreement, "Lieutenant Hisagi is a model officer-" that actually wasn't true. Shuuhei was notorious beyond belief for turning in documents late because he wanted to perfect them, and had a history of alcohol abuse but who was he to disagree with a captain, "-and seeing how he nearly sacrificed himself to save his comrade, I see no reason to denounce his duties now."

Renji faltered, just barely that you couldn't even see it unless you were really looking, under his captain's words. "But-"

"Vice-Captain Hisagi is on the mission."

Well, alright then.


	12. Secret Tunnel Secret Tunneeeeeeeeeeeeeel

Author's note: this is it boys this is war. I promise after this we get back to the UST, just bare with me.

It wasn't that his demands had been ignored that pissed Renji off. Half the time even he didn't listen to his own advice and he tended to come out mostly okay from it. It had more to do with the fact that the one goddamn time Renji was honestly trying to do the mature thing and keep Shuuhei safe after it was partially Renji's fault that they had picked up this whole mission thing together, and then that Shuuhei seemed to have lost his mind and marched straight into Huenco Mundo without a zanpakuto like it was all fine and dandy that did it.

Dream-Shuuhei was right; Renji did learn things on his own. He learned that Real-Shuuhei was kind of a dick.

And then that the man who had nearly been hollow-chow a minute ago had the audacity to go over Renji's head on the matter to the captains was just insult to injury. Renji should have known that his captain and Captain Histugaya would have a soft spot for Shuuhei. The guy was, admittedly, usually the one who bullied Renji and Rangiku into finishing their paperwork on time.

Stupid Shuuhei.

Stupid, dumb, sweet, well-meaning, looking-at-the-ground-like-a-kicked-puppy-dog Shuuhei. God why did he have to do that, humbly shuffling next to Izuru and looking all broody and cute? Not that Renji had been looking over at him.

At this point Renji was so far gone that he couldn't even be bothered to think of why thinking that one of his (stupid) friends was cute was a bad idea. Just… fuck that.

Now united, the group of soul reapers had decided to explore the cavern deeper together. The supposed "back-up" group had seemed to be on the right track, the veins of energy brighter and warmer here than they had been in the section of the tunnels that Renji, Ichigo and Rukia had been seeing to.

Renji noted, with some amusement, that Ichigo appeared uneasy with this "let's be reasonable and explore the area slowly in a coordinated group" plan. A proficient shinigami Ichigo did make, but the kid would have to learn how to conduct actual investigative missions without stabbing something every two minutes sooner or later. Rukia was holding up better, although she seemed torn between staying by his and Ichigo's side or gravitating towards Captain Kuchiki. Renji was a little tempted just to do so himself, his lieutenatly instincts kicking in somewhere in the back of his mind.

Shuuhei was talking to Izuru, not quite loud enough for Renji to hear. That was good. Izuru liked Renji, and liked making sure that his friends didn't hate each other. Maybe if Renji went over there and joined in on the conversation, he could finally get a real talk with Shuuhei. Just casually slide over…

Nope. Not happening. False alarm. Renji visualized the headlines in gossip magazines across the Seireitei: Abarai Renji Fails Socializing As Normal Human Being, Surprising No One. Why was this so hard?

Next to him, Rukia gave Renji a curious look and he realized that he had been glowering as they walked. He remembered that Rukia thought Shuuhei had a crush on him (which was a baseless, ridiculous accusation. Silly Rukia.) and tried to think of ways he could prove to both parties that he wasn't a heartless bastard. Normally when he felt he had wronged one of his friends, which was admittedly Shuuhei sometimes because one didn't maintain a healthy friendship without occasionally pissing each other off, he would throw a bottle of sake at them and call it a night. This was kind of a more serious clash than usual, however, so maybe he'd need to put actual effort into this.

Then again, Shuuhei was a lot of great things but he was also a cheap son of a bitch- Renji had ended up watching him shamelessly stuff his face with Omeada's leftovers and scraps enough times to know. That was a massively unattractive thing that had happened, now that he thought back on it. Shuuhei was lucky that he was cute. Maybe Shuuhei would forgive Renji more quickly if he bought the other man dinner.

Buying him dinner in the completely platonic, non-date-like sense. That was what Renji was thinking about.

Yep.

Oh boy.

An elbow sharply jabbed Renji in the side, "Oof! What was that for?" he snapped at Ichigo, who of course lacked the decency to look sorry.

"You still with us? You were spacing out so much that Byakuya stopped a five-minute long lecture to look offended that you weren't paying attention. Plus you've got this face like you're sort of constipated."

"What? Yeah, I'm fine. Just-" Quick, think of an excuse to be upset that doesn't sound whiney. "-This feels kind of pointless. Do we even know what we're looking for, or is this a flying by the seats of our pants kind of deal?" Nailed it.

"I can sense the source of the spiritual energy getting closer. We can decide how to handle that situation when we can get a clear vision of what we're dealing with." Captain Kuchiki answered from the head of the pack. "Until we reach that point, however, it is very important that we stay-"

The cave floor creaked ominously beneath them, a pathetic, unhappy kind of moan that one could only expect to be an omen of misfortune in the near future. The ground sank beneath them, falling in on itself like elastic being pulled down.

"… On track." Captain Kuchiki finished placidly before the ground gave away altogether.

The floor fell away beneath their feet before anyone could determine where one cry of surprise began and another's yelp of pain on impact ended. The eight soul reapers fell in an undignified pile, displacing a cloud of dry dust in their mist.

Coughing out the dirt in his lungs, Renji attempted to disentangle himself from what he thought was Ichigo's elbow and Rangiku's leg and brush away the dust from his eyes. He looked upwards, at the hole where they had apparently fallen through, into a larger dug-out chamber below. He didn't get a very good look, though, because as soon as the dirt was cleared from the air, a blast of hot steam hissed and whistled into his face.

Flinching at the unexpected burst in pressure, Renji lifted a hand up to shield his face from the hot steam, little specks of what might have been ash floating into his eyes.

Looking around, it was clear that the veins of blue tracking the walls earlier had grown into thick branches of glowing spiritual pressure, some slivers crackling and popping with pent-up energy releasing in hot jets of bursting air. The heat emanating from them burnt the stone to slag, curling into the air in puffs of soot around the cavern. The energy rippled in waves of color, pumping rythemically in time with the high-pitched shrilling of the steam.

"… Well at least it looks like we're closer now." Rangiku commented, helping Shuuhei hoist Rukia to her feet before brushing the dust off of her haori, "If the increase in creepy around here is anything to go by. Now we just need to-"

Whatever Rangiku was about to say was cut off by a dark fist clawing through the chamber walls.

"We have more company." Captain Hitsugaya warned, in time for several more other hollows to slink in from the surrounding tunnels until an entire pack had garnered close, curious at the intrusion in their quickly constructed nest.

A fight broke out, this one affording to tip in the shinigami's favor for the high ceilings and extra room. It was even enough open space for Ichigo's attacks to be safely effective, and there were no small supply of hollows preying close enough to become targets. All eight soul reapers were quickly busied with eliminating as many of the creatures as time would allow.

Renji's head whipped around automatically, looking for a head of dark, spiky hair among the battle-frenzy. Looking-

Looking in time to see an expertly fired arc of lightning blast forth from Shuuhei's palm to strike a hollow square in the chest. The monster absorbed the blow like a lightning-rod before exploding into darkness and entrails. Another was decimated by a shakaho blasting it into a burnt crisp. Okay, so maybe Shuuhei was doing pretty good on his own after all. Well, good! Now Renji could stop feeling like a paranoid asshole.

Renji's mouth turned up in a smirk, pulling Zabimaru back from the guts of a dying hollow to hold the hilt firmly in both hands.

"Banka-"

Goddammit Shuuhei what the fuck are you doing now?

Renji stopped, momentarily forgetting all about releasing his bankai or tearing into the horde of hollows. His attention, instead, was spent of wondering what Shuuhei could possibly be thinking as he suddenly stopping blowing away hollows with his hado in favor of darting across the chamber floor, nearly getting swiped at by a hollow every five feet. The scarred man seemed oblivious of his obvious danger, scrambling like a madman away from the battle.

Renji groaned an exasperated "You've got to be kidding me." before setting his zanpakuto back into its sheath. In his mind, he could hear the distant roar of Zabimaru's feral form growling in disappointment ringing through his ears, but it would have to wait. Renji followed after Shuuhei through the battlefield in bounds, having to complete an undignified hop over a half-dead hollow to catch up.

Shuuhei vanished into one of the tunnels splitting away from the chamber, seeming to be in hot pursuit of something. He ran, a stark black shadow outlined against the glowing blue lights and haze of hot, steamy air. Renji kept after him but it was hard to keep him in sight because wow Shuuhei was fast, he must have some really fit legs. That didn't mean Renji wasn't going to break them.

By the time Renji had to stop and gasp for air, Shuuhei had managed to disappear completely. He could still hear the distant howling of hollows echoing from back behind him, the sharp sounds of the other soul reaper's attacks slicing through the monsters, but it had decreased to a distance drone.

Renji tried to rest for a moment, putting a hand against the cave wall only to flinch away from the heat of the rocks. Right, forgot about those.

Renji tried to look ahead in the tunnel, the beating light being his only illumination. "Shuuhei?" His voice echoed up and down the dark cave. "Shuuhei, come on. Don't be stupid. The fight is _that _way!"

A low groan coming from directly behind Renji made him freeze, musty breath hitting the back of his neck and a long rope of what Renji could only pray was drool draping across his shoulder.

Slowly, Renji inched around, turning his vision until he looked straight face-to-ghoulish-face with a sadly not unfamiliar bone-white mask. The vine-pronged, hound-like hollow from the river, that Shuuhei had claimed to see a second time in the portal, crouched over Renji. It hissed breathily, the vines on its back squirming in the air like snakes, roughly entwining around Renji's legs and brushing him up and down possessively. Something glinted among the untamed nest of feelers. Kazeshini, blade partially coated in rust blood but still distinguishable with his chain swinging behind it.

Renji stumbled backwards, hands fumbling to find his sword but not wanting to take his eyes off the hollow. The monster howled and advanced and Renji tripped backwards onto the ground.

A bright blue light flashed behind the hollow, swallowing Renji's vision before the creature lurched from the impact of the explosion. Blood dripped from the back of its head at the creature collapsed. Behind it, Shuuhei stood, palm smoking dangerously and steel eyes fixed intensely on his target as a second blast left his palm with deadly accuracy on the hollow, which howled in agony before collapsed against the wall knocking boulders aside before it collapsed into dying darkness.

As the hollow faded into blackness, Kazeshini clattered to the stone floor. The blade shrunk to its sealed form, the cave light bouncing off the blade to bathe Renji and Shuuhei in a ghostly glow.

Shuuhei's footsteps echoed against the tunnel floor as he walked over to Kazeshini, stooping over to pick it up. He turned the sword over in his hands, tutting at the grime coating it's blade like he had just dropped it in the mud instead of lost in inside a hollow for like three days. After a moment of considering Kazeshini, he looked back to Renji and offered him a hand back up.

"You know you really should be more careful." Shuuhei chastised, "I'm not always going to be around to save your sorry ass, you know?"

"You're an asshole. And thanks." Renji conceded, offering a tentative smile. "You got Kazeshini back!"

Shuuhei hummed in agreement, his expression betraying nothing but the barest quirking of his lips upwards to show how pleased he was. "About time, too. I was wondering when people would stop treating me like I'm made of glass just because I don't have my stupid sword."

"Yeah." Guilt coiled in Renji's stomach, only offset by attempting a sardonic "Shows those jerks, don't it?"

Shuuhei's half-hidden smirk grew into a genuine smile. Renji had never noticed the way Shuuhei's eyes looked when they softened, looking more gentle than Renji considered any man who had just blown up a hollow at least three times his size had any right to be. "I guess. But I think those jerks are alright after the first few times they save your life and junk."

And oops, now Renji is smiling a stupid, goofy grin and it won't go away quick think of dead puppies or something, anything other than how cute Shuuhei's smile is.

Luckily or unluckily, Renji got just that. "Hey, do you think that's supposed to be there?"

Shuuhei turned around so now both shinigami were looking at a hole in the cave wall, smashed apart by the hollow's fall. A harsher, brighter blue light peaked out from between the boulders, the now familiar pulsing of power now so strong it was a ringing in their ears.

Both men crept closer to the source of the energy, greeted by the sight of an off-shooting chamber. The veins of blue spiritual energy coiled around like a vortex, outlining in great swirling patterns to the center of the chamber where the floor and the ceiling broke free from the walls to spiral together, attached to what, at first glance, looked like a glowing egg.

But as the two shinigami moved closer, the egg twitched. It contracted and expanded like a real heart, sending more pulses of light and energy with each exhale. It beat weakly, looking exposed and vulnerable out in the open after it's hiding place had been unceremoniously pried apart like a chest cavity.

"I guess that's the source of all the excess energy, huh?" Renji commented dryly, "It's kind of weird. I didn't think that something literally made out of power would look so…"

"Fragile?" Shuuhei suggested.

The both just stopped and stared for a few moments, the battle raging between the hollows and their friends seeming to be miles and miles away. The blue glow had a heavenly quality to it, and though it was beginning to hurt Renji's eyes he did not want to look away.

"What are we supposed to do with it?" Shuuhei finally asked, sounding as if he didn't have any idea where to begin.

Renji shrugged, although he knew Shuuhei wasn't looking at him, "What we do with all other spiritual energy that needs to be taken care of, I suppose. We purify it."

Now that the spell was broken, Renji shuffled forward, beginning to draw Zabimaru. Something, however, made him hesitate. Decidedly, he left his sword at his hip, and just motioned towards the glowing object with his hands, looking expectantly at Shuuhei.

"Well? What are you waiting for?"

Shuuhei looked a little affronted, eyes stretched wide in surprise. He quickly recovered, though. Shuuhei tentatively approached the thing glowing in the center of the chamber, raising Kazeshini warily.

For all his cautious approach, Shuuhei struck quickly, so fast Renji barely had time to process it before Shuuhei's blade sunk into the manifestation, which emitted a buzzing noise like the kind from the portals in protest. Shuuhei grit his teeth and pushed on his sword, which slid deeper in agonizingly slow as if he were pushing a pencil through a mound of clay.

Shuuhei looked at Renji, his face full of an expression Renji had long since lost the processing power to decipher. "Help me." He demanded.

Renji's hands were on Shuuhei's before he could think of why that might be a bad idea. His fists tightened around Kazeshini's shaft and together they forced the sword clean through the pulsing heart of energy.

It dissipated almost instantly, making Renji and Shuuhei stumble over at the loss of net force. They fell to their sides with individual yells of surprise, Kazeshini still grasped between them.

Around them, the veins of energy were vanishing, the light trailing off into darkness like lanterns extinguished after a festival. Hot air caught behind the veins met cooler air and exploded into steam, blowing ash and smoke into the air and all around Renji and Shuuhei, who scrambled to stand back up. Renji dropped Shuuhei's hands, although he had the insane impulse not to.

They had done it. Renji and Shuuhei shared mad grins of victory, spending perhaps a solid moment just reveling in the sense of accomplishment. Then the two rushed back to the others with crows of victory, and only mildly complaining that the others hadn't left any hollows for them. The rest of the group, now looking fairly worn and exhausting compared to the newly re-energized duo, happily announced that the mission was completed and that they could go home. There would be no more portals, and Shuuhei finally had his zanpakuto back.

On the way out of the tunnel, Renji and Shuuhei walked with their arms slung over each other's shoulders as if they were drunk and staggering out of a bar like a usual Friday night, ignoring the bemused and downright irritable company around them. Shuuhei beamed at Renji, a wide, toothy kind of grin and although Shuuhei's face was smeared with soot it did not stop that face from being handsome.

They walked out into the endless night of Huenco Mundo. The mission was complete. Everyone was safe. And even though Renji had finally situated all the immediate problems in his life and could finally be please with himself, he also knew that was impossible.

Renji had a problem. Renji was in love.

Renji was royally fucked.


	13. Get In Loser We're Going Drinking

Author's Note: Loudly cries and holds all of you to my bosom.

The preparations for the funeral are done quickly, professionally. The caskets were dark, long, and elegant, all but overflowing with flowers whose petals spill over the side of the boxes to drip onto the ground behind the coffin bearers. Shuuhei attended, wearing a proper, standard uniform instead of his usual customized, sleeveless one. It feels odder than Shuuhei expected it would, trying to look more presentable for such a grim ceremony.

The procession was done quietly, with no small amount of dignity afforded. It would be appropriate, Shuuhei thought to himself, for the area to reflect just a little more of a morose feeling. A somber drizzle of rain, a whistling breeze across the cemetery, just something a little more meaningful because thirteen reapers are dead, thirteen young individuals with love and hope and feelings who worked through the academy and followed their passion and dreams into the services of the Court are gone and the world should be a little less brighter now because of it.

It didn't quite feel somber or morose or appropriately pessimistic. It just felt numb. The closest thing Shuuhei got to match the mood he wanted was the brief, minute-long flurry of snow, with big fat flakes dancing through the air into the outstretched claws of the branches of the naked trees flanking the rows of graves.

Kenta was in attendance, obviously, with his wife trailing behind the caskets with the other parents of the deceased (twenty, in total, to mourn thirteen lives and Shuuhei doesn't bother thinking that the collection is six too short because he's much smarter than that) and Kenta cries, a grown man openly weeping helplessly as they lower his only daughter into the ground. He composes himself quickly after that, however. He forces himself to remain strong for his wife who at some point breaks her quiet demeanor to call a heartbreaking wail and demand that they stop burying her please, oh Gods please not her baby girl.

Shuuhei didn't speak to his childhood friend after they finish the burials, just stood off to the side in respectful silence until Kenta bows his head and let Shuuhei put a hand to his shoulder and squeeze comfortingly.

Renji was there too, and Shuuhei never thought that he'd be happy to see Renji at a funeral setting before. But he's the commanding officer of several deceased soul reapers and he's there with Captain Kuchiki to offer condolences. Elsewhere in attendance Shuuhei spotted Captain Unohana and Isane, as well as Captain Komamura and Iba so he assumed that the victims were only in Squads Six, Four and Eight. On the other hand, they could have been in Two or Eleven, because the general assumption was that if you lived long enough to die in service to those squads you knew what you were getting in to. Casualties were rarely reported in Division Twelve. No one dared question why. It was a joke that Shuuhei had heard and told back countless times but at the moment it just made him feel kind of sick.

People passed by and offered condolences to Kenta, who stood by the freshly overturned earth long after his wife had been torn away to mourn in peace away from prying eyes. They handed him empty "I'm sorry for your loss"s as if they understood entirely what he was feeling before drifting off, Kenta nodding in resign and occasionally grunting in acknowledgement of their presence. It was more than what Shuuhei would have managed if it were him in the same position.

After the greater majority of mourners had passed, Renji began to gravitate closer to where Shuuhei and Kenta stood. He shuffled awkwardly, looking at his feet like a troubled child. As impossibly dark the situation seemed, Shuuhei still found it in himself to find Renji's quirkiness endearing.

Finally Renji bit the bullet, moving over to Kenta to address him. "I'm so sorry."

Sorry that this had happened. Sorry that no one had noticed the portals trafficking hollows past Soul Society's defenses like they were taking the bus. Sorry that it had taken so long and so much drama for Renji and Shuuhei to finally avenge Rikuto and prevent this from ever happening again.

Kenta sighed in response, a heavy, rattled kind of sigh and Shuuhei took that as a sign that it was time to move on. He took Kenta around the shoulders and, shooting Renji an apologetic look, directed the other man back to the temple were the ceremony had been conducted. It was the death of Kenta's first child and he needed to be with his family, not the adult version of a childhood memory and the lieutenant of his dead daughter. Kenta had a loving wife and several younger sons and although all were deep in grieving, they would help each other heal in time.

Kenta and his brood were sent home, and the other friends and family of the newly deceased began to flicker out of existence as time passed and the ceremonies drew to a close.

Shuuhei sighed, placing one hand on his hips and pinching the bridge of his nose. He already knew that Renji was doing that hovering thing around him again because at this point picking up Renji's spiritual pressure and oddly flighty tendencies had become something of a second nature. He looked over to the taller man, trying for a tired smile, "You need a drink? Because I think I need a drink. That sounds like a good idea, we should drink."

Renji returned the smile with a sort of fond humor, eyebrows raised and mouth twitching up in a smirk. "Are you sure that's a good idea? You look tired, and we've all had kind of a crazy week."

"Then let me booze myself into sweet sleep and you can tuck me into bed!" Shuuhei insisted, hooking an arm around Renji's and pulling him along. Renji let himself be tugged, "C'mon, I'm sure the others are still at the bar."

A groan was issued from Renji, still letting Shuuhei lead him determinedly in the direction of the bar usually favored by shinigami. "You're a bad influence and you should _feel_ bad."

"I'll feel bad when I'm hung-over."

"Don't you have work tomorrow?" Renji chided, elbowing Shuuhei in the ribs but not making a motion to unlock their arms.

"Since when are you suddenly policing how hung-over I'm supposed to be at work?" Shuuhei retorted, jostling their locked elbows a little.

Renji barked a laugh, "You take such terrible care of yourself, I can't believe you even function. You know, the whole reason I was such an asshole about you coming on the mission in the first place was because I was worried about you. I'm not gonna lie, Shuuhei, sometimes you scare the fuck out of me."

Shuuhei snorted, giving Renji a critical look, "Well then don't be! You should know by now that I can take care of myself."

"Unless you're drunk." Renji pointed out.

"True. Then all bets are off."

The two men strode along the road, letting the more peaceful, out of the way temples bleed into an urban setting. Twilight dragged on to night and the snow picked up again in a fine powder sprinkling the rooftops. Shuuhei's arm was still wrapped around Renji's despite the evening out of their individual paces, but the redhead didn't protest so Shuuhei felt no need to make a fuss. Besides, having Renji by Shuuhei's side was like having his own personal heater from the chills of the outdoors. It was kind of weird, and he couldn't imagine doing it so casually with any of his other friends, but that felt okay. In Shuuhei's perspective, when you cuddle with a man for warmth when one or more of you is half-dead on the side of a river then you could learn to stand some amount of closeness.

"So, what now?" Shuuhei asked after a while of walking, earning a jolt of surprise from Renji at the suddenness of his voice, "All the loose ends are tied up. Does everything just go back to the way it was before all this mission nonsense?"

Renji clicked his tongue in response, his brow furrowed slightly as he stared at the road ahead. He seemed far too focused for such a simple question. "In my experience, nothing ever just 'goes back to the way it was'. Something's always just a little different now, isn't it?"

"Don't be vague. It doesn't suit you." Shuuhei demanded, using the kind of sharp tone he normally adopted when reminding Renji of lieutenant regulations or work procedures or not to lick that object because you are drunk, Renji, please go home. Shuuhei uses that tone for a lot of things, and as such he is a man of many hats. "There's something on your mind, isn't there? Is something bothering you?"

Renji chuckled, looking away from the road to give Shuuhei an obvious look. "Well we did just come from a funeral. I say that puts a damper on the mood pretty well. Like, I had this mood but then stupid death all came and ruined it."

"I guess that's a pretty viable excuse." Shuuhei admitted, sighing a little. "I'll check on Kenta and his family later this week. They probably don't want to see any shinigami, considering the circumstances, but it'd at least be polite, right?"

"Yeah. Y'know, it's kind of weird to see you knowing people. Like, having people you're capable of interacting with that aren't from work."

Shuuhei huffed indignantly, "I know people! Kenta's an old friend back from when I was a brat. You're not the only one with connections outside of the Seireitei, you know."

"I didn't say it was a bad thing." Renji insisted, cocking his head to the side as he talked. "I like actually knowing stuff about you. Makes you less mysterious, I guess."

Shuuhei grinned and leaned his head back to give Renji a full, toothy grin. "A rather naïve statement, I feel. I _am_ mysterious, no matter what you may learn about me."

"Your life is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a vaguely obscene tattoo." Renji agreed with a serene nod.

"Don't you start on tattoo jokes with me, young man. I've sneaked peeks at Matsumoto and Isane's notes from the Shinigami Women's Associations. I've been very kind to you that I haven't pushed the wildly debated 'exactly how far down do those tattoos tribal _go_' question onto you."

Renji's smirk could have expressed the expectant satisfaction of a man perfectly comfortable in his sexual prowess and knowing of exactly how attractive he was, but the faint glow in his cheeks promised otherwise. That fact that Shuuhei was capable of getting Renji flustered at all was very satiating, as he wouldn't have guessed that Renji would be thrown off by what Shuuhei was sure from similar experience couldn't have been a rare question.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Renji retorted, adding only a little bit of acid to his words.

But Shuuhei was one step ahead at this point. Witty banter was a thing Shuuhei considered one of his secret talents. Renji was a mere grasshopper at the feet of the sleeping master. "From that blush you're sporting it kinda looks like you want me to know, too."

Renji emitted a kind of chocking sound like he had failed at trying to swallow air, his smirk going from smug to indulgent grimace with a glare to match. Shuuhei threw his head back in laughter, and Renji dug his still linked elbow into Shuuhei's side painfully in response.

"You are a monster." Renji complained, after a few minutes of Shuuhei trying to regain control of his functions.

Shuuhei coughed back a giggle. Shuuhei didn't even think of himself capable of giggling but here we were. "That's not my fault. You set yourself up for that one and walked right in like it was an open invitation and free snacks were set on the table."

After he was sure he could speak again, Shuuhei smiled and sighed loudly. "We shouldn't be laughing. We were just at a funeral. We're terrible people. What is actually wrong with us?"

"Well, I think we both can figure that if there's a hell after this life we're going to it. At this point you might as well go big or go home." Renji snorted, although he spoke cautiously as if he was still a little gun-shy from Shuuhei's stab earlier. Geeze, if Renji was always going to be so easily mortified by sexual allusions Shuuhei would have to tease him more often. Despite the common rumors circulating about his tattoos and behavior, Shuuhei was far from the flirty type but watching Renji squirm was endlessly satisfying.

The conversation waned into quiet after that, Renji and Shuuhei still both directing themselves towards their usual bar. The silence was not at all uncomfortable, but Shuuhei did not want there to be room for quietness just now.

Shuuhei tipped his head back, absorbing the view of a black sky with the stars hidden by the lights from the shops and the streets. He reminded himself that it was still fairly early, and that anyone could just walk out and get the wrong idea from seeing Shuuhei walk arm-in-arm with Renji, but he didn't really care. Not when snow showered from the sky above and melted against his skin and floated to nestle in his and Renji's hair. "It's a nice night."

Renji was not impressed by the attempt at relighting conversation. "We're not really gonna talk about the weather, are we?"

"Why you gotta be such a- oh, I guess we don't." Shuuhei amended looking to see that he and Renji had stopped in front of the much sought-after bar that they had set out for. It was a little disappointing, really, because Shuuhei had been enjoying the back-and-forth dialogue between Renji and himself. Oh well, they could still do that in the bar. Plus, Shuuhei hadn't been lying when he said he wanted that drink.

Shuuhei ducked in to the bar first, only to find that it was nearly empty inside. The time was late now, and he and Renji had spent too much time dawdling with talking to catch their fellow friends among the ranked officers. "Well that's genuinely disappointing."

"Who cares? We came to drink, we might as well drink." Renji suggested, brushing snow off his shoulder as he slid inside behind Shuuhei.

"Well, well, well. Look who's gone and changed their mind about the merits of drinking on a work day." Shuuhei commented, following Renji to take a seat. After all, staying inside sounded much more inviting than venturing back into night.

"I blame you. You're my sempai. You're supposed to encourage me to make good life decisions and healthy choices and not to do drugs or get pregnant. You should stop and think about why you're such a terrible role model for impressionable kohai like me." Renji chuckled as he lifted a hand to flag down the bartender's attention for a fresh bottle and cup of sake.

Shuuhei followed his example, graciously accepting the alcohol set before him. "'Impressionable' my ass. I haven't been your upperclassman for a long time and you know that."

"Too late, you've been cast in my mind forever now." Renji said with a grin, knocking back another mouthful of drink, "The image as you as a senior is forever pressed into my mind. Help, I'm having flashbacks to dorky jewelry and a girly punk-wannabe haircut!"

"It wasn't girly." Shuuhei tutted, making an honest effort not to sulk at the comment. He had been thinking about growing his hair out again, too. Since when was pineapple head the leading expert on fashionable haircuts anyways? "And don't think I'm actually going to take the blame if you drink yourself stupid. Role model or no, my responsibilities extend to dropping you in your bed after you pass out and making sure there's nothing charging you by the hour in there with you when I leave."

"You're so considerate. Thanks." Renji commended, "I've got to think of something though, because they don't like it when I blame my upbringing as an excuse anymore."

Shuuhei laughed before taking a gracious sip of his drink, "Poor Renji. He wouldn't forget his paperwork so much if only he'd had a strong father figure in his life!"

"You're psychoanalyzing me, you bastard." Renji observed casually, then innocuously threw in. "You sound just like you do when you do that in my dream."

That comment threw Shuuhei a loop. He looked to Renji, eyebrows drawn up in surprise. "You dream about me?"

Renji looked as if he had been caught sticking a hand into the figurative cookie jar, eyes blown wide in surprise like a deer in the headlights. He laughed hoarsely, "Ahahaha, did I say that?"

"You did." Shuuhei observed, a little suspicious of Renji's reaction. "You dream about me… psychoanalyzing you?"

"My mind is a bizarre place." Renji admitted with a shrug.

"That's weird. But kinda cool. What do you think those dreams mean then?" Shuuhei pressed. "All of my dreams are boring. Like, it's just what I'm going to do when I wake up or that I'm back at the academy taking a test. Yours sound more interesting."

The next cup of sake went down Renji's throat comparatively quickly to the rest, and he chuckled nervously. "They're really not that exciting. I don't know what they mean, since it's usually just us talking."

"In your dream, am I like how I am in real life?" Shuuhei continued, perking up as the conversation progressed and ignoring Renji's discomfort.

"Kind of? You're a lot more mellow, I think."

"What do we talk about?"

Brown eyes attempted to flick around the bar, at everything but Shuuhei's face like they couldn't take in enough distractions. Renji anxiously scratched the back of his head, "You know, I don't actually remember my dreams very well. It's kinda hazy…"

It really wasn't fair for a grown man of Renji's size and shape to be so adorable. Shuuhei smirked as he leaned his face in on his fist coolly. "Ah, so it's something embarrassing. I see how it is."

"Shut up. You suck!" Renji demanded, beginning to go red in the face again.

"Did you cry? Did you bare your soul to me, crying your little dream-self's eyes out onto my shoulder?"

"You're an ass."

"I know." Shuuhei admitted, "But I'm also real. If something's bothering you that your imagination has to conjure up a me for you to talk to, it's probably more worthwhile just to talk to the real me."

Renji looked taken aback by the genuine tone in Shuuhei's voice, maybe even a little distrustful. "Sure, you say that now before you've actually listened to any of my problems."

"So you _do_ have problems to be listened to?"

"There! Right there!" Renji barked, looking simultaneously amused and angered, "That's exactly what you did in my dream! It's so annoying!"

"Don't try to change the subject." Shuuhei pressed, "Something's been eating you all night and I want in on it before you completely kill my mood."

Renji scratched the back of his neck, rolling his eyes. "Nothing's eating me. Go back to getting drunk."

"Being stubborn is not going to deter me. Start spilling, Renji, we're alone at a bar with no one else around except our emotional baggage. I promise I'll lie and tell everyone that you were strong and there were no tears."

Renji' rubbed his temple, "God you're obnoxious when you're in a good mood. I'm just lucky it doesn't happen often."

"Or you're extra lucky that it does." Shuuhei insisted, wrapping an arm around Renji's shoulders good-naturedly. "This might shock you, but I actually do want to help you."

Renji gave Shuuhei a critical look, one decorated eyebrow lifted suspiciously under his bandana. Still, Renji's pose- shoulders tight, body hunched over his drink- it was all very worrisome, and Shuuhei really did want to help.

Both Renji's suspicion of his sincerity and Shuuhei's sudden revelation that yes, he did care about Renji's emotional well-being, made him feel a little self-conscious. "Well, y'know, what I mean to say is-" Words started flying out of Shuuhei's mouth, and now he wasn't sure what could be done to stop them. "You and I have been there for each other a lot. And I don't just mean in the past week, but since we became friends I think we've been able to talk pretty freely and be comfortable with each other. So if something's bothering you, that kind of bothers me too. I mean- so, yeah. So if you want to talk, about anything at all, I really mean it when I say that-"

Shuuhei trailed off dumbly, looking down at the wood of the bar before looking back up and noticing wow had Renji's face always been that close to Shuuhei's or had it been getting progressively closer? At this distance, or perhaps lack thereof, Shuuhei could see where the ink of the tattoos on Renji's forehead ducked underneath his bandana to peak out over his brow. He could see the shadows playing against Renji's defined jaw and the light that the sake had put in those brown eyes, amber almost the shade of copper.

Those eyes closed, shut dreamily but brow furrowed as if deep within internal conflict. Renji leaned in and Shuuhei tasted alcohol on his breath tickling his nose, and then ghosting across his lips before Renji's mouth pressed against Shuuhei's.

Renji's mouth was warm, his lips dry but not unsoft that Shuuhei wasn't exactly thinking when he closed his own eyes and parted his lips just the slightest fraction of a millimeter. Shuuhei's hands, which had been clenched into fists, relaxed against the bar at the sound their lips made together. A wet, soppy, kissing sound that Shuuhei had always mentally associated with couples much happier than he was. He opened his mouth a little wider, curious for more of that sound and the sensation of Renji against his lips.

A bang and a holler echoed around the entire bar as the door was flung open and Renji and Shuuhei nearly leaped a foot in the air from their seats, each leaning back from each other as it pulled apart magnetically with mutual looks of shock scrawled across their faces. Renji's pupils were wide with surprise and his (warm, somewhat dry but not unpleasantly so) mouth was contorted into a thin line. His expression didn't change when Ikkaku's hand fell hard on his shoulder.

"Sorry we're late. You wouldn't believe the meeting they kept the ranked officers in. I swear I thought I was gonna go into conniptions if I they kept me in there for another second!" Ikkaku grinned, obvious to Renji and Shuuhei's turmoil.

Yumichika slid onto the unoccupied stool next to Shuuhei. "He's being dramatic. Although I agree the meeting wore everyone out. Baggy eyes and frizzy hair everywhere! Not very beautiful at all."

Izuru appeared with them, giving Renji and Shuuhei an exasperated smile, "Listen to the two of you, complaining when Abarai-kun and Hisagi have been at a grave site all day. I'm sure neither of them are interested in how terrible you found the meeting." the blond vice-captain now seemed to notice Shuuhei and Renji's shared expression. "… Are you two alright? Sorry, was I not supposed to bring it up?"

This was too much. This was too much happening too soon. This shouldn't be happening at all. Shuuhei stood up abruptly, knocking the bottle by his hand over, to the laments of Ikkaku that it was a waste of perfectly good sake.

"I have to go." Shuuhei intoned, sounding much more in control than he felt.

"Is everything all-" Izuru tried, only to be ignored as Shuuhei all but pushed past him.

Still seated, Renji seemed to have regained some of his own control over his ability to speak. "Shuuhei-"

Shuuhei continued move through the bar like a man possessed, not stopping even when Rangiku called him over, probably expecting him to try to come on to her in a drunken stumpor but as of now the desire to do so was gone, all gone, and all of Shuuhei's focus went to keep his hands from shaking and he left the bar as fast as his feet would carry him.


	14. Bake a Cake Full of Rainbows and Smiles

Athor's note: This fic is over 50,000 words long I am so fucking done with myself.

Renji woke up the next morning to find himself bed-partners with two of his oldest hook-ups, Regret and Cripplingly Low Self-Esteem.

He shouldn't be surprised even in the slightest, because Renji's no idiot nor was he so drunk that he couldn't comprehend that there would be serious consequences to his actions. Even so, Renji had been expecting something of a reaction that was… bigger, he guessed? Maybe a slap to the face or something equally appropriate. The last thing Renji thought was going to happen would be Shuuhei just running away.

But that was better then, right? At least if Shuuhei hated Renji now, he didn't hate him enough to say it to his face. And they were both mature, grown men so Renji could man up and toughen it out without waking up in the morning, replaying the entire previous night in his mind and feeling like he wanted to curl up under the covers and cry.

Renji tried to feel around for his blanket to pull over his eyes, groaning slightly at the effort as he did so. His pawing around, however, revealed no blankets and a very un-bed-like shape underneath him. Curious, Renji squirmed until he gracelessly fell from the couch he had apparently been planted on since last night.

Sprawled out on the floor, Renji glared listlessly at the ceiling. What happened at the bar after Shuuhei left? It was all a black blank. A big black blank blur and other such b-words.

Renji's not really awake just yet.

Footsteps trailed in from another room, carrying what smells to Renji's hang-over addled brain to be tea. The smell was strong and bitter and made his nose recoil but considering the circumstances this situation is probably better than waking up face-down on a sticky, gross bar floor.

A head of what Renji's red-rimmed eyes note is unreasonably, blindingly bright blond hair pops in sideways to Renji's field of vision directed at the ceiling. Izuru looks almost as frazzled as Renji feels, hair mussed from sleeping so that his bang is askew and Renji can actually see both blue eyes giving him a simultaneously kind and mocking look. "Please, do make yourself right at home. Would you like tea, or are you going to vomit again first?"

"I puked?" Renji asked, voice sounding hoarse as he tried to blink back into focus, "Aww man. I had a streak going!"

"Well, at least I can be sure you're alive now." Izuru sighed, kicking Renji's side a little with a slipper-clad foot. "Sit up and let me give you tea so you'll smell a little less like sake and throw-up."

Renji groaned as he did so, propping himself up against the side of the couch. After a moment of cradling his head in his hands, Renji felt the world stop spinning long enough to take the warm teacup from Izuru's hands. At the first sip, Renji's face twisted into a pained grimace and he made a face as he let tea dribble down his chin onto the front of his shihakusho like a child.

"How dare you take advantage of a man in my condition by trying to poison me, you sick fuck." Renji demanded with venom in his voice.

Izuru rolled his eyes, folding his arms over the front of his sleeping yukata. "Strong, black tea is the best thing for a hang-over, and considering how drunk you got at the bar last night you must be _really_ hung-over."

"I _am_ really hung-over." Renji conceded, looking down at the tea considerably. "Uh, Kira, I didn't say or do anything too embarrassing at the bar last night, did I?"

Izuru paused to think, stroking his chin with his hand. "Not that I can remember. You just drank a lot and massacred everyone's eardrums in an impromptu karaoke competition before getting kicked out and falling over asleep. Then I carried to here to my place, since it was closest and everyone else was too drunk to help me bring you all the way back to the Sixth's quarters. It was a pretty standard night."

"Say what you will, my skills at karaoke are unmatched by any soul." Renji protested, risking another sip from the cup.

Izuru slunk down against the couch to sit next to Renji, wearing a somber look. Knowing Izuru for as long as he did, Renji couldn't find such an attitude out of the ordinary, and he should probably be grateful since the slighter shinigami acting up-beat probably meant that Renji had done something truly mortifying and Kira was only trying not to laugh at him.

"Can I ask you something?"

Renji huffed in response, "If I say no, is that going to make you any less curious or determined to butt in?"

"Okay, so," Izuru continued, ignoring Renji's jibing. "Did you and Hisagi have an argument last night? I was really weird of him to vanish like that as soon as everyone showed up."

Ah, now there was the meat of the issue. Renji winced as he tried to summon words that would adequately display his feelings over the previous night. Izuru was a close friend of both him and Shuuhei, but Renji didn't really want to lay out what felt like their personal business in front of the guy.

"Lemme ask you something first." Renji asked, decidedly, "Do you ever say or do something so terrible that you can't actually believe you'd do it, but at the same time it feels like a thing you should do?"

Izuru gave him a befuddled look. "… No."

"Okay, so, like." Renji struggled with comprehensive sentences. "Say you got… this pet monkey, right? Like the tiny kind that fits into your pocket and you can carry it around with you. This monkey means a lot to you. This monkey is your best friend. You love the monkey. So then you meet someone and they seem pretty good with animals, and your monkey is pretty small but sometimes it feels so heavy that you just can't carry it anymore so you give the person your monkey. And you know it's a pretty dumb thing to do, because nobody wants your stupid, smelly monkey. It's annoying and loud and stinks but it still means a lot to you."

Renji paused, letting Izuru soak in what he had just said. After a moment, Izuru tried to open his mouth to say something, but Renji just launched straight into his ramble again. "So you give this person your monkey and what do they do? They take your monkey in one hand and throw it against the wall like it's a goddamn baseball but you have nobody to blame but yourself because you were pretty sure you were just kidding yourself into believing that they wanted it in the first place, because you suck." Renji stopped with a heavy sigh, then looked at Izuru searchingly, "Do you see what I'm saying, here?"

Izuru looked dumbstruck for a moment, mouth parted as if it wasn't capable of words. Finally, he verbalized, "Are you still drunk?"

"If I say yes will you make me breakfast and promise not to repeat my monkey-ramble to anybody ever?"

Walking into the office was hell incarnate. Not because of the headache because Izuru was right, the tea did wonders for Renji's hang-over. The food less so, because while it satiated Renji's hunger, it sat in his stomach heavily like he had ingested rocks.

On the way in, Renji's subordinates give him admiring looks and congratulated him on a job well done on the mission. It's a good thing most of the Sixth division's shinigami don't frequent the bar that Renji had been at last night, bless their innocent little souls.

Captain Kuchiki was stoic and regal as ever, but if Renji rubbed the blur out of his eyes correctly he could swear his workload of paperwork from the mission looked maybe just a little lighter than usual. He almost wishes it wasn't though, because that only leaves Renji more time to think as he works.

He runs through all possible excuses for how to make out with- _make it up_ to Shuuhei for what happened last night. Sorry man, that was totally an accident my mouth just fell and landed on your mouth. We still cool?

But Shuuhei had… kissed back, Renji realized. Renji had kissed him and Shuuhei let him and they had been kissing, not just Renji kissing but both of them together. Considering the circumstances, Renji felt he was afforded leeway on not knowing what to do based on mixed signals.

"Abarai." Renji's head whipped up from where it had been bent down towards his desk in thought, and turned to Captain Kuchiki perched professionally at his desk. "It's a refreshing change to see you take such intense interest in your work, but shouldn't you be going?"

Renji realized that he had been so caught up in his thoughts about Shuuhei, he had been oblivious to the happenings around him. "Um, going? What do you mean, Captain?"

Captain Kuchiki folded his hands infront of his person, looking quite serious as he casually intoned. "I believe today a meeting among the vice-captains is being held, seeing as I've attended enough on them in your stead to know. Given the current time I'd say it's due to start in-" Captain Kuchiki glanced at the clock on the wall briefly enough that Renji doubted he had even really looked at all, "-about ten minutes."

A flutter of papers caused in the slight breeze was the only sound left behind by a black and red blur shooting out of the door.

Renji's sandals slid against the floor and he sharply turned the corner, feet flying clumsily in an attempt to maintain both balance and velocity. The Lieutenant's meeting was drawing ever closer and the report to his fellow vice-captains on the now publicly disclosed happenings of the portal debacle would be due and he and Shuuhei hadn't even begun to plan and what they would say. Last night at the bar would have been the perfect time to throw together an idea of how they would tell the tale, but as it happened they had been sidetracked from that topic. Thanks to Renji.

Because he was awful.

Hopefully, Izuru and Rangiku could cover for them with their side of the story long enough to Renji to talk to Shuuhei, except what would he even say considering the circumstances? The excuse about Renji's mouth falling onto his was looking like a better and better opening line.

Renji managed to get to the meeting room designated for vice-captains in a mere hop, skip and jump while only managing to trip about four times. Okay five. Eight, more or less.

If Renji weren't so emotionally drained and feeling a little ill, he might have considered waiting for just a few moments outside to listen in before flinging the rice-paper door open to the meeting already in progress.

Whoops.

Nanao gave Renji an acidic look from where she had been standing by a white-board to outline the squads' access to the training fields for the next week, drawing everyone's eyes to the redhead. The hairs on the back of Renji's neck stood up from the sensation of being watched as he slid to his seat between Hinamori and Iba.

With only a few smothered snickers at Renji's expense, the majority of eyes go back to Nanao at her board.

On Renji's side, Hinamori taps his shoulder for attention. Renji looks at her long enough to try for a reassuring smile because honestly he is a-okay.

The numbers at the table are set with a row of the first six squads lined up on one end, which puts Renji in the back of the table, while the other six are placed on the other side. The two First Division Lieutenants flank the head of the table. Renji liked this layout, because usually Rukia would sit across from him since her promotion and they could pass notes like immature, stupid kids in the academy bitching about how boring the meetings were and playing hang-man. One time Nanao and Genshiro had both been late to the meeting, held up by some crucial matter with Captain-Commander at Division One and Rukia and Renji had gotten remaining vice-captains completely engrossed in the most intense pictionary tournament to ever grace Seireitei. It was awesome.

Sadly, now Rukia had been stationed back in Karakura town for longer assignments, meaning Renji had lost his biggest distraction from the real source of today's glaring problems.

From this position, Shuuhei is seated across from Renji and only a few seats to the side. In a potentially awkward scenario such as this, this is a tactical advantage for Renji, because he can look at Shuuhei without anyone noticing and Shuuhei can't do the same without turning away from the presentations at the front and drawing attention to himself. Score one for Renji being a creep.

Regardless, Shuuhei risks turning his head back to look at Renji for a mere second. Their eyes meet, and Shuuhei quickly whips his head back to the front of the room. Renji had absolutely no idea what this is supposed to mean.

Shuuhei looks almost as terrible as Renji feels, his spikey hair flattened in awkward places in an obviously unkempt bedhead. Two dark spots bloom from underneath his red-rimmed eyes as if he hadn't slept all night, and even though his eyes are fixed on the presentations they flutter beneath his lids every time he blinks like he's fighting to stay awake. There's no way for Renji to know what any of this means, either. Is the idea of kissing Renji honestly so gross that it keeps people up all night?

As hard as those good old insecurities are hitting him, Renji can't help but feel a little guilty for Shuuhei's state. All the poor guy had wanted to do was help Renji with his stupid issues. Shuuhei never asked to get macked on by a friend out of the blue. He'd never asked for Renji to just suddenly unload all this stupid needy kissing junk onto him. Renji had spent all morning feeling sorry for himself because Shuuhei hadn't reacted the way he wanted him to, without even thinking of how Shuuhei must have felt to have this suddenly thrown on to him. Shuuhei had probably up all night thinking of the easiest way to let Renji down gently without hurting his feelings.

Wow, only about five minutes into the meeting and Renji was already convinced he was an asshole. Good job, great progress made. We're finished here, folks, everyone go back to your squads.

Renji could only hope that when he met the inevitable end of having a very awkward talk with Shuuhei about- shudder- _feelings_, Renji would be over this weird rambly phase he had apparently stumbled into at this point in his life. The phase where he talked about his weird dreams in bars or rambled to Izuru about monkeys that the blond vice-captain just didn't get. Didn't the dumbass understand that the monkey was a metaphor? He was supposed to write poetry for gods' sakes.

"And now," Nanao announced from the blackboard, dragging Renji out of his spiral of thoughts, "Lieutenants Abarai, Hisagi, Kira and Matsumoto will debrief us on their mission to Huenco Mundo regarding the portal phenomena."

Oh shit, that was them, wasn't it? There was no way Renji was going to get out of this by winging it, was he?

All four Vice-Captains stood up, but none of them made any effort to begin. Renji's eyes met Rangiku's, Kira's, and Shuuhei's frantically, who all stood in similar states of panic. Had _no one _thought of what they were going to tell the others?

Of course not. They had all been at the bar. _Must_ they have grouped Renji with the three most alcohol-prone lieutenants in Soul Society?

Izuru coughed lightly into his hands, looking anxiously at the floor. "Forgive us, Lieutenant Ise, but we didn't have time to put together a formal report. We only just arrived back from the mission last night."

Lies, all lies. At least Renji and Shuuhei had been attending a funeral, what was the other two's excuse for not writing a report? To think Renji trusted Izuru with his monkey rant.

Rangiku chuckled at the tense air of the room. "Well, it's not like we couldn't tell you guys anything on paper that we couldn't here and now, right? We can just tell the story from the beginning." She looked over to Renji and Shuuhei, urging them to say something. "How did it all begin, again?"

"A good question." Shuuhei chuckled, locking his hands behind his back. "Renji was actually the first person to take up the investigation. How'd that start, Renji?"

Traitors. All of them, traitors.

Renji can do this. Renji has half-assed his way through plenty of meetings and he can do it again. He is damn well capable of blowing everyone away with how great his retelling of their intense and at times downright scary pursuit of the portals led them into the suitably dramatic tunnels to the heart of the energy. He is beyond pumped.

But then he opens his mouth, and for a second he's worried he's going to do that awkward word-vomit thing again. But wait- no, that's not word vomit. That's just actual vomit. "Excuse me for just a second."

Because Renji's life is hard, the meeting room doesn't have a conveniently located bathroom to duck into. Renji gets about as far as the potted plant in the corner of the room next to the door before the horror of last night's ingested contents mixed with the utter betrayal of this morning's breakfast pulls a second coming of the a-puke-alypse.

In the blur of being physically sick, Renji thinks that Shuuhei tries to come over and help him stand back up. Wow, that is a really nice thing to do for someone in Renji's position, especially when the rest of the meeting attendants seem to be frozen in horror. The scarred man recoils in terror when some of Renji's sick hits Shuuhei's sandals.

Because Renji's life is hard.


	15. 15 Min Late To the Chap With Starbucks

When Shuuhei had thought of how he was going to confront Renji about the previous night, he hadn't thought that rinsing puke off Renji in the bathroom would really factor into that. He really shouldn't be surprised, though, if he considered the spiral of a lack of control his life had been descending down recently.

Iba and Izuru help Shuuhei drag Renji out of the office to the nearest public restroom, the rest of the lieutenants looking too shocked to react any. Fine then, they can deal with the sick-soaked potted plant if they really want to.

Izuru and Iba keep their relative distance, not wanting to become another target in the Renji Super-Soaker of Sick. Was a little late for Shuuhei, though. As it is he had to fight not to stop and gag from the disgusting squish of his tabi and sandals. Renji had better be really fucking grateful when he comes to and stops that pathetic whimpering that he's doing right now that's so concerning and makes Shuuhei panic just a little bit.

When the four shinigami reach the bathroom, Izuru and Iba do their best to drop Renji against the wall as gently as possible. Fortunately, it's empty, all of the urinals unattended and stalls standing open and empty. Shuuhei takes the opportunity of Renji being lifted from his person to kick off his sandals and peel off his socks with two fingers. Those get dropped in the sink and Shuuhei tries not to think of all the potential things that could be on a bathroom floor getting picked up by his bare feet.

This is, more or less, Shuuhei's fault. Shuuhei had theorized that he was afforded some time away from Renji because- honestly?- that kiss had screwed Shuuhei up inside more than he wanted to admit. He had gone straight home from the bar that night (after running away from Renji like a coward, who probably drank himself stupid and unwell enough to be in this state the next day). And when he jerked himself off before bed in an attempt to work some of the stress of his body he tried to think of the voluptuous, buxom breasts or graceful, dainty collarbones he had always found himself drawn to before, but his mind kept drifting back to the press of Renji's lips. Eventually the soft, feminine arch of the neck in his mind grew and rippled with taunt, masculine muscles. The shapely breasts shrank onto a chest hardening with sculpted muscles rippling under the thick lines of black tattoos.

Following that, his treacherous brain treated Shuuhei to a slideshow down memory lane of every time he had seen Renji shirtless or showering. The intensity of Shuuhei's climax was humiliating. Shuuhei practically ran out of bed into the shower afterwards, feeling guilty that he had used Renji's body as masturbation fuel. Feeling even more ashamed that it had worked.

Then just as Shuuhei was beginning to admit to himself that yes, perhaps Renji was maybe just a bit sexy, his shoes had gotten puked on. Renji curled up into a ball on the bathroom floor, bracing his head with his arms was nowhere near as attractive as he had been in Shuuhei's fantasies, but he was much harder to ignore and relatively easier to cope with.

"You" Shuuhei announced, wetting a paper towel before waving it threateningly at the destitute red-head, "are a mess."

Renji chuckled weakly, "Maybe just a little. What gave me away?"

"I think the smell back in the meeting room tipped everyone off." Iba commented dryly, fishing a water bottle out of the emergency supply cabinets. Oh yeah, there were other people here. Shuuhei had kind of gotten used to not having to share Renji.

Iba handed off the bottle to Renji, who tried to gulp it down and probably rid himself from the taste of illness in his mouth before it was slapped away from his face by Izuru. "No gulping. Only smaller sips."

Renji, who oh so hated to appear weak in front of people, looked like a deer in the headlights under the other lieutenants' watchful eyes. Wearing embarrassment and self-consciousness plain on his face, he lifted the water bottle to his lips much slower this time, in an attempt to shield his face just a little bit.

Shuuhei restrained a sigh, then decidedly put his hands on Izuru and Iba's shoulders. "Why don't you two go back to the meeting and try to control the damage there before a captain swings by or something. Renji and I will clean ourselves up in here."

Iba protested a little, wanting to prove that he was loyal enough to stand by Renji's side to the point of Shuuhei becoming concerned that the redhead would murder him. Eventually, however, he was pressed to leave, dragging Izuru who gave Shuuhei a more suspicious look after him.

Okay, so Shuuhei maybe felt just a little bit guilty about that. Izuru was Shuuhei's best friend, and they had been nigh-inseparable since they were betrayed by their captains. There wasn't a lot that they kept from each other but Izuru would have to sit in the dark on this one, at least until Shuuhei could figure out what was going on in his own head.

Shuuhei sent the other two vice-captains flying out the door with a push to Iba and a light kick to the rear to Izuru. That done, Shuuhei locked the door to the bathroom before turning back to Renji.

"Thanks…" Renji mumbled, curling in on himself again so the bottom half of his face was lost in his sleeves.

"Don't mention it." Shuuhei said, kneeling with the damp paper towels in front of him. "Really. Don't. This is gross. Head up."

At Renji's stubborn refusal Shuuhei took matters into his own hands, taking Renji's chin in his hands and forcing Renji to face him. Now no longer impeded, Shuuhei set to work wiping Renji's face clean.

"I can do this myself, you know." Renji grumbled, taking more from the pile of towels on the floor to clean off his front.

"You are five years old." Shuuhei protested dully, but he knew it was a half-assed argument. "And anyways, maybe we should take this as an opportunity to, y'know, talk?"

Renji sighed, grimacing at the mess of his haori. "Now, of all times?"

"Would there be a better time?"

Renji seemed to consider this, studying Shuuhei as he ran the paper towel over Renji's face. "I suppose not. So," Renji exhaled heavily, "now you know that I like you. I have feelings, Shuuhei, and they are for you. I gave you my monkey."

Shuuhei paused, lifting the paper towel from Renji to stare at him with confusion. "What?"

"The monkey is a metaphor!" Renji said, sounding insistent. "Anyway that's not the important part! I like you and I thought you liked me back."

Shuuhei cocked his head to one side, feeling more lost by the second. "How'dya figure that?"

"Well you did kiss me back!"

That was true. Shuuhei felt himself blush, a notion that did not go unnoticed by Renji. At first he seemed bewildered by the reaction from Shuuhei, but after a second his eyes lit up with the suddenness of understanding. His frown crawled upwards into an arrogant smirk. "You like me, too."

"I didn't say that. You just decided that for yourself!"

Renji laughed, but was not an unkind sort of laugh. He finishes with the paper towel and crumples it into a ball before tossing it away. "It's okay if you want to think about it. I'm not gonna force you to do anything you don't want to do." He adds cheekily, "But you _so_ totally think I'm hot."

Shuuhei glares at the other man, narrowing his eyes dangerously even as the glow in his face deepened. But there's no use denying it forever. Shuuhei can't run from Renji forever, and there's not going to be a way for him to answer without saying what he's about to say right now.

"Ffffffine." Shuuhei bites out, needing to push the word out there to get in into the open. "There might be some feelings… like, hot-feelings. Feelings related to your hotness. I guess I hadn't actually thought about it that much. I don't know for sure. Wow."

Renji's expression is softer now. It's still not the sexy kind of vibe Shuuhei had conjured in his memories, but that doesn't bother him. "We could try it. You know, being a thing."

"A thing?"

"Like a relationship-thing."

"Yeah." Shuuhei admits in a small voice. His hand falls to the floor, finding Renji's. He touches Renji's hand that way Renji did what seemed like forever and a day ago. "We could. No promises. No commitments. We could just try it out and see where it goes from there."

Renji beams in response and it's ridiculous how much it makes Shuuhei's heart swell up at seeing that stupid, toothy grin. Shuuhei laughs despite himself.

"But I'm not going to kiss you right now. Because you probably taste like throw-up and that'd be so fucking disgusting."

"Aww." Renji pouts, looking dejected, "Way to kill the mood."

"You do that just fine by yourself. Make yourself decent so we can go back to work." Shuuhei comments, falling back on his heels and turning away from Renji so he can stand up.

"If you're so sure you want me decent now." Renji growls in a throaty tone, and Shuuhei's spine stiffens in surprise and he lurches forward slightly at the unexpected sensation of what he's 100% sure was Renji's hand swiftly smacking Shuuhei's ass.

Shuuhei, stunned, looks back to Renji with astonishment drawn across his face. Renji himself looks as if whatever burst of courage promoted the action has dissipated like snow on a hotplate. He snatches his hand back to his side as if he's afraid Shuuhei is going to lose his cool and bite it off. "Was that out of line? That was out of line, sorry."

Shuuhei doesn't lose his cool, although at his point he's not sure there's any cool left to lose. It's more surprise than anger or anything else. People don't often take an interest in Shuuhei's butt enough to know what do to in this situation. "Nah, it's okay. It wasn't out of line. Just… don't do that in front of people, okay?"

Renji's smug look comes back faster than a flip of a coin. "Can I do that in private, then?"

"Why don't you go and puke all over yourself again?"

In Shuuhei's experience, if you threw up you went home afterwards. You threw your pants to the other side of the room and curled up under the bed with a large bucket of plastic tupperware placed strategically nearby. Renji disagreed, and Shuuhei can't really find it in himself to be surprised.

"I'm fine!" He protested against Shuuhei's nagging, "Just had to get all the sick out of my system. Totally good now. Could take out an army of hollows, throw the Eleventh Division across the Seireitei and other such claims of valor."

"And now you're suddenly so eager to walk back into a room full of people who watched you vomit?"

Renji considers this seriously, turning pale. "You know what, though? Maybe I am still feeling a little groggy. I'll skip the meeting and go back to the office."

The two men exit the restroom, Shuuhei's feet feelings kind of weird in his sandals without his tabi, which were deemed lost cause and tossed in the bathroom trash-bin. He'd steal a pair of Renji's later as retribution. Shuuhei had done "The Dating Thing" enough times to know that was a thing people did, and was even encouraged in one of those bizarre ways that being in a relationship made you an anomaly from the rest of society. Which did beg the question-

"So, uh." Renji said before Shuuhei could, awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot to the other, "What do we do now?"

Shuuhei didn't need to ask for elaboration to know what Renji was talking about.

Shuuhei chucked weakly, shrugging his shoulders a little. "Now that is a question, isn't it?" It came out a lot more coy than he meant it to be. He genuinely had no clue himself.

Honestly, Shuuhei's been trying to avoid really thinking about what he could be getting into. Renji was his friend, but he's pretty sure he couldn't picture any of his other friends kissing him like Renji did. But that Renji is so far away from Shuuhei's usual type- that he's not even remotely feminine at all. Shuuhei's adolescence spent in fascination with the female figure felt like it had betrayed him.

And what would that mean for them in bed should the situation arise, which assuming all things went well it undoubtedly would? Would Renji expect Shuuhei to submit to him sexually, or would Shuuhei have to deal with the guilt of having sex with Renji in a manner in which the redhead was not enjoying? Shuuhei's never even done anything intimate with another guy! Well, there was that one time in the academy, but he looked kind of womanish after all. It was all hands anyways and didn't count. Probably.

Shuuhei had been so caught up in these thoughts that he hadn't noticed Renji's growing impatience at a lack of a response. "Shuuhei, something wrong?"

"Huh?" Shuuhei snapped back into focus.

Renji sort of sighs a longsuffering sigh, like he knew this was coming. "It's because I'm a guy, isn't it?"

"Not necessarily." Shuuhei insisted, although admittedly that was part of the conflict, "I'm just sort of wondering where we go from here, you know?"

Renji nods, giving Shuuhei a sympathetic look. But soon enough his face lights into a smile. "I'll tell you what. We can both go back to work and hang out with our friends and act like everything's normal." He leans into Shuuhei, and pressed a kiss to his forehead that Shuuhei guesses is far enough away from his mouth to be acceptable. "And then I'll go back to my quarters with takeout for two, and you can decide whether or not you want to join me."

Renji pulls back, face displaying a smirk at the visible reaction his words and actions as if he already knows what Shuuhei is thinking about his proposal. There's really no reason for that to be sexy. Takeout isn't sexy, but Shuuhei's craving it anyways. Renji walks away, and Shuuhei finds himself regretting that Renji is still too gross to kiss properly.

Whereas before Shuuhei's day had been spent thinking about what he was going to say to Renji and, admittedly, how to avoid Renji, now they were full of what Shuuhei should do _with _Renji. Obviously, the taller man didn't seem the kind to be swept off his feet, which was what Shuuhei had always done with all the girls he'd gone out with. Shuuhei had done what was universally known as "The Dating Thing" to know how it usually worked for him.

Shuuhei hoped that this spacing out into his own thoughts isn't going to become a thing with him. After the Vice-Captain's meeting (the majority of it Shuuhei greatly missed thanks to Renji) and he returned back to the office, Captain Mugumura noticed as soon as Shuuhei's attention began drifting away from the layout for the magazine he was supposed to be designing.

The day crept by painfully slowly, and in the later hours Shuuhei counted down the minutes for the first time in a long time to when his shift was over. Finally, by the time that the end of the day had rolled around, the sky had darkened to a deep black-ish blue. A sort of bruise-like color, Shuuhei decided. He was the editor. He didn't half to be poetic.

On the way to the Sixth, anxiety began to worm its way back into Shuuhei's mind. What would Renji be expecting from Shuuhei when he showed up? Would there be talking involved? With more _emotions_? God, this was very mature of Shuuhei, wasn't it?

But any thoughts of turning back was gone when Shuuhei reached the room on the quarter's hall designated to Vice-Captain. He had barely even arrived when the room was flung open and Shuuhei was yanked inside and found himself with a Renji attached at his hips.

"Hey." Renji says in greeting.

"Hi."

Renji kind of just stands like that more a minute with his arms wrapped around Shuuhei. The confident grin stretched across his face sort of tapers off into a blank expression. "I'm not really sure what I'm doing here. I thought hugging you would be the safest option. So how was _your_ day?"

Shuuhei chuckles, letting his hands come to rest on Renji's arms. His biceps are hard and bulgy compared to a woman, but less so than he imagined. Sometimes Shuuhei forget how angular Renji is. He's like a boxer dog, all bones and sharp muscles but he wears it like he's much bulkier than he really is.

"Hey, Renji." Shuuhei says conversationally.

"What?"

Shuuhei leans in conspiratorially, and says in a husky, seductive whisper, "Do you still taste like puke?"

A flash of irritation at the reminder twitches in Renji's eye, but he matches Shuuhei tone for thick tone. "Nope. I brushed my teeth and everything. I swear."

It's not romantic at all and it's probably the dorkiest lead-in to a kiss Shuuhei's ever taken part it, but it does the trick.

The initiation is awkward because Renji is so much _bigger_ than him, and Shuuhei's really not sure where he's supposed to grip or how hard or where to lean in or if leaning in is even okay at all. It feels like Shuuhei is a kid again having his first kiss, inexperienced and utterly lost in the nightmare of amateurism and sexual confusion. The best he manages is sort of repeating what Renji did last night, leaning in and waiting for Renji to part his lips in permission.

Renji wasn't lying when he said that he had brushed his teeth. He tastes minty like too much toothpaste, and when Shuuhei raises a hand to Renji's face to caress it and slightly adjust the position to give Shuuhei a better angle, he is rewarded by a hot breath and a mouth tasting of peppermint.

It's not as sexy as Shuuhei thought it might be, not in the way he was expecting at least. It feels sort of mushy and soppy and sweet. In all his history of past relationships Shuuhei was never one to invest too strongly in the idea of romance. Dating was a thing people did when they were attractive and could stand to be around one another. He's not sure if the way Renji kisses him makes him change his mind about it, but he wants it to because it feels like what that romantic feeling is supposed to be about.

And in the throes of lip-locking he realizes hey, Renji's pretty good at kissing. He also realizes wow, he better slow down because this is getting really sappy really fast and Shuuhei would prefer to keep some slight sliver of mystery regarding himself alive for now.

That option flies out the window when Renji sucks his tongue with a kind of pressure that implies that he's very talented in that department and Shuuhei opens his mouth for air and emits a kind of breathy sigh.

They both pull away from each other, Renji looking curious but not unpleased and Shuuhei embarrassed by his own responsiveness. He hadn't been expecting that of himself.

Renji gives Shuuhei a smug grin, but nuzzles into the hand on his face. "Whatdya say we move this to the couch. I have some cold takeout with our names all over it."

Shuuhei and Renji eat their dinner, and for Shuuhei it feels really weird because for a while they're both sort of ignoring the fact that they have kissed, will kiss again and just chat and laugh with each other as they shovel food into their mouths like horses as if nothing has changed between them at all.

Something has, though. Renji's hand lingers on Shuuhei's thigh when he reaches over for a second helping. Shuuhei rests his head onto Renji's shoulder as he whines about how boring the vice-captain's meeting was without him. And when they fall asleep like that on the couch, Shuuhei's worries about how the bedroom scene will work out completely delayed for now, Shuuhei doesn't think that he'll complain about how uncomfortable Renji's couch is when he wakes up.


	16. God Why Are the Two of You Such Dorks?

It's weird. Very weird. To Renji it's all very weird.

It's not kissing Shuuhei that's weird. Renji is almost surprised how naturally that comes. Knowing Shuuhei's enigmatic personality and Renji's more dynamic attitude, he had predicted that there would be more clashing between them. Maybe it's because they're still in that "honeymoon phase", although it feels like they've both known each other too long before this to have constructed false ideals of how the other is going to behave.

It's everything else that seems weird now. Going to work and talking to his coworkers and friends with the knowledge that they don't know that he's seeing another man that they're all familiar with behind closed doors. It's bizarre to see Shuuhei at work running errands through the Courts for Squad Nine and trying to keep the conscious effort not to treat him like they're together. On the other hand, Renji's not so sure he'd act all that different if he wasn't keeping that effort, but just the reminder that he's not supposed to weighs on his mind.

They've fallen into this pattern. Beforehand, Renji's days were filled with work and his nights with training and pestering his friends into taking his mind off training. Now Renji's days are full of work and his nights with Shuuhei. With a bit of training thrown in, regularly. The scarred man would show up in his quarters most nights after Renji got home and both would rapidly become busy. Busy in the making out sense.

Renji wasn't sure which one of them first made the unspoken decision to take it slow, but he was grateful for it. As embarrassing as it was to admit to himself, Renji's not sure how he'd be able to handle having sex with Shuuhei without it changing their dynamic. All of Renji's previous partners had gone to bed with him rather quickly, but his relationships rarely lasted long. It was nice to have something a little more consistent, even without getting laid. It was safe.

Sometimes, though, it's a little less than safe. That's not strictly a bad thing- not a bad thing at all. It's not bad when Renji takes his lunch break and wanders down the hall, wondering who to bother into joining him when a hand ducks out from the broom closet like a striking cobra, closing in a fist around his haori and yanking him back in.

Knocked off balance, Renji tripped and sent a few bottles of cleaning fluid off the shelves with a less-than-graceful sweep of his arm. His foot becomes caught in a bucket. Shuuhei, obscured in the dark all except for steel-slate eyes, laughs at his fumbling even as his arms make a beeline for the back of Renji's neck to pull him closer.

"You know, most people just send flowers when they miss someone." Renji grumbled, although he doesn't really mind when Shuuhei's lips attach themselves to his neck. Besides, he really should have known better with Shuuhei. Nowhere is safe from the man.

Truth is Renji will probably never stop being just a little bitter about how mislead he felt about Shuuhei's attitude the first two times they kissed. From Shuuhei's shyness and the way he reacted made Renji believe that Shuuhei would consistently be the demure one in the relationship, and Renji the dominant. And yet, apparently all it took was some gentle provocation to bring out the more demanding side of Shuuhei.

Shuuhei ran his tongue over Renji's neck, prodding with it at a sore spot where Shuuhei had left his calling card the previous evening, the clever little shit. It's very lucky for Renji that everyone thinks he still only likes girls, otherwise he'd be getting a lot more questions about the teeth marks appearing on his skin. People don't push too much when he shrugs it off, and that's the part that kind of stings. Does Renji seem like the kind of guy to hook up with random girls and not be seen in public with them? It must be worse for Shuuhei, who already had quite the track record going with the female population of Seireitei and Renji has been kindly reminded for the majority of his life that he is not exactly subtle nor is he a gentle creature.

Shuuhei's still necking him. The dark-haired man has a fascination with Renji's neck bordering on an obsession. Renji's no nun himself, though. Renji's never thought of himself as the possessive type, but he'd been much more alert when it comes to watching Shuuhei's back.

By which he means Shuuhei's ass.

It's a very nice ass, Renji can admit. His hands traveled down from grasping at Shuuhei's back to his butt, covering his groping by using the position to press their bodies closer together. The move was rather transparent though, if Shuuhei's deep chuckle between laps at Renji's throat were anything to go by.

Something tugs at the folds of Renji's haori and he gasps, but only because Shuuhei's hand is freezing and it wasn't exactly a sauna in the broom closet in the first place. He can feel Shuuhei's smirk on his neck, but before Renji can protest that Shuuhei isn't as alluring as he seems to think he is another hand is drifting down the expanse of Renji's belly and suddenly his clothes feel very uncomfortable.

Fingers stroke Renji's inner thighs through his hakama as Shuuhei gives Renji an ironically innocent smooch on the mouth to muffle the moan that would have slipped out if left unattended. Unconsciously, Renji's hands on the seat of Shuuhei's hakama tighten in a squeeze.

Shuuhei pulled away from Renji's lips to growl in a throaty voice, "If your fingers leave bruises on my ass, I will not apologize for kicking the shit out of yours."

"Can't help it." Renji whined, his thigh twitching a little at Shuuhei's touch. "You're not exactly helpin- _oh!"_

They've done a pretty good job keeping business above the belt, getting used to each other in the physical sense. It's not like Renji can't help that it's maybe more than a little odd to make out with someone you had associated with purely platonic feelings for so long. Renji has taken the time familiarized himself with Shuuhei's lips, his mouth and face and the spots on his chest where he's the most ticklish and he's been comfortable with that. It's as if they've been re-introducing themselves to each other and that's kind of exciting just by itself.

Now Shuuhei's palm was introducing itself to Renji's crotch, and yes it seems things are getting very familiar down there. A bold move, Renji grudgingly admitted. Not wanting to be completely outdone, Renji tried to take possession of Shuuhei in another kiss. He falters in focus, instead choking out a barely-restrained groan into Shuuhei's ear. That's certainly some grip Shuuhei has.

Renji jerks his hips, pressing himself into Shuuhei's hand. He goes in for lip contact again, and is rewarded by frantic kisses to prove that Renji's not the only one getting excited. Heat grows under the fabric of his fundoshi as the pressure becomes more rhythmic, more intense as the movements are drifting closer into relatively uncharted waters. Another moan, although neither can be sure which one made it, echoes through the broom closet.

"I'm sure I felt Shuuhei's spiritual pressure around here, somewhere!"

Both men freeze, locked in a kiss but all of the arousal in the situation gone. Two sets of eyes look in terror at the closed door to the broom closet as they simultaneously try to reign in their spiritual pressure and make their presence scarce.

"Perhaps it's not such a good idea to bother Hisagi-san during office hours, Rangiku." Momo's voice chimes in, "If he's not hanging around he's probably busy in the Ninth or at the publishing office."

The sound of Rangiku's honey-sweet laughter rings from outside the hallway. "Don't worry a bit about it! Shuuhei always helps me with my paperwork this time of day."

"It's not really 'helping' if he's the only one doing it…"

"Ah, what does it matter? He never complains anyways. I'm sure he's skulking around here somewhere!"

At the sound of footsteps drawing closer to their hiding spot, Shuuhei's hand involuntarily squeezed around Renji's member. Renji hissed, barely audibly, and gives Shuuhei a poisonous glare. Shuuhei frowned guiltily at him, but looks back anxiously at the door.

"Oh, _Shuuuuuhei_!" Rangiku called again in a sing-song voice, "Where aaaaare you? God, he's been so flighty, recently! What's gotten into him?"

Momo giggled at the older woman, "Maybe he just got tired of your teasing him all the time."

"Oh, please. He loves my teasing!"

Mentally, Renji snorted and tells Rangiku to keep believing that. Renji liked Rangiku, he really does, but her presence around Shuuhei had being getting progressively more difficult to process while avoiding a twinge of irritation.

The footsteps are much louder now, and a shadow appears to halve the sliver of light poking in from under the door. The only exit was blocked with Shuuhei and Renji trapped in the closet. Somewhere, the gods of irony are laughing at them.

A pause. For a minute, there's no sound except for the beating of Renji's heart in his ears. Shuuhei next to him doesn't make a sound, but in the darkness Renji can see the barely visible rise and fall of Shuuhei's chest with each silent breath, the nervous bob of his Adam's apple up and down his throat when he swallows.

The shadow doesn't move, but shifts as if Rangiku is looking around and considering where her friend could have vanished too. Hinamori adds "Maybe he's gone to lunch early?"

Rangiku sounds unconvinced, "Yeah, maybe. I wouldn't be surprised if Abarai's swooped in and stolen him out from under his own nose. Thank God those two get each other out of the office."

"He'd spend less time in it if he wasn't doing your work." Hinamori's voice points out, "You can catch up with him later."

Finally, Rangiku's feet moved from in front of the broom closet, shuffling further down the hall. Another shadow passes more briefly that must be Momo. Only when their combined footfalls become more distant does Renji risk a sigh of relief. Sharing in Renji's reprieve, Shuuhei slumped his head against Renji's chest, his hand going to his face to cover an embarrassed smile.

That was as good a sign as any that this party should be moved to a more disclosed location. With no small amount of reluctance, Renji's hand fumbled for the doorknob behind him, attempting to open it discreetly.

It would have gone off without a hitch, save for the bucket still caught on Renji's foot. It clattered angrily as he stumbled around it, tripping Renji up that he goes down hard like a smooth motherfucker licking the floor. Discreetly.

Shuuhei pokes his head out of the door after him, though whether to help Renji back up or to point and laugh at him is undisclosed because at that moment a surprisingly close voice says "Did you hear that?"

In a panic, Renji's hand roughly finds Shuuhei's face and shoved him backward back into the closet, which gets slammed closed after him, only slightly muffling the sound of Shuuhei falling backward onto a rack of mops. Renji will undoubtedly be paying for that later.

Still attached to his foot, the bucket clanged in protest. At once Renji set about the task of kicking it off, but was cut off from his work by a questioning voice.

"Abarai-kun?"

The bucket makes a lopsided-sounding sound as Renji totters around to see a suspicious Momo and an amused Rangiku regarding him.

"Uh, hey!" Renji says, confidently putting his hands on his hips as he continued to try to shake his foot free.

Rangiku covers the smirk on her lips with her fingers as her eyes go to the offending footwear. "So is there a reason you have a bucket on your foot, or is this another bold new fashion statement you're sporting?"

"Oh, what? This thing?" Renji comments casually with a dismissive wave of his hand, finally succeeding in dislodging the bucket from his foot. "Uh, well it's… cleaning day at the Sixth Division and Captain wanted someone to mop the floors, except we didn't have a bucket! I came to borrow one except I tripped. Stupid me!"

Water-tight alibi right there. Has there ever been a smoother man than Abarai Renji? Perhaps, but he doubts it.

"Right, well." Rangiku comments, shaking off Renji's tale easily enough, "You are actually just the guy I wanted to talk to!"

"I am?" Renji asked. Oh God, she's not gonna ask _him_ to do her paperwork, is she?

Momo rolls her eyes, politely coughing into her fist to get Rangiku's attention, "Really, perhaps you should just let it drop?"

"I can't! The curiosity is killing me!" Rangiku all but squeals. She knots a fist in Renji's sleeve and drags him down the hall, away from the broom closet and the probably very irate Shuuhei inside.

It's not like Renji has much of a choice in the matter, though, as he gets pulled down the hall and around the corner to find himself stuck between the curious gazes of the two women. Now that it's just the three of them, they adopt a much more scheming look, their eyes shifting like the most elusive of conspirators.

"So, Renji." Rangiku drawls, using his given name for emphasis. She leans against the wall next to him, looking very much the picture of cool and in control. She toys with her hair like the events around her are the least important thing in the world, giving Renji her brightest smile.

It's no wonder why so many men make idiots of themselves for Rangiku's attention. The woman was a born manipulator, sweet in all the right ways that makes people forget how clever she is, makes people want to smile and nod at everything she says. It's a good thing that the majority of Rangiku's little plots and pranks are relatively harmless, because she could press a knife into someone's hands and eight out of ten people would be powerless under her words.

But Renji can't afford to play games with her anymore, as a man with an incredibly personal secret. It's not so much that he doesn't trust Rangiku to be understanding, just that it's not in her nature to keep gossip under her hat. The woman probably has dirt on everybody in Soul Society, including Renji himself. He hasn't forgotten the infamous photo-shoot incident. That was a good look for Shuuhei, though. Renji wonders if he can find uniform again. Has Rangiku kept it? Where does she keep any of the stuff she seems to pull out of thin air? Where does she get them in the first place? These are the many things Renji doesn't know about Matsumoto Rangiku.

That's why her boobs are so big, he realizes. They're full of secrets.

She gives Renji a sultry look, although a blank expression is all Renji can return. "You know Shuuhei pretty well, don't you?"

She's on to them. She knows. Her breasts are reading his mind. Quick, think heterosexual thoughts!

"Uh, yeah. I guess." Renji responds. He notes that he is feeling especially eloquent and graceful today. Things after having a bucket stuck on your foot can only go uphill.

Momo shifts excitedly next to Rangiku. For all the talk she has of letting the mystery conversation drop, she's obviously excited as well. Her eyes are bright with curiosity, her eyebrows drawn up under her bangs in anticipation. "We noticed that Hisagi-san has been really elusive lately. He doesn't go out as much as he used to, and when we see him at work he actually seems like he's _looking forward_ to leaving the office!"

Jeeze, that is kinda big. Workaholic Shuuhei being eager to clock out and go home is an anomaly of science. It's a little stupid, but Renji is actually kind of touched that Shuuhei looks forward to being with him so much.

But that can't be shared. The two women are looking at Renji for a response, but all he can offer is a "Really? I hadn't noticed."

"Yeah, I'm sure." Rangiku chuckles, folding her arms under her ample cleavage, "So what we wanted to ask you is-"

Here it comes. Kiss secrecy goodbye, say hello to awkward explanation.

"-Did Shuuhei get a girlfriend?"

Oh. Or that.

"Huh?" Renji stammers. His shoulders lock in surprise and he answers maybe a little too quickly, "No! Of course not!"

"'Of course not'? What do you mean 'of course not'?" Rangiku demanded, setting her hands about her hips.

Renji rubs the back of his neck anxiously, trying to keep a straight face and not make eye contact with her at the same time. "Well, I mean- I didn't mean to say that he _couldn't_ get one if he wanted to, just…"

Rangiku looks at him critically. She's going to put it together, with her devious little mind and secret-carrying boobs, he knows it.

"Rangiku, I think he means because Hisagi-san's too interested in you to chase after other women." Momo helpfully chimes in. Sweet, oblivious Momo.

Rangiku huffs at the statement, pouting a little. "Well, duh! Everybody knows that!"

That shouldn't get Renji's heart to race a little. Everybody knew Shuuhei had it for Rangiku, even Renji knew! He just kind of, well, figured that after he and Shuuhei got together his feelings for the blond lieutenant would kind of just go away.

A delicate finger prods pursed lips considerately. Rangiku hums, "I'm still not so sure that he's not interested in somebody else, though. Maybe I should finally throw him a bone and ask him out to see how bad he's really fallen for this mystery-hussy."

The impulse to pull is go full over-protective mode as request that she does not do that, fuck no that is the thing that is the least okay and maybe throw a bit of a temper tantrum. He doesn't though, because he is a grown man. He'd never seriously consider doing that. That would be silly and dumb.

When they first got together, Shuuhei had said that they would have "no promises, no commitments". Renji interpreted this that the other man wanted to move slowly, but what if he meant something else entirely? Did that mean he wanted to see other people as well?

Renji couldn't be okay with that. He just did not think he could actually deal with having to share the person Shuuhei was becoming to him. Especially if he had to compete with Rangiku for Shuuhei's attention, a fight that Renji would doubtlessly lose. But what if Shuuhei stayed with him, but had been wanting Rangiku all along? Renji hated the thought of being second best, but to consider he might be a consolation prize for Rangiku's affections put a gaping void in Renji's chest like a hollow hole.

Not to mention that Shuuhei would probably drop Renji like dirty laundry the second Rangiku blinked in his direction. Renji wouldn't blame him. He'd do the same thing if he had to date himself.

"Am I done here?" Renji asked, surprised at the bitterness in his own voice.

Rangiku noticed as well, mouth drawn into a thin line in surprise. Momo blushed, apparently not having noticed Renji's scathing tone. "Sorry, Abarai-kun. We didn't mean to hold you up or anything."

"S'okay. I've got nothing to look forward to but, y'know, that division cleaning-thing. You guys know where to find me."

Rangiku cast him a suspicious look as he left, pausing only to continue chatting with Momo as Renji shuffled back down the hallway. He still had a Shuuhei in the closet to attend to, assuming the other vice-captain had not yet already gotten impatient and fled.


	17. AGGRESSIVELY PROCRASTINATES ON ESSAY

Shuuhei was still waiting for Renji, curious as to where the girls had whisked him off to. After being (rudely) tossed back into the broom closet, Shuuhei had attempted to press his ear to the door until he could no longer hear their conversation or their footsteps.

Huffing a little at his predicament, Shuuhei kicked open the closet door. He looked down the hallway where the three had drifted off to, feeling more than a bit disappointed. It had seemed for a moment that Shuuhei was finally getting somewhere intimate with Renji, if only they had not been so unceremoniously interrupted.

Sighing, Shuuhei leaned back onto the wall as he waited, and he plotted. Renji's hesitancy about getting sexual caught him off guard, and Shuuhei could only reason that it was because he was waiting for Shuuhei to take the next step. It made sense, sort of. Renji had initiated both the first kiss and the relationship itself and now, like a game of chess, it had to be Shuuhei's move for the match to progress.

It wasn't like Renji could be avoiding sex. He couldn't be because according to popular tales among the lady shinigami doing so didn't fit Renji's profile, and Renji himself had bragged about his conquests when drinking before he started dating Shuuhei as the conversation always managed to turn just such. The only other excuse Shuuhei could consider was that Renji didn't find the him attractive enough to take to bed.

Which. was. ridiculous, of course, Shuuhei assured himself as he folded his arms defiantly against his thoughts. Shuuhei had always considered himself quite attractive, facial scars and tattoos aside. Sure, maybe not to someone who had only dated women before, but…

He didn't have to wait long, because Renji came back only a few minutes later looking anxious. They must have grilled him on Shuuhei's whereabouts.

Shuuhei gave Renji a sympathetic grin, "Sorry, about that. I'm just so popular I have to beat the ladies off me with a stick.

Renji snorted, giving Shuuhei a sarcastic roll of his eyes, "Yeah, or hide in the broom closet."

"Same difference." Shuuhei shrugged, "So I guess this kinda killed our mood didn't it?"

"Yeah, it was pretty much a terrible idea in the first place. On a scale of how likely we were to get interrupted from one to ten we rated a solid 'Throw Yourself on the Ground and Worship the Nearest Deity That No One Walked In."

Shuuhei playfully cuffed Renji on the arm, pouting in mock-offense. "It wasn't that bad! _You_ certainly didn't seem to have a problem with it back there. From my perspective you were enjoying yourself, maybe getting a little excited, even?"

A tongue stuck out in Shuuhei's direction, blowing him a halfheartedly raspberry. Shuuhei had made the mistake of dating a nine-year-old in the body of a man.

"Don't you point that tongue at me," Shuuhei smirked in response, "unless you intend to use it, that is."

Shuuhei wasn't expecting the arm coming for his shoulders and could only answer in an alarmed, undignified squawk as he was pinned to a chuckling Renji's chest as a fist was rubbed into to his scalp. This was not a rare occurrence- noogies were things strictly reserved for children and immature grown men.

"Hey, uncalled for!" Shuuhei barked around Renji's arm, struggling against the redhead. "Quit messing up my hair."

"Your hair is stupid, just like your face." Renji answered, finally releasing Shuuhei, who shoved Renji away with one arm. Unrelenting, Renji ignored Shuuhei's pushing and reached over to run a hand through black spikey locks. "This is getting pretty long, you know?"

Shuuhei stopped struggling at the much gentler touch. Sure he had noticed his bangs falling into his eyes more frequently, but he didn't think it was that noticeable. "Oh yeah? I've been thinking about getting it cut, but you know the beautiful flowing tresses always worked so well for you I figured I'd give it a try."

At the snarking, Renji scowled. He reached over with both hands to muss up a protesting Shuuhei's hair. "You look like a shaggy dog!" He stated, "But I like it. Don't get it cut just yet."

Shuuhei batted his hands away, "You just want to make fun of me for having my hair longer like it was when we were in school!"

"Well it does make you look less old."

"Watch your mouth! I'm making you dinner tonight, and you should know never to backtalk a man who's going to be handling your food."

Renji looked taken aback by the sudden declaration, "Make me dinner? When did we decide that?"

"I decided that." Shuuhei announced, setting his hands on his hips, "Just now. You haven't eaten my cooking yet, which is already a grievous crime. Unless you have a better place to be, because I certainly don't. I've made dinner for all the people I've dated."

Something in Renji's expression changed at that last comment. Like a snap, a sudden shrinking of the pupil in those brown eyes before it cracked back to normal. "Oh yeah?"

"Very yeah." Shuuhei assures him with a slap to the shoulder before trotting away, "Now as fun as this little cascade of events has been, I gotta get back to work. Crunch time next week, you know, so I'm pretty much going to be holed up in that office for days on end to get the next issue of the paper out. Sometimes they bring me food and tea so they know I'm not dead. I'll see you tonight at your place, then?"

"Sounds good." Renji answers from behind him, but his voice sounds a little more distant.

But Shuuhei saw that, the flicker of doubt in Renji's eyes as if he were watching the gears churn in Renji's very mind. And the fact of which Shuuhei is certain of as he works through the rest of his day is that yep, Renji is either having second thoughts or he's going to turn into a clinger.

Shuuhei discovers that cooking for Renji is very rewarding. Shuuhei had always rated himself a pretty decent cook, nothing amazing or anything but certainly more adept than the rest of his very bachelor-istic friends. Eating Renji's takeout every night was good for the first week, but a diet of cheap restaurant food does not Shuuhei's diet properly make.

Renji had impatiently hovered over Shuuhei the entire time, hesitantly asking what he was doing every five minutes. Oh yes, Renji was definitely going to be a clinger. Going against popular opinion, Shuuhei didn't mind clingers so much. They can be very fulfilling to serve.

Renji emits a moan bordering on obscene when he stuffs another mouthful of the stew Shuuhei prepared to his mouth. It feels like Shuuhei has cheated somehow because it's not even an especially fancy or elaborate recipe, but Renji is lapping it up like it's ambrosia from the gods.

"Do you even know-" Renji says between mouthfuls, "-how long it has been since I've had a decent home-cooked meal that wasn't ladled with a heavy side-serving of guilt-tripping?"

"A while?" Shuuhei offers. He's long since given up trying to focus on his own food. He keeps noticing the way the meat hasn't truly been cooked just right, or his over use of celery in comparison to the other vegetables. He is his own worst critic. Besides, watching Renji is much more entertaining. Shuuhei leans in on his fist so he can watch the more heavily tattooed man scarf down his dinner.

"Try more like forever and a day! You're amazing. Let me kiss you, let me kiss you right on your stupid face!"

Renji temporarily abandons his food to reach for Shuuhei next to him, trapping him in a hug and pressing his lips to the scarred side of Shuuhei's cheek. He doesn't usually let people touch those, and normally people don't really try to so it works out. Renji doesn't seem to take any issue with them, however, so Shuuhei decides to make an exception for him.

Shuuhei rolls his eyes and half-heartedly bats Renji away with a demand for him to finish his dinner before it gets cold. Renji makes no complaint, turning back to his food with as much enthusiasm as if he'd never turned away from it. The whole scene, dinner and all, is oddly domestic for the two of them.

Shuuhei goes back to watching Renji, letting a lazy smile creep up his face. "Y'know, you're cute when you get irrationally excited by something."

Renji stops midway through raising the spoon to his mouth again to give Shuuhei a sharp glare. "I'm not cute. I'm the goddamn lieutenant of the Sixth Division."

"Nope." Shuuhei teased, "You're adorable."

"No one has ever called me adorable!" Renji protested, setting down his empty bowl, and there's already a blush heating up his face, "Not even when I was a little kid. No one ever says I'm cute and I'm too old for anyone to start."

"Shoosh, don't try to fight it." Shuuhei assures him, patting Renji's head, "Trust me, I know. I only date cute people."

That had meant to come out a lot more reassuring than Renji seems to have taken it. He gives the dark-haired lieutenant a hard look, not reacting when the pat to his head turns into a prodding poke to his cheek.

"What?"

"How come you always bring up your exes so much?" he asks candidly. Shuuhei wouldn't have expected any other tone from him, but he certainly wasn't expecting it in those words.

Shuuhei blinks at the sudden turnaround in conversation, "Huh? What do you mean? I don't 'always' do that!"

"You seem to do it an awful lot! It's not exactly encouraging conversation to hear you talk about all of the girls you've fucked." Renji counters, leaning back on his palms and stubbornly fixing his gaze in a corner of the room, not making eye contact with Shuuhei. His jaw is set firmly, his mouth twisted into a frown.

Shuuhei rolls his eyes as he rests his chin on his palm, "I knew it. Totally a clinger."

Renji stops glaring at the wall long enough to stare bullets at Shuuhei, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't turn his around on me- you know what? Fine, you want to talk serious? I can talk serious."

Renji's not expecting Shuuhei to push him over, but despite not being the tallest guy of his group of friends (or the second or the third), he's very strong. And a Renji off guard is easily bowled over onto his back, the perfect position for Shuuhei to climb over his and position himself sitting on Renji's stomach so he's straddling Renji's sides.

Renji looks up at him in shock but hasn't lost the glimmer of defiance in his face. "Get off."

"No." Shuuhei answers simply, "Now listen, you stupid bastard, because I'm going to say something extremely important and for once you are going to shut up and listen."

"Do you always sit on people when you say something important, because I think that would have been noticed by now."

Shuuhei is not so easily deterred, "Shush. Now you and I know we've dated other people. We've both slept with others, and dated almost exclusively people of the opposite gender. This isn't news. I can't go back and un-sex all of the people I've been with before, but that doesn't mean I think you're not important to me. The same should go vice-versa."

Renji has sat up enough that he can rest on his elbows, his expression is unreadable with his brow furrowed like that and his throat contracts as he swallows dryly. Shuuhei huffs a heavy exhale before leaning down to press a mild kiss to Renji's lips. They both taste like the dinner they just ate, but fortunately Shuuhei is a good cook.

"You matter to me, okay, you idiot?"

When he pulls away, Renji bites his lip like he's physically trying to hold himself back from blurting something out. Shuuhei hopes it's not puke. Getting thrown up on by your boyfriend once is more than enough.

It comes out, though, and it's not sick. "Rangiku's going to ask you out!"

Shuuhei's struck a little, speechless although he isn't sure why. "What?"

"She told me. It's not exactly a huge secret that you've got the hots for her so she's going to ask you out on a date. And, you know, with the whole 'no commitments' spiel you said when we started this whole racket between the two of us, you were kinda giving off signals that you would, well- yeah." Renji looks up at Shuuhei, chin set boldly and eyes fiery despite the fear wavering in his voice.

Shuuhei leans back a little, if only to spread his arms around himself as if he's gesturing to something obvious although he's not sure what he's trying to draw attention to. "Well of course I'm gonna tell her no!"

"But you've always liked her." Renji states matter-of-factly.

"Well yeah." Shuuhei admits, beginning to feel flustered, "But I like _you _now!"

"Sure, after you couldn't get her."

Shuuhei looks at the man underneath him critically, his mouth turning down to a lopsided frown. "Okay, I see your point. But I did choose you and I don't regret that decision."

"Now how can you possibly know that?"

"Well, that's just it. I can't." Shuuhei concedes. He swallows, feeling some heat creep into his cheeks. Oh God he's getting emotional, "Renji, I can't lie to you and say I know what our lives are going to be like years and decades and centuries in the future from now. I'm not like you, I can't decipher my own feelings and let people into them that easily but you have to believe that I am _trying_ to! I am doing my best here and I'm not going to throw that away by running after someone else. "

Renji bites the inside of his cheek, falling back with a groan. Shuuhei's a little worried that this isn't the positive reaction he was hoping for, but Renji's hands come to rest on Shuuhei's knees familiarly. "This isn't going to get resolved tonight, is it? This is so lame of us. How did we get to be so lame so quickly?"

"Probably not. And I don't know." Shuuhei acknowledges. His hands come down to rest on top of Renji's, squeezing comfortingly. "I don't know how to convince you how I feel. So I'm just gonna have to stick by you until you believe me when I say I'm not going to go chase anyone else. I've got enough of a handful right here in front of me as it is."

"Do we have any other embarrassing personal issues to bring up, or is it only me being whiny here? Because it feels like I'm being the whiny one."

Well, live for the moment. "Why is it that you don't want to fuck me?"

Renji's eyes shoot open and he sits back up, knocking Shuuhei backwards slightly that he has to reaffirm his balance by spreading his palms against Renji's chest. "Where did _that_ come from?"

Now it's Shuuhei's turn to be critical. He doesn't want to lash out at Renji after just hearing the younger man's insecurities, but now's as good a chance as any and he doesn't want to bite his tongue any longer. "You always said that you've had sex with all your other partners fairly early on, but it feels like I've had to drag you kicking and screaming just to the point where I can grope you through your pants."

Renji gives Shuuhei a hard are-you-kidding-me look and says obviously, "Oh come on, it's not the same."

"Well, why not?" Shuuhei prompts, accompanying his question with a squeeze to Renji's ribs with his knees. "Is it because you want to be dominant the first time around? Because that's not a problem for me. You don't have to worry about hurting my masculine pride or anything."

Renji smirks at the statement like he's considering the thought, but his voice is still serious. "It's not that I don't want to, I just… all the other people I've slept with- my relationships have always been pretty short. It feels like we should maybe, I dunno, stretch this one out? Make the most of it, even the less sexy parts. And I know," Renji hastily adds, seeing the narrowing of Shuuhei's eyes, "I know you're not going to go run off and jump out the window or whatever when we do fuck, it just, well, it feels like this is actually a r_eal_ relationship. I kinda wanna do it the right way this time. You and I both deserve that much."

"You're not ready." Shuuhei summarizes plainly. Shuuhei suddenly feels like an asshole for being so impatient when it comes to getting into Renji's pants. Of course Renji wanted to take it slowly, it's not like they've got old age to worry about!

Renji scowls at the statement, baring his teeth a little and adopting an offended expression. "You say it like I'm some innocent little virgin."

"It's okay that you're not ready. You could have just said so."

"I _am_ ready!" Renji protests, leaning his head forward so it knocks into Shuuhei's chest, "I am so totally ready! I'm an a-fucking-dult, I am always ready for sex."

"You're not ready."

Renji sighs into Shuuhei's shihakushō , "I'm not ready."

Despite himself, Shuuhei smiles at Renji's obstinacy. He brings up a hand to stroke Renji's face while the other one runs through the hair in his ponytail. Serenely, using the gentlest voice he can manage, he asks "I'm not getting laid tonight, am I?"

"No, you are not." Renji agrees, voice still muffled. "I am so far from aroused right now, my dick is limper than a dead fish."

"Charming."

"Sorry." Renji concedes, although whether it's for the lack of sex or the obscene dead fish metaphor Shuuhei isn't sure.

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize."

"You can still sleep in the bed, though."

"I appreciate that."

Sex still being a taboo subject does not, evidently, extend to kissing, or any of the other things that they were doing before all the awkward questions came up. The sleeping yukata that Shuuhei borrows from Renji is way too over-sized enough that it flops childishly over Shuuhei's fingertips, but he's already grown attached to it. It smells like Renji, musky and rich. The sheets do also, and the being surrounded by the scent feels so good when Renji kisses him goodnight before laying down beside him under the heavy covers.

Shuuhei feels arm wrap around him from behind, and let's himself snuggle back into Renji's chest.

"I have decided," Shuuhei announced, nuzzling his face into the pillow that also smells like Renji a bit, "I don't mind that you're not ready to have sex with me yet."

A little sleepily, Renji chuckles into Shuuhei's hair. "Am I supposed to be impressed by this? Geeze, make out with a guy in the broom closet once and you're on his roster forever."

"Basically, yeah." Shuuhei answered. "First I'm going to prove that I care about you enough that I don't want anyone else. Just you watch me."

"I believe you. And then I'll pay you back. You know I'm going to hold you to it when you said you wouldn't mind me topping, right?"

Shuuhei snorted derisively, "If you're so certain that you can, Mr. Dead Fish."

"How tired are you right now?"

"I am _so _tired." Shuuhei said around a yawn, flopping his head back against the pillow. Renji laughs again, deep and throaty. He leans over once more to press a wet kiss to the corner of Shuuhei's jaw before lying back down to envelope the scarred man in his arms and clinging as if for dear life.

"Goodnight, Shuuhei."


	18. Here in 30 Seconds or your Drama is Free

For a while, Renji had always fancied himself the alpha male. As a kid who didn't have much control over his own life in such a poor district, it was liberating to have people who listened to him and didn't mind getting bossed around by him when he got older. Sadly, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, and ironically as he rose higher in power he learned more that once in a while he'd have to suck up his pride for the good of cooperation. So if Renji couldn't be the alpha, he'd give himself the beta position, at least. Maybe delta on a really bad day, just once in a while.

So how, Renji would find himself asking the night after his and Shuuhei's first official fight, did he suddenly find himself to be the chick in the relationship? The one that "wasn't ready"?

He wasn't the least bit submissive, to give himself credit. He loved being in control of kissing Shuuhei, pushing past gentle and sensual and taking Shuuhei's mouth hard with his own. He adored those moments when he could grasp and yank free a physical reaction of Shuuhei just from kissing and pushing their bodies against each other, and grew to live for the fiery glare and indignant blush that Shuuhei elicited in response to Renji's smirk when he managed to do just that.

Not even in the times when Shuuhei was the kisser and Renji the kiss-ee did he feel he was somehow being made to do something even slightly against his boundaries or that he was not in control. Shuuhei was very responsive to Renji's signals, slowing down or speeding up based on the pace Renji set forth even if it drove the scarred man crazy doing so. It was painfully fun to drive Shuuhei up the wall in that regard.

Sometimes, however, he was content to let attention be forced upon himself, and to let Shuuhei have his wicked way.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let him do that when Renji was trying to catch up on paperwork, however. Even if lying shirtless on Shuuhei's couch in the older shinigami's lap with a relatively simply report to fill the blanks in for was a pretty good place to be on nearly any given day.

"I have concluded that you are a vampire." Renji announced, twirling his pen around his finger in time with the rhythm of the sucking on his skin.

The heat of Shuuhei's mouth came away from Renji's neck with a wet sound, briefly accompanied by a tongue lapping at the attention-lavished spot before responding. "Hey, that's stereotyping. I am both offended and disgusted by your callousness. And here I was going to make you my love-slave of the undead."

"We're already undead." Renji leaned his head back to look at Shuuhei, giving the man a criticizing look. "There's no way my neck can still be this interesting to you. Don't you get tired of looking at the hickeys you make? Not to mention how embarrassing it's going to be for _me _here, let's not forget."

"There aren't that many marks." Shuuhei assures him, lovingly stroking the plane of skin on Renji's neck just below where his hair is tied up. His touch travels downwards, on the spine between Renji's shoulder blades, which have also been getting attention recently as per the lack of haori or shihakusho. Renji shivers at the touch, both because that's a sensitive area and because Shuuhei really needs to do something about the temperature of his hands. The guy has circulation issues, Renji swears. "I've been very careful."

"Whatever." Renji snorts, "Aren't you bored with sucking on my neck by now?"

"Ah, well." Shuuhei chuckled bashfully, "I've kinda been spacing out a bit and just did it without really thinking. What an absent-minded motherfucker I am."

"Vampire."

"Shut up."

That goes on for a little while longer, Shuuhei wrapping his arms around Renji' torso as he mouths the redhead's neck while Renji tries to concentrate and make a noticeable dent in his report. It's a pleasant kind of quiet, the the coldness of the air outside countered by the indoor furnace turned high and the sunlight happily blasting in between the muffled cover of closed curtains. They have moved past the need to cover silences with meaningless words.

Some words, however, need to be said. Maybe "need" is a strong word.

"Renji, are we gay?"

If Renji had been drinking a cup of tea he would have dramatically spat it out, dousing his paperwork in liquid. As it was, his pen stopped spinning between his fingers and launched in a windmill to the other side of the room. "I cannot believe you have waited until _now_ to question this."

Renji slumps down in Shuuhei's lap so he can look up and make eye contact. Shuuhei bites his lip, eyes looking glazed over as if deep in thought. "Well, its like- okay, I know you don't really like hearing about my exes, but does dating you really discount like a hundred girls?"

Renji snorts again at "hundred". Shuuhei slaps the top of his head in response.

"Not the point."

Renji chuckles as he raises a hand to pat Shuuhei's cheek over the sixty-nine tattoo. "I guess that makes you bisexual, from a labelistic point of view. Congratulations."

Shuuhei still manages a dubious look, one eyebrow drawn up in doubt. "That's still kind of extreme for just one dude."

"Only one? Ever?"

"Well, okay, there may or may not have been a handjob I gave this one guy once."

"That sounds pretty not-straight to me." Renji observed frankly, "Why do you care? Are you going to tell people about… you know?"

Shuuhei's neck went red under his choker, and he ran his hands down Renji's chest nervously, tracing the outline of Renji's tattoos. "No. I mean, not right now. Maybe in the future, when we're both ready for people to know?"

Renji wants to grin and call bullshit on that, wants to denounce Shuuhei as the terrified closet case he really is. But Shuuhei is looking at Renji searchingly, eyes that are usually so narrowed in focus and constant concentration are now wide in doubt and fear. So Renji bites down his commentary for the first time in a long time, for both their sakes.

"It doesn't matter what you call yourself. It doesn't say anything about who you really are, right?"

It's a one-sided argument that feels empty, but one that will get them both through the day for now. Because Renji would be lying if he said the thought of approaching this new, strange, abnormal _feeling_ growing inside of him wasn't horrifying enough without reflecting that off Shuuhei.

"Nice hickey." Ichigo observed.

Renji slapped a palm to his neck, gritting his teeth. "Go back to work. We've got hollows to hunt."

Returning to fighting hollows in Karakura Town was a pleasant distraction from busywork in the Sixth Division. Or at least it would have been, save for a few distractions of Renji's own. Hiding the signs of Shuuhei may have been easier with all his other friends, but Rukia and Ichigo knew Renji too well to brush off the obvious stuff.

Plus, they were _teenagers._ They could practically sniff out romantic drama like hormone-crazed bloodhounds.

Hearing a familiar crash of a fist, Renji ducked his head on instinct. Overhead, the beaten, bruised of a hollow flew overhead. Whipping his head around, Renji saw Chad clench his super-powered fist. Uryuu and Orihime appeared aside him, running to join the three shinigami.

"I think we found the hollow." Rukia commented, taking in the sight of the trampled hollow.

"Sorry we're late. We came as soon as we could." Chad said, feet backtracking to stop where Ichigo, Rukia and Renji stood.

Ichigo set his sword back into place on his back. "Well, we're down one hollow to hunt thanks to you, so I think your timing is forgiven. I don't suppose any of you guys actually want to finish last period, do you?"

"God, no." Rukia agreed, brushing her bangs away from her face, "P.E. in a gigai? I think I'd rather clean bedpans for the Fourth Division for the class time."

Renji chuckled, putting Zabimaru back in its sheath to stuff his hands in his pockets. "Figures. How many times did I have to listen to you whine about physical training in the academy? I'm beginning to think maybe it's not the classes that are bad, you just suck at sports."

Rukia gave Renji a hard look, glowering seriously. "Beginner's kido class, freshman year."

"That's a low blow."

Ignoring the bickering of the two soul reapers, Uryuu looked down at his watch. The quincy sighed, "Well, there's only fifteen minutes of school left. We're not going make it back in time anyway."

Orihime beamed, clapping her hands decisively. "Well, It is Friday, after all! Let's go back to my place to celebrate! I can make snacks."

Stomachs dropped at the idea.

"That sounds like a great idea, Inoue." Rukia smiled indulgently, tapping Orihime's shoulder. "But we don't want to impose on your time, we can just buy some food on the way there."

The topic drifted, and seeing as the majority of the group were highschoolers the conversation moved to highschool matters. It had little to do with Renji, so he let his mind taper off.

They began the walk, trekking leisurely. "So have you guys decided what you're going to do for the school dance next week?" Orihime suggested to just about everyone there excluding Renji.

"We're having a school dance?" Ichigo asked, surprise obvious in his voice.

"They've moved up the 'Spring Fling'." Chad elaborated.

"You're kidding." Ichigo intoned, "There's still snow on the ground!"

Uryuu snorted, adjusting his glasses so the fickle light flickered off the lenses. "There was a situation with the budget cuts. Apparently the school couldn't afford to book a DJ any later than March. I don't see how it really matters, considering that no one ever goes to those dances, anyways."

"Oh, I don't know." Orihime said wistfully, a new spring in her step, "The theme is 'A Night in the Jungle'! Doesn't that sound sort of exciting?"

"Sure, if you're interested in that sort of thing."

"I guess you're right." Orihime admitted, "Still I think we should go. It might be fun!"

"It also sounds like it would be a wasted Friday night surrounded by people I spend five out of seven days a week around anyways."

"Ishida, your social anxiety is showing, again."

Renji never thought he would get tired of takeout. Cheap restaurant food was his passion, and his savior during the inexpensive school years. And yet, the udon noodles that had been sitting under a heating lamp for about an hour just weren't even nearly up to par with Shuuhei's home-cooking.

Thinking about that was kind of depressing as of now, as it only served to remind him of the current lack of Shuuhei in Karakura Town. The wistfulness was dangerously foolish, Renji realized, because he'd never be able to function if he couldn't go without Shuuhei for more than a day. Still, they'd seen so much of each other recently that the sudden lack of contact was sort of startling, like a withdrawl. Suddenly Renji was feeling a little crowded, and if anyone noticed when he slipped off from the group to finish his meal on Orihime's roof, they didn't come to satiate their curiosity.

At least not everyone.

"Hey, Renji." Rukia called to him, "Stop stuffing your face for a second."

Renji looked up, disappointment and noodles hanging from his face. "But… food!"

"Renji!" Rukia pressed. Renji watched as she shimmied out the window, crawling up on top of the roof and scooting over until she was sitting next to him. Her feet kicked listlessly against the air next to his as they dangled over the edge.

Renji set down his box of takeout and regarded her with suspicion, leaning back onto his palms. "I'm starting to realize that whenever you corner me away from everyone else you're going to say something I don't like."

In the dark, Rukia was rather difficult to pick out from the shadows, with only her pale skin and the moon's reflection off her indigo eyes standing out against the otherwise softened features of her face. "It's hardly my fault that you can be so difficult to talk to, sometimes. Speaking of which, I came up here for a reason. I have a proposition for you.

"No."

Her face dropped, bottom lip sticking out dramatically. "No? You haven't even heard what I was gonna say yet!"

"True." Renji said with a shrug, sitting up so he could fold his arms confidently, "But I don't trust you when you've got that 'Evil Rukia' look."

"At least listen before you make a judgment!" Rukia pressed, swatting Renji's arm. "Okay, I know you've got all these nameless mystery girls climbing over each other to slap hickeys on you, but if you had a real girlfriend you'd tell me, right?"

Well, technically. It was fortunate that Rukia was too absorbed in her own plan to notice Renji's response of a less than affirmative "Uh."

"You pass well enough as a highschool student, you know." Rukia continued, getting a faraway look in her eyes.

Was that a compliment or a derogatory statement?

Renji fidgeted in his seat on the roof, tightening his arms wrapped around each other. He cocked his head, suspicious and alarmed, "Rukia, what's this actually about? You're not, like… asking me out, are you?"

"What?" Rukia's gaze snapped back into focus. She made a face, sticking her tongue out, "Eww, no! Of course not."

Ouch, that hurt.

"Oh, well thanks for that!" Renji barked, mouth curling into a scowl.

Rukia put her hands up defensively. "No, no it's just- I mean, that'd be like dating my brother! I was going to say I think you should go to the school dance with Orihime!"

That wasn't what Renji had been expecting. His spine jolted in surprise, despite the fact that he still had to look downwards to make eye-contact with the shorter vice-captain. "Why Orihime?"

Suddenly, Rukia turned bashful. Her shoulders rose like hackles on a cat and her gaze drifted. "Well, I was going to tell you about this sooner, but you were gone so much last week. I think I'm going to ask Ichigo if he wants to go with me. I just don't want her to feel left out."

Oh.

Honestly, Rukia being interested in Ichigo wasn't a huge surprise. In a lot of ways they had an unhealthy obsession with each other. In a manner of speaking, Renji was sort of relieved. Vying for Rukia's attention as her best friend would be easier if Ichigo had a different role to play in her life altogether.

Still, there was the other issue he had with the situation. "Why me?" Renji pushed, "Ishida seems to like her!"

"Ishida and Yasutora are going together."

Oh. Again. Well, that also sort of made sense.

"Come on!" Rukia demanded, giving Renji her best puppy-dog eyes, blinking at him innocently. "Orihime really wants to go and she'll be all on her own! You don't even have to dance, just dress adequately and get her punch. It's not like you've got an excuse to just sit at home in Soul Society all by yourself when there's a beautiful damsel in need of your help. Pleeeeease?"

"Well, er…"

Shuuhei was not going to be happy.

It was the next day that Renji saw Shuuhei again. This time the dark-haired man was already in Renji's quarters when he arrived, happily chopping up vegetables on a wooden cutting board as if it was the most important thing he could be doing in the world. He gave Renji an endearingly lopsided grin when he came in, spinning the knife haphazardly and laughing when Renji ducked on impulse.

"How did you even get in?" Renji demanded, brushing off his nerves.

"Your door wasn't locked." Shuuhei said as he turned his attention back to the food he was disassembling.

"Yes it was." Renji argued.

"Well, your window wasn't."

"Yes, it _was."_

"Well it's not anymore."

Renji rolled his eyes as he carelessly threw his overnight bag in the direction of the couch. "You know, I could just give you my spare key. You're going to need it if you let me start to get used to coming back to my little housewife making me a home cooked meal." He teased.

Shuuhei turned from is work to give Renji a bitter glare, "Who said any of this was for you?"

"Notice how you didn't argue about the housewife part."

"Keep it up, Renji, and watch me laugh when you go hungry. I hope for your sake you ate before you came." Shuuhei snorted, "And here I was going to tell you about all the exciting new things that happened while you were away. Guess what happened yesterday."

Renji walked past and flopped down on the couch, lying lengthwise so he could watch Shuuhei in the kitchen as the man cooked. "Ikkaku finally grew hair?"

Shuuhei snorted. "In his dreams.

"Something blew up in the Twelve Division?"

"It doesn't count if it happens every day!"

"You learned what sixty-nine really means?"

"Smartass. No, guess again!"

"Just tell me!" Renji chuckled, throwing his head against the armrest.

Shuuhei put down his ingredients and quickly rinsed his hands before sliding to sit on the coffee-table in the living quarters. Renji smirked at the normally severe man's excitement. "You know who talked to me yesterday?"

"Who?" Renji asked dully.

Shuuhei smirked at him, smugness written all over his face. "Rangiku."

That relit Renji's attention. He wasn't sure how to interpret Shuuhei's pride about the situation, but he hoped it meant something good.

"Yeah, she asked me out on a date. And-" Shuuhei announced, lifting a finger before Renji could respond. "- I told her, with room for uncertain terms not employed even the tiniest bit, 'no'."

"Oh yeah?" Renji asked, "Was she upset?"

Shuuhei beamed as he spoke. "She was more curious as to why I rejected her more than anything. She asked me why I said no, and I told her the truth; that I was already seeing someone who was very special to me."

Renji's heart melted in his chest and he couldn't help the smile spreading across his features. "Aww," he cooed, "Softy."

Shuuhei's smile turned to an indignant scowl as he kicked Renji's shin. "How about you? Anything interesting happen in Karakura town, or just your basic hollow hunting trip?"

The gooey feeling in Renji's heart froze like ice. His hands went to his lap to fiddle anxiously, and suddenly the texture of the couch was very, very interesting. "Well… funny story, actually…"

"Shuuhei, can I come it yet?" Renji whined, hitting his forehead against the door.

Shuuhei's voice inside was only slightly muffled by the barrier of wall and wood. "Believe me, Renji, this is for your own safety. Just, you know, gimme a sec."

"It's not like I want to!" Renji protested, slumping against the door. "I didn't know how to say 'no'! It would have looked suspicious! And Rukia would have brought Inoue out and had her look at me with those big, sad eyes!"

"You know who else has eyes?" Shuuhei responded, irritation and disapproval obvious in his voice, "Me! They are staring at you judgmentally through this door."

"I feel their judgment. I do. Believe me, I get why you're mad." Renji began, reign in some control of the conversation.

Still behind the door, Shuuhei laughed. "Oh good. That makes everything all better! You know this is exactly what you were bitching to me about during our last fight, only reversed and taken to the extreme. What was it about wanting commitment, again?"

"Can you just let me back inside my own home yet, Shuuhei?" Renji pleaded, although it bordered on a growl. He looked nervously up and down the quartering area's halls. "Someone's gonna come out and see me and wonder why I'm talking to my door."

"Fantastic, you can ask them what you should wear on your date!"

"It's not a date!" Renji exclaimed, turning his body so he could lean one shoulder against the door. "I'd only be going to make Inoue feel better about all her friends hooking up all over the place without her. I'm probably gonna spend the whole night standing alone in the corner while she dances and chats with her friends. It'll be like I'm not even there!"

Silence came from the other side of door for a minute. Renji began to wonder if he should just go and hole up in one of his friend's places for the night. Maybe he shouldn't have made the housewife comment earlier, as now it seemed the metaphor had come to life.

Finally, a small noise like an exasperated sigh came from inside. The door slid open and suddenly there was a lack of door to lean on and Renji tumbled over back inside the room, sliding to the feet of a very annoyed-looking Shuuhei.

"It's not a real date, right?" Shuuhei asked seriously. Disappointment still dripped from his voice, but at least he didn't appear mad.

"Not even remotely a real date." Renji answered from the floor. "I swear, I'll take her straight home afterward and come back here to Soul Society and we'll never talk about it ever again."

Shuuhei still looked like he wanted to protest, his lips pressed dangerously. He ran a hand through his spiky hair, looking at the ceiling as if praying for patience before turning his gaze back down to Renji.

"Fine. But I don't like it. Get in here and eat your supper."

"Finally!" Renji bounced back onto his feet, smiling with relief in his voice.

Shuuhei snorted but closed the door after Renji as he entered. "You're just lucky you get away with everything because you're so damn cute."

"I forgive you for that, but only because I know you say it out of anger."

**Author's note: Friends, countrymen, fanfiction readers. Lend me your ear. Or eye.**

**Through all of the support I've gotten on this (and know dearly that I love each and every one of you) I notice that I have maxed 65k words on this fic for this one pairing that so few people care about. This makes me happy, and not just because RenShuu makes me happy. You see I have been working towards a goal, and in less than ten-thousand words I will have reached that goal.**

**That's right. This is my dream.**

**To write a fanfiction longer than the first Harry Potter book.**

**You heard it here first, folks. The fanfic you are currently reading is literally the length of a small novel. I thought this was important to let you know. Thank you dearly for making this fantasy a little more plausible as I crawl closer and closer to my desired 75k words. I wish you nothing but happiness and I appreciate your support and patience. I hope you will continue to enjoy what I have in store**


	19. Ironically I Now Literally Own Dead Fish

If Shuuhei was on edge the following week, it definitely wasn't because of Renji.

There were a lot of other reasons for Shuuhei to be irritable and stressed. The new issue of Seireitei Communications had to be organized and printed by Friday tomorrow or else they'd be pushed off schedule so Shuuhei was in no small supply of articles to edit. Captain Mugumura had taken charge as being the new head of the paper with vigor, but the style he was after clashed with Tousen's method that Shuuhei had inherited when he took up the mantel so both captain and vice-captain found themselves struggling to unite their individual devices into one cohesive flow. Half the week they both stayed overnight at the office to stay on track.

And that was only as far as Shuuhei's struggles with the paper. After informing Rangiku that no, he was certainly quite involved with somebody else the woman had become quite insistent that the matter was her business.

"Come on, Shuuhei! You've got to tell me!" She protested, planting herself firmly in the spare chair in Shuuhei's office.

Shuuhei chewed on his pen as he reviewed the article on Soul Society's economy. "It's no one's business."

Rangiku, ignoring the fact that Shuuhei was trying to focus, crossed her legs and glowered. "Why won't you tell anyone? Is she embarrassing?" Her eyebrows raised and she leaned closer to him over his desk conspiratorially to ask, "Is it someone from work?"

Shuuhei's face darkened unconsciously. On the paper, he underlined a mistake in red ink and accompanied it with a condescending word of criticism to the original author.

"It is, isn't it?" Rangiku grinned, "I knew it! She totally is!"

"Who's what?" Izuru appeared in the doorway, his arms full of papers.

"Shuuhei's girlfriend!" Rangiku supplied before Shuuhei could answer, "She's a shinigami. Our boy has moved up from petty flings to secret office romance- a love forbidden by honor and duty. I'm so proud!" She announced, dramatically flinging an arm over her forehead for emphasis.

Izuru looked at Shuuhei with surprise, and maybe a little bit of hurt. "You didn't tell me you have a girlfriend."

Shuuhei sighed, knocked his head back against his chair and throwing the edited article back on his desk. "That's because I haven't told anyone anything about my love life because it is _no one's_ business!"

"Why? She can't be that bad." Izuru pointed out, setting down the stack on paper on Shuuhei's desk. "This is for you, by the way. Data for the paper collected by Third Division.

"Oh, goodie." Shuuhei groaned, painstakingly picking up the first sheet of the pile.

But Rangiku wasn't finished prodding into Shuuhei's social life. "Is it Isane? I always thought she was your kinda lady."

"I'm not dating Isane." Shuuhei stated firmly, mentally adding he had been there, done that.

"Nanao?"

"No." That ended when he forgot to call her the next day. He'd meant to, honestly. It'd just totally slipped his mind.

"Nemu?"

"Nope." There had been an attempt. Shuuhei was by no means fragile but the woman had been just a tad too rough around the edges and with absolutely no finesse at all. Never go for the ones with daddy issues too fast.

Shuuhei was beginning to realize maybe he wasn't actually all that good with women.

"Maybe she's not a lieutenant?" Izuru offered, the traitor. He put a fist down on his palm decisively and directed to Shuuhei, "Is she a captain?"

Shuuhei gaped with shock, "Kira, No!" and Rangiku agreed with a solemn nod.

"Definitely not a captain. Captain Unohana's too mature for Shuuhei-"

Too mature? What? Should Shuuhei be offended by that? Should he be offended on behalf of Captain Unohana?  
"And Captain Soifon, well," Rangiku shrugged, waving a hand dismissively, "I wouldn't assume Shuuhei's really her type, if you catch my drift."

"So it can't be a lieutenant or a captain, then." Izuru observed, tapping his foot and lifting a hand to his face to stroke his chin thoughtfully. "A lower rank, then? But that could be just about anyone."

Rangiku's attention had already flitted beyond the schematics that were still running through Izuru's mind. She clapped her hands in her lap, bouncing in her chair like a child being told a bedtime story. "So what's she like? If you're not gonna tell us who she is, you can at least describe her!"

"Matsumoto," Shuuhei groaned, pushing aside the documents he was looking over in exchange for a new batch, despite the fact that it was getting increasingly difficult to concentrate. "I'm not going to say anything because I know for a fact it's only going to encourage you. Can I perhaps get back to work now, if you aren't terribly inconvenienced by such?"

Of course there was an easier solution available, which was to lie. Shuuhei could simply fabricate an imaginary girlfriend to take Renji's place to pacify his curious friends, but Shuuhei already knew that wouldn't be fair to Renji. Not to mention that Rangiku and Izuru were both frighteningly bright people- it would be simple enough for either of them to divine some way of fact-checking all female shinigami and finding holes in his ruse.

But backtracking to the unfairness of the situation, it also wasn't fair to Shuuhei for Renji to let himself be cowed into playing the part of another person's date, was it? Shuuhei didn't doubt Renji's loyalty, but the human girl Orihime didn't know Renji was spoken for. Plus, Shuuhei had observed that the ryoka teenager was quite the looker and could be very charming. But just because Shuuhei had noticed this didn't make him jealous. It was just precautionary.

Naturally, Rangiku was unaware of Shuuhei's inner turmoil. "Is she pretty? Does she have freckles, or fair skin? Are you romantic with her?"  
"Don't you have your own work to be doing, both of you?" Shuuhei was losing his patience. Thinking about Renji has set him on edge. Not to mention the obvious fact that Shuuhei didn't _want_ to explain that it wasn't a woman he was interested in. He didn't want to have to explain to people, even people he trusted, about his feelings when Shuuhei was honestly struggling to understand them, himself.

Izuru folded his arms over his chest, "You got to admit, Hisagi, it's very suspicious of you to withhold this kind of information. Is there really something so wrong with this girl that you have to-"

"You know what?" Shuuhei announced, placing his palms flat on the desk to push himself up, "This might startle the two of you to know, but I actually have things to do. My time might be just fine to waste to you, but I'd like to get back to actually using it! You can both leave now."

"Hisagi-"

"That time it wasn't a suggestion." Shuuhei stated, barely managing to keep the growl out of his voice through gritted teeth.

At that statement, Izuru finally summoned the awareness to look surprised. His eye narrowed cautiously and his mouth set into a thoughtful kind of frown, looking at Shuuhei carefully even as he raised his hands in a peaceful "woah there" gesture. Rangiku just glared at Shuuhei, her finely manicured nails curling into the armrest of the office chair she was seated at as if she might physically fight to stay. After a second, however, she stood up.

"Do pardon us for taking an interest in your life, Shuuhei. We won't bother you again." She hissed melodramatically. As she said it she pushed Izuru out the doorway and shut it gracelessly behind her.

Shuuhei waited, standing frozen at his desk as he heard their footsteps out the door. The muffled but still loud echoes of a verbal scuffle between the two blonds broke out and continued down the end of the hallway.

Shuuhei released a heavy sigh, sitting back down and picking up the next article and a highlighter pen. Fucking Renji, He just had to go setting off this whole cycle of pissing Shuuhei off so he could in turn piss off the two of his closest friends. Great, just great.

The highlighter squeaked against paper and Shuuhei didn't even realize he has still been highlighting until half the page was coated in yellow. Goddammit. Oh well, it's the fact-checker's problem now.

The door to his office slid open once more, and Shuuhei felt what little was left of his tolerance break at the ever-daunting task of warding off more visitors.

"Hisagi!"

"Holy shit, what is it now?" Shuuhei demanded, speaking perhaps a bit louder than he intended, standing up automatically and accidentally knocking over his chair in the process. He looked up to the slightly startled but otherwise overwhelmingly stern face of his captain.

"That's a damn fine way to talk to your captain, runt!" Captain Mugumura stated.

A hot flush of mortification flashed through Shuuhei's body. His arms jerked awkwardly, as if thinking they should make some gesture of apology without his brain's consent. "I am so sorry, Captain! I wasn't expecting you-"

The silver-haired captain's mouth twitched in a frown. "Yeah, yeah, I know. We've got a lot of work for the next few days, so try to pull through this oncoming mental breakdown for a bit longer. Christ, what's with you being so jumpy all of a sudden?"

"'M not jumpy." Shuuhei grumbled, relaxing now that he knew he wasn't in trouble. He righted his over-turned chair to slump back down into it, "I'm just a little on edge, I guess. Sorry. Again."

"'Sorry' isn't going to get you to pull yourself together." Kensei announced, stomping into Shuuhei's office and heading towards the window on the other side of the room. "Fresh air, Hisagi. It's a thing that people need. Learn to embrace it."

He yanked open the curtains, letting the sunlight of a dying winter's afternoon soak up the room. At the sudden increase in natural light in comparison to the otherwise slightly dim artificial lighting of the indoors, Shuuhei squinted his eyes and hissed on instinct, raising a hand to shield his eyes.

"Uh huh, that's what I thought." Captain Mugumura announced, tying the curtains away from covering the window again. "A vice-captain's no good if he stays cooped up in the office all day. Tomorrow I want you to take lead in the patrols. It's finally warming up around here and it's about time we take the chance to cover more ground before the rain gets heavy."

"Yes sir. Maybe that's a good idea." Shuuhei agreed thoughtfully. He'd been spending an awful lot of time on this latest issue of the paper, and whatever nights he didn't camp out in the publishing office was spent with Renji so there had hardly been any time for Shuuhei to catch up on training. A patrol around the Seireitei would do him good. Especially when considering.

Considering that tomorrow was Friday, the day Renji was supposed to take Orihime to that ridiculously childish high school dance. Yeah, maybe staying cooped up in the office wasn't a great thing to do on that day.

A though struck Shuuhei. "But Captain, what about the paper?"

But Captain Mugumura brushed off his concern, waving a large hand dismissively. "The lower ranks and I will take care of it. It's not like you're going to be much help in this kind of state, anyways."

"Gee, thanks sir."

"Don't worry about it." Captain Mugumura assured him, setting off to leave the office. "Just concentrate on finishing up your work here tonight. And get some goddamn sleep, you walking train-wreck."

That was about the heightened point of interest in Shuuhei's day. After that the minutes crept by slowly, the clock mounted on the wall above Shuuhei's head ticking nearly inaudibly against the otherwise stark silence of the office. Minutes crawled into hours, which blurred together as the noontime sun continued its slow descent into evening.

Finally, Shuuhei could shove aside the mountain of papers he had been forced to scour over. Half the piles of white sheets tumbled over the edge of the desk, but that would be a problem for tomorrow. As he locked up his office, preparing to head straight home and surround himself with the comfort of familiar sights and smells, he rubbed at his sore eyes. The headache blossoming there was not from tiredness, but a sense of restlessness.

It's a brief travel from his office to his quarters, even so Shuuhei has time to contemplate that his captain was correct in asserting the increase in temperature. Shuuhei wouldn't have noticed it unless somebody had pointed it out to him, but the knowledge made the trip seem a bit more pleasant with the observation. He shrugged, thinking perhaps that maybe it was a hollow thing.

The Ninth's quarters are mostly dark when he arrives, the happenings of each soul reaper inside their respective living space silenced by the separation of sturdy walls. The lieutenant's quarters, however, mar the shadows with a sliver of light ducking out from the bottom crack.

Opening the door confirms that yes, it's Renji in Shuuhei's quarters. The man has produced a hotplate from somewhere and taken to heating up leftovers from the fridge. He regards Shuuhei with a quirk of his tattooed brow, "Well look what the cat dragged in. Tonight I'd like to suggest the house's evening special; relatively warm three-day-old beef dumplings with rice and this cask of sake I confiscated off some under-aged recruits in my division."

"How did you know I'd be home?" Shuuhei asks. He doesn't bother to stop to question the moral implications of taking possession of other shinigami's drink. "I've spent the last two nights in the office."

"I have my ways." Renji promised, prodding at the food on the hotplate. He looks at Shuuhei out of the corner of his eye, maybe even looking a little bashful. "I was in the neighborhood, so I may or may not have occasionally been swinging by to check if you were in."

Shuuhei props up his zanpakuto by the door, side-by-side with Renji's. Although they typically spend more time at Renji's when they're together, the spot on the wall for Zabimaru has already been designated and labeled in Shuuhei's mind. It's no longer just that spot where Renji puts Zabimaru, it's _Zabimaru's Spot_. "How'd you get in? I know for a fact that my door was locked. Did you come through the window?"

Renji just shot him a blinding grin as he continued to fumble with the hotplate. "Ask me no questions, I tell you no lies."

But Shuuhei knows him a little better than that. He risks ducking his head back into the hallway, looking at the latch on his front door. Tiny scratches, thin enough to be just barely visible even in daylight, clumsily decorate the metal around his lock. It's a trick of the trade that every child in the Rukongai without a guardian to their clan knows.

"You've been picking my lock for three nights straight." Shuuhei says, hoping that the twisted appreciation for the gesture is not lost in his voice. "You sneaky shit."

Renji's expression drops and he snaps the hotplate off with extreme prejudice. "You know, when I said 'ask me no questions' it was kind of a sign for you to just shut up and let me have my moment of mysterious bad-assery."

Renji's hand wraps around Shuuhei's wrist and suddenly Shuuhei finds himself being pulled back inside, letting Renji sit him at the low table where they can eat their dinner of leftovers. Throughout the meal Renji is unusually inquisitive. He asks questions about trivial things in Shuuhei's day that they would both otherwise gloss over, and afterward when they gravitate towards Shuuhei's futon to sit on out of need for comfort he prods Shuuhei into making more in-depth dialog about all the things at work that irritate him.

Shuuhei knows this game. He's played it on the opposite side of the looking-glass enough times to know. This is the "I think you're still mad at me but I'm not sure so I'm going to be as useful a conversation partner as possible so you won't have time to remember why you might be mad at me."

It's almost too adorably pathetic to stand, Shuuhei observes to himself with a smile.

Renji stops in the middle of whatever he's been saying that Shuuhei hasn't been listening to and glances at him curiously, absorbing the look on Shuuhei's face with suspicion. "What's that face for?"

Shuuhei smirks, leaning into Renji so he can wrap his arms around Renji's shoulders. "Remember when I said you were cute?"

"Yes, and I wish you'd stop."

"I'll stop when it stops being true." Shuuheu asserts. Honestly, he's not really sure if he was ever mad at Renji in the first place, or if it was just the fact that Renji could walk out of the room and as far as anyone would know or care he was a single man. Good lord, all of this secrecy was perplexing. But what was important, at least for now as far as Shuuhei was concerned, was that Renji was there in his living area, on his futon.

Shuuhei leans over to kiss Renji, using just short of enough force or intent so the action can be interpreted as teasing. He is delighted by the response of Renji's hand trailing up his hip as he moves to deepen the kiss. It took Shuuhei a while to get used to the idea of being considered attractive to other men, even before he met Renji. He actually found he didn't mind so much, which in itself he did mind at the time. But there's a certain surge of emotion that comes from Renji's reactions to Shuuhei's coyness, a simultaneous give and take of power and pressure that's madly addictive. Shuuhei likes teasing, and he likes being teased. It's a sort of puzzle, a secret code of communication that he would almost suspect Renji wasn't aware he was taking part in if only he wasn't so good at it.

Shuuhei shifts, aiming to break away and go for that neck that has been the target of his affection for quite some time now but Renji is too quick this time. Renji catches Shuuhei's lip in his teeth, pressing down in a gentle nip. This throws Shuuhei off guard, but not enough that he can't take note of Renji shifting against his body, wriggling his hands under Shuuhei's thighs.

Shuuhei is coaxed into kneeling on the futon in front of Renji, a knee thrown on either side if the redhead's hips until he's practically sitting in Renji's lap.

It's not a bad position to be in, Shuuhei decides as he flicks his tongue against Renji's lip. Renji wastes no time in reaching for Shuuhei's torso, hands crawling under his clothing to grab at smooth olive skin. Shuuhei squirms a little, shifting his thighs that have been pressed into Renji's angular hips. "You're bony." He whines. "Gods, it's like you have absolutely no hips. It's just a pointy pelvis full of my crushed dreams."

Renji grunts in response, peeling aside the part of Shuuhei's shihakusho to press lips to his collarbone. "Not bony. _Fit_. You're the skinny one here."

"Don't body-shame me." Shuuhei demands with mock-offense. He takes a moment to still himself against Renji, simply enjoying the feel of the taller man removing the top half of his uniform to hang at his obi. Renji's hands glide over the muscular expanse of Shuuhei's back, and Shuuhei in turn works his hands under the fabric of Renji's uniform to cling to broad shoulders and anchor himself.

A part of Shuuhei takes a second to step back from this activity to gently remind the rest of his brain that this is kind of getting heavy. There are boundaries to think about, and Shuuhei has the impression that perhaps it's not wise to demonstrate to Renji how much Shuuhei respects his choice to wait by jerking off the rising interest in his fundoshi in the bathroom.

That in mind, Shuuhei is mildly surprised when he feels something working the tie on his obi. Hello, Renji's hands, we weren't expecting you around this neighborhood.

"Renji?"

Renji gives Shuuhei a patient look, but there's an edge to it. A bit of eagerness and excitement and confidence and other wonderful Renji-things.

Shuuhei gives Renji a more doubtful expression in response, even as the obi is being worked from his waist. "I thought you weren't ready."

"Yeah, here's the thing about that." Renji answers, throwing in a hard kiss to Shuuhei's mouth before he continues. "When I said that, it was also with the intention that I'd get to change my mind later."

Shuuhei isn't convinced even as his own fingers are tentatively edging down Renji's shoulders across his solid chest to his obi. "This isn't because, you know, you're trying to compensate for the date-thing?"

"It's not a date." Renji reminded him sharply, "And no, this isn't me trying to use sex to get you all quiet and complacent."

Shuuhei snorts, fluidly undoing the knot. "I'll bet you'd like that, though, wouldn't you?"

"The point is-" Renji continuous, "I'm probably going to go in there tomorrow and have absolutely no fun and make as ass out of myself. Makes me think we should have fun tonight to even it out. I'm ready if you are."

Shuuhei doesn't miss the last bit- the open invitation that if Shuuhei is still feeling bitter, he can back out right now.

Instead, the scarred man efficiently sets to peeling Renji out the top half of his uniform.

"If you're sure you're all good with this…" Shuuhei adds, trailing off when Renji pulls him up and forward a little more.

"Let me answer your question with an expressive gesture." With that Renji presses hard, rapid kisses like scattershots down Shuuhei's chest, across his abs and over his stomach.

"No dead fish this time?" Shuuhei says, and he is unable to keep off goofy grin spreading across his face as he says it despite his best efforts.

A severe pinch is applied to Shuuhei's hips on either side and despite Renji's insulted frown, the corners of his lips turn up at Shuuhei's noise of complaint. "No dead fish, you incorrigible bastard."

If only a few months ago Shuuhei was told that there would come a time involving Renji removing Shuuhei's clothing, he would have cello-taped himself to his uniform to be safely sealed in his clothes forever. Now, however, Shuuhei is gratefully wriggling out of his shihakusho and pressing their bare chests together.

Mouths clash in vibrant harmony as their bodies roll against each other. A familiar heat is building in Shuuhei's body, rolling in waves to the rhythm of Renji's touches. There's a tightening in his chest and a warmness spreading down his belly in a manner that is sinfully delightful and so heavenly right. Renji's bandana gets flung to the floor, where it flutters in the air before coming to rest. Shuuhei fights for the troublesome burden of locating Renji's hairtie, but the reward of being able to run his fingers through the scarlet strands are more than enough in return. The sensation of skin against skin his hypnotic, the press of Shuuhei's tan skin against Renji's more pale, tattoo-striped silhouette, it's something Shuuhei could find himself doing for hours without getting bored.

He is reminded, however, that there are other ways to occupy his time when Renji guides him to lay down on the futon, baring his half-clothed body to the younger shinigami. Shuuhei is aware that the rest of his uniform is being pulled free from his person and his hands clench against the futon in anticipation.

Shuuhei's not really sure what to expect of Renji because he's sincerely not sure where the mutual comfort-zone is at this point. Renji answers the unasked question by sliding his hands down Shuuhei's torso, beneath his hips and presses a kiss below Shuuhei's naval. He keeps going, his mouth dipping deeper down until Shuuhei has a pretty clear indication of what they'll be doing when Renji stops to linger between Shuuhei's legs.

"Do you even know what you're doing?" Shuuhei asks, not unkindly but curiously. "I feel like I should get the camera and record this for posterity. 'Baby's First Blowjob'. We can get it framed and everything."

Renji laughs as he hooks his fingers around Shuuhei's fundoshi. "Hey, what did I say about talking to me like I was an innocent virgin? I'll have you know I've sucked off a grand total of one whole guy all by myself."

Shuuhei sits up on his elbows to look at Renji in surprise. "Really?"

"Eeyup." Renji says, grinning smugly as he slides Shuuhei's undergarments off his body painstakingly, pain_fully _slowly off Shuuhei's hips. He adds thoughtfully. "Things are a little different this time, though. For one thing I know your name. That's a pleasant improvement."

"There's a story behind that, isn't there?"

"Weeeeeell," Renji hisses through his teeth. "I may or may not have been at this party, see? And I didn't know anyone there, except for like this one chick who invited me then fucked off somewhere and I was feeling pretty bitter and maybe a little bit buzzed so I thought 'what the hell?'"

Shuuhei nods with an expression of mildly impressed acknowledgement. "Wow. You are _really _gay."

"Oh yeah. Romance me, baby." Renji retorts with a deadpan snark and a wolfish grin. Without further invitation he quickly yanks down what was left of Shuuhei's fundoshi over his crotch, and Shuuhei gasps and twitches a bit at the sensation of his hard cock hitting cool air.

Shuuhei squeezes an eye shut, trying to adjust between the heat of his body and the briskness of the air. It's enough time to realize Renji hasn't made any further movements towards his hardness.

Shuuhei cracks an eye open, and he almost squeezes it shut again just to cope with the sight of Renji crouched between his knees. "Are you going to do anything, or just stare at me all night?"

"I'm on it. I just-" Renji shakes his head, as if in shock. "I must have been drunker than I thought the last time I did this. That's some dick you've got there."

Shuuhei groans in frustration, setting his hands down against the futon and making a move to hoist himself up. "I knew you weren't ready."

"Slow down, spike-head. I've got this." Renji assured him, placing one hand on Shuuhei's thigh. "It's a fine penis is all I meant."

He emphasized his words with a loving pat to Shuuhei's member and it's all Shuuhei can do not to throw back his head in laughter at the absurdity. "Stop petting my dick you freak of nature- _oh."_

The noise gets yanked out, as if something crawled down deep inside Shuuhei to the noises he kept locked up inside and dragged it back up his throat. The pressure of Renji's hand reaffirms itself, and there's a twitch of something warm and wet lapping at the head of his cock that Shuuhei definitely recognizes as a tongue.

An amused chuckle comes from Renji, the hot air of his words brushing against Shuuhei's inner thighs. "That's a bit better. Let's see if I'm still as good as I think I am."

Shuuhei props himself up enough to watch, observing Renji on his hands and knees between Shuuhei's legs. There's a maddening heat, and a silky soft sensation as Renji's tongue explores Shuuhei. There's an obvious hesitancy in the motions, a careful search for all the right spots and movements that make Shuuhei moan and angle his hips into the air and closer to that mouth. When Renji works out a pace and a pattern he strikes mercilessly, drunk on the little sounds of pleasure from the man beneath him.

Shuuhei is unprepared for the heaviness of a mouth taking him in, and he throws an arm over his face that is now coated in a thin sheen of sweat and flushed with the heat of everything being so hot, too hot. Moving his arm up and peeking back down at Renji pushes Shuuhei a little closer to the rapidly approaching edge at the sight. The redhead in question is utterly mollified and completely enraptured in sucking Shuuhei, a kind of concentration obvious in his expression. Renji's inexperience is palpable, but Shuuhei doesn't mind when he can feel every movement of that cautious tongue and every nervous twitch in Renji's mouth reverberated onto his cock. Noticing Shuuhei's gaze, Renji opens a set of amber, heavy-lidded eyes up at Shuuhei and there's a final wave of force rolling up and down his body at a particularly powerful suck.

And that's it. The dam breaks. There's the well-known sensation of the heat in Shuuhei's belly discharging like the release of a tightly coiled spring and a clenching of his thighs and a blissful feeling of spilling himself into Renji's mouth.

Renji retreats from Shuuhei's softened cock, heaving only a lingering heat. There's only a minute of relaxing for Shuuhei, however, before he feels the need to roll over, scooting closer to Renji.

Renji doesn't stop Shuuhei from removing his fundoshi and rewards the older soul reaper with a sound of approval when Shuuhei's hand curls around Renji's hardened member. The redhead let's himself be flipped over onto his back, off slightly wobbly knees. Renji's been very patient in pleasuring Shuuhei first, an interesting show of courtesy.

He grunts at Shuuhei's strokes which turn into much more attractive and progressively more wanton groans and moans. Shuuhei observes in appreciation the way that Renji's legs tighten and his toes curl as Renji comes undone underneath him.

With some talented (if Shuuhei does say so himself), handwork Renji doesn't last long, apparently already shoved close to the breaking point while sucking Shuuhei. His face is flushed, face nearly as red as his hair and Shuuhei is sort of struck by the beauty of it. Shuuhei strokes his thighs affectionately as Renji releases, sighing Shuuhei's name and telling him in a warbled kind of voice that he's so good, so amazing, Gods, Shuuhei.

Afterwards, neither really are in the mood to care that they are now both sticky and sweaty. Shuuhei edges up the futon to lie beside Renji and pull the covers over the two of them. His arm comes to curl over Renji's chest, lying on his side to sort of half-spoon Renji's side. Renji yawns sleepily on his back, throwing his head to the side and burying his face under Shuuhei's chin.

Shuuhei kisses Renji's brow, smiling when he feels the man in his arms dissolve into sleep. This is nice. This feels good. Absent-mindedly, Shuuhei glances at the clock next to his bed.

He's leading patrol in five hours. Oh fucking well.

**Author's note: We did it, kids. We finally got to the porn.**

**On a side note this might not be the proper occasion to bring it up, but I happen to be in the market for a beta for the following chapters of this fic. I've never had a beta before (can you tell? Plot twist you can.) so if you think you're up for the job gimme a holler on PM and tell me why you think the lovely job of being my editor-slave should be yours!**


	20. 75k WE CLIMBED THIS WHOLE MOUNTAIN, KIDS

**Author's note: Vast improvement in this fic credited entirely to my beta, namayani. May we bless you with great fanfiction with our powers combined.**

**Sidenote: 75000 words motherfucker and I'm still goin' strong.**

The first time Renji woke up with Shuuhei in his arms, both muddy, freezing and clinging to each other for warmth, his first instinct was to get out of dodge and quick. Because not only was it (at the time) awkward and inappropriate, but also because he really didn't know how Shuuhei would act after waking up. He would have guessed Shuuhei would be cranky and fussy in the morning, but Renji was pleasantly surprised to find that the only thing Shuuhei woke up caring about was food.

With that in mind, Renji is much less fearful about prodding Shuuhei into consciousness. He shifts from underneath Shuuhei's arm across his chest and ankle hooked around his leg to sit up so he can look down on Shuuhei's sleeping form next to him. Renji watches the gentle rise and fall of the other man's chest. At the loss of Renji's warmth, Shuuhei's fingers twitch a little, childishly reaching for the comfort of his bedpartner.

"Shuuhei. Yo, Shuuhei." Renji says quietly, gently shaking the other man's shoulder. There's no use in being self-conscious about them both being naked at this point, so when the blanket slips a little off of Shuuhei's torso he doesn't bother with trying to right it. "Shuu. Lieutenant sixty-nine. The Amazing Shuuhei. Man Without Sleeves." He emphasizes each word with another nudge. "Dude, come on."

"Oh my gods, what is it?" Shuuhei groans, swatting in the direction of Renji's face. "Don't tell me you want more. I am only a man, Renji. A man in need of a recovery period."

Renji snorts, but smiles at the scarred man. "Good to know. I was actually going to warn you we have to go to work in like an hour."

"Goddammit. I have patrols today."

"Ha. Sucks to be you, doesn't it?" Renji retorts a little cheekily, poking at Shuuhei's face with one finger.

Shuuhei rolls his eyes, but doesn't move from his curled up position on the bed. "You laugh now, flame-head. Just wait and see how much fun you're having when you have to ask your captain for time off to go to a human highschool dance."

Groaning, Renji slips out from under the covers completely, doing a double-check on the sheets to see if they were damaged at all during their activities the previous night. "Really, _are_ you mad about that? You're so hard to read sometimes."

"Naw." Shuuhei yawns, "I don't think I ever really was, if that makes any sense. I was more just irritated because stuff like this wouldn't even happen if we just told people we were together. But if we do that, everyone's gonna be all weird about it, I just know it. I could live for a little while longer without getting dirty looks every time I go to a pool or bathing house or anything."

Renji runs his fingers through Shuuhei's hair, ruffling the chaotic assortment of spikes. "Sorry about that, I guess. But get it. The idea of it kind of freaks me out too."

"Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for." Shuuhei assures him, finally sitting up with what looks like painstaking effort and rubbing his eyes. "You're a hell of a cocksucker, by the way."

"Thanks, let me just put that on my resume; 'Abarai Renji- experienced Shinigami, proficient lieutenant, not bad in the blowjob department.'" Renji rolls off the bed, yanking the covers with him, ignoring the warbled protests of a drowsy Shuuhei. "Come on, up and at 'em. I'm going to use your shower and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop me!" He demands, leisurely taking in the naked form of Shuuhei struggling to claw back the blankets from Renji's arms. "If you finish crying for your blankie and behave, I might even let you join me."

"I'm going to fucking smother you with a pillow. This is the worst post-coital talk ever." Shuuhei whines, but stands up to obediently follow Renji to the bathroom anyways.

Standard Shinigami's quarters have pretty crappy digs. One small kitchenette for dining, a miniscule living area that no one bothered to separate from/is completely merged with/at some undefinable point magically morphs into the bedroom area and a tiny bathroom complete with a shower built for one andone only. As it happens, many Seireitei training arenas are also equipped with bathhouses that come in handy after long, sweaty days of training and many soul reapers find them preferable to the showers in their own homes. The trade-off however, is a lack of privacy and the distance from from their quarters

As if happened, Shuuhei had long out-grown the units of standard shinigami. One of the perks of lieutenancy is an upgrade in habitat. It's nothing even remotely close to the private housing offered to captains, but it involves a nice bathroom and a shower that can fit both Renji and Shuuhei comfortably, which is an impressive feat by itself seeing neither of them are exactly small men.

As soon as they're both comfortably situated in the shower, Renji grabs the tap and turns it up as high as it will go before Shuuhei has the chance to adjust it. The only kind of shower worth taking is a boiling hot one, as far as Renji is concerned. Heaven comes in the form of the spray of hot water melting the tension out of his muscles, and he likes the slightly blurred outline of Shuuhei against the steam. Renji watches that same blurred outline stretch and let the water run off his skin, loosening long, lean muscles.

Renji reaches for Shuuhei's shampoo on the shower shelf. He snorts at the label.

"'Bird of Paradise Hair Wash- an explosion of sensual lavender and citrus scents complete with a luxurious, silky finish'."

"It was on discount," Shuuhei explains dully. "Plus it makes my hair look hot. You think this patented beauty just happens on its own?"

"I think I was deceived by your not telling me that your rebellious bad-boy look is the result of half-off shampoo clearly meant for women."

Shuuhei scowls, squirting a bottle of body wash at Renji in defiance and only pledging to drop the bottle when Renji threatens to poor soap into Shuuhei's eyes.

The plan was for both men to clean themselves and in that respect they succeeded. However, in the process of making efforts to clean themselves, it became more and more difficult to ignore each other's naked bodies. What starts with a few off-handed kiss turns into the discovery that the shower could very well be a suitable environment for more intimate activites altogether.

Renji moans into a kiss at the friction of his body against Shuuhei's under the hot spray of the shower. He's not hard, the smooth tempo of Shuuhei's movements and the heat of the water overhead are too relaxing to be arousing, but with a bit of time he could be well on the road.

Shuuhei grunts in frustration, pulling away suddenly and turning off the water. "We don't have time for this. We have to go to work. People will notice if we both arrive late at the same time. Stop distracting me by being so sexy."

"You know I can't help it." Renji quips, only a little bothered by Shuuhei's rapid change in gears, letting the last dribbles of soothingly hot water drip onto his head as he watches the scarred man frantically dries himself with a towel. By the time Renji has just wrapped a towel around his waist, Shuuhei is already back in the bedroom edging suspiciously around his closet, deeply engaged in the search for his clean clothing.

Watching Shuuhei potter around his bedroom naked is a surreal experience. Renji can't help but shake his head at the thought of how much his life has changed to the point where this event seems completely natural now, roughly running a towel over his hair. It's not a bad kind of surreal though, he notes as he peeks back up from under the towel to Shuuhei stooping over at just the right angle moving, pick up his shihakusho off the bottom of his closet. In fact it's pretty damn good, to say the very least.

Shuuhei glances back to Renji, straightening himself and putting a hand on his bare hip tenaciously. "You're staring, you pervert."

"Says the naked man in the room." Renji retorts smoothly, dropping the towel from his head to hang on his shoulders as he drifts towards his pile of discarded clothing from last night. There's a rustling of fabric as Renji shrugs his clothes on at a more leisurely pace in comparison to Shuuhei. Watching Shuuhei rush through his morning preparations, hastily adjusting his choker around his neck and methodically shoving objects off his nightstand and into his pockets, makes Renji miss those earlier moments when Shuuhei was still waking up, curled under the covers like a sleepy kitten.

"Those are _my_ tabi." Renji points out only a little bitterly when Shuuhei finds/grabs a rolled up pair of his socks and starts slipping them over his own feet. Shuuhei shoots him a half-bemused look.

"Yeah, I noticed. Funny thing is I could've sworn I had a pair just like these, 'cept then they got puked on. Who was that again?" Shuuhei muses as he yanks the tabi over his ankles. "Gods, you've got some huge feet."

Renji slips the top of his uniform over his shoulders, fumbling with the knot of his obi. He turns to Shuuhei with a lecherous grin and waggles his eyebrows for effect. "You know what they say about guys with big feet? Although I guess now you've seen first-hand."

"Saw you panting like a bitch while I jerked you off?" Shuuhei snorts, ducking his head into the bathroom to pick at his hair. "Yeah, that was pretty great."

A smoldering glare is fired in Shuuhei's direction. "You caught me off guard. Plus, I couldn't hear myself over the sound of your ear-shattering moans when you got hot and bothered."

If Shuuhei can hear him from inside the bathroom, he does an excellent job of ignoring the comment.

Despite taking his good sweet time in getting dressed and tending to his sex-induced bedhead Renji manages to finish getting ready for work at about the same time as Shuuhei, thanks to the scarred man's insistence that a breakfast needed to be had before setting foot outside his room.

"Okay, so we both look like nothing out of the ordinary, right?" Shuuhei asks. The words try to come out smoothly, nonchalantly, but there's a nervous timbre to his voice. "Inconspicuous?"

Renji rolls his eyes as he readjusts his bandana. "Sorry, Shuu. I know I shoulda' told you this earlier, but all the people I sleep with develop hideous, ugly red hives arranged to say 'Renji was here' pointing towards their genitals. There is no cure."

"Oh no, I've been infected." Shuuhei says with a dramatic sigh. Quickly, he curls a fist into the front of Renji's uniform and pulls him forward until they're touching nose-to-nose with that smug smile that never fails to get Renji smiling in return. "Fulfill a dying man's wish and kiss me."

"I thought you said we had to go to work."

"One for the road." Shuuhei retorts, leaning in to press a wet kiss to Renji's lips. He pulls away just as fast, shooting Renji a salute as he drifts soundlessly towards the door.

He makes it about as far as sliding it open, looking out into the Ninth's living quarters' hallway and tenderly sliding the door back into place. "Renji, we've made a terrible mistake."

Renji lifts an eyebrow, trying not to show how perplexed and amused he is by Shuuhei's whirlwind of emotions. "Oh yeah?"

Shuuhei whips his head around, looking concerned. "Renji, there are people out there!"

"Well, yes, Shuuhei. They live here."

"Renji, you know they're going to see us, right?" Shuuhei presses, pointing an index finger back between Renji and himself with a raised eyebrow. "I mean, we can't just let them see you leaving my quarters. With me. Together. Can we?"

"Oh. _Oh!"_ Renji realizes with sudden clarity. Not willing to let go of the good morning-after vibe he has going on though, he chooses to brush his rising insecurities off. "Well, we crash at each other's places all the time. You're probably being paranoid. Get moving, I have to grab my work stuff from my place at the Sixth's."

Renji bulldozes a reluctant Shuuhei into a walk out of the door and down the hall. They get a few odd looks from the other ranked officers of the Ninth on their way, although that's most likely attributed to the fact that Shuuhei is being shoved around as opposed to walking on his own. Renji pushes Shuuhei out of the quarters' building.

"There, was that so hard?"

"You're a prick." Shuuhei admonishes, but he shuffled forward anyway with a smile.

Renji finds himself a little reluctant to leave now, just when Shuuhei's finally relaxed again. Begrudgingly, he motions in the direction of the Sixth Division. "I guess I gotta get going, then. Good ole' Sixth needs the firm hand of its wonderful second-in-command."

"I'll walk there with you." Shuuhei volunteers, casually sticking his hands into his pockets.

Renji shakes his head. "You don't have to do that, you'll just end up farther away from your office than when you started!"

"Which is why I'll take the opportunity of my presence there to collect your report for next month's Seireitei Communications. Which, if I'm not yet mistaken, is overdue." Shuuhei criticizes with a sharp look.

"Overdue?" Renji says, trying to look as innocent and unaware as possible. "Why has it been a whole month already?"

Renji drops the act at the cutting look Shuuhei sends him. "Fine, fine! It's done, I just forgot to drop it off, I swear. We'll go get it right now."

On the territory of the Sixth Division, Renji leaves Shuuhei to mull outside while he quickly tears his desk apart to find the report he wrote for the paper. Shuuhei doesn't seem to mind all that much, fortunately. He's much more at ease in the gardens, visible released from his earlier tension.

The grounds of the Sixth have a tendency to do that to people—the whole division has this neatly kept but gracious atmosphere well worth its title as the unit of noble reason. Renji has never really bothered to appreciate the aesthetic appeal, as it continuously serves to only remind him of how misplaced he can feel in such a surrounding, but it seems to have a positive effect on Shuuhei.

Renji wonders if it would improve Shuuhei's mood if they stayed over at his place in the Sixth more often. Then again, Renji has a habit of finding this kind of environment pretty stressful himself. Maybe somewhere else?

A vision pops into Renji's mind of a sizable apartment, the scattered remnants of Renji and Shuuhei's individual property placed together with a sense of belonging. A home away from work for just the two of them.

Slightly startled for unknown reasons by the mental image, Renji shakes the picture free from his mind. He's jarred back into reality by Shuuhei ducking his head conspiratorially around the garden, checking for any oncoming shinigami. Renji gives his spiritual pressure a slight flex to confirm that there's currently no one around. Not unexpected, considering that as Captain Kuchiki's lieutenant, Renji is expected to arrive for work earlier than his subordinates. Jobs are hard.

Shuuhei leans up, aiming for Renji's mouth again but Renji interrupts him with a palm slapped over Shuuhei's mouth. "Hey, now! You already got your one for the road." He teases with a mischievous grin. "We also happen to be in public, in case you've forgotten."

A quick nip to Renji's hand and the limb gets pulled away. "I'm a selfish, selfish man."

"A monster." Renji agrees, giving in and craning his neck down to meet Shuuhei half-way for another kiss. A flash of familiar reiatsu bubbles up in corner of his senses, coming closer by the second. Renji straightens up in surprise and Shuuhei's face meets the fabric of the front of his uniform. "Shit, someone's coming! Hide your spiritual pressure!"

Following that announcement, Renji's immediate plan of action is a straight-arm to Shuuhei, who gets violently flung into a nearby cluster of bushes with only a parting "Again!? Really?"

Renji has come to know many instances in which he was grateful for his captain's presence. His last minute, change-of-heart assistance in Rukia's rescue, for example, or his split-second arrival in Huenco Mundo to take out the arrancar. Even after all they have been through they aren't close enough to be considered best friends, but in the end of the day Captain Kuchiki and Lieutenant Abarai are a good team and nothing can get in the way of that. They have developed a mutual respect for each other, worthy of a healthy rivalry.

Other times Renji doesn't feel even a little guilty for loathing Captain Kuchiki's habit of appearing randomly. This feeling of resentment was usually reserved for when Renji knew he was behind on paperwork or was in the middle of some poorly-thought-out act of public mischief or debauchery.

While Renji wouldn't consider kissing an act of neither mischief nor debauchery, he still tensed up when his noble captain strode through the Spartan yet sophisticated small garden in front of the Sixth's office. "Abarai, here for work on time? What a surprise. Regardless, its fortunate that I've caught you here."

"Caught?" Renji echoes before his brain can catch up with his mouth, an insincere grin plastered across his features. "Nothing to catch here, sir! Completely un-catchable. I mean, in the way that there's not anything to be caught anyways, obviously."

Renji could kick himself. Kick himself right in the ass. He's pretty sure Shuuhei is trying to do so from his hiding place in the bushes.

But Byakuya just regards him with a sort of placid patience and what might be a stifled sigh, like he wouldn't expect any other kind of behavior from his vice-captain. Honestly, that's a little more troubling. Renji isn't _that_ weird on a regular basis, is he? "Yes, well. That fact aside, I wanted a word with you before work."

Renji isn't sure how to respond. He can't really imagine his captain going out of his way to conduct business outside of the workstation just for Renji's convenience. He responds with a curious "Oh yeah?"

"Evidently, Rukia has been searching for you. I'm being told that your presence is being requested in the human world yet again for a mission. Has another one of Kurosaki's friends been kidnapped?"

"Not this week, to my knowledge." Renji says, pausing to scratch his chin thoughtfully. Captain Kuchiki nods in evident understanding.

"She is looking for you right now. She assures me that she can provide some evidence of your usefulness in the field after you return. You have the rest of the day on leave, unless something should arise that requires your presence here." With his message duly delivered, he turns and takes his leave. If Renji didn't know better or thought his captain a more uncouth man, he would have thought he heard Byakuya mutter something that sounded suspiciously like a slight against Renji's luck.

Captain Kuchiki is kind of a weird guy, Renji thinks to himself for not the first time.

Renji lets Shuuhei trail back to the Ninth Division, grumbling that he didn't get his second goodbye-kiss. "Talk about a Captain-sized cockblock. Or a lipblock? Is lipblocking a thing?"

"You can hold out without my sexy mouth around for a few hours." Renji assures him, adding a slap to Shuuhei's butt for good measure as he shuffles past Renji.

"It's not that bad!" Rukia chastises, slapping Renji's hands way from the thing around his neck.

"Yes, it is!" Renji whines. His hands fumble around the tie, two fingers pulling at the complex not. "I can't breathe. Who decided it was fashionable to wear a noose in the material world, anyway?"

Rukia rolls her eyes, but stands on her tip-toes to help Renji out of the accursed article of clothing. "Ties are very popular among humans! Good for formal occasions. If you weren't such a fashion disaster you might be able to tell that."

Renji grunts, making a sour face at the smaller lieutenant. "Liking sunglasses does not make me a 'fashion disaster'! I'm just ahead of my time."

"I'm not sure you're ahead of anything." Rukia sighs, shaking her head. She turns back to the rack of men's shirts on display. Renji wasn't born blessed with the kind of stature that made borrowing other people's clothes easy. The only person who's clothes he could realistically fit into would be Sado's and that was a whole fashion statement not even Renji was willing to dip into. As such, a hastily planned shopping trip had been arranged. "You've got to find something to wear that fits the occasion. The dress code for teenagers at a dance is serious business. Like an actual grown-up shirt and pants and everything."

The malls in the real world are weird, and they kind of make Renji miss the smaller clothing stores in Soul Society. It feels like here everything is designed to be louder and bigger and make Renji's head hurt. He's kind of envious of the fact that Rukia has adapted to the scenery so well. Under Ichigo's tutelage, she flourished in the material world's environment. Even after spending the majority of her time back in Soul Society as lieutenant after the Winter War, she's much more at ease than Renji, flitting around the racks of dress-shirts in the edgy menswear store and disapprovingly announcing that nothing in this section of the display really matches Renji's colors. Renji doesn't even know what his colors are but apparently he has them and they are not matching.

Rukia eventually decides on what he'll be wearing. A black pair of dress pants get dumped into Renji's arms even though he's already tried them on and denounced them as being too tight.

"They're supposed to be like that." Rukia assures him gently. "Material world fashion is all about being slimming, you know? It's not like you're going to be wearing heavy hakama."

A white button-up shirt gets added to the ensemble. Fortunately it's nothing like Sado's assortment of button-up shirts, just plain and kind of formal-looking, if Renji had to guess on what they were meant to be. A shiny black belt and pair of leather shoes gets thrown at Renji and he finds himself pushed towards the cashier and out the door before he can really consider this nightmare of shopping that he has stumbled into.

Renji had already resigned himself to his fate of shopping for Rukia's outfit even before they entered the mall. After all, what's a teenaged girl going to do before a dance other than fuss over her dress? It doesn't stop him from feeling awkward as he's planted in a chair off to the side as Rukia scans the rows of dresses, a chair that he's ninety-nine percent sure is meant for children while their mothers shop.

"So what exactly is my purpose here?" He asks, although he's pretty sure he already knows how Rukia is going to answer.

Rukia turns her back on him as she picks at the fabric of one of the dresses on display. "To be a masculine perspective on whatever outfit suits my beautiful self the best." She doesn't even have to turn around to know Renji is making a childish face at the ceiling in impending agony. "Don't be like that, jackass. It won't take long."

It's a lie. Rukia has to try on like fifty fucking dresses before she can even add a few to the "maybe" pile. Renji tries to be helpful, although he's affected by his own bias. Anything too provocative or that shows off too much skin is an instant thumbs down. It's not that Renji would judge a woman based on what she wears (he's friends with Rangiku, after all) but he's known Rukia since before visible cleavage and legs were even things that registered in his mind.

Women regard them approvingly as Rukia models her latest pick and Renji cautiously voices his opinion.

"It's very sweet of you to come here with your girlfriend." One lady with a shock of blond hair comments when Rukia ducks back into the changing room.

Renji responds without thinking, "She's not my girlfriend."

"Your sister then?" Her voice perks up, and with it her body language shifts suggestively as well. "That is _so_ cute!" She leans in on the armrest of Renji's chair, displaying her sizable cleavage. She looks him up and down with sultry "come hither" eyes, and Renji is suddenly struck by how much those eyes look like Shuuhei's, and how that sexy, pouty look would look better on Shuuhei as he teases Renji about dead fish.

"No, just a friend."

"Oooooh." the lady says in one absurdly exaggerated breath, nodding her head in understanding. She immediately drifts off with her gaggle of friends, although not so far away that Renji can't hear her mutter "Gay." To her prowling shopping buddies.

There's a time and a place for revelations, and for Renji that time is evidently in a women's clothing shop being analyzed by a group of horny ladies while listening to Rukia's swears from inside the changing room. It sounds like Rukia is literally verbally swearing at the dress for not accommodating her lack of a bust, but that's aside the point.

Renji has had sex with Shuuhei. Renji has known Shuuhei intimately and romantically. There

was sex, sex happened and it was between Renji and Shuuhei. Sexually.

As much as Renji tries to tell himself it's not that big of a deal, that he's had sex plenty of times before and it wasn't even penetrative or anything, he knows it is. It wasn't even a "hey we're both sexy and horny let's do this" kind of sex. It was "I realize that we're both deeply invested in each other and we can express that physically and by doing this we realize we're taking our relationship to another level" sex.

Also Renji had a penis in his mouth. In his literal hundreds of years of existing that has only ever happened twice. It's kind of a big deal.

Renji certainly didn't mind giving Shuuhei a blowjob. If he's to be frankly honest with himself, Renji actually... kind of enjoyed it, even. That was interesting. Giving another guy oral for the first time sober, Renji would have found it typical of himself to be more squeamish about the whole thing. And while there was that moment of alarm where his brain went "Hey wait just a minute, this isn't a vagina!", he had no problem overcoming that and throwing himself into it.

Renji looked down at his shoes, trying to tune out the same women from earlier, who were now sharing hushed whispers. He looked up at them in time to see one of the ladies gesture vaguely in his direction before fixing his eyes back down on the carpet. The blond one had only assumed he was gay because he was shopping for women's clothes with his not-girlfriend/not-sister, right?

It wasn't like being with Shuuhei automatically made him homosexual, right? It wasn't every guy, after all! It was only Shuuhei.

Renji exasperatedly sighed to himself. If Shuuhei was maybe a bit more feminine, Renji wouldn't be having this issue. Stupid handsome, manly, conventionally attractive Shuuhei, with his stupid, sexy, masculine body.

Rukia finally decides on a dress. It's pretty and blue with lots of fancy lace and Renji feels something akin to fatherly pride at the fine young woman Rukia has become well up in his chest as he pretends to wipe a tear from his eye. He tells her so and Rukia punches him before retreating back into the changing room to put on her normal clothes.


	21. Out of the Tall Grass Character Growth

**Edit: Chapter now comes with the characters' names spelled fucking correctly.**

Renji had just arrived at the mall when Shuuhei arrives at the Ninth Division for work. Of course, Shuuhei has no knowledge of this, since he's no longer with Renji and is mostly preoccupied from thinking about what Renji could be doing just then by repetitiously dodging Rangiku.

It's a harder task than Shuuhei would have predicted. On his way to the Ninth Division she had appeared walking out of the Fifth, evidently having come to visit Hinamori. She had actually just been about to turn the corner when Shuuhei picked up her spiritual pressure. The resulting flash-step straight past her rendering him invisible was, if Shuuhei said so himself, some of the finest footwork his side of Seireitei.

He should join the Second Division, is what he should do. He's like a ninja. A stealthy, sleeveless ninja.

He had planned on repeating this technique (SRAM- Sneaky Rangiku Avoidance Maneuver) as necessary for maybe the rest of his life, but failure came in the form of a coffee break. For all the considerations he took into his plans, he had made the fatal flaw of forgetting that Rangiku suffered just as greatly as he did from caffeine addiction.

"Shuuheeeei!"

"Heeeeey-" He says, straining to keep his voice level, "Rangiku. How're you?"

"Great!" She combs her fingers through her hair, beaming at him over a cup of espresso. "Well, well, looked what the hollow dragged in. It seems like I haven't seen you all week!"

There's still time, maybe if he's quick he can implement an escape route! Shuuhei forces his words, on a quick breath. "Yeah, it's that weird? Anyway, it's been great but I gotta go-"

"Oh, come on." She presses, grabbing at his bicep and pulling him towards the coffee machine. "There's an extra-dark black java with your name all over it! We both know you've been hooked on the stuff ever since Twelfth division lugged this machine-thing in from the real world. Can't you hear your precious coffee calling to you? Do not ignore her siren call."

Trapped, Shuuhei watches as she picked up the coffee pot, stooping to pour it into an empty plastic cup. Oh gods don't look at her boobs. Just imagine Renji's puppy-dog face or anything, just not the boobs.

"Okay, so I had this great idea to sneak out and do shopping in the material world before work and you'll _never_ guess who I saw!" She chirps in a conspiratory voice. She edged the cup into his direction, an undeniable invitation. He was stuck. "Rukia and Renji! Can you imagine she actually succeeded in dragging him into a mall?"

"Imagine." Shuuhei echoes, resignedly picking up the cup.

"I mean, what's that about?" Rangiku asks, waving her hand in the air vaguely, "You think they're together now?"

Shuuhei represses a snort. He had been positive from the very beginning that Rukia wasn't going to be a rival for Renji's affections. The two were just a little too emotionally explosive to be anything other than friends, in his mind's eye. Rukia needed somebody to take the edge off her once in a while, and as for Renji? Renji needed Shuuhei.

But Shuuhei couldn't very well just announce that. As far as Rangiku or anyone else was aware, Renji and Shuuhei just spent more time together doing wholesome, completely straight activities. Playing dumb was really the only option.

"No, from what Renji tells me." Shuuhei confirms for Rangiku, pausing after taking a long sip from his cup. "He's being dragged along to dance for highschoolers with Inoue."

Rangiku's eyes lit up, she presses her palms to her face. "Aww, that's so cute! I think they'd be good together, you know?"

A hint of curiosity stirs. At least Shuuhei hopes that's curiosity, lest he confront certain, much more negative feelings bubbling up inside him. Shuuhei takes a moment of recovery to make it appear as if he hadn't just inhaled his coffee before putting down his cup to ask as casually as he can manage. "Do you, now? How do you figure?"

"What, you disagree?" Rangiku asks, sounding just a little defensive on behalf of both her friends.

Shuuhei shrugs noncommittally. This was straying into dangerous territory, the kind that Shuuhei had promised to himself not to risk, but he felt he had to at least sow the seeds of doubt. "They just don't seem like each other's type. I can't picture it working well."

"Oh, come on!" Rangiku's inner romantic flourished, taking over her brain like a possession. She abandons her coffee to elegantly hold her clasped hands to her bosom as she speaks as if from the recitation of a time-told love-story rather than pulling it from thin air for the sake of an argument, "Just think; naturally, Renji harbored feelings for Rukia, the girl for whom he had chased after for so long-"

Wrong.

"-But she's fallen for another man- obviously Ichigo just callin' it now-" She adds dismissively before returning to her wistful tone, "-leaving Renji heartbroken-"

Wrong

"-And love comes in the form of Orihime, the healer with the ability to heal his broken heart, and of course he'll fall for her because she's beautiful and sweet and everybody loves her and she's got a great big rack! They get married and have lots of vibrantly red-headed children and live happily ever after, the end!"

Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

Shuuhei's voice, against his will, has worn down to a mutter, "I don't think Renji's planned that far ahead. Not really the white-picket fence kinda guy, if you haven't noticed."

But Rangiku swings her clasped fists like a blunt weapon against his words. "Don't be so oblivious! Maybe Renji doesn't seem the kind of guy to another _man_ like you, but he's totally the type to go the whole nine yards. You know, Wife, house, kids, dog… fishing trips!"

Shuuhei quickly ticked off the cons on his fingers. "Compromises, responsibility, paying rent. What makes any of these sound like Renji to you?"

Rangiku sighs dreamily. "I just think it's romantic. Just because you and your mystery-woman don't share the spark of love in your life doesn't mean others have to be the same way. If Orihime had half a mind to make a move, I wouldn't blame her." Rangiku chuckles, leaning back onto the coffee table with a grin. "Abarai's not my type by a long shot, but even I thought he looked pretty fine in his fancy human world get-up."

Yeah, Shuuhei bets he did.

Shuuhei hates life.

"That's great, Rangiku." Shuuhei mutters, deciding now is the time to make a break for it. What did he learn about evasive maneuvers in training again? Bob and weave bob and weave! "I really gotta go. Got squad stuff to do. Just doing boring things like my actual job, keeping the Seireitei safe and all with patrols, instead of going to dumb dances. No big deal or anything."

It makes for an excellent excuse, seeing as Shuuhei does actually have to lead patrols. Also excellent in the way that he's actually looking forward to them. Shuuhei is good at patrolling, and as the lieutenant of the squad specializing in communication and security it's a huge chunk of his overall job description. If the Gotei Thirteen had Help Wanted ads for vice-captains that's the first thing that they would ask for. "Wanted: Lieutenant. Must be proficient at cardio."

Also, doing some ground work would be very useful in the manner of getting Shuuhei's mind off Rangiku. And Renji. And Renji in formal wear. And Renji on the arm of Inoue "beautiful/sweet/everybody loves her/great rack" Orihime.

Yeah. Patrols. Looking forward to them. Awesome.

And yet, patrols never happened.

His squad is surprisingly difficult to cajole out of the office for their more active duties. The Ninth Division is an odd breed, conditioned by years under a (then thought-out to be) selfless man to put duties before pleasure and throw all their attention onto the problem set before them with no room for distractions. With a slew of deadlines on the rapidly arising horizon, they are reluctant to leave their work for the paper. Shuuhei has to stand in the doorway, disapprovingly clucking his tongue like an impatient mother hen before he can concede that they won't budge until the majority of the workload is off their shoulders.

It's probably for the best, Shuuhei thinks. He ducks his head out the window, looking up at the sky. This morning, during his walk with Renji, it had been merely overcast with the cover of clouds so thin it was only barely noticeable. Time drew on, however, and the light dusting of grey overhead had grown into a thick blanket of darkness.

With a heavy sigh, Shuuhei returns to his office to spend another day buried in paperwork. Or tried to. Captain Muguruma was good on his word to pass the final duties for tomorrow's publishing to the lower ranks, meticulously hiding every bit of work in Shuuhei's office. For the first time in what must be years, Shuuhei can actually see the surface of his desk. It's somehow not as shiny as he had imagined it.

Shuuhei roots around in the drawers of his desk for the few articles he was still supposed to be editing, only to discover that those had been removed too. Say what you would about Captain Muguruma but the man belonged to the Ninth Division through and through, obsessively thorough tendencies included. Shuuhei was left with little else to do but watch the cover of clouds grow progressively heavier until it blotted out the sun overhead.

Shuuhei rolled his eyes up towards the ceiling and shoved his chair back from his desk. Perhaps he could at least run back down to the publishing office to supervise or something.

The Ninth Division halls buzzed with life, shinigami flitting in and out of rooms with armloads of paper like worker bees in a hive. They whirled around Shuuhei like faint breezes as they carried on their work, the buzzing sound of their chatter flooding the air.

He passed by a window and glanced outside, glaring at the dark marks of rain striking against the ground as it began to shower. Shuuhei had decided rain was a bad omen, thinking back to the night in the real world in which he had nearly lost Renji. Sure, it was an event that had brought them closer together, perhaps even made their relationship possible, but it wasn't something Shuuhei would look forward to repeating.

Shuuhei could tell his captain was near without even sensing his spiritual pressure. At an acknowledgeable 5'11, Shuuhei was now a whole whopping half an inch taller than Captain Muguruma. Still, whether it was because of the extraordinary power the man was capable of or whether it was merely in his nature, Captain Muguruma's presence filled up a room without even trying. It never failed to make Shuuhei feel inexperienced, like the same sobbing child he had been almost a century ago at the silver-haired captain's feet.

"Not leading patrols, then?" Captain Muguruma asks, absently wiping a black smear of ink on his otherwise pristine captain's haori. Whether the stain is the evidence of his dedication to his work or simply the result of a loss of respect for the captain's garments Shuuhei can't be sure. Of the three visored to be asked to return to their positions as captains, all came with a certain amount of distain from the traditional ways they had been banished by. Shuuhei's just glad his captain gave in and stopped wearing muscle shirts and army boots to work.

Shuuhei shakes his head. "No, sir. I thought it might be better to put it off until later. The officers are all distracted, and the weather isn't looking favorable anyway."

Captain Muguruma drifts to the window to follow Shuuhei's gaze, looking at the rain thicken and paint the world below dark and heavy with water. He says, with precise decisiveness. "Fuck the weather."

Shuuhei raises a brow at that, but patiently waited for the visored to continue. "It's not that bad out there, 'least not for two powerful shingami like you and me, eh Hisagi? Let's do a little one-on-one training."

"You're certain?" Shuuhei asks, a little taken aback. Shuuhei and Captain Muguruma didn't take to sparring often. Truthfully, Shuuhei was a little hesitant about testing unpredictable Kazeshini's blades against the disciplined air-strikes of Tachikaze. Captain Muguruma could probably wipe the floor with Shuuhei and be back in time for tea, and Shuuhei's ego didn't need that particular thrashing quite yet.

Captain Muguruma shrugs, "Let's do it. I'm sick of paperwork anyways!"

"I could help with that if you hadn't stolen all of my documents." Shuuhei points out.

"That's the lower seats' problem, now."

When Captain Muguruma set his heart on something, there is little Shuuhei could do to deter him. He found himself, albeit reluctantly, steered towards the training grounds with his captain.

Training grounds in Seireitei tend to differ for whatever technique is being practiced. Areas used most often for kido, for example, display a variety of obstacles to make viable target practice. Fencing and close-combat grounds fall into the category of flat, cleared arenas for one-on-one fights with minimal distractions from one's opponent. To visit the spacious, open, long-range training grounds, however, is too find oneself ankle deep in the untamed grass, the foliage only cut by jagged tears into the surroundings from ages of shinigami testing their biggest, wildest attacks without the fear of bystanders walking into their blades.

Surprisingly, when they get to the plains of the long-range training grounds, Captain Muguruma's mood only seems to improve with the gradual worsening of the weather. Looking across the cleared plains, fingers tensing on the hilt of his zanpakutou, he looks perfectly at home against the rain descending from the skies above and the wind seeming to bend and curve around his figure.

Shuuhei, on the other hand, assumes that he looked much less imposing, shoulders hunched and tensed against the descending rain as he brushed bangs out of his eyes again. Maybe Renji was right; he's turning into a sheepdog.

"Tell me something, Hisagi." Captain Muguruma began abruptly. "You fought against my successor, the traitor Tousen."

Shuuhei starts, unprepared for the sudden conversation. Plenty of times there had been people who wanted Shuuhei to tell the story of how he took his revenge against the man who had betrayed him, and plenty more times Shuuhei refused. It felt too personal to try to recount, let alone relive.

But this was Captain Muguruma. The past century of almost his entire life had been shaped by betrayal. Betrayal in the form of a fellow captain, and betrayal of the Gotei Thirteen that he had pledged his heart and service to. Of all people, perhaps he could understand.

"Yes." Shuuhei answers. "I fought Tousen alongside Captain Komamura. I killed him, so to speak. I gave him the wound that caused his death, if that makes more sense."

Captain Muguruma hums in acknowledgement. "What was that like? Honestly?"

Shuuhei feels compelled to be truthful. "Honestly? It was terrifying. I was scared of him. I was scared of _myself_ for doing that to him. I know it sounds ridiculous, but that fear- it's sort of what keeps me grounded."

For a moment, there was no sound except the pounding of the rain, followed by the unsheathing of Captain Muguruma's sword. "Ch." He snorts. "So naïve."

Shuuhei's reflexes kick in, sending him rocketing away from the first sweep of Captain Muguruma's blade. His sandals squeak against the grass as he skidded to a stop, bracing himself and unsheathing is sword.

This isn't just a friendly chat anymore. This was training.

Captain Muguruma is fast, raising his word to strike at Shuuhei a second time. Shuuhei quickly blocks with Kazeshini, catching their blades locked with one another.

Captain Muguruma coolly met him eye-to-eye even his vice-captain struggles against the full weight of his body being pressed against his blade. "Do you really think that fear is a quality shared only between you and that delusional bastard? That the rest of us are just fools throwing our weapons around, obliviously waiting to get hurt?"

Shuuhei is caught off guard, and it showed in the way that he slips ever so slightly in his stance. Muguruma sees the chance and takes it, throwing Shuuhei back with a heavy push. Shuuhei goes with the momentum, falling back before ducking around to prepare to return the strike.

"Blast Away, Tachikaze!"

The air ripples with the sudden force of the wind being pulled and manipulated. Where there was once a full-sized sword, there was now a wicked-looking combat knife in Kensei's hand. He slices at the air, which lit up in a spiritually-charged stream, arcing towards Shuuhei. The vice-captain barely has a chance to flash-step away, letting the wind rush past him before slicing a tree in the distance.

Kensei pulls Tachikaze back, readying for another strike. "You aren't so special, you know!" He calls out, a hint of danger in his voice. "Everyone stupid enough to stumble through the soul reaper academy knows they're going to have to do a lot of things they don't like. You're going to have to hurt people, Hisagi. Do you think moping and obsessing over it makes you different?"

Shuuhei grits his teeth, finding Kazeshini with both hands. Getting lectured when he was trying to fight was becoming tiresome. "Believe me," He warns, "I _am_ different. Reap, Kazeshini."

The sword's shape shifts in his hands, changing and morphing into its unreleased two deathly scythes. Shuuhei draws and arm back before throwing, tossing one of the blades to spin in a right curve towards his captain.

Muguruma strikes with his air-blades again, attempting to knock the scythe off its course. The wind strikes at nothing, however, when Kazeshini wildly weaved to the left, spinning towards its target from the opposite side.

Shuuhei's eyes widened in shock. He hadn't meant for Kazeshini to do that at all! The visored captain had no choice but to dodge, pulling back to narrowly avoid being sliced by the whirling blades.

"Not a bad trick, there!" Captain Muguruma commented with a grin, oblivious to Shuuhei's accident, "For an attack that only works when you're hiding in the distance like a scared child."

Kensei launches himself straight ahead towards Shuuhei. The scarred man pulls on the connecting chain of his zanpakutou, sending the scythe flying backwards towards Muguruma's unguarded back. But Muguruma is wary of Shuuhei's blades by now, and avoids the flying scythe easily, letting it fly back into Shuuhei's hands.

Another slice of wind came to Shuuhei, this time too quick for him to do anything than brace himself against it with Kazeshini like a shield. At the same time the voice of Kensei bellowed in his ears.

"You're different, huh? Because being afraid of power is such a rare trait." He taunts,

Shuuhei tightens his grip on his scythe's handles, gritting his teeth. "I'm not afraid! I just have this neat little thing called a moral conscious to adhere to."

"You must be a blast at parties, aincha' kid?" Muguruma mutters.

Captain Muguruma flash-steps closer, closing on him and eliminating his long-range advantage. "So then what are you even doing here? What makes Hisagi Shuuhei set aside his precious self-loathing and fight with the rest of us in the dirt and blood? Do you fight for power?"

Heaving a shuttering breath as he got his bearing back, Shuuhei scowls and grits his teeth. He abandons his long-distance strategy, letting Kensei get close to raise his scythes above his head and strike downwards upon his Captain's head. "I have power! Enough to do my duty!"

"Duty to what?" Kensei barks, disappearing from under Kazeshini's blades just in time. "What do you want to serve? What matters enough for you to fight for?"

For a split second, Shuuhei's eyes gazed unseeingly across the training grounds. In his mind, he was back in time, in the academy fighting alongside three nosy first-years because they had been stupid enough to try to help even as Shuuhei tried to protect them. He was fighting against the hollow by the the portal alongside Renji. He was pulling Renji out of the river, forcing air into him and urging him to refusing death. He was traversing the tunnels in Huenco Mundo, volunteering on a mission of great danger to blindly follow after Renji and, above all, to keep him safe. In a memory just as scary, he was going to Renji's quarters after work for the first time since they'd kissed and he realized that he might slowly, so very slowly, be falling in love.

And why? Because Renji had been worth it all, even doing downright stupid and dangerous things. Because Renji was someone worth falling in love with. Renji was worth fighting for. And if the situation would arise, Renji would be worth Shuuhei having blood on his hands for.

Shuuhei swing Kazeshini again, aiming to to slash at Kensei with both scythes in hand. Predictably, Kensei dodged such a sloppy move, but the captain stumbles just a little bit because for a minute the impossible had happened.

The air had been moved, and not by Tachikaze.

It isn't at all like Kensei's shikai, pin-point slashes in the air like an invisible blade. This change, the sudden wind that pulled from nowhere curved like a cyclone. It bends the wind and pulls at everything around it, sucking out Shuuhei's breath as if all the air had just disappeared from his lungs but to catch his breath in this whirlwind is to thirst for fresh water in the ocean. For a terrifying moment, Kazeshini rattled chaotically in his hands, pulling in the direction of that twisting wind so hard Shuuhei feared he would be lifted off his feet from the very force of it. Something like a shadow swirls around Shuuhei's vision. Painful ringing sounds in his ears, a sharp sound that, if Shuuhei didn't know better, he would recognize as laughter.

The wind was frenzied. It blusters around his body and howls in his ears, tearing at his clothes, and biting at his skin and feeling as if it was threatening to pull Shuuhei apart with it's very force. Panicked and bewildered, he looks towards his captain, the call for assistance being ripped from his throat as if the wind carries away his voice.

Then Shuuhei sees Captain Muguruma's elbow coming towards his face. Then there was black.

When Shuuhei blinks his eyes open, he almost squeezes them shut again. He knows this place, and he has not been looking forward to returning to it.

He would recognize his inner world instantaneously just from the solemn walls and impending darkness surrounding him. The place is a underground structure, one that Shuuhei has never seen from the exterior, but he knows without a doubt that his inner world is a catacomb.

The hallways are long and narrow, entirely dark except for the torches nailed into the walls along either side. Without fear that they will burn away and go out, they flicker ghostly in the dank shadows. No matter how long they burn- hours, days, centuries- the torches continue to glow as if fueled by some impossible force of will, forever a continuous cycle in a battle between the light and the dark.

The walls are smooth, marred only by the tombs carved out of the walls in great slabs. They yawn, empty and untouched except by the coat of dust that serves as proof that when Shuuhei is here he is truly alone, without even the dead for company.

Well, almost alone. A distant cackle of laughter echoes through the catacombs, and with it carries the wind, always whistling eerily as the same musty air settles and unsettles again and again, disturbed and undisturbed only by the two beings in the universe who tread here.

True to his nature, Kazeshini can't make things easy and simply appear before Shuuhei. Seeing his zanpakuto's soul solidified in human form is perhaps even more of a startling experience for Shuuhei than when then dark sprit simply clings to the shadows, drifting like a spirit against the walls.

"Well, well, well." Kazeshini muses, his voice ever on the timbre between high and low. "Look who's been so kind to grace me with his presence. It's been what, a month? Two? Three? For a while I thought you had left me in that damn desert again. Thanks for that, by the way, you forgetful fuck."

Shuuhei rolls his eyes. He would sigh, but he doesn't want to risk breathing in the horrid dust of the place and choke. "You know I didn't come here by choice this time. Cut the crap."

Kazeshini's profile appears, creeping against the torchlight as a shadow. He says, in what Shuuhei would assume to be a sulky tone. "You're always too impatient. I wish I had a fun shinigami instead of your boring ass! I swear, the hollow I was stuck in was more fun than you were, and hollows don't exactly have stimulatin' hobbies. I mean, sure they're violent sons of bitches and I can appreciate that but it's always eat, eat, eat! Where's the passion? The _art_?"

Shuuhei ignores the characteristically immature behavior, deciding that as long as he's here he may as well get some answers. "It was you, wasn't it? You went out of control during my fight with Captain Muguruma , and then you did that wind thing! Are you trying to get us both killed, or does your creepy little mind just not think of these things?"

Shuuhei starts only a little when Kazeshini appears sitting off the ledge of one of the crypts next to him, because really he never gets used to that. The dark spirit doesn't have eyebrows, at least none that Shuuhei can see, but if he did he imagines they would be narrowed accusatorily, "You really don't know? Holy shit, are you that dumb?" He heaves a dramatic, long-suffering sigh. "Can't blame ya, I guess. I didn't think you'd do it, either. And yet here we are, ain't we?"

Shuuhei steps back in suspicion, "What do you mean? That wasn't…"

"Our bankai?" Kazeshini snaps, now sounding a little irritated. "'Course it wasn't, you stupid slug! If I went into bankai, you can bet it'd be way cooler than that pathetic little breeze you kicked up! Oh no, no, no, that was just a fraction of what our power _could _be!"

Shuuhei's hand finds Kazeshini's physical form in its sheath on his hip. Could he achieve bankai? It didn't seem real, or even possible. His shikai has always been good enough, he had hardly ever considered bankai until Tousen left and vacancies in the captains arose. And by then, he was far too busy managing his squad to even consider training towards bankai.

Not to mention the other flaw in the plan, grinning at Shuuhei maniacally, the torn burial shrouds wrapped around him trailing onto the floor. Kazeshini wouldn't let Shuuhei drag him into the real world kicking and screaming bloody murder if their combined lives depended on it.

"I guess Captain Yells-A-Lot finally struck a chord with you this time, huh?" teases the bane of Shuuhei's existence, vanishing to reappear only a second later a few paces away from Shuuhei, next to one of the tombs, this one seeming to be closed. That was odd. None of the tombs in Shuuhei's inner world had ever been closed before. "Does it have something to do with this?"

Curious, Shuuhei approaches as Kazeshini dug his bony fingers under the cover of the crypt, pulling the lid out of the wall to smash against the floor. Shuuhei wishes he hadn't, because inside was a skeleton, worn down to to bleach-white bones. It lay listlessly in the crypt, everything but its body perfectly preserved, including the shinigami's uniform and bandana it was garbed in. The red sheath placed across the skeleton's chest holds a familiar katana. Shuuhei doesn't need to look at it closely to know that the sword is Zabimaru, to know just whose skeleton that is supposed to be.

"So this is the guy, huh?" Kazeshini quips, prodding at the skeleton in the crypt. "Your little beau makes you realize you actually want to fight? That you need to be stronger? How lame is that."

Without hesitation, Kazeshini picks up Renji's skeleton. There was a snap, making Shuuhei wince and look in horror as Kazeshini cleanly pulls Renji's skull free from the rest of his body, which he let fall to the floor in a clatter of bones.

"Don't do that!" Shuuhei demands, his hands curling into fists at his sides.

"And why not?" Kazeshini laughs joyously, tossing the skull up and down in his hand like a tennis ball. "You don't care that much about this one idiot, do you? Face it, shinigami, we both know how this is gonna end."

Kazeshini kicks a boot-clad foot against the opposite wall, dislodging the cover on that crypt to fall and join Renji's. Perhaps propelled by morbid curiosity and a masochistic need to torture himself, Shuuhei looks within.

A second skeleton, dressed in Shinto-style wedding robes, sits slumped over in the crypt. Two object's glittered in its clasped hands, which on further examination proved to be Orihime's hairpins. Next to Orihime's skeletons two more bony figures lay curled up on their sides in a heap of remains, their skeletons tiny, thin and fragile, curled up in the fetal position as if in sleep. The bones of children. Bile rises in Shuuhei stomach and this throat closes. Children's remains. Orihime's children. _Renji's_ children.

"Look, shinigami! You finally have some friends that will listen to you, for once!" Kazeshini roars, tossing Renji's skull into the crowded crypt where it rolled to a halt next to the Orihime skeleton. "There, the family's all here! And you end up alone, like we both know you will."

A lesser man than Shuuhei would have trembled in rage, but Shuuhei would not give Kazeshini the satisfaction. He kept his face stony, even as his knees threatened to give out underneath him.

Catching the look in his eye, Kazeshini smirks. "Upset about the truth? Whatcha' gonna do, cry about it? You're pathetic!"

"We're done here." Shuuhei announced, "I'm leaving."

"This is _my_ home court, braniac! You don't leave until I say so." Kazeshini argues.

Shuuhei looks Kazeshini straight in the eyes, the dark spirit's eyeballs glazed cloudy and flat. The eyes of a corpse to contradict the wicked, livid grin stretching his face. "You know, that's the funny thing about you." Shuuhei says, chuckling darkly, "I just hate you so much, whenever you say something it just makes me want to go out of my way to prove you wrong."

And then Kazeshini and the catacombs bled away into utter blackness.

The next thing that Shuuhei was aware of was being clumsily dropped somewhere, most likely in the vague direction of downwards. He opens his mouth to tell off whoever had dumped him in said direction, but all that tumbles across his tongue was a garbled, un-Shuuhei-like "Ow my fucking head."

"Sorry." A voice that sounds like Captain Muguruma says. "At least you're awake now. Can I get some help over here?"

Shuuhei slowly opens his eyes for what had to be the third time today. The second, if you didn't count arriving in his inner world as being "awake". Consciousness was a funny thing when inner worlds were involved, sometimes. At least he's inside now, instead of out in the rain. Evidently, Shuuhei had been moved into uniform-looking hallway looking typical of one of the Gotei Thirteen's buildings. Finally, he can make out the shape of Captain Muguruma motioning for someone to come over, someone turning out to be Izuru and Rangiku. Together, Izuru and Captain Mugururmaa lift Shuuhei off the ground.

Shuuhei groans, feelings a bump form on his forehead where he had been dropped. "The hell is happening now?"

He looks straight ahead to Rangiku for answers, and she strokes a hand his hair comfortingly. The hand feels foreign. Only Renji touches Shuuhei's hair, it was like a rule. Still, Shuuhei likes that caring smile on Rangiku's face. She made a lot of nice facial expressions when Shuuhei wasn't ogling her breasts.

Oh wait she was talking. Maybe Shuuhei should pay attention. "-Said that there was some kind of accident when you were sparring." She was saying. "He called us over to help get you to the Fourth Division."

"Who cares about Fourth Division?" Shuuhei protests, working himself free from Izuru and Captain Muguruma's grip. "Nothing good ever happens at Fourth!"

Izuru looks at him disapprovingly when Shuuhei shoves him away. "Hisagi, you're not looking well. You're clearly exhausted, so at least lie down if you're going to refuse-"

"What time is it?" Shuuhei asks, whipping his head around and looking across the hallway for a wall clock. He glares at the given time, "It's gotten late. Shit, I don't have a lot of time."

"Time for what? Shuuhei, you're not acting like yourself?" Rangiku asks gently, trying to coax him into calming down.

Captain Muguruma seems to agree, giving Shuuhei a testy look. "She's right, brat. Plus, you and I need to have a chat about what happened back there when we were training."

"I'd love to, sir, really I would." Shuuhei lies, dreading the idea of conversing about the announced subject more than even trying to wheedle answers out of Kazeshini. "But I have a very important appearance to make. I think it's important to my inner… something. There were skeletons, I don't really understand but I really do have to go!"

Izuru throws his hands up in exasperation. "Hisagi, you're not making sense. Where could you possibly need to go right this very minute?"

If it wasn't obvious before, affection and closeness are not things that come easily to Shuuhei. He's not good at putting his feelings into words, either. To express his emotions has always been a challenge, a fill-in-the-blank puzzle with neither hint nor code and to risk getting the answer wrong and to risk failure is not in his nature.

Shuuhei is past thinking about the risks. Past caring what people think and past being afraid. This puzzle, this comprehensible mess of the heart that Renji has set before him without even realizing it in his own Renji way, Shuuhei discovers, is not a puzzle at all. It's a riddle, the kind Shuuhei had always overthought without understanding that the answer had been staring him, uncomplicated and undervalued, smack in the face.

He answers, more truthfully than he's ever been in his entire life, both Kira and that unfathomable riddle: "To tell Renji that I love him!"

He doesn't wait to get a reaction back, disappearing into the storm. Because he is a stealthy, sleeveless ninja. A ninja in love, and highly aware of the fact.

**Author's note: Oh, Shuuhei and Kazeshini, could the two of you BE any more brattier siblings?**

**Much thanks and praise to Namayani, my beta who has been very patiently walking me through this strange process known as writing. And thanks to viewers like you.**

**I have finals tomorrow. I know nothing of American government. **


	22. Suitable Setup for How I Met Your Mother

Renji's predictions of his evening being terrible and of him making an ass of himself have proven themselves to be pleasantly false, at least as of yet.

Boys and girls look at him with envy when they see him with Orihime on his arm. Renji can respect that. She does look really good, after all, dressed up in a nice mint-green party dress. He can't fully appreciate it, though, because whenever she smiles politely at Renji with those big brown he just feels guilty.

Renji can deny it being a date all he wants, it still feels like he's breaking some kind of personal trust between him and Shuuhei by doing this. Until recently, Renji was adamant about honestly to the point of brutality, as it was often the simplest and easiest way to avoid misunderstandings and emotional baggage. This whole situation felt as if it was tearing that policy apart, giving Renji a nice new sense of shame to explore. Worse still was the experience that he was wronging Orihime in this situation too, and that she didn't even know he didn't consider this a real date.

Date. Shit, now Renji's thinking about it being a date! Renji suddenly starts feeling nervous and way to hot for comfort. He yanks his coat of trying to prevent the onslaught of sweat he knows might be coming, mentally cursing the article of clothing in his mind. Sure, perhaps it was still a little chilly outside, but the school's heating system seemed to have taken that as an invitation to barrage it's guests with continuous blasts of musty hot air. This is ridiculous. This whole situation is ridiculous. Why does Renji let himself get talked into these things?

The rest of his group notices him struggling with what is now a crumpled piece of fabric in his hands, and to his relief they simply smile and motion him towards the coat-room. As they stand in line, in somewhat awkward silence, his glance steadily moves from Orihime, to Rukia and back again. He is suddenly hit by worry that this little matchmaking session is about a bit more than just giving Orihime a piece of arm-candy.

As Orihime shifts her coat off her body, her phone slips out of the pocket to clatter onto the floor. On instinct, Renji leans down to pick it up, fingers nearly reaching it when he feels Orihime's head bonk against his as she leans down to reach after it at the same time.

"Sorry." They both blurt simultaneously, standing straight up and cradling their bruised temples with raised hands. The muffled laughter and cooing from observers of the scene make Orihime blush before she quickly stoops back down to pick up her phone.

And that was about the majority of interaction that Renji has with his "date" for about an hour. As soon as they enter the gymnasium, Orihime is dragged from his side by her herd of giggling schoolgirl friends. Left alone, Renji resigns himself to casually hanging by the side. Bored, and not really knowing what to occupy himself with, he takes his time to scrutinize the gymnasium. It is decorated, if the word can be used so loosely, with enough green streamers and fake trees to constitute the bare minimum of the jungle theme. The only piece of decoration that remotely looks like something that could be found in a jungle is actually the vegetation-heavy wooden arch that stand proudly over the entrance.

After being captivated by the arch for longer than anyone would consider "manly" Renji's attention slowly moves back to the people in the room as he tries to spot his friends. He sees Orihime being prompted into dancing by an adamant Tatsuki. They were getting awfully touchy over there. There's a thing happening with those two, Renji knows it. Watching them together gave Renji an odd combination of longing for companionship mixed with the sensation that he's intruding on something personal.

He really hopes that couples aren't going to just start springing out of the woodworks. Trust it to fate that as soon as Renji gets a proper boyfriend everyone around him starts hooking up, too. Way to make him feel less special, universe.

"You are the worst at dating. You fail, zero out of ten. Report to my office after class for a stern word." Renji doesn't have to look around to know where the voice is coming from and whom it belongs to. Rukia is standing fairly close to him, just below his line of sight.

"I'm here. She's here. One of us is having fun. I have fulfilled my quota as an honorary woman's accessory for the night." Renji retorts, restraining himself from irritably checking is watch. "How's it going with the orange-headed wonder?"

Rukia puts her hand on her well-dressed hips, beaming with pride. "Good. He's getting drinks right now. He liked my dress! Thanks for helping me with the shopping earlier, by the way."

"No problem. Please don't tell Ichigo I helped you pick out your dress. In fact, don't tell anyone. As far as people know I've never been inside the women's department."

"I promise."

"No, you don't."

"Not really. Aaaanyways..." Rukia wisely starts to change the subject the subject. She folds her arms over her chest, jutting out her hips to the side in her best Determined Rukia look. "The point of taking a beautiful girl to a dance is to, you know, dance with her or something! Not just linger around in the shadows like a weirdo."

"There's your problem. I _am_ a weirdo." Renji mutters. No one's getting him drinks, he notices. Drinks sound good right now. If Shuuhei were here he would totally get Renji a drink, that's just how awesome Shuuhei is.

His words don't earn him any more points with Rukia, who rolls her eyes at him. "So help me, Renji, I _will_ become the fairy godmother to your tragic Cinderella story if this doesn't start speeding along!"

"What's a Cinderella?"

But she's already off, stomping across the dance floor and pushing rowdy teenagers aside with her tiny yet purposeful strides. What did Renji do to her in their combined youth that made her so fussy?

And is she- yep, she's pulling Orihime aside, talking to her so that Renji can't hear over the din of the terrible dance music spilling from the makeshift DJ's table. Rukia looks very animated and emotional, no doubt selling the sob-story of poor, misunderstood Renji with no one to hold him to the naïve Orihime. Renji can practically feel himself become ever more entangled in this web of lies. The two girls glance at him from across the dance floor. Whoo boy.

Suddenly eager for something to do, Renji finds himself awkwardly drifting backwards out of the gymnasium into the school hallway, one eye warily trained on the young ladies across the way as he does so. He almost trips in the process. This is why Renji shouldn't try to be cool.

Renji spins on his heel, surprised to find himself face-to-face with Ichigo. "Hey. Your girlfriend is scaring me, make it stop." He deadpans.

Ichigo's nose crinkles as he balances the two precariously filled plastic cups in his hand. "She's not my girlfr- shit, yes she is, isn't she? I hope she didn't hear that. Force of habit—I got so used to denying it." He pauses for a moment and sighs. "How's it going with Orihime? You two seem to get along well."

Ichigo emphasizes his point with a camaraderie-esque elbow jab. Or at least he would have, were his movement not hindered by the drinks in his hand. He just sort of vaguely gestures towards Renji with his arm.

Renji doesn't know how to respond except with (how to respond with anything but/ something other than) a noncommittal shrug and grunt. "It's going, I guess." Not really. They've barely said a word to each other. "Not anywhere near good, though. Does it make me sound like an asshole if I say I didn't even want to come here in the first place? This may shock you, but I am actually kind of a grown-up. Sort of. Maybe." He pauses, considering seriously. "After the first century, I kind of forgot how old I'm supposed to be."

"You fit in just fine. It's not like you're mature enough that people will question your age anyways." Ichigo retorts, beginning to lead them both back to the dance. "And yeah, it does make you kind of sound like an asshole. An understandable asshole, though. Maybe if you just try and have fun it won't be so bad-"

Perhaps if Ichigo has been allowed finished his statement, Renji might have considered taking his advice. He might have decided to play it cool, try to work into the groove of the hip young teenager he might actually be. But destiny was not having any of that sort of "convenience" nonsense tonight. Instead, he opened the gymnasium door and made to take a sharp turn to the right at the same time Orihime was coming toward him from the left. They barrel into each other, Renji's larger stature keeping him steady. Poor Orihime, however, bounces off Renji's chest like a superball and goes down, man, down.

The direction of down is Disrupted slightly by one of the columns of the wooden arch above their heads. There's a worrying crack as Orihime falls against it, followed by a long moaning creak that directs their attention upwards just in time for them to see the structure starting to collapse onto itself. In a split of a second, with a loud startling crash, it crumbles down. Directly on top of Renji.

Because this is what happens when he tries to be cool. Or to do anything, really.

Stupid school dance. Stupid flimsy-ass arch. Stupid woundable gigai. These fake quote unquote bodies are made out of cardboard, Renji swears.

His vision is slightly impeded by the flashing red and blue lights of the Kurosaki Family Hospital Ambulance. The ambulance is new and shiny and Renji puts away the thought of wanting to play in it like a three-year-old child for another day, because now is really not the time for Renji's fantasies about what he would do if he had no sense of shame. Ichigo's sister, the one with lighter hair Yuzu, adjusts a soft cervical collar to the neck that was sprained by the falling arch. It was only the gigai that was injured so Renji will have merely a fraction of the damage when he pops back out into his soul particle body but for now he's trapped in what appears to be a hipster fashion statement gone humiliatingly wrong.

Sitting in the ambulance next to him, Karin helps Orihime into her leg brace for the dislocated knee before moving to the few other bystanders hurt by the arch incident. Renji risks a glance back to the windows of the gymnasium, where the other students, including the core Karakura group are lined up to watch by the windows. They aren't allowed nearby for medical/legal reasons despite it being Ichigo's fucking family and their staff treating them.

Wearing an expression that Renji can only hope represents his complete dissatisfaction with current events, he gives them a sarcastic thumbs up. Abarai Renji. Lieutenant of the Sixth Division. Total loser. This tops every other embarrassing thing that has ever happened to him. This tops puking in the potted plant at the vice-captain's meeting. He should get a t-shirt made: "I literally crashed a high-school dance and all I got was physical pain and the loss of my dignity."

Ichigo's dad announces all of them More Or Less Okay, which is a totally legitimate medical term, and lets them go back inside to continue the festivities. Entering that pressingly hot, stuffy building under the watchful eyes of the student body feels like being slid under a microscope. Frankly, Renji would have preferred to be laid upon the parking lot asphalt and be run over by the ambulance a few times but apparently that's not a medically sound option.

Which is why he eventually ends up sitting on the floor against the wall the gymnasium, watching the other dancers trying to get back into their partying mood while Orihime sits next to him. She apologizes profusely for the accident, and the date, and basically her whole existence. Renji feels for her. He sympathizes with that feeling entirely.

"I am really, _really_ sorry!" She says for the hundredth time, even though half of the accident was actually kind of Renji's fault. He doesn't try to correct her though. "I-I really wanted this to be fun for everyone and I just had to go and ruin it!"

"Naw, you didn't ruin it. The stupid arch is the one that did that." He tries his best to reassure her and awkwardly pats her on the shoulder, finding the movement of his shoulders impeded by the neck brace. He is very much aware of the fact that he looks like a dork.

Orihime's fingers fumble with the hem of her dress, her leg awkwardly shifts in its clunky brace. "Still, this was awful. I knew from the beginning that you weren't having a good time! I should have tried to talk and dance with you but I felt so... awkward." She pauses and Renji fumbles for an appropriate response. Before he can think of anything, though, Orihime nervously continues: "Rukia is worried about you, you know. She said that you needed a woman to take care of you…"

Goddammit, Rukia.

Renji sighs, hitting his stiff neck against the wall. The music gets louder around them, as if trying to make up for the buzzkill of the various minor injuries from earlier. It pounds in his ears and he finds he suddenly has difficulty trying to think. Worst of all, the beat is actually catchy. Is being surrounded by human-world teens rubbing off on him?

Speaking of human-world teens, Renji really should address the one sitting next to him. None of this would have happened if Renji had just said he was too busy to take Orihime to this dance, or Hell if he had just told the truth in the first place, and then all this embarrassment that must surely be affecting her as well never would have happened. It's certainly not her fault that Renji has a tendency to sputter and apparently lose all traces of sanity at inopportune moments. Making decisions based on rationality is more Shuuhei's specialty.

"You know," He says, "I should be apologizing to you."

His voice comes out fuzzy and muffled against the background noise, and Orihime purses her lips in frustration "What?" she asks, cupping a hand over her ear. She has to speak up just to be heard over the roar of the music. "I can't hear you, sorry!"

Renji tries to talk louder, his voice nearly drowned by heavy bass. "I said, this whole time I've kind of been leading you on. I think. There are rules for this, I'm sure, and I'm breaking them." He falters for a second, wondering if there are actually rules for dating and if not, why aren't there, but he tries to reassess his flow of thought before his mind can taper off too far, "What I mean to say is- I shouldn't have let you come on a date with me! I'm with somebody else!"

She quirks her head, brows furrowed in confusion. Renji isn't completely sure, knowing Orihime only as well as he does, but he thinks he sees a spark of something almost like anger in her eyes. "You're 'with' somebody? Do they know you're here with me?" Her face becomes one of realization as an idea dawns on her, her delicate eyebrows climbing her forehead, "Are- are you cheating on someone by being here?"

Now would be an excellent time to say something profoundly charming and genuine to backtrack this oncoming disaster.

"Er, well… not intentionally!"

Nailed it. Nailed it so hard the hammer broke in his hands like driftwood. Renji almost has to record the moment for posterity as proof of what a verbose, charismatic Casanova he is. Nope, he doesn't hate himself at all right now.

Orihime's face flushes at her answer, her eyes narrowing and getting shiny. Please don't cry, Renji has no idea what to do with crying girls. Scream at him, slap him, slice him in half with her powers but please, _please_ don't fucking cry.

Without warning, Renji's mouth begins to move of its own accord. An obnoxious babbling noise fills the air before he has a change to realize, all too late, that it's the sound of his own voice. "That's not what I meant! You're really great, and there's probably a lot of people who really do want to date you! Not that I'm saying we should date, because that's the opposite of what I'm trying to do here. Um, wow, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. This is stupid. Forget I said anything-"

"Renji." Orihime says with what sounds like painstakingly collected patience, and it's a jarring experience because Renji has never heard her use his given name, nor her address him in that tone of voice. "What exactly are you trying to say?"

It's not to say that Renji has reached the point of no return, that would simply be inaccurate. But Renji is by nature an "in for a penny, in for a pound" kind of guy, even against his on accord, so he's not incredibly surprised to hear himself say with finality "I have a boyfriend."

Orihime blinks, the flushed anger draining out of her face and leaving behind an only faintly glowing blush. "Oh…" She says finally. "I see. That's okay, then. It would have been kind of disappointing if you were just a jerk, so it's better."

"It probably actually isn't. This night was probably really sucky for you. Sorry." Renji mutters to the floor. Something else nags at his mind, though, something very important as if he's seen something very odd in his peripheral vision but can't quiet place it.

Then it hits him.

"So," He says conversationally to Orihime, tilting his body so his face is pointed up towards the ceiling, "How long do you think the music has been off?"

Orihime's eyes widen in surprise, "Oops."

Renji drops his gaze back to stare straight ahead at the crowd, where the jarring silence of the music having been prematurely stopped echoes dully around the gymnasium. People are staring at him, eyes full of pity and some of laughter at his expense.

At this point, Renji decides to step back from his life for a minute. Use a few seconds to analyze and problem-solve, maybe even workshop the situation.

In an event such as this, there are two kinds of people. There are people who will handle these processions of events rationally and with maturity. And, then there are people who will totter to their feet, unable to do any complex spine movements thanks to the brace around their neck, and take the silence and shock of their unwanted audience as an opportunity for a hasty retreat.

Renji is, obviously, of the second breed.

As he disappears through the gymnasium doors into the empty hallway, he is genuinely debating whether it would be preferable to go home, or simply just walk outside and throw himself in the snow and wait until he freezes to death

"Renji, wait!" Orihime calls out to him, limping after him. Apparently using given names is a thing they do now. He watches in abstract horror and fascination as her leg brace works against her stiletto heel so she chaotically tilts this way and that left and right as she walks. He can see what looks like Rukia, Uryuu, Chad and Ichigo's outlines approaching the door behind her. At least the situation probably can't get any more humiliating or awkward.

Suddenly there's a familiar press of spiritual pressure prodding at him. _Very_ familiar, accompanied by a very familiar deep voice.

"Excuse me, is there an unreasonably tall red-head partially covered in tattoos around?"

Renji was wrong about the possibility of the situation getting more humiliating and awkward. Renji was so wrong. He should just stop trying at everything.

"Uh, Hisagi? What happened to your eye?" Renji peeks back into the gym. Shuuhei is there, without a gigai so the majority of oblivious humans around him mill freely through his spirit particle body. The eye that Ichigo is gesturing towards is puffy and swollen a nasty purple, adding an interesting contrast of color to the grey and black of the tattoos on that side of his face. Shuuhei touches it absentmindedly, like he's forgotten about it.

"Huh? Oh that. Must've been where Captain Muguruma hit me when he knocked me unconscious." Shuuhei explains, experimentally poking at the tender spot. The action is so childish it makes Renji want to march over and slap his hand away. No really. Stop, you're only making it worse. "I'm not gonna lie, I've been having kind of an off day."

There's a warm sensation as Shuuhei's spiritual pressure weaves through the crowd of bodies of the student population, reaching out to Renji familiarly. Having located him, Shuuhei casts a curious look in Renji's direction, surprised by Renji's distressed aura. Renji takes a moment to curse himself for not being able to control the tone of his spiritual pressure better. "Is Renji okay?"

Renji can practically see the gears working in Rukia's mind, putting the facts together. Her eyebrows knit together with realization and she casts an icy-cold glare in Renji direction, still hiding behind the door. "How interesting it is that you ask."

But not everyone, for better or worse, is Rukia. Renji imagines that for the other four teens Shuuhei's presence must be a little startling considering the lack of battle. It's Uryuu who asks, "Lieutenant Hisagi, why exactly are you looking for Abarai? There's no hollow sense. Not to mention it's rude to barge in without paying for your ticket."

"Oh I think I know why he's here." Rukia says with an impeccable raise of one eyebrow, "And I think it's ruder that someone wouldn't appreciate it if his _boyfriend_ stopped by for a visit."

Renji closes the door as gently as he can, preparing to slink away into the darkness and never return. But the high-pitched sugary-sweet call of "Oh, Renji!" warns him it would be in his best interest not to try to escape and to simply accept his fate. It's not like he has anything to lose at this point.

Like a tiny specter, Rukia's shadow appears in the window of the gymnasium door, which opens ever-so slowly so Renji gets to see every emerging inch of her stony face. Finally she stomps purposefully into the hall, the curious faces of Shuuhei and the rest of the Karakura pack looking in from the dance.

For a moment, both Renji and Rukia just stare each other down. Then, to Renji's surprise, Rukia folds her hands over her chest and smirks. He's not sure what he was expecting, but it wasn't that. "I knew it."

Stemming from reasons he just can't seem to place, this feels affronting to Renji. Really, does this woman just _have_ to stick her nose into every facet of his life? "No, you didn't!"

"I knew that Hisagi liked you!" Rukia points out, shoving a petite index finger into his face in an accusatory manner, "I just didn't think you'd like him back!"

This earns a protest of "Hey!" from Shuuhei, who actually looks a little wounded by the comment. "I'll have you both know I am perfectly likable."

"So you didn't really know it." Renji continues, ignoring Shuuhei, "You only knew, like, half of it, and it wasn't even the half concerning me."

He blatantly skips over the fact that he's been nursing a crush for Shuuhei ever since the portal mission. No one needs to know that. What crush? Renji has no knowledge of his "crush" phenomena.

Back in the doorway, Shuuhei leans over to the rest of the teens. "Why is he wearing a neck brace?"

"Decoration malfunction." Uryuu explains, "He broke our arch."

Orihime tentatively raises her arm, throwing in "Technically, I helped. It was a group mutual effort."

"I hope the school didn't get these as rentals." Chad sighs, casting a look back to the shattered pillars of the arch abandoned in the corner.

Meanwhile, Rukia throws her hands up, asking in an exasperated voice "So letting me set you up with Orihime like a dumbass- was that the part that concerned you? I just-" She makes a sound like a frustrated growl, or perhaps a strangled cat, "-I cannot _believe _you weren't going to tell me about this! I'm the one who told you Hisagi had a crush on you in the first place."

Ichigo raises an eyebrow at that, looking skeptically at Shuuhei as he asks "You did?"

Shuuhei shrugs, looking uncomfortable at suddenly being in the momentary spotlight. "Well, he threw up on me. Romance bloomed. You know how it is."

"Wow. No, I don't think I do at all."

Rukia's not finished yet. "Why didn't you just say something? That's all it would have taken! You never even said you were gay-"

"Well, it's a little more complicated than that!" Renji mutters, looking down at the floor as he is suddenly struck with a sense of self-consciousness. Trust Rukia to home in on the big, invisible elephant of sexual confusion in the room.

"If anybody's interested," Shuuhei interrupts calmly, "I think I might have a slight concussion. I'd like to sit down now, please."

By now, the commotion is beginning to draw attention from the other participants of the dance. A few whispers break out over the roar of the music wondering why there are people gathered around the door like that. Who's shouting? Isn't it that Kuchiki girl and the exchange student who broke the arch?

Looking back at the curious student body knowingly, Uryuu sharply elbows Ichigo in the gut. "Do something! People will start to wonder why we're standing around like this!" He hisses.

"Why me? I don't want to be a part of this!" Ichigo says glaring at the quincy.

"Your shinigami, your problem."

"It's not like I own every shinigami! Usually it's just Rukia and Renji who follow me around everywhere. Hisagi's kind of a... recent addition." Ichigo sighs, before making an attempt to intervene, "Hey guys? Hello? Rukia, shut the hell up for a second!"

Finally that gets their attention. Renji and Rukia stop bickering to/and whip their heads around to look at him. Even Shuuhei looks at Ichigo through one swollen eye.

"This drama is getting annoying and this dance blows." Ichigo announces, "If you guys are gonna squabble, do it somewhere else."

Grudgingly, Renji agrees that somewhere else sounds pretty good right about now. And while escaping from weird social situations may sound a lot like running away with his tail between his legs, Renji would be a lot happier with that than with loitering around here. He nudges Shuuhei purposefully, "Fine, we should be leaving anyways."

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere without us just yet!" Rukia contradicts, sputtering and clutching at Renji's sleeve. "If you think you can strut in here, drop this on me and just walk out like that, you've got another thing coming, buddy!"

Orihime fidgets a little, "Maybe we all should go, we're getting weird looks." She looked back to the crowd, then back down to her leg brace. Renji feels another stab of guilt. "Can someone with a car please drive me home?"

"We'll take you." Ishida promises, motioning for her to follow him and Chad. "It's getting pretty late anyways."

However mad Rukia might be at Renji for withholding information right now, those feelings clearly don't extend to Shuuhei. She must notice Shuuhei still tenderly rubbing his injured eye, because she scowls a little in assumed exasperation. "You guys meet me by the exit. I'm going to get an icepack."

She scampers off in the direction of the drinks table, heading for the cooler of ice, leaving an awkward trio of Ichigo, Renji and Shuuhei to glance at each other.

There's an uncomfortable blanket of quiet as Shuuhei and Renji share a blank look, and Ichigo seems like he's trying hard not to fidget or look back and forth between the two lieutenants. This is the most socially painful thing Renji has ever had to do.

Ichigo must feel like he needs to break the silence, because his brow furrows and he gnaws on his lip a little before saying, "So, uh…"

"Yeah." Renji answers in a dull voice that Shuuhei echoes hardly a second later.

Ichigo glances back to where Rukia has vanished to before turning back, "She's not really mad, I think. Just surprised." He looks to Renji, directing his words at him now, "I don't think she ever really expected you to have your own, y'know, relationship without her involvement. Especially with a guy. It's sort of like finding out that your parents have sex."

Neither Renji or Shuuhei have parents. Renji can't even imagine why that would be an issue. People who have families are so fucking weird, sometimes.

"She's kind of protective, isn't she?" Shuuhei comments, the corner of his lip threatening to turn up in a smile.

Ichigo smirks proudly when he confirms. "Yeah, she is. But, she means well."

Shuuhei cocks an eyebrow, gesturing with his hands towards Renji while looking at Ichigo. "So on the subject, I'm not going to have to pay a dowry to Rukia for his hand or something now, am I? Because that wasn't really on the table until now."

"Hey." Renji says in a warning town.

"Just feed him three meals a day and make sure he gets all his shots on time and I think you're good."

"Hey!"

Ichigo casts another look back into the darkened gymnasium, looking for Rukia's outline amongst the hoards of people. "On a similar note, you guys can probably go now. Your window for escape is closing."

The idea of leaving his very embarrassing incident behind does sound very appealing to Renji. Still, there are other factors to consider. "What about Rukia?"

"She'll be fine." Ichigo assures him with a wave of his hand, "I think time to let this sink in will make this all a little less… weird, I guess?" He finishes with a note of uncertainty, "Not that it's not cool. Just. Yeah. Unexpected."

This is getting awkward again. "Sorry, I guess?" Renji hazards, although he doesn't know what he's apologizing for. "We'll just go then."

"I actually would like an ice pack-" Shuuhei gets cut off by an impatient shove from Renji.

The high school's doors swing shut behind them, leaving them in the brisk air of the invisible tipping point between winter and spring. Shuuhei's feet are light in the snow, his sandals barely crushing the thinnest layer of white and leaving behind the barest of indentations as proof of his presence. Renji's heavier gigai body stops through the slush, however, nice shoes bought specifically for this occasion soaking up the moisture from the snow.

Renji sighs in realization. "I still have to drop this gigai off at the Shouten. What a pain."

"Poor baby." Shuuhei says sarcastically, looking aforementioned gigai up and down. He coughs into his hand, obscuring his mouth, "You look really nice though. The clothes suit you, except for the brace."

Renji grunts, fingers reaching up to tear at the ties on the cervical collar and free him of its ridiculous-looking confines. "Stupid thing. This is what happens in a world without healing kidou. Respect the Fourth Division, Shuu, without them stuff like this happens."

"I was in the Fourth earlier today." Shuuhei says offhandedly,

"For that shiner?" Renji asks, referring to the black eye Shuuhei's sporting, "Did you say your _captain_ had done that to you? It looks like you got into a fight with the Kototsu and lost."

Shuuhei rolls his eyes, stubbornly stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Sort of, yeah. Long story."

As they walk, Renji is struck with a sense of déjà vu. The dark sky over head, staring down at the streets below is reminiscent of the same sky in Soul Society when he and Shuuhei walked together just like this on the night of their first kiss. The taller of the two vice-captains tries to look up and take in the expanse of sky above him, but his continuous struggles with the cervical collar continue to limit him.

"Sorry I kind of ruined your night." Shuuhei says suddenly, glowering at his feet.

Renji scoffs, "Well you didn't really ruin it. It was already ruined, so I guess you sort of made it better. Even if that wasn't the way I would have wanted to let people know we were together. At least it's only the kids in Karakura."

"About that," Shuuhei drawls, cheek twitching a little, "I may have accidently told Kira. And Matsumoto. And Captain Muguruma."

"You're kidding." Renji demands, his gaze turning into a glare. "You're not joking. Hisagi Shuuhei, I am going to punch you right in the dick."

"Does it bother you that much?" Shuuhei says, taken aback and eyes wide.

Renji scowls, "That's not the point! Don't you think that's the sort of thing we should be doing together?"

"Well pardon me." Shuuhei says concisely. He stops suddenly, pulling on Renji's shirt to stop him in his tracks as well, hands deftly slapping Renji's fingers away to finally remove the restrictive neck brace. "I'll try to text you next time I break into a school dance to announce my love for you."

Even with the brace gone, Renji suddenly feels he has difficulty breathing. He meets Shuuhei's eyes, a steel gray that somehow seems warmer than it did in all the past years Renji has known Shuuhei. "Your love for me?"

"Yeah, that's kind of what I came here to tell you. I wanted you to know how crazy I am about you." Shuuhei chuckles, giving Renji his genuine, crooked smile. An endearing glow of red gathers in his cheeks, under ink on one side and scarring on the other. "I love you, Renji."

Holding another person in his arms has never made Renji feel so good. Shuuhei lets himself be enveloped into Renji's grasp, lets himself be squeezed because right now Renji never wants to let go. Never wants to lose this moment. Wants it to be captured, frozen forever in a snapshot of the universe for Renji to carry around in his pocket.

"Shuuhei." Renji announces into the other man's shoulder with a soppy grin, "I love you, too."

Shuuhei pulls back, hands moving to Renji's head to caress his face. It doesn't feel inherently different from their kisses before, but its satisfying. Like the refreshment of cool water across Renji's tongue when he didn't even know he was thirsty. He feels light-headed and giddy but grounded at the same time in a hot mix of emotions.

But moments can't be frozen forever, so Renji chooses to trade Shuuhei's embrace for slinging an arm around Shuuhei's hip as they continue walking.

"So are you still going to punch me in the dick?"

Renji groans, "Let me have his happy, fuzzy feeling for a little while longer before you decide to be obnoxious, okay?"

But Renji is in no danger of losing the happy fuzzies. Because while moments can't be frozen, they can be kept and hoarded in the mind like precious treasures. And that is exactly what he plans to do with this one. He wants to keep them in a special compartment, a trove of memories, of mornings and nights and days to come.

**Author's note: Sap sap sap sap SAP SAP SAP SAPPY SAP.**

**Moral of the story: if I'm not writing about Renji getting hurt/being publicly humiliated, I'm probably not writing Renji.**

**Much thanks goes to my beta, ****Namayani, who you can all be grateful for that this is even readable!**

**[Aggressively starts on next chapter]**


	23. For Shinigami Romance is Always Dead

Fleeing from Soul Society to Karakura in an existential crisis-induced state of mind only made Shuuhei realize how tired and all-around exhausting this entire day has been. His eye still hurts, a dull sensation of pain throbbing from it angrily. Shuuhei's had a long day. It's time for bed now.

It's much later than he would have preferred it to be by the time they get to the Sixth division barracks. Every light is shut off, which isn't surprising seeing as how it's Friday—every shinigami in service is by now already asleep or out pulling an all-night bar crawl. More power to them, Shuuhei concedes. He's too tired to even think about going out right now, he just wants to roll into Renji's futon and hibernate.

"Why is are your quarters so far from the door?" Shuuhei questions at the entrance of the building, leaning in against the doorframe. Renji doesn't seem to share his exhaustion, but then again Renji didn't get punched in the face earlier today. Or fight with his captain. Or get an oddly ominous and frankly morbid message from his zanpakuto, Shuuhei assumes.

Renji gives him a fond grin, the whites of his eyes still just visible against the dark as he rolls them. "Come on, it's just at the end of the hall. Up and at 'em, don't fall asleep on me yet."

All in all Shuuhei's day has been... odd. A lot of interesting things have happened, and he's made some pretty important decisions. Some of these decisions might, in retrospect, not have been smart. Honest decisions, sure. Well meaning decisions. Not necessarily smart decisions.

The redheaded shinigami casts him a concerned look, although the exact features of his face are hard to pick out of the dark. It's a very thick darkness, the kind that envelopes one from all sides. Renji backsteps a few paces. "Come on, almost there! Don't fall alseep on me now!"

"I hope I didn't screw everything up just now." Shuuhei says flatly, sinking a little against the door frame.

"It's a little late to be thinking about that. Not really anything we can do about it now." Renji shrugs, reaching back to scratch the nape of his neck.

Shuuhei tries to force the gears in his mind to turn, sliding against the door frame down to the floor completely. "There could still be a way to contain this, you know. I can tell people it was a misunderstanding. Or that when I confessed to you, you rejected me-"

"People would still suspect. At least if we're out in the open, we don't need to cover our asses anymore." Renji points out, now standing over him as Shuuhei draws battle plans in his mind. He sighs, "Listen, this is all kinds of too stressful to bother with right now. Let's just go to sleep and worry about it tomorrow."

Shuuhei doesn't respond right away. He taps his finger against his knee, almost mumbling to himself. "There's gonna be hell to pay. I mean, I'm sure _we _ can handle it, but-"

"Shuuhei." Renji says with a warning tone, leaning down to jostle Shuuhei's shoulders.

"Shit, what's Kira gonna think? We're supposed to be the only two people we can trust."

"He's not a baby and he can deal. Get up."

Shuuhei clucked his tongue. "'Must be some kind of fraternization laws. Fuck, the one time I act on a spur of the moment and it could land us in huge trouble."

"No one pays attention to those rules, anyways."

"Yeah, but maybe because no one thought they could apply it to same-sex couples before." Shuuhei points out, leaning his elbow on his knee to press a fist into his cheek, thinking of all the smarter things he could have done than just blurt a deeply personal secret out loud. It's a very long list. "God, I'm so stupid!"

Renji drops his hand from Shuuhei's shoulder, crossing his arms seriously. "Okay, time to get up. I mean it this time, I will carry you down this hall if I have too!"

Shuuhei snorts, "No, you won't." Still, it would be nice to actually finish walking down the hall and sit on the couch or the futon instead of on the ground. Shuuhei is very enthusiastic about the idea of lying on a soft object right now. With that in mind, Shuuhei sighs and runs a hand through his hair, "Alright, I'm getting up—"

But Renji's already coming closer, moving to envelope the slighter man with his body. Shuuhei squirms, trying to edge away from the arms closing in on either side of me. "Stop, not an inch closer! Don't even touch me, Renji!"

Too late, a hand is already wedging itself between Shuuhei's back and the wall, cradling Shuuhei's body towards Renji. Now would be the optimal time to fight back, push Renji off and struggle to retain those last few vital shreds of pride, but instead he becomes distracted by marveling at how warm Renji's body is. The man is all heat and comfort and familiarity, so much like a security blanket that Shuuhei could just fall asleep right now like this.

"Oh, hell no." Shuuhei growls as Renji's other arm shifts to wrap under his knees and begin to lift him off the ground. "I did not approve of this."

"You've lost your walking privileges. Abuse and misconduct will get those revoked, you know," Renji retorts as he stands up, grunting softly as he hoists Shuuhei up in his arms with him. "If you have issues with any policies please take it up with Commissioner Go-Fuck-Yourself."

Shuuhei squirms in the taller man's grasp, unintentionally making it easier for Renji to reaffirm his grasp. Both tattooed arms wrap around Shuuhei's back and around his thighs as Renji starts to carry him bridal-style down the hall. Shuuhei's cheek gets crushed into Renji's chest and he feels his face heat up. Heat up because he is angry, of course. Angry with brimming masculinity!"

"Fuck this and fuck you with something rough and grainy—" Shuuhei starts, trying to kick Renji in the head from his position, but Renji cuts him off with a loud shush.

"There are people trying to sleep here, you know? No need to be rude," Renji teases, a self-satisfied smile on his face even as he struggles to keep his balance. His steeps teeter ever so slightly, and that in no way encourages Shuuhei to support this plan. Renji steadies his footsteps with a grumble as they draw ever farther down the hall. "You're heavier than you look, princess."

"Are you calling me fat?" Shuuhei says scathingly, resigning himself to Renji's arms. Hey, it's a lot more comfortable than walking, and takes much less effort.

"Well, you have been eating all of my food, lately." Renji quips, coming to a stop in front of his door. He gives it a harsh glare, obviously frustrated his own lack of an ability to open it telepathically. Shuuhei doesn't feel bad for him at all. Finally, he asks "Grab my keys out of my pocket for me, will ya?"

"Get them yourself," Shuuhei snarks, giving the redhead a smoldering look.

"But if I put you down you'll just use it as an opportunity to escape my loving embrace."

"Yes, Renji, that is the point."

Renji rolls his eyes a second time, and Shuuhei is momentarily worried that they'll roll right out of his skull if he keeps it up. "Fine, but then I'll have to to drop you right on your fat head." Renji decides.

"I knew you were calling me fat," Shuuhei mutters, but reaches an arm around Renji's to feel around in his pockets. His fingers locate a promising piece of cold metal and he pulls out the glinting key to all but jam it into Renji's lock. Shuuhei gets jostled a little in Renji's grip as the redheaded man pushes the door open with his hip and kicks it closed behind him after crossing the threshold of the room.

"It's time for all good little Shuuheis to be asleep," Renji says with a slight sing-song tilt to his voice, "So that they'll stop being cranky at the guy nice enough to them a lift. You ungrateful dick."

Shuuhei huffs, but graciously accepts Renji's action of carrying him to the futon and putting him down on its soft downy caress. Hello, mattress. Shuuhei has missed you.

His joy at being reunited with reliable ground again is cut short, however. Shuuhei blinks at the sudden realization that something is pitter-pattering against the windows, tapping frantically at the glass

Fluttering wings. Oh, wings!

Shit.

"You've got company," Shuuhei says a little sheepishly, clutching the pillow closer to his face as he points towards the window. Vision obstructed, he hears Renji grunt in acknowledgement of what must be dozens of hellbutterflies flapping against his window.

"Nosy fuckers," Renji complains, drawing the curtain closed. "Exactly how many people did you tell about us in your spur of insanity?"

Shuuhei rolls over, patting the futon beside him in an invitation to join him. The mattress dips slightly as Renji sprawls out on the blanket, stretching before curling up pressed against Shuuhei's side. "Only three people. My captain—"

"One," Renji counts along aloud.

"—Kira—"

"All of our friends," Renji amends.

"—and Rangiku."

"So basically all of Soul Society."

Shuuhei sighs, using his hand to guide Renji's arm to drape over his side,"Yeah, basically."

"Wow. Cool." Renji yawns before drifting off into sleep.

Shuuhei raises an eyebrow, even though he know Renji won't be able to see it. "'Wow. Cool?' You're taking this pretty well."

"Actually, I'm internally freaking out, but I'm too tired to express that so I'm just going to push away all these panicky thoughts until a more convenient time. Like, say, a hundred years from now. It's my- whatdya call it? When you're stressed out and you wanna deal with something in a different way?"

"Coping mechanism?" Shuuhei volunteers.

Renji grunts, nuzzling his face into Shuuhei's hair sleepily. "Yes. Coping mechanism, because coping is definitely the thing I am doing right now."

"That sounds like a good mechanism." Shuuhei says thoughtfully before drifting to sleep, "I like that mechanism."

Night passes quickly, graciously turning into the most beloved of all days of the week- Saturday.

Shuuhei loves Saturday. It's the only day he really gets away from work. Friday is spent at the office, finishing up all the last-minute work for the week. Sunday is overshadowed by the constant reminder than Monday is sure to follow, to the point where Shuuhei just meanders down to work anyways to in an attempt to reduce the never-ending pile of paperwork that will wait for him the following day.

But Saturday? Saturday is a good day, and he's finally not too hung-over to properly appreciate it. His face still kind of aches, though.

Shuuhei snuggles under the covers, shifting to press himself back against Renji's warm body next to him. He cranes his neck to look at the taller man, still wearing his rumpled shinigami robes he was wearing in spirit partial form within his gigai from the previous night, hair coming messily undone from his ponytail. Shuuhei smirks, readjusting his potion so he can reach over and brush a few stray strands away from Renji's face.

Renji's not a peaceful sleeper. His body seems to move on its own accord at night, sprawling and tossing under the covers like he can't ever get comfortable. Shuuhei does is best not to get kicked in his sleep.

Shuuhei lets his hand wander down from Renji's hairline to his face, stroking his cheek and cupping his jaw. Even Renji's face looks restless in his sleep, his brows furrowed and pressed together as if in irritation. His lips are parted, breathing deeply but they drag down at the edges of his mouth in an adorable scowl. He wonders if these dreams have anything to do with Renji's fidgety sleep-habits. Is he having nightmares? Or is Zabimaru invading his mind while he's asleep? Renji always did say he found the dual souls of his zanpakuto rather agitating to share conversations with.

Shuuhei could relate. The scarred man sighs heavily, the knowledge that he has to handle this Kazeshini bankai thing weighing on his mind. This isn't the sort of matter that can be ignored for long, but for some reason a feeling of intense dread wells up in the pit of Shuuhei's stomach at the thought of confronting the issue.

Part of him wants to confide in Renji, ask his opinion on the matter and, most of all, seek reassurance that he can handle the situation. Renji's the only vice-captain to have achieved bankai, so if anyone has any insight for how and when one would go about pursuing it themselves he would be the first person to go to. From a logical standpoint, it's ideal that both the promise of reaching full power and Renji have both fallen into Shuuhei's lap.

On the other hand, if Shuuhei is to go about unlocking his second release, does he really want it to be because his boyfriend walked him through it? No, Shuuhei decides, this is a matter he can handle independently. It's most likely what Renji would do anyways, if the roles were reversed. He'll probably even be proud of Shuuhei when he manages to achieve bankai on his own.

But that would be for a later time. For a Sunday, or a Monday. Preferably a Monday. As for now, Shuuhei has a whole weekend morning laid out before him, and he intends to make the most of that as he sits up and stretches his heavy limbs, mindful not to wake Renji as he slips off the futon and onto the cold wooden floors. He sets to peeling off his rumpled shihakushou, pulling the top half of the attire off his shoulders, when a persistent fluttering registers in his ears.

Shuuhei sighs exasperatedly, glaring in the direction of the window. The hellbutterflies seem to have persisted, if not multiplied, over the course of the night—no doubt their numbers grew as whatever rumors about Shuuhei and Renji worked their way around Seireitei. Shuuhei animatedly waves his arms in their direction, attempting to shoo away the adamant little messengers. When that fails, the dark-haired shinigami simply yanks the curtains shut and hops the pattering of tiny insect bodies hitting the window won't disturb Renji's sleep.

Wow, does Renji even own any clothes other than uniforms and sleeping yukatas? Shuuhei grins to himself as he roots around Renji's closet, casting the sleeping shinigami on the futon an amused glance as he does so. He pulls out an olive-green yukata and wraps it around his person, abandoning his uniform folded up on the floor.

Renji is still out cold, but all traces of sleepiness are gone from Shuuhei's mind and body. He predicts a long day of being cooped up in Renji's quarters hiding from the outside world, so he figures he better make use of his time and he sets out to scavenge in the kitchen.

Pulling open the fridge reveals mountains of leftover take-out large enough to make Shuuhei's colon tremble in fear. If Renji were left to his own devices he would probably send himself into junk food-induced heart palpitations, but fortunately self-appointed personal chef Hisagi Shuuhei is on the job.

To Shuuhei's shock and surprise, a few minutes of rooting around reveals a sparse sum of actual ingredients. Like, genuine edible things that haven't been deep-fried. In his investigations, Shuuhei uncovers fresh berries, some milk, butter, a whole carton of eggs, and what he can optimistically only assume is a hunk of cheese. He blinks in astonishment at the actual groceries before him, never noticing that Renji even bought real food. Did he buy these recently in anticipation of Shuuhei coming over?

Shrugging, Shuuhei pulls out a pan and sets the heat on the small stove. He would thank Renji for providing the food in the form of the rare nutritious breakfast.

After a few moments, Shuuhei hears a rustling from the direction of the bedroom as he chases the eggs around the pan. Renji makes a very unattractive snorting noise as his feet hit the floor, clearly not in the chipper mood of waking up that he was the previous morning.

"Good morning, sunshine, the world says hello. How do you like your eggs?" Shuuhei greets him with a wave of his spatula. "Spoiler: The answer is going to either be scrambled or sunny-side up, because those are currently the only two I know how to make. I don't usually make breakfast much."

"Uh?" Renji says eloquently, rubbing his eye sleepily with the heel of his hand. "Oh yeah, thanks. You can use whatever's in there. I just bought stuff like two days ago and gods know I have no idea what to do with them."

Shuuhei chuckles, tentatively prodding the eggs in the pan. They are, if he does say so himself, perfect. The whites are pristine and unburned, the yolks holding together like champs. Shuuhei's ego inflates with the knowledge of his cooking prowess. Has there ever been a more suave motherfucker than Hisagi Shuuhei. The possibilities are slim.

He carefully sets the finished eggs onto a plate with a hearty serving of the berries he located earlier, setting them onto the table for a compliant Renji before turning back and preparing his own food. He chuckles to himself as he begins chopping up the almost-definitely cheese. "I like my cheese like I like my men." He announces, giving Renji a suggestive waggle of the eyebrows as the redhead seats himself at the table, "Edgy."

Renji snorts, even as he eyes the food in front of him gratefully. "Lame. What the hell kind of cheese even is 'edgy?'" He says through a mouthful of eggs.

"It means it's got a very powerful flavor."

"Still lame."

"No? What about this- I like my men like I like my cheese; sharp. Rich. Uh… with their skin on." Yup, still the most suave. "Why are you laughing like that?"

Renji shakes his head, needing to cover his mouth to avoid spitting food across the table as he tries to get his laughter under control. The sleepiness disappears from his eyes as he gives Shuuhei a fond smile. "Nothing, you're just in a good mood this morning. I like it!"

"I am in a good mood!" Shuuhei agrees, demolishing his eggs in easy strikes. He's feeling adventurous today, why not go with scrambled?

In the small kitchenette, it's very easy for Renji to reach the other and stroke Shuuhei's side warmly. "It's really cute."

"Cute is what I call you," Shuuhei corrects him, preparing his own plate and inviting himself to the table to savor his own work. "You're not allowed to call me cute."

Renji raises his eyebrow challengingly/in a challenge, "You just try and stop me, princess."

"Not that, either. I'm not doing the stupid cutesy nickname thing," Shuuhei announces, decidedly shoving a forkful of food into his mouth. "I don't do nicknames and I'm not cute. I got enough of that when I was a little kid. All I was ever called was cute."

Renji leans back in his chair, looking Shuuhei up and down appreciatively and Shuuhei straightens his back, feeling a bit self-conscious. He grins, "Yeah, you seem the type. I can imagine you all cute and tiny, scampering around Rukongai. You probably had one of those faces, all big eyes and baby cheeks!"

He reaches over, pinching Shuuhei's cheeks with both hands until Shuuhei slaps his fingers away and rubs his smarting face. "Hey, those looks came with a high price. I always had to be the diversion, for one thing. When I was little my friends always made me go into stores and start crying and say I'd lost my mom in order to distract people while they stole stuff. And a few times some people actually did try to walk away with me—It's not funny, stop laughing!"

Renji's shoulders shake as he holds his sides and curled up over the table, biting his lip to keep the snickering at bay until his face begins to turn as crimson as his hair. At Shuuhei's final outburst the dam breaks, Renji's laughter coming in loud, gasping barks. "Oh my gods, that's so precious!"

Shuuhei slaps him on the arm in protest. "I was almost kidnapped, you insensitive asshole! You're such a prick. How do you even deal with it, the stares you must get from people all day as they notice the literal gigantic penis walking past them?"

Finally, after a few more minutes Renji calms himself. He still giggles a little, ruffling Shuuhei's hair. "No, this is good. You're actually, like, telling me interesting things about your life before the academy. Also simultaneously supplying me with valuable black-mail material."

"Yeah," Shuuhei acknowledges, squinting considerately at the air. "This is a little weird."

"It would be weirder if I still had no idea about you at all before I met you. I mean, since Rukia and I suddenly became big shit for helping Ichigo everybody kind of already knows our story. It gets pretty awkward sometimes." Renji points out, hands making way for the two plates still on the table. "You want me to clean up here, I mean since you did cook and all…"

Shuuhei pushes himself from his chair, "That'd be great. I'm gonna take a shower real quick, don't go anywhere."

He begins trekking to the bathroom, but still manages to catch Renji's amused hum behind him, "Don't go anywhere, huh? Sounds like you've made plans for me."

"Unless you've got anything better to do," Shuuhei retorts with a promising grin before disappearing into the bathroom. "Which I don't believe is true. Don't worry, though. I'm sure I'll be able to come up with something fun for us to engage ourselves in.

With the door closed behind him, Shuuhei takes in the small area of Renji's bathroom. With a strike of disappointment, he realizes he doesn't have a toothbrush. Even on a normal day going without brushing his teeth for too long leaves a gross taste in Shuuhei's mouth, plus he's very aware that morning breath is possibly the least sexy thing in the universe. He does actually want to do things with Renji- sexy, pleasurable things- things he doesn't want to ruin by being objectively repulsive. He could use Renji's but… well… hygiene!

Optimistically, Shuuhei scours the sink for a spare, pulling the drawers open on the off-chance that there will be an unused toothbrush.

Surely Renji must have an extra on hand. It's not just Shuuhei who does that, right?

Oh.

Hello there.

Shuuhei blinks in surprise, hands ceasing in their rooting around. That isn't what he thinks it is, is it? Well, Shuuhei knew that it was going to become an issue sooner or later, but he hadn't expected Renji to have planned this far ahead in advance. Is Renji trying to tell him something?

Shuuhei's fingers close around the object, holding it up to eye level. A lustful grin pulls at Shuuhei's face as he watches the light bounce off the contents of the small bottle of lubricant in his hands.

**Author's note: At first I was worried that this chapter was too short, until I realized that as of recent updates my chapters have doubled in length from how long they were at the beginning! You can thank my beta, ********Namayani, for that. Without them this chapter wouldn't even be remotely fit for human consumption.**

**********Beep beep here comes the porn.**


	24. The After-School Special

**Author's note: IT TOOK ME MUCH LONGER TO WRITE THIS THAN IS REASONABLE I'M SORRY.**

**This fic is over 100k words I'mma cry.**

**Credit to my wonderful beta Namayani, for making this fic a lot better than it would be otherwise.**

**And thanks to viewers like you!**

Renji finishes rinsing the dishes and closes the tap, surprised at the silence that awaits him. He's a little suspicious about the lack of running water he should definitely be hearing from his own bathroom by now. As he glances towards the room in question, Shuuhei slips out of bathroom door, still dry and dressed in Renji's nightclothes. The red haired man gives him a curious look.

"I thought you were taking a shower?" Renji asks dryly. "Are my facilities sub-par to your taste, your highness?"

"Ooh, we're breaking out the fancy words now. That's hot," Shuuhei retorts with a smirk. "I just changed my mind is all. I'll get to cleanliness later."

"It's close to godliness, you know," Renji quips as his eyes search for a dishrag on the kitchen counter. "I guess the same rules apply when you for Death Godliness. Maybe because, like, we purify souls so it's basically the same principle. When you think about it, zanpakutos are like the extra-strength detergent for hollows." There's a sound of footsteps behind him, and suddenly Shuuhei is standing so close to Renji he can feel the slighter man's body heat on his back. "And arrancars have shinigami-ish powers, so they're like those clothes that are perfectly clean except for this one huge grass-stain or whatever that just won't wash the fuck out so you have to throw the whole thing away. Or maybe it's the other way around, and the thing is mostly destroyed except for one clean spot."

As Renji theorizes what would surely be a great contribution to Soul Society philosophy communities everywhere, his eyes still traverse the kitchen counter for his still-missing dishrag. Because focus is important.

"Which basically makes us the maids of the universe, having to clean up all these shitty souls and whatnot." Shuuhei's hand comes to rest on Renji's waist. "Somewhere in Seireitei there's probably some poor bastard who achieves shikai—" Renji's temperature spikes as he feels lips on his skin, Shuuhei kissing the back of his neck from behind, "—and all it does is turn his zanpakuto into a—" Shuuhei's hand slides across his front until his arm is draped across Renji's hips, "—vacuum cleaner." He hears the dark, rich sound of Shuuhei chuckling, and he smiles to himself. "You should make that one of your story pieces in the Communications, I would read the fuck out of that."

The fact that Shuuhei is still touching Renji right now is a testament to his endless patience, considering that there are a lot of attractive things Renji could be saying right now and Renji is saying none of them. Miracles happen every day, apparently.

Shuuhei's mouth comes away from Renji's neck and Renji can hear the grin in his voice. "This is the part where you stop rambling and start saying things that are sexy."

"Right. Sexy. I can do that," Renji says firmly before turning around to face Shuuhei.

Renji wraps an arm around Shuuhei's back, pulling him closer until their chests are pressed together. A mischievous grin spreads on his face as Renji says in a low, husky voice. "Shuuhei, I want to do inappropriate things to you. In a sexual way."

Without missing a beat or even a shift in his facial expression Shuuhei responds. "You have no idea how fucking angry I am at myself for being attracted to you even when you're acting like an idiot."

Apparently that's all the preface that Shuuhei needs before diving right into a kiss, and that's progress that Renji can get behind. Shuuhei's lips, thin and soft, crash against Renji's, and he suddenly feels hyperaware of everything, like his senses are on overdrive. Like the sensation of Shuuhei's hands, rough and worn from battle, cupping his jaw. His smell, like the ink of the printing press and the metal of clashing swords, is familiar and welcoming.

Shuuhei guides Renji to tilt his head to the side, deepening the kiss. It's so easy for Renji to let go like this, let his body move on its own accord because kissing Shuuhei back comes as naturally as breathing now. His skin feels too tight, too warm, when Shuuhei's hands grab at his body, grasping and clawing like he wants all of Renji at once and isn't sure where to start.

Renji gasps a little when his back hits the kitchen counter. He lets himself be pushed until he's sitting on it and he takes a moment to be very thankful that the placement of the counter is relatively low, lest the height difference becomes awkward. He pulls on the collar of Shuuhei's yukata to drag the slighter man closer for another kiss.

Because Renji is an idiot with no control over the flow from his brain to his mouth, he finds himself breaking the kiss between him and Shuuhei to mumble, and oh gods has his voice always been that breathy? "Can we not make a mess in here? This is my kitchen. I eat here."

"Picky, picky," Shuuhei chastises, smiling before leaning back in to press hard kisses onto Renji's neck. Yes, that's quite the kink for Renji's neck that Shuuhei has. Renji's not letting go of the idea that the scarred man might actually be a vampire.

Vampiric in nature or no, the action itself is not objectionable. The breath and the heat of a mouth down Renji's collarbone manages to be soothing, almost comforting, while the sensation of a tongue on his skin tracing the lines of his tattoos is incredibly arousing.

Speaking of clothes, Renji has decided they are overrated. Fuck clothes. Renji is one step away from issuing a ban on clothes in this room until further notice. The ban gets enforced starting with Renji raising a hand to tilt Shuuhei's face up towards his, letting Renji take possession of the kiss this time while also allowing his fingers to trace back down the soft skin of Shuuhei's neck to the folds of his yukata. He picks a the fabric slowly, subtly dragging it away from his collarbone and exposing the smooth skin of Shuuhei's shoulders and chest glimpses at a time.

Renji almost misses the action of Shuuhei's hand slipping into the front folds of his yukata, breaking the kiss and drawing an object out pinched between his thumb and his index finger. He speaks with a mischievous tilt to his voice, like he's sharing an inside joke that Renji is supposed to understand. "Well, Renji, you'll never guess what I stumbled upon in the murky depths of your bathroom. Truly, this must be a stunning archeological discovery I just happened to trip over—"

Renji's hand grabs Shuuhei's wrist, stopping him mid-sentance and when Renji looks at the bottle of lubricant in Shuuhei's hands he thinks… well, he's not exactly sure what to think. Arousal quickly drains out of the situation, and Renji tries to piece together something like an explanation for why Shuuhei's holding lube and what exactly he plans on doing with it.

He settles on asking a question. "Where did you get that?"

The smirk falls of Shuuhei's face at a lightning speed. His brows furrow together, confusion now clearly evident on his face. "In your bathroom drawers, like I said. Why? It's yours, isn't it?"

"Sort of. Not really. No," Renji tries to explain, shaking his head. "This girl I hooked up with- she would bring it over a few nights I guess she left it here when we broke it off."

Shuuhei hums in understanding, but his eyes leave Renji's face to look at the lube, rotating it in his hand and regarding it with a suspicious glare like it's Renji's ex and not her abandoned property. "Oh. I sort of took it as an invitation. Like the groceries, I thought it was just you being... thoughtful."

In Shuuhei's defense, Renji did buy the food with him in mind. Cooking has seemed like a thing that made Shuuhei happy, so if there happened to be a few more raw materials in the fridge to make that easier who was Renji to not be the one to provide it? The lube had not been the subject of any plan like that. It hadn't been the subject of anything at all.. It has just been sitting there in who knows which drawer for gods know how long, being lube.

Hell, how long had it been in there?

Does lubricant have an expiration date? The odds point to "likely."

These are the things that plague Renji's mind when he should be paying attention to much more present matters. Like the fact that Shuuhei is putting down the bottle, wearing a guilty expression on his face. "Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed." His eyes go back to Renji's face, expression turned back to puzzled, maybe even a tad analytical. "Does it make you uncomfortable? Anal, I mean."

Wow, what a question. Renji kicks his feet against the counter, narrowly avoiding kicking Shuuhei in the knee on accident. "I wouldn't say 'uncomfortable' is the most accurate word."

Because "uncomfortable" is not a word that describes Abarai Renji, the goddamn lieutenant of the Sixth division. It is especially not a word that describes his attitude to sex. Renji can name at least five people off the top of his head who would laugh in his face at the very notion of him being uncomfortable with sex.

This is not even remotely reassuring logic.

"You look uncomfortable." Shuuhei points out, his hand gingerly squeezing Renji's thigh in a comforting gesture. "I know it's not the physical aspect, given your history, so it must be something else."

"I guess- it's not…" Renji growls in frustration, letting his head fall back to cast the ceiling an irate glare. "Can I just first of all say I hate that whenever we have an argument about this, I'm the one who always ends up sounding like a whiny asshole? You know what? Let's just forget about this."

Always the one who wants to wait. Always the one with something to bitch about. Always the one feeling guilty and confused and scared and just so not ready.

"You don't sound like a whiny asshole." Shuuhei assures him gently. "I think… we should have a talk. Like, you know, boundaries and junk. A real relationship talk."

Renji slips off the counter will a sigh. This has turned out to be very far from sexy. In fact this entire conversation does not fit into the list of appropriate foreplay shenanigans at all. "Gross, more feelings." He pauses, then gives Shuuhei an almost hesitant look. "So, this doesn't intimidate you even a little bit? Neither of us have even done it with guys before. It's a whole shitload of new territory."

Shuuhei steps back slightly to accommodate Renji's descent from the counter. His posture is open, shoulders back and elbows wide to show how nonthreatening and completely cool with everything he is but whether this is unconscious body language or done on purpose for Renji's benefit is unknown. "Not really. Sex is sex, it's not gonna be the end of the world whichever way we do it, right?"

"Well, yeah." Renji admits. He leans back onto the counter on his elbows, trying to copy Shuuhei's nonchalance but having the feeling that he's probably failing. "But this is… still a lot to ask. I mean, we just figured out where we are right now on the feelings side of things. It's not like we can't have some room to breathe."

Shuuhei's shoulders don't exactly slump, because shoulder-slumping implies resignation. As far as Renji knows, Shuuhei fuels himself on the belief that whatever he does is what he's wanted to do from the very beginning, regardless of his actual feelings. But his muscles sort of tense, like they're baring the weight of the realization of how heavy the conversation has turned. "You're right. Fuck, I'm putting a metric ass-ton of pressure on you and I didn't even think of it! We're not even on the same page here, are we?"

Renji's first instinct is to disagree, but he catches himself that the last second. He's not really sure how accurate or inaccurate that statement is. He's not sure how he feels about anything right now, because this entire event seems so surreal. Renji would never in a million years imagine himself being the one to want to slow down a relationship, but as of now it's as if there's a neon sign buzzing in his head, warning him to back up and proceed with caution.

His moment of silence is enough time for Shuuhei to put his thoughts together, to cock his head to the side and regard Renji with gray eyes like he's a test Shuuhei is worried he'll fail. "Why are you so cagey about sex? Is it me specifically?"

"No. Well, sorta." Renji bites his lip. "I just don't want to rush through this, because you-"

Are precious to me and I don't want to fuck things up by changing anything.

Are in love with me now, but what if you get bored of me in the future and I'll regret not making the most out of our time together?

Made me fall in love with you, so if we jump a bunch of steps in this it'll be because I'm a love-struck idiot instead of actually wanting to.

There are so many options to choose from. None of them seem even slightly appropriate to share. Renji has done a lot of things without thinking them through, but some activities he'd like to put some thought into before deciding whether he really wanted to go through with it. Wants some space to know he won't just do something because he's caught up in the moment. He needs a safety-zone to decide on what he wants, and right now penetration just isn't in it. If the safety-zone was an animal pen, anal sex is the one sheep frolicking outside in the fields on its merry assholish way and it just will not get in the safety-zone pen.

Shuuhei inhales, like it's half a sigh that he doesn't want Renji to see him finishing. He crosses his arms and looks at Renji, "You don't trust me. Is that it?"

Ouch. That took a different direction fast.

"Do not do that!" Renji insists, and he congratulates himself for not sounding desperate. "Do not turn this around by making this sound like this is my fault!"

"I'm not saying anything is anyone's fault, Renji! I'm just trying to figure this out." Shuuhei says, sounding almost like he's pleading when he puts a hand on Renji's shoulder. His grasp isn't tight, but there's something distressed in the grip as if he's afraid Renji is going to try to run away. "I love you. I really care about you, and I want to make you happy. I can get that you're not ready to move into this, but I can't be sure about what I can do to fix that unless you tell me!"

Exasperated, Renji throws his hands into the air, anger and frustrating bubbling up and boiling over. "Fine, you want me to me honest with you? Spoiler alert: I am uncomfortable! I do think this is moving just a little too fast! Why? I have no idea! I just do."

Shuuhei doesn't respond for a minute, one hand drifting up absently to rub at his chin while he gazes in thought. For a moment the two different people that Renji had established in his head as Boyfriend Shuuhei and Strategist Shuuhei mold together into one person like the pages of a flip-booklet, the pictures replacing each other in rapid succession until they make a single, fluid image.

"Well okay, what if we ease into this." Shuuhei offers, taking Renji's hand in his and interlacing their fingers. His hands are as rough and calloused as Renji's, they're almost as big as Renji's and don't make his hands feel like the catcher's mitts the way they usually did when he held hands with girls. "Gentleman's choice." Shuuhei picks up the bottle of lubricant and presses it into one of Renji's hands, closing the fingers around it.

"Shuuhei, that's not the point-" Renji groans, but Shuuhei interrupts him by bringing their locked fingers to eyelevel.

"I don't mean with your dick. These guys." Shuuhei explains, giving the digits an emphasizing wiggle. The motion is childish and possibly the least sexiest thing-

Renji gives him a dubious look, complete with a raised eyebrow. "You're asking me to finger-fuck you?"

"Sure." Shuuhei says, quirking his head like a half-gesture between a shrug and a nod. "That way, we can both gauge our comfort level without rushing into the hard-core stuff. Take it slow."

"Yeah, and what if we try it and I'm still not okay with it yet? Or what if you decide you don't like anal, even just with fingers?" Renji protests, still not convinced.

"Then we stop. We stick to non-penetrative stuff and we live happily ever after knowing that we gave it a shot." Shuuhei summarizes, guiding Renji's hands to drape over his shoulders. "What do you think?"

Well, it sounds like a vastly better idea than not doing anything and letting the issue fester in the back of their minds.

"I think you're a piece of work. But okay." Renji decides firmly.

"Okay?" Shuuhei echoes, like he wants to be sure.

"Okay, but with conditions." Renji adds, forcing his voice to be commanding. "Condition one: if you decide you don't like it, you tell me that very second and we stop. Condition two: If I decide you don't like it and you're just going through with this because you think I want you to, we stop."

"How will you decide if I don't like it?" Shuuhei shoots back.

"My fucking sparkling wit and intuition. Are you in this or what?"

"I accept your terms." Shuuhei concedes with a nod, and a quick kiss. "The bedroom, then?"

Renji surveys the kitchen, as well as the half-washed pile of dishes in the sink. They will most likely sit there, abandoned until Renji runs out of usable tableware again. "Lets."

Shuuhei smiles and presses a peck to Renji's cheeks before leading him out of the kitchen by the sleeve."Your futon is quickly becoming one of my favorite places."

Renji rolls his eyes and giving Shuuhei a light shove as he catches up. "If I wanted someone to sleep on my bed and eat all my food I'd get a dog."

"What a rude comparison. Dogs are loud and annoying." Shuuhei notes, bumping back against Renji with his shoulder. As expected, he pushes back and a light shoving match on the way to the room is ignited. "I'm more of a cat person."

"Cats are mean and self-absorbed- they're like fluffy little sociopaths. At least dogs are loyal!" Renji and Shuuhei's feet stumble over each other on the way to the futon until they both trip and fall over, Renji landing on top of Shuuhei with a grunt.

Shuuhei pushes Renji off him with a snort. "Of course you think so. Abarai Renji, you are tearing this family apart!"

"Alright, at this point we both need to stop talking so much or else we're just going to get really distracted." Renji points out, setting himself so he and Shuuhei can both kneel properly on the mattress. He silences further discussion with the press of his lips to Shuuhei's, who receives him with arms wrapped around Renji's shoulders.

Shuuhei leans back, falling against the mattress and dragging Renji down with him. Renji closes his eyes, dream-like, as he kisses Shuuhei's jaw, only coming back to reality when he hears the familiar sound of cloth sliding off skin. Shuuhei pulls away that he can better focus on undoing the knot holding his yukata together, looking up at Renji with grey eyes full of trust and confidence as the clothing falls off Shuuhei.

There's a pregnant pause, a moment of just Renji looking down at Shuuhei's bare body. It's a body of tight, sculpted muscles and dark, olive skin and it's beautiful, he's beautiful. The only other time Renji has had sex with Shuuhei was at night with his features were muffled by a thick cover of darkness, but Renji can officially determine now that Shuuhei in the dark has nothing on how gorgeous he is in the light of day, when Renji can see every inch and detail in full clarity.

And then Shuuhei reaches up and helps Renji pull off his clothes, and for a split second Renji almost wants to stop him. Wants to cover himself and shy away from this feeling of exposure of knowing that the very handsome person that Renji has somehow gotten into his bed will be looking at him the same way Renji is doing right now, and he is struck with the sudden terror that Shuuhei will realize he does not like what he sees. His tallness, the boldness of his red hair, the aggressive patterns of his tattoos, all the things that make Renji so Renji-like suddenly seem clumsy and brash next to Shuuhei's confident, controlled beauty.

But Renji swallows that feeling of fear, and he lets his gross, day-old uniform fall off his body. He lets Shuuhei pull his hair free of his hairtie and fall like a curtain around his face. The red strands drape down and tickle Shuuhei's face, and he chuckles before blowing them away and dragging Renji down for a long kiss.

When he pulls away, giving them both the opportunity to breathe, Shuuhei takes both hands and places them on Renji's cheeks to frame his face. "I was just thinking," He says in a low voice, not quite a murmur. "I'm so lucky to have someone like you."

Renji chokes down the impulse to laugh and tell him that he would be the only one. "Someone like me, eh?"

"Someone as beautiful as you. You specifically, I should say." Shuuhei answers, arching his body and pressing himself up flushes against Renji. Renji catches him, holding him with his hands on Shuuhei's hips.

Renji kisses Shuuhei on the neck, nipping at the skin slightly to keep hims mouth busy because he doesn't know what embarrassing, sappy things might fall out of his mouth otherwise. He buries his face in the space between Shuuhei's neck and his collar while Shuuhei's hands glide over the broadness of Renji's deltoids.

This time there's not a question of how far they'll go. There's only one question, with two options. "So are we doing this or what? You can still say no."

"Conditions, remember?" Renji points out, settling himself between Shuuhei's legs. "But yeah, I think I'm good. You're handling this really well yourself. I take it you've never done this before."

Shuuhei shrugs, "No, but I've got a pretty firm grasp of the theory of it and I'll willing to give it a shot. I mean, its not like I've had an overpowering urge in my life to-" He trails off, twisting his mouth like he's not sure how to finish.

"Have some guy's fingers up your ass." Renji finishes for him dryly.

Shuuhei snorts and runs his fingers through Renji's hair, pulling it back and tucking it behind Renji's ear. "Yeah, but you're not just 'some guy'. So I'm interested."

That said, Shuuhei settles himself onto his elbows so he can look at Renji. He seems inclined to let Renji make the first move, to have control and call the shots as it were, and, admittedly, being able to set the pace does make Renji feel a little better. He spreads Shuuhei's knees apart, watching the other man carefully for any reaction.

Renji pours a dollop of lube onto his hands, spreading it over his fingers until they're slippery and slick. He flexes his fingers and rubs them together, warming them and trying to remember what he's collectively learned from all the girls he's done this with. He says, trying to keep a tone that's conversational because the last thing he wants is for Shuuhei to be too tense, "Just relax, okay?"

Shuuhei makes a quiet noise of agreement, which thickens into a grunt when Renji's index finger dips between the curve of his ass, finding the tender entrance of muscle and pressing gently, not even entering yet. Torn between equal parts concern and curiosity, Renji asks "How does it feel?"

"Honestly? Pretty weird," Shuuhei says, gaining a thoughtful look on his face.

"Do you want me to stop?" Renji presses, keeping his finger against Shuuhei's entrance, letting him get used to the feeling.

Shuuhei shakes his head, slumping a little further back on his elbows. "No, keep going."

"Shuuhei, the rules-" Renji growls, only for Shuuhei to cut him off.

"Yeah, I know the rules," Shuuhei reminds Renji, sounding slightly defensive. "I said it felt weird, not that it felt bad. I swear, the second I want to stop, I'll let you know." Then his voice softens, defenses lowering as he remembers himself. "What about you?"

"I'm not really in a position for you to be asking me that," Renji grumbles, rubbing Shuuhei's thighs.

"I think we both know that's not necessarily true." Shuuhei corrects, but drops himself onto the futon anyway. "But if you're good to go, so am I."

He answers the invitation wordlessly, dipping his finger in just past the tight muscles of Shuuhei's opening. Slowly, as softly as Renji can possibly manage, he twists his finger in a small circle, relaxing Shuuhei's body as much as he can before pulling out almost completely before gradually edging his finger back in a little deeper.

"Uh, slow down for a sec. Just a little bit." Shuuhei says, squirming slightly. Renji complies, reducing the pace of his movements and keeping an eye on Shuuhei's face for any sign of distress.

This draws a sudden, vastly unexpected noise from Shuuhei's mouth, a feather-soft moan. Heat creeps across Shuuhei's face and his eyelids flutter as Renji repeats the motion. The sound and sight slowly drains the anxiety from Renji's body, and the butterflies in his stomach become a bit easier to manage. Shuuhei's inner walls are silky, with a burning heat that Renji can only find at ends with Shuuhei's cool demeanor. And then he sees it, sees Shuuhei's cock twitch with interest at this new sensation.

"Is it okay if I add another finger?" Renji asks, and he has to force his voice above a whisper so he knows the other will hear. Despite his earlier hesitancy, there's something intense and exciting about watching Shuuhei rise to full arousal before his eyes. But Renji reminds himself how new to this Shuuhei is, how slow Renji will have to go and how gentle he'll have to be.

Shuuhei nods, his breathing shallow but looking with Renji with expectancy in his eyes. His chest rises and falls in heavy, ragged breaths, and when Renji adds his middle finger to the repetitious sliding in and out, Shuuhei throws an arm over his eyes and wipes away the sweat gathering on his brow.

His fingers slide over a bump, a bundle of nerves deep inside Shuuhei that make his body jolt, makes him exhale something between a sigh and a gasp, "Renji… gods, Renji!" He seems to realize what he said, and he self consciously moves his hand from his forehead to his mouth, making a fist and biting the knuckles to keep any further noises from escaping.

Renji smiles fondly, rubbing Shuuhei's hip comfortingly as he angles his fingers to stroke that spot again. Shuuhei makes a gratified moan, edging his hips up to allow Renji to slide his digits in easier. As Renji continues, Shuuhei's dick begins to flush and harden and Renji swears he can feel Shuuhei's temperature spike. As focused as he is on Shuuhei, Renji can't help feeling proud at the thought that it's him making Shuuhei come undone before him, making Shuuhei feel this good.

Renji's other hand leaves Shuuhei's thigh to travel up long, toned legs to his member, stroking it in time with the workings of his fingers inside. Shuuhei's breaths get noisier, louder around the knuckles between his teeth, "Renji, Ren… shit, Renji."

Renji flushes, feeling both pride and affection well up inside him as he listens to Shuuhei moan his name. That every time Renji touches Shuuhei earns such a gratified reaction, it leaves Renji with such a satisfying feeling. Experiencing this with Shuuhei is such a far cry from all the girls Renji has been with, because as good as it felt to have sex with them, Renji never had such intense feelings the way he does right now for Shuuhei. He's never wanted to make anyone feel as good as he wants Shuuhei to feel.

Shuuhei's cock gets heavier in his hands, his entrance tighter around Renji's fingers. Precum drips down and over Renji's hand and comes closer and closer to climax. Shuuhei sucks air into his lungs in a gasp as he spills over his stomach and Renji's hand. The muscles around Renji's fingers spasm and contracts as his body tautens before loosening, releasing and letting Renji slip his fingers out of him.

Shuuhei's quiet for a while, just lying on the bed and running a hand through his now-damp hair while Renji crawls up the length of the futon to lie next to him. He says, suddenly, and his voice hoarse and loud against the silence, "I'm going to be honest here, I was not expecting that. Like, I knew about the prostate and stuff-"

"Was that a part of your 'firm grasp of the theory'?" Renji can't stop himself from smirking.

"... Maybe." Shuuhei shoots him a dark glare before switching back on track. "So I knew about the prostate and stuff and that penetration can feel really good, ad nauseam, so I don't know what exactly I was anticipating. But wow."

"That's a quote right there. I am getting it written on a mug—'I knew about the prostate and stuff, so I don't know what I was anticipating,'" Renji announces, lying on his side so Shuuhei can see his entire face grinning. "It's going to have 'As spoken by Shuuhei after sex' underneath it and I will keep in my cabinet and treasure it forever."

Shuuhei snorts, still lying on his back. His hair is all messed up from running his fingers through it, and Renji has the urge to ruffle it back into submission. "So what would you say your feelings are about us having anal? After this, I mean. Any new developments?"

Renji exhales through his nose, then flops over onto his stomach. "I wanna say yes, and that I'm completely cool with it now, but I don't know if I'd believe it. I'm gonna need some time to think about it."

"Sure," Shuuhei shrugs, gazing considerably at the ceiling. "You know what the problem with anal sex is? I mean one of the problems, since we've already established that it's a pretty big step in a relationship."

"What?"

"There's no attractive way to describe it," Shuuhei answers. He shifts his arms behind his head to pillow his skull, looking up as if he were stargazing instead of just looking at Renji's boring ceiling. "No matter what purple prose you say it in, it's still an ass and a penis—or a phallic object, if you want to get technical."

"We don't need to get technical," Renji assures him, rolling his eyes.

Shuuhei doesn't seem to take this criticism to heart. "And people know it can feel really good, but when you try and define it, anal still sounds kind of gross. Although I guess all sex sounds kind of strange when you try to describe it."

"Don't most people get tired after getting off?" Renji quips, earning a glare from Shuuhei.

"I am tired. I don't know why I'm even still talking."

Renji almost gives in to the temptation to run his fingers through Shuuhei's spikey hair, then remembers the mess on his hands and lets go of the idea completely. "We are the worst people to get together. I rant when I'm energetic and you babble when you're tired. How are we even going to function?"

"Faith, patience, love, depreciating humor, sex," Shuuhei rattles off. "Speaking of which, I'm kind of leaving you hanging here. Want me to jerk you off or something before I conk out?"

Renji has the most romantic of all the boyfriends.

Renji shrugs in answer. "It's still morning. Morning-ish. There'll be plenty of time for that after a catnap."

Shuuhei's breathing gets heavier, his eyes close and for a moment Renji thinks Shuuhei has taken his advice and gone straight to sleep. Until—

"Renji, what if I try to give you a blowjob and I'm terrible at it?"

Renji yawns, "That will certainly be a problem to figure out, won't it?"

"I'm serious. I've never done anything remotely like a blowjob before. I'm not used to sucking, both in the literal and the figurative sense."

"Shuuhei, go the fuck to sleep."

"Well jeez, love you too, Renji."

"I know," Renji answers with a second and final yawn.

There's no way for Renji to know how much time has passed between when he falls asleep and he wakes up in the jungle. It's not a strict transition that he can simply pinpoint, but rather his surroundings sort of fade in gradually.

Renji has a lot of fond memories of his inner world. Shinigami don't often share recollections of their inner worlds, as they are regarded as something deep and intimate. They're a sacred plane isolated to only one soul reaper and their zanpakuto, where two conjoined souls can truly exist as one. However, even if inner words are sensitive subjects, Renji's pretty damn proud of his.

The jungle is beautiful in its complexity, with huge trees bursting from the soft, earthy soil to tower over Renji's head and block out the sky, however it might look like here, with a thick canopy of leaves. Vines and roots of plants tumble and twist under each other, growing in a hectic symbiosis. It's stunning, but it's also scary. The nature here is always wild, raw, and the foliage of plants unidentifiable to any living soul. Everywhere and anywhere he steps is theoretically a perfect place to be ambushed, or to fall victim to some wild animal attack and get dragged into the endless underbrush without even a scream for help.

It's an irrational fear, Renji knows, because there's only ever been two souls here. There's no one waiting in the wings for an attack, no wild animals to make him their next meal, not even a puddle of quicksand to drag him under. But that's what his inner world does to him none the less—It carries the aura of danger, invading his thoughts with paranoia just to remind him that the area is a living ecosystem that not only deserves but demands Renji's respect.

The jungle also comes with the handy-dandy little side-effect of being confusing as fuck because Renji's honestly never been here and not gotten lost. There are landmarks, sure—that one tree with only one side coated in moss, the tall bolder that's tipped over ever so slightly, a little stream that crawls under the low plantlife like a long python. The problem is that Renji's never able to find these things, at least not on purpose. The jungle moves and shifts until it's almost unrecognizable, and trying to work a cognitive map of the area is reminiscent of one of the movies Renji had seen in the real world, the one about an adventurous human with a masculine stubble and an iconic hat.

Does Renji get an iconic hat? No, no he does not. The best he gets is humming the infuriatingly catchy theme song as he slinks through the foliage for a few minutes before he feels like a douche and decides to do the rest of his exploring in silence.

He feels Zabimaru's presence before he seems them. That's just how things work. The big brute of a spirit doesn't bother with niceties, which is also how things work. The wild zanpakuto just sort of melts out of the shadows to travel alongside Renji, baboon front half lumbering on all four shaggy white limbs. The reptilian half withes in the air behind them both. His long body curves away from the point at the base of the baboon's spine where the two are joined as he regards Renji with beady, reptilian eyes.

"Well look who'sss back, the prodigal sssssson," the snake quips in a high, rasping voice. His words are mutilated and mangled by his hissing, but Renji is not going to be one to criticize the human speech patterns of a snake.

Renji kicks aside a plant as he walks next to his zanpakuto, choosing to look at the snake. He finds it easier to just switch his gaze between whichever half is talking at the moment rather that constantly trying to look back and forth between the two. "Oh c'mon, it hasn't been that long. A few weeks, at the most."

"True, but you haven't visited us since you lost us," the baboon points out, his voice sounding like a rumbling growl, "and the scarred one retrieved us for you. It's only lucky for us that he was intent enough on courting you to retrieve our physical form after you so carelessly dropped us."

"The thingsss we go through for you." the snake adds, thrashing his head melodramatically.

"I was unconscious, give me a break!" Renji defends himself, switching his glare to the dark eyes of the baboon counterpart. "And Shuuhei wasn't 'courting' me, okay? There was no courting whatsoever."

Because if anybody initiated the courting first, it was Renji. He kissed Shuuhei, he made the first move. The "I licked it first, it's mine" policy pertains to steps of courtship as well, he has decided. If they already have to call it a courtship

The babboon shakes his head, snorting. "I swear, I will never stop being surprised at your obliviousness. I really should know better, considering that you have yet again thrown yourself into a dangerous situation without even realizing it. I have a hard time believing you don't do it intentionally, simply because you find it funny to throw us all into the maw of one hungry beast after another."

Renji fights the urge to rub his temples. Apparently it's going to be one of those conversations. "Okay, now what the hell are you even saying? Do you like Shuuhei or not? Make up your mind."

Renji is beginning to miss the occasions when Dream-Shuuhei played the role of Renji's spirit guide instead of Zabimaru and he didn't have to deal with all this cryptic nonsense. At least Dream-Shuuhei had been forward and to the point, presenting a simple problem—"you are slowly realizing you want to kiss Shuuhei on the mouth"—while also presenting a simple solution—"kiss Shuuhei on the mouth." And in the end everything in that chapter of Renji's life sort of worked out. Zabimaru can't make things that simple, and actually expects Renji to work out his own problems for himself. Half the time Renji can't even determine if Zabimaru thinks he needs to just do things on his own or if the dual spirit just really doesn't care.

Renji runs his hands over his forehead, and in doing so realizes that his hair is back in its usual ponytail. He's even wearing his shinigami uniform, pressed and clean as if he had just dressed for work. That's something he's never noticed before, but he's grateful for it since walking around the forest naked sounds awful. Renji hasn't cut himself on a thorny or poisonous plant in his Inner World before, but he doesn't have a burning desire to investigate if he can.

Zabimaru stops and the snake twists around Renji until he's hovering over Renji's shoulder, pink tongue tickling his ear. He speaks with a sing-song tilt, giving Renji the impression that if a snake could grin, all long, white fangs and pink gums, this one would. "Well, Renji, sssome of us here seem to think you're mating with a pssssychopath."

"Psychopath?" Renji says defensively, watching Zabimaru unwind himself from around his shoulders to duck back to his mammalian half.

"I have told you, it's not the shinigami who bothers me!" The baboon says to the snake, lips drawn back to expose long fangs. "I couldn't care less about the wielder, but Kazeshini worries me." Zabimaru whirls back to Renji, both sets of eerily yellow eyes fixing on him. "We have tried to communicate with the scarred one's zanpakuto—seeing as how you're bonding to him, we naturally expected to be familiar with the other half of his soul. 'Trying' being the key word here, because Kazeshini has done his best to be as difficult to have a conversation with as possible. However respectable and kind-hearted the reaper appears to be, Kazeshini remains chaotic, unpredictable, immature, and he makes no secret of his agenda to create violence at every possible opportunity—"

"Sure, but he's a zanpakuto! It's not like you can say you two are little angels yourselves," Renji points out, and maybe that was a bit uncalled for judging by the way all four eyes of the spirit look at him. A little too quickly, he adds. "Besides, Shuuhei's nothing like Kazeshini. They don't even like each other."

"That doesn't mean they aren't alike! Like it or not, a zanpakuto is a reflection of a shinigami's soul, even the parts they'd rather ignore. And no, that wasn't an invitation for a juvenile, verbal jab," the baboon adds before Renji can open his mouth.

The snake fidgets in the air, weaving from left to right as if the conversation is beginning to make him uncomfortable. "I hate to admit the furball is right about anything, mind you, but he doesss have a point. Kazeshini is a loosssse cannon, and he's only going to get more powerful as his wielder grows in sssstrength."

"But if Shuuhei can learn to control him, it will all work out. Kazeshini will submit and learn to behave and Shuuhei will stop worrying that Kazeshini will throw a temper-tantrum and make him accidentally decapitate somebody!" Renji argues, feeling offended on behalf of Shuuhei. Seriously, if Renji can like Shuuhei this much why do their swords have to pick bones with each other? Forget both their swords, it sounds as if now like Zabimaru is the only one with a problem. If Kazeshini has been acting up in any way it certainly hasn't been apparent to Renji in Shuuhei's behavior.

"Unlesssssss," the snake counterpoints, his hissing becoming irritatingly more drawn-out as his temper flares, "the only thing keeping the two in balanccce issss the fact that they are ssso dissstant from each other. Ssssuppose your little mate opensss up to Kazeshini and hisss violent waysss, and deccccidesss he likesss what he sssseesss a little too much?"

"Shuuhei wouldn't," Renji declares, his voice pitched to compete with the growl of Zabimaru's baboon half. "Shuuhei won't!"

"Then I guess that's your job then, isn't it? Another charity case for you to pick up after," The baboon says distinctly, picking himself back up onto his haunches to begin sauntering back into the underbrush as Renji's inner world begins to fade out of existence. "You're so sure you can keep the shinigami under control, make sure you're committed to doing so and keep his path from leading to destruction. But don't waste time by ignoring the danger that Kazeshini presents."

"Yeah, I'll work on that," Renji mutters, partially to himself, as Zabimaru strides away.

Zabimaru has rarely been so vocal about Renji's extracurricular activities. Sarcastic and antagonizing, sure. Most of the individuals who make up Renji's collective moral compass are. But that Zabimaru should be so touchy about such a very personal facet of Renji's life, that they should find it within their right to counsel him on it?

That's a whole world of worrying right there.


	25. Super Highschool Level Friendship

**Author's note: Credit for this chapter continues to go to Namayani, who's saintlike patience has been a gift to this fic. **

**We are ****_almost_**** at the part where we can start having some actual plot again.**

"Don't sulk. You're a grown man." Renji says, barely able to hide the teasing tone in his voice.

Shuuhei crosses and uncrosses his legs on the couch, looking very resolutely at the wall. Were it possible, he would whip out a book or a magazine or something to distract himself but Renji is an uncultured heathen who doesn't own books. Even his old textbooks from the academy are gone, donated to future students out of the stupid goodness of his heart or something."I'm not sulking, this is just what my face looks like," Shuuhei responds. He swears to the gods he's not sulking.

Renji snorts and leans over to rest both his elbow on Shuuhei's shoulder. "It's what your face looks like when you're sulking. Your eyebrows go all crinkly and your mouth twists up."

He says it in an endearing way that makes it sound abominably cute, and Shuuhei hates him just a little bit more for that. All he wants is a sweet lie or at least for Renji to be just a little disappointed in him. Is so that so much to ask?

"Fine, I'm sorry I wounded your pride or whatever. You can stop glaring at the wall, because I'm pretty sure it's has been well-intimidated into submission by now," Renji chuckles, raising one hand under Shuuhei's chin to tilt his head so they're face to face.

"It's not about my pride!" Shuuhei argues, but really its maybe a little about his pride. "It's just- I mean, you couldn't have lied just a tiny bit? Just on my maiden voyage? Instead of being an ass and telling the truth?"

"Well I didn't think you'd need special treatment to protect your delicate self-esteem, princess," Renji replies sardonically, a wide grin still threatening to split his face. "And it's not like I said you were terrible or anything! All I was saying is that as far as blowjobs go you did fine, which is pretty good for a first-timer I would think."

"You said I was sloppy," Shuuhei argues, folding his arms over his chest.

Renji shrugs, seemingly delighted at how personally Shuuhei is taking this affront to his skills. "You fumbled. It happens, man."

"But I'm usually so good at things! I can't just be less than adequate at something, Renji. I can't allow it," Shuuhei admits, surprising himself by how seriously he's taken this. Maybe if Renji had been just as bad his performance wouldn't have been so terrible in comparison, but as the point stood, Renji's talents in the oral sex division are great. Renji was better at a thing than Shuuhei was. It is upsetting.

Renji laughs a little, and it's a stupid, throaty, slightly sexy laugh. "I guess now you'll have to settle for being average at stuff like the rest of us, won't you?"

Shuuhei rolls his eyes, "Well do pardon me for not being a cock-sucking prodigy-child like yourself."

"I guess I'm just naturally talented!" Renji says, lacing his fingers behind his head as he leaned back into the pillows. "Or really lucky. Maybe that finally explains my grades in the academy."

Shuuhei gives Renji a curious look, "Your grades?"

"Yeah, apparently I'm 'naturally gifted' or whatever. That's why they put me in advanced classes. They weren't gonna at first because, y'know, Inuzuri commoner or whatever but I did so well on the entrance exam they managed to squeeze me in. Funny, if I hadn't gotten into that advanced class I would never have gone on that one fieldtrip and met you, would I?" Renji reminisces happily, only pausing to look over at Shuuhei's darkened expression. "Uh, Shuu?"

"You did really well on the entrance exam, huh?" Shuuhei says, fighting to keep his teeth from grinding. He will absolutely not be petty about this.

Shuuhei swears he can count each of Renji's individual teeth, the teasing grin on the redhead's face is so wide. "Oh yeah, you failed your first two times, didn't you?"

"I don't test well. Written exams are really stressful!" Shuuhei says defensively, not quite sure why he feels the need to defend himself on something as trivial as the entrance exam. He got a ranked seat straight out of graduation, for fate's sake!

Renji drops his hands down to his lap and leans over so he's pressing against Shuuhei shoulder-to-shoulder, cooing in a sugar-sweet voice like liquid honey, "Aww, well from now on the grades of my affection will be all you need. For example, your literal oral presentation earns you a solid 'C'. I am making this judgment based on my prior knowledge of being a prodigy. My opinion matters, Shuuhei, and it is because of my prodigy-ness."

It could be possible for Shuuhei to be more offended than he is right now. It could be possible, but right now it doesn't seem likely.

"First of all: fuck you. Second of all, what's this bullshit 'C' nonsense? I was a 'B minus' at least! Okay, maybe a 'C plus'. This grading process is rigged, I demand to see the rubric-"

Before more banter can ensue, Shuuhei tapers off at the sight of Renji's eyes widening suddenly as if in surprise. Shuuhei opens his mouth to ask him what's wrong, but is silenced by a finger being pressed rather rudely over his lips, the universal gesture to hush up.

Renji stands up from the couch, very slowly to minimize noise. He reaches for the sidetable, fingers skimming over the wooden surface until he finds one of his abandoned hair-ties. He pulls his hair back into its trademark ponytail, and walks very pointedly towards the door, and now the signature energy of another ranked shinigami's spiritual pressure is very apparent. It was carefully hidden before, invisible to all but to someone familiar with its owner, but now that it has been pointed out, the spirit energy is glaringly obvious. If Shuuhei focuses only on the spiritual pressure he can faintly see it, colored glossy silver with traces of ivory.

Shuuhei's experiences with Rukia Kuchiki have been sparing, brief, and, in retrospect, rather boring.

He has known of her since the academy- who doesn't know about Rukia Kuchiki, the Princess of the Inuzuri? That the Kuchiki clan would adopt one little Rukongai brat halfway through her freshman year out of the blue was a source of much speculation among even the upperclassmen. The kindest rumors circulating about her were that she had a key piece of blackmail material on the family and was using it to get adopted into wealth and comfort. Darker theory promised that she was kept to be an object of personal entertainment and pleasure for the vapid, abusive young men of the family. It wasn't Shuuhei's business one way or the other.

He didn't know that she had grown up with Renji until after he befriended him. Renji never spoke of her outright, but sometimes Izuru and Hinamori, who had at least known of Renji's friendship with her even if they didn't know her personally, would ask why they never kept in touch. Renji brushed these comments off, saying that they just didn't have anything in common anymore. He was always too busy to talk to her, he said. Busy training his shikai, busy improving his abysmal kidou skills, busy doing anything but trying to contact his childhood friend. Shuuhei himself had been inclined to assume Renji had feelings for her that went beyond platonic, but was too intimidated by the Kuchiki family to pursue her. As a fellow orphan and child of the poor districts of Rukongai, Shuuhei could relate to being put off by the deeply complicated and daunting workings of the noble families.

Then, forty years later, came the order for Rukia's execution, and that peeked the curiosity of Renji's friends. Weary of secrecy, Shuuhei interrogated Renji about the situation personally. Renji just gave a strained smile, eyes flickering somewhere in the distance towards the direction of the white tower where Rukia was being held prisoner.

"She knew what she was getting into," Renji assured Shuuhei, eyes still wandering in that far away direction. "It can't be helped."

Looking back on that conversation, Shuuhei can't believe his past self bought that. He just didn't know how to read Renji right back then, interpret the masks and the shitty way he lies when something bothers him.

The so-called Ryoka Invasion that followed was, as Shuuhei remembers it, one big blur. A mish-mash of cohorts turning against each other and betrayal and the sour aftertaste of despair when Tousen left with Aizen and Ichimaru. Rukia, Renji, everyone faded into the background as Shuuhei took a good few weeks to lament his loss of leadership and the crushing weight of abandonment. He didn't mean to drift off into his own little world, it was just that without the man who had given Shuuhei his reason to fight and promised him that he wasn't a coward... well, when that man left it was just so hard to stay grounded.

As quickly as Shuuhei could manage, he pulled himself together. By that point, to his surprise, Renji and Rukia took back to each other's companies like ducks to water. They squabbled, teased and played as if they had never transcended their shared childhoods on the streets. Playful verbal sparring was commonplace, and on a rare occasion a hair-pulling match would break out. Renji and Rukia would both be sent to their respective opposing corners of the room until it was agreed that they could cohabit in peace when timeout was over.

The rest of the lieutenants had a tendency to treat Rukia like she was Renji's baby sister, and her presence was pretty dismissible unless Renji or Byakuya were present. If that ended up being the case, she would instantly become the most important person in the room and anything that you did that could somehow maybe put her, even vaguely, in harm's way was a personal sin unto yourself. Only after her promotion into vice-captaincy, when Rukia started hanging out with the other lieutenants at their usual spots for drinks and dining, did Shuuhei realize he had it all wrong. Rukia wasn't the annoying little sister at all, she was the cool big sister.

Despite Kuchiki elders' attempts to mold her into the shape of an unthreatening, demure little socialite, Rukia has retained all of her willfulness and quick-wit she cultivated in her youth. She is perfectly agreeable up until a debate breaks out, at which point she can tear you to shreds with but a sharp glare and a clever word, and she can drink until, according to Shuuhei's reliable estimate, one quarter of her tiny body is made of alcohol. If she had been, at the least, favored by the ranked shinigami before, she became the height of popularity when she made vice-captain, much to Renji's delight.

But then Shuuhei had to come in and be the home wrecker on the platonic friend-marriage that Rukia and Renji shared with his stupid feelings and love and shit. Rukia seemed just so angry—not angry, hurt—that Renji would keep such a big secret from her.

So Shuuhei knows what he has to do—if he wants to continue dating Renji, he's going to have to "date" Rukia by extension.

Not literally, of course, because Shuuhei's got his hands full enough with Renji alone. And she's still, like, Renji's sister so that would be weird for all kinds of reasons.

Shuuhei knows he's going to have to bond with Rukia, make it so that he's not just wedging himself between Renji and the rest of his life and blocking everyone else out. Shuuhei doesn't have to be friends with Rukia, exactly. Shuuhei will settle for a strong acquaintanceship, if worst comes to worst.

The kids in Karakura town are less worrisome. There's still the strong chance that Renji's not quite close enough for them to be especially protective or passionate about whom he's dating. Ichigo might be the exception to that rule and okay, Shuuhei might be a little intimidated by the teenager who can blow away buildings with the swing of his zanpakuto. What would they even talk about? "Hey, you destroyed any massive, reality-tearing threats to the human and spiritual world recently? That's cool. I filed a repair claim for one of the buildings ruined in the process, but I spilled some tea on it and had to dry it out on the windowsill. We all have our battles."

But one problem at a time.

Renji stops in front of the door, hand on the handle for a few moments. With a flick of his wrist the door slides away, revealing Rukia poised with her hand raised in a fist as if she is about to knock.

Her midnight blue eyes blink wide in surprise, mimicking the expression of a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar, before her hand falls down to her side. "Uh, hi."

"Rukia!" Renji stammers, either in surprise or in latent embarrassment or fear that she perhaps had heard some key pieces of conversation through the door that could be categorizes as Too Much Information.

So begins the dance of the awkward attempts at trying to be casual. "Nothing, really. Just wanted to check in on you. I was in the neighborhood so..." Her eyes flicker to Shuuhei on the couch, blushing slightly as she recognizes Renji's yukata on his frame. "Is this a bad time?"

"Well, I don't know if now is-" Renji begins, but the rest of his words, whatever they might be, never get a chance to come out because Shuuhei sees his opening. With all mysterious deities beyond Death Gods as his witness, he will appear as likable and non-threatening as possible to the petite lieutenant!

"Not at all," Shuuhei says readily, smoothly smashing Renji aside to grant Rukia leeway into the living area. "It's very nice to see you again, Miss Kuchiki! Please come right in."

Rukia looks surprised to see Shuuhei so willing to greet her, but Shuuhei is a man on a mission. She crosses the threshold and strolls into the familiar living area, tastefully ignoring the the small piles of Renji's tabi that have accumulated in the quarters for at least a good few years. Shuuhei has been tempted to pick them up himself, but he doesn't want to disturb the natural homeostasis of Renji's abode quite so drastically yet. To start cleaning up after him would be like tearing down the habitat of a rare and exotic wild animal. Like an endangered species of baboon, except one that's prettier and decorates its dwellings with significantly more take-out containers than the average baboon.

Renji rocks back and forth on his heels. At least he doesn't seem bothered in the least by the fact that he's dressed only in his sleeping yukata. Renji only owns nightclothes and uniforms, Shuuhei remembers. When he speaks, it comes out as a mutter, "So, um, sorry again about ruining the dance by breaking the decorations with, you know, my body."

Rukia shakes her head, her mouth twitching into a small smile at the memory. "That's not important. I came here to apologize to you, actually." Her eyes glance between Renji and Shuuhei. "Both of you."

Shuuhei and Renji share a look, eyebrows raised. Renji's the one who looks back first and asks "Why?"

"I think it goes without saying that I didn't take it very well when I found out about you two being together," Rukia brushes her bangs out of her face self-consciously. "That was immature of me. No one should get that kind of a reaction."

Shuuhei's not really sure what to say to that. Hell, Rukia's reaction seemed to be mainly in response to the fact that their dating was a secret, and if that's the focus of the rest of Seireitei then Shuuhei will count the unveiling of their relationship a huge success.

…. Actually, that's kind of sad when he thinks about it.

Renji raises his palms, signaling for Rukia to slow down. "Rukia it's okay. I mean, it's not like you started a riot or whatever. You just yelled for a while and I'm used to you doing that already!"

"Well yeah, but not about serious stuff! I was surprised, but I should have let you know that it doesn't matter to me who you date. I'm just…" Rukia sighs, folding her arms over her chest. "I was really happy when we became friends again. It felt like we were on the same wave-length, even after all of those years we didn't speak to each other. And then I was the one who told you Shuuhei had a crush on you, but you didn't say anything about it so I thought that you weren't interested. So I asked you to take Orihime to the dance because I thought she could use you as company, and I thought you's be OK with that, and I've always been able to rely on you. But, I suppose, on both accounts I didn't understand you as well as I thought I did."

Renji visibly deflates under her words, gnawing on his lip. "I know I should have trusted you, I just... I wasn't ready yet."

Rukia holds onto one of her hands with the other in front of her, rubbing the wrist. It's a motion Shuuhei recognizes from playing card games and the like with his friends; a self-comforting gesture. "I get it... But then I wondered that maybe the reason I didn't pick up on it when you weren't telling me everything was because there's some stuff you can't with me." Her speech slows down, as if she's trying to be very careful with her words. "That maybe there are other people who are... really serious in your life. I can be okay with that, but I really like being friends with you. I don't want that to go away."

Renji looks like something in his heart just exploded, and he gets the sappiest expression on his face. Not the sappy kind like when Shuuhei told Renji he loved him, the happy-sad kind of sappy. Cathartic, Shuuhei guesses. There's a better word, but it doesn't come to him. Izuru would probably know. "Rukia…"

This tastes entirely too much of a heartfelt revelation between two age-old friends for odd-man-out Shuuhei's comfort. Best let them work out their stuff on their own instead of lurking between them before initiating his personal attempts to make nice.

"Do you want tea?" Shuuhei says, internally wincing at the way the tender moment of silence shatters and falls into splinters around their feet, turning to Rukia first and then to Renji. "I think I want tea. I'll make us all some tea."

He drifts off to the kitchen, keeping one ear open to eavesdrop on the two shinigami in the living area as he potters through Renji's cupboards. He can't stop himself from being intensely curious about what they're going to talk about, or if he might come up in the conversation.

"So… yeah," Rukia says, sounding no less awkward despite Shuuhei's exit.

Renji coughs a little, probably into his fist, before replying. "Uh, yeah."

Gods, get the fuck on with it. Shuuhei rolls his eyes as he manages to locate Renji's teapot.

"Would it be okay if I asked how long? Like, how long since all of this," Rukia asks, sounding purposely vague like she's fishing for information.

"How long since me and Shuuhei?" Renji offers, sounding a little absent-minded at the thought, "I'm not really sure. A few months, I think. We got together right after the thing in Hueco Mundo."

Rukia makes a noise of affirmation. "That's a pretty long time to keep a relationship a secret. I'm surprised you were able to hold it in for so long."

Well, truth be told that probably got a lot easier when they stopped making out in hallway broom closets, Shuuhei considers.

"But I also meant how long, like, how long have you liked guys. If that's okay to ask."

Shuuhei stops with his hand on the stove knob, suddenly unable to focus on the task before him. He looks back at the thin wall separating him from the other two, very intent on hearing Renji's answer.

Rukia seems to realize how personal a question she just asked and falters. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, of course! I was just wondering, because it seems like right now you've been keeping it a secret or something."

"Nah, it's okay. I've been thinking about it for a while, I guess," Renji admits, and Shuuhei tries to imagine his expression. Maybe it's thoughtful, or resigned, or ashamed. Shuuhei's kind of hoping for thoughtful, though. The other two options are kind of terrible and thinking about them makes Shuuhei's heart clench up. "It's like- okay, so you know those shitty personality quizzes in magazines and junk like 'How outgoing are you?' and 'What flavor of bean-paste describes your personality' or 'Take to find what flavor of tea you're most like unless your names are Rangiku or Yumichika and you're about to start another fight over who gets the title of Royal Dragon Passion Fruit or what the fuck ever-'"

Rukia interrupts him. "Is that what all the screaming was about at the tea shop on Fifteenth street a while back? We had to attend an entire seminar on proper conduct with civilians over a tea quiz? I'm so done with everyone."

"I know, right? I was ready to jump out the window- wait. That's not even the point! I mean that everybody takes those tests and even if they're horseshit part of you will always read your answers and go 'Aha! That's totally me! I knew I would get an answer like that.' even if it's not really that accurate."

"Oookay," Rukia says, obviously not knowing where this is going. Shuuhei doesn't either. Renji is sometimes a majestically confusing individual.

Renji huffs before continuing. "So what I'm saying is I think I was maybe sorta-kinda gay all along. But I'm not sure if I knew it deep down and was subconsciously trying to avoid it, or I legitimately had no idea and it sprang up on me."

"Oh!" Rukia exclaims, voice overcome with understanding. "So basically it was there, but you either way you didn't really know it. Like… the name of your zanpakuto. The zanpakuto of your homosexuality."

"Yes, let's go with that," Renji finishes somewhat skeptically. He calls in a louder voice, "Shuuhei, you okay in there?"

Shuuhei blinks, coming back to his surroundings to look down and notice the kettle all but bubbling over on the stove. "Whoops," he comments to himself before he calls back: "Yeah, just a second!"

Quickly Shuuhei arranges the tea tray- which is actually just the thing Renji uses when he wants to do paperwork and eat at the same time. The thing, like a plank of wood you put across your lap to balance stuff on. Whatever its name actually is- and carries the tea tray/lap thing into the living room and sets it by the coffee table, as an open invitation for Rukia and Renji to join him.

He barely sets it down before Renji claims a cup and starts pouring spoonful after spoonful of sugar into it. Rukia drinks her own tea plain like a fucking human being and not a sugar-addicted manchild. But Renji is Shuuhei's manchild, Shuuhei reminds himself as Renji scoots over on the couch very pointedly to make room for him.

"So how's junk in Karakura Town? You've been so focused on us I forgot to ask what's been new with you." Renji asks Rukia between sips.

"All's busy on the frontier," Rukia responds, waving her hand dismissively. "Almost a little too busy, to the point where at least we're in no short supply of target practice. It's actually kind of shocking since we haven't seen this many hollows pop up since the portal stuff in Hueco Mundo. Maybe Vice-Captain Kurotsuchi's meeting will clear up why hollow activity has been so irregular."

"Can't we go one fucking week without some stupid hollow issue? Oh, there are too many hollows. Now there's not enough hollows." Renji throws his hands in the air for emphasis, narrowly avoiding spilling tea all over himself.

"Wait a second," Shuuhei cuts in, "What meeting?"

Rukia's eyebrows lift in surprise. "There's an informational meeting for high-ranking officers tomorrow in the Twelve division. Apparently there's some new technology the Court Guards would like us to get acquainted with. They sent out hellbutterflies earlier today, didn't either of you get one?"

Renji nodded his head towards his window. "I've been procrastinating on my correspondence."

Curious, Rukia sits up from the armchair she had planted herself in, pads over to the window and peeks under the curtains. "Wow." She sucks in a breath. "I guess word got around about you two pretty fast, huh?"

"None of them have been answered yet," Shuuhei informs her. "I haven't even checked if there are any at my own quarters. I think as far as gossip goes, it'd be best to address that kind of thing in person anyways."

"Well, yeah. But it's not really gossip, is it? Not with you two dating and living together and everything. Doesn't it get kind of crowded in here for the both of you?" Rukia chuckles as she places the curtains back over the window.

Shuuhei eyes Renji's living quarters. "I don't know if you can really say we're 'living together.'"

"We kinda are living together," Renji mutters over the top of his teacup, sounding a little defensive. "We have places we live in and we are living in them at the same time."

"Yeah, but I think that officially 'living together' would imply that one of us moved in with the other permanently, when in reality we just sort of switch back and forth from your place to mine," Shuuhei points out.

"Not necessarily. We can call my place the summer home and your quarters can be the winter lodge and then it all works out," Renji waves an arm to gesture to his living quarters wistfully.

Shuuhei pointedly rolls his eyes, "Renji, don't be ridiculous. You know very well that it can't be a summer home without a romantic lakeside view. What do you think I am, a barbarian?"

"I'll get a kiddie-pool and set it up right next to the window for you. In return I expect to see a fireplace in the winter-lodge next time I'm there. With chestnuts roasting by the open fire, as I've heard the legends require. Gods help you if there aren't chestnuts. I swear I'll flip my shit so hard if I don't see at least one chestnut."

The sound of Rukia giggling draws both Renji's and Shuuhei's eyes towards her. She tries to stifle the sound with her hand over her mouth, but fails to stop the amusement from quirking the corners of her lips up from behind her fingers.

Renji gives her his best scornful look. "What?"

"Nothing." Rukia says, dragging her hand down to cup her chin attentively, "You two are just really sweet together, is all."

Renji and Shuuhei exchange blunt looks, before turning back to Rukia with identically serious expressions on their faces.

"We most certainly are not," Shuuhei announces, self-assuredness regarding his and Renji's masculinities practically oozing off him.

"Not even a little bit. You saw nothing sweet at all on this visit," Renji nods in agreement.

Rukia leans in on the armchair, her fist in her cheek and regarding them smugly. "You're right. That would be vastly unprofessional. Must've just been a figment of my imagination."

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, Rukia's visit included. The day leaks away into evening, and she has a home and a brother who's company she must return to. The life of a lieutenant is a busy one after all, as Shuuhei and Renji both understand it, and they all have busy days tomorrow. No doubt there's going to be much discussion and activity at the meeting on Monday.

The meeting. The meeting tomorrow. The meeting where all of their friends are going to be present.

Shuuhei wants to feel like he can be okay with this, wants to rationalize it. People were going to find out anyways, they have nothing to be ashamed of, yadda yadda.

But the truth? This is not okay. It doesn't feel okay that Shuuhei can find something as great as this feeling that Renji instigates in him, trust that discovery to no more than three people, and wake up the next morning to find out that he's suddenly everyone's business. It doesn't feel okay, but this situation is so foreign that Shuuhei's not sure what to feel at all. Maybe he should be angry, but angry at who? Let's look at the list of suspects.

There were exactly three people in the room when Shuuhei announced his intent to tell Renji his true feelings. He almost counts only two, because he nearly forgets Captain Muguruma was there. The visored captain is a highly unlikely source of gossip to Seireitei. He hardly talks to anyone except Shuuhei and his fellow visoreds when off duty, and Shuuhei suspects that when not working his captain still spends more time in the human world than the spiritual one. Kensei's behavior is more based on self-preservation than actually trying to be distant, seeing as many soul reapers aren't enthusiastic about letting three half-hollows run the divisions, but he respects his squad and Shuuhei can't imagine he'll care deeply about Shuuhei's romantic life one way or the other.

That crosses off the one, now about the other two.

Shuuhei peels back the curtain slightly, looking out almost in hope that the hellbutterflies have magically disappeared or at least gotten the message that they aren't welcome. No dice, as the flock seems as numerous and agitated as ever, all but flinging themselves against the window pane with startling intensity. He wonders how many of the messages are from his friends. Wonders even more about what they say.

The best case scenario of this whole situation is that Izuru or Rangiku didn't mean to spread the story of Shuuhei's love for Renji, they were just confused by his unprecedented announcement and discussed it with friends for clarification. Through one string of reasoning or another, they came to the conclusion of the truth and by then the fact was out in the open for all to see.

Worst case scenario is that Shuuhei trusted two of his closest friends with some very personal information and they gave it away as if failing him had become a competitive event. Rangiku has a lot of good qualities, but she's an attention-seeker who isn't above gossip. Izuru also has many admirable things about his personality, but he's moody and does so love to complain to just about anyone who would listen.

Shuuhei lets his forehead fall onto the glass of the windowpane, shivering a little at the sudden coldness against his temple. The hellbutterflies swarmed to his eyelevel, blocking his vision out of the Sixth's barracks. If he had never decided to tell Renji he loved him, how much longer could they have kept their relationship a secret?

Kazeshini was right. Shuuhei was too impatient. Impatient and pathetic.

Shuuhei jumps a little when he hears Renji behind him. "What are you doing?"

Shuuhei cranes his neck back to meet Renji's eyes. "Nothing. Just thinking."

"Dangerous business, that." He shifts closer to Shuuhei, looking over him out the window at the pack of butterflies. "Worried?"

Shuuhei drops the curtains, blocking out the outside world once more. "Doesn't matter, I don't want to think about it right now."

Renji's hand appears on Shuuhei's hip, his touch so light Shuuhei almost doesn't feel it. Shuuhei takes that hand in his own and turns so he can face Renji, who fixes Shuuhei with a gaze full of concern.

"Stop worrying. We'll be fine!" Shuuhei says, giving Renji a playful punch on the shoulder. Renji grunts in response and ruffles Shuuhei's hair, earning him the retaliation of Shuuhei grabbing his wrist and twisting the skin between his hands in a stellar case of Indian Burn until Renji yelps for him to stop and threatens to lick Shuuhei's hand.

Shuuhei gives a belligerent Renji a victory kiss on the temple and the problems of tomorrow fall away, at least for tonight.


	26. I Know You Are Still Reading Don't Lie

**Author's note: How to succeed at life- 1) instead of actually writing your fucking chapter, procrastinate by watching Persona. 2) instead of actually writing your fucking chapter, read Dangan Ronpa. 3) instead of actually writing your fucking chapter, cry. 4) ? 5) Profit.**

Renji almost doesn't go to Sixth Division headquarters on Monday. There are a lot of good reasons to go, the first and foremost being to prove that he is not a coward who's afraid of confrontation. A very close runner-up is the fact that his captain will most assuredly chew him out later if he doesn't. Still, it's a choice he juggles with, because he's feeling especially skittish today.

The hard thing about being the source of gossip is that one has no idea if they've become extra-observant or just extra-paranoid. Maybe when Renji walks down the halls and feels countless sets of eyes boring holes into his back, he's just imagining them. Maybe the low whispers floating through the air like clouds of mist have always been like there and Renji's just never noticed. Maybe he doesn't twitch when he hears a word that sounds like "Hisagi" or feel chills sweep up his spine when he wonders what's going through his subordinates' minds right this second.

Whatever, it's not like it matters. They thought he was trash before for daring to come here from one of the highest districts of Rukongai, and all it took was helping to save Soul Society from mortal peril for that to wear off. This too, shall pass.

He leaves the halls in favor of his office, feeling proud of himself for not slamming the door shut behind him. The room serving as both the captain and the vice-captain's office is drab and dull in its professionalism and smells like dry paper and ink, serving as a reminder of Renji's least favorite part of his job, but it's comfortably familiar.

Captain Kuchiki is already present, seemingly engrossed in his work. It's so ordinary and normal Renji can't decide if he's relieved or irritated.

"Good morning, Captain," Renji says as a usual greeting. "Officers' meeting today, so I won't be staying long. Just checking and seeing if-"

"Abarai."

Renji stops immediately, doing his best not to regard his captain with suspicion. The paranoid feeling hasn't left yet, still creeping around inside his head like a chill in his hindbrain. Byakuya Kuchiki gestures to the front of his desk with a movement of his arm so stiff it seems robotic even for the stoic captain. "Come here, please."

A "please" from Captain Kuchiki. Well golly, let Renji just tack this on his list of "Wonders of the World" and take a commemorative photo and he'll get right on that. Still, he approaches and waits for his captain to continue.

Renji doubts Byakuya has ever done anything without ever thoroughly planning it through. He likes to imagine there's a room in the Kuchiki estate that's just filled with flowcharts and notecards that allow his captain to plan a response in the event of every possible situation. Even so, Captain Kuchiki seems to be working something especially complicated through his head. He calmly holds his gaze on Renji from over his desk, contemplating what to say, or maybe simply waiting for the other to make a first move

Summoning every drop of confidence within him, Renji cuts to the chase. It's not like this can be for any other reason. "Am I in trouble because of what I'm doing with Shuuhei?"

The noble captain's fingers tighten around his pen ever so slightly, as if the question distresses him. He answers immediately, "No, you are in absolutely no trouble. Your business is your own, and it would be vastly inappropriate of me to hold you in a different regard because of your personal life."

There's a pause, but it's so brief Renji wonders if he's imagining it. Byakuya sets down his pen and tents his fingers.

"However, I must ask," the captain says, gray eyes doing an exceptional job at not betraying his thoughts. "Are you and Lieutenant Hisagi Shuuhei truly romantically involved?"

Renji wonders, for a moment, if he can get fired for sleeping with a lieutenant of a different division. That would be an unfortunate reason to go into an early retirement. "Yes, sir, we are."

His expression doesn't change. Renji could just be stating the weather for all Captain Kuchiki is showing. "That is all I wanted to know."

That should be a relief, yet it doesn't make Renji feel much less at ease. He's still waiting for the bad news. He's not disappointed.

"However, the schedule for squad duties has been altered. I will be taking on your duties overseeing training and patrols temporarily, until further notice. You will still be needed for hollow terminations and missions to the world of the living, of course," Byakuya tacks on, almost a little hastily.

"So I am being demoted," Renji summarizes plainly, not minding how defensive he sounds.

Kuchiki's expression hardens. "Were you not listening? I said you have no reason to be punished. If, however, you are determined to contend with me or attempt to construct me as the antagonist, that can change very quickly."

"Okay, so what is this then? I'm not stupid, captain! What, the squad doesn't want me around? A bunch of requests came in for transfers and this was the only way you could keep them here?" Renji pushes, feeling anger boil up inside him.

"I realize this is inconvenient. Not only inconvenient—it should be entirely unnecessary," Kuchiki admits, folding his hands on his desk. "However this is the best I can do, at such a short notice to both keep you in your position and amend the fears of our officers. There are those who see your engagements to Lieutenant Hisagi as grounds for… worries."

"The hell kind of worries can they have about me dating some guy?" Renji demands, wondering what and who he'll have to punch before he calms down.

"I imagine it would be difficult for you to see this from their perspective. It is a very self-centered reason for suspicion after all, but some might take your preferences, coupled with your rank and stature, into account and begin to harbor… anxieties," Captain Kuchiki says, and Renji's about to continue prodding about what the fuck that actually means when he suddenly has a moment of oh, oh.

"Anxieties," Renji repeats, his voice dripping with disgust and he's now sure that he'll have to punch a whole lot of whats and whos. "So now they're afraid I'm going to, like, molest them in the shower, right? What the fuck-"

He gets a hard look from his captain that shuts him up instantly. "Composure, lieutenant. Outbursts like this are exactly why I think it would be best to put space between you and the lower ranks, at least until they reclaim their common sense and can act professionally when it comes to situations concerning their rightful superior."

Renji forces his hands to relax out of clenched fists, swallowing his anger. Of course people couldn't just mind their own business, be accepting like Rukia. He wasn't sure how he was expecting people to react, but it sure as hell wasn't with fear. Does he really look that scary? Do his own men think he'd take advantage of them?

Actually, on that note…

"No one voiced any complaints that I might do anything to the female officers before all this." He points out.

Kuchiki gives him a wry look, a sort of "oh, you" gaze like Renji should know better. "That is correct, Lieutenant Abarai. It is unfortunate, in fact, to theorize that this would hardly even be an issue if you were involved with a woman, even if there was a chance you were using your status as lieutenant to manipulate her. Any uneasiness the women of the division would have had would be dismissed as paranoia. Because this happens not to be the case, it is apparently a source of fear among their male peers."

"But- That's just stupid. Why are people making a big deal out of this? You can't tell me that Shuuhei and I are the only… not-straight people to have ever been in the Gotei Thirteen!" Renji pushes, wanting something to push away this feeling of dread building up with every passing moment.

"I could not give you a definitive answer, but I imagine that many more people are far more mindful about keeping secrets than you," Kuchiki says with a shake of his head. "Were Vice-Captain Hisagi younger than you and you were his mentor- or vice versa- in the traditional way of shudō it might be seen as a different matter. It would be one of you demonstrating your status, the teacher exercising his dominance over the protégé. The fact that you and Hisagi are both mature and roughly the same age makes your engagements seem all the more improper to the general public."

Renji let his shoulder slump, feeling a strange sense of violation. The feeling of having strangers pick apart and code his personal relationship with Shuuhei felt wrong, it felt downright creepy. "So, what? I just have to deal with the weird looks from people from my own squad."

"If that's what it takes to prove to them you are no less qualified for your position then yes, that is exactly what you are going to do," Byakuya answers firmly, clearly not intending to leave any more room for argument. "You are excused to your emergency meeting."

Pushing a man as stubborn as Captain Kuchiki is all but productive. More importantly than that, the longer this conversation continues, Renji increasingly feels like his captain is genuinely trying to help and it's still not enough. Because whenever Byakuya Kuchiki, with his noble prestige and decades of experience and esteemed accomplishments behind him, can't eliminate the problem it generally means Renji doesn't stand much of a chance.

Okay, so Sixth Division wasn't Renji's favorite place in the world right now. What else is new? That being said, it was far preferable to other places where he could be right then. Places where rather than having his emotional and professional well-being on the time, it was merely his physical safety and sense of security that was being threatened. Then again maybe that was just what Renji needed right now.

Ah yes, the laboratories of the Twelve Division, where hopes and dreams go to die along with gods know what else. Renji hardly has time to knock on the door of the sizeable headquarters building before a skittish twink in a lab coat cracks the door open, squinting like he hasn't seen sunlight for the past four weeks. He admits Renji into the building, holding open the door with his back pressed into the walls like he wants to melt into them.

As he walks down the halls trying hard to remember the path to the meetings room he steps into a puddle of something cold and smily and he tries really hard not to think about what that might be. Instead, he picks up his pace until he sees a vaguely familiar room far ahead and relaxes a bit. The room itself looks like some eldritch abomination-type creature swallowed the electronics section of a department store and upchucked it in a dungeon, but he would rather be there than lost in these hallways.

Various monitors sit on the wall, most off but some flickering persistently and spitting static. It smells of mold and decay and the tangy aroma of old blood.

"Hello, is someone there?"

Renji stops, a little put off by the sound of an unfamiliar voice coming from down the hall. This is supposed to be an emergency meeting, isn't it? Where are all his peers, the other vice-captains and higher ranked officers he's supposed to be meeting with? Renji's eyes scan the inside of the room, then glance back down the halls to see if any lab personnel are present. Only when he ducks his head into one of the adjacent rooms does he find a lone figure, the owner of that mysterious voice.

At first Renji thinks that he might be another scientist working under/in/for the Twelfth, because he has the same spooked, wide-eyed look about him that many fledglings in the Gotei's most curious division do. He's pale and skinny and looks all around unremarkable, further feeding into Renji's scientist theory. But even the weakest of shinigami admitted into the Courts has to have enough spiritual pressure to prove they can be useful in a fight, and the tiny trickle of reiatsu this kid is flaring in a meek little flurry of fear is barely enough to even register on Renji's radar let alone belong to any shinigami.

Renji looks behind him to see if anyone plans on entering to explain what exactly is going on but no, it's just him and this odd stranger. Renji lifts an eyebrow at the kid. "Uh, hey there."

The soul shuffled towards him, feet stumbling in what Renji first took to be a lab coat, but now realized was a white robe, the kind issued to medical patients as well as prisoners. Please, you have to help me!" He demands in a strained voice, hunching his shoulders like he fears an attack from all sides. "I don't know what I'm doing here, and they won't answer my questions. C-Can you tell me where I am, sir?"

The "sir" throws Renji off, and when the soul approaches him Renji realizes how small he is, barely more than a child. The soul wobbles on his feet and Renji reaches to steady him on instinct.

"Woah there, buddy," Renji says automatically as he puts a balancing hand on the kid's shoulder, although he feels he should be keeping a more professional demeanor than this. It's just so hard to stay focused in the face of a scared child. "This is the Gotei Thirteen. You're safe, okay? Can you tell me why you're here?"

The kid shakes his head. "N-no. I was just on my way home and I think… I blacked out. I woke up in here alone. I'm really scared, sir, I don't want any trouble with the shinigami! I just want to go home."

Renji's not new to how the squads work. If you're given an order, there's probably a reason for you to follow it. And if something has been found deep within the bowels of the Twelfth's' labs, there's probably a _very_ good reason to leave it where it is.

Then again, this is Squad Twelve, and it has never been a large contender for the Seireitei's "Most Ethically Aware" award. These are the people who experimented on the corpses of Quincies and just about any other anomaly they could get their grimy hands on, under the watchful eyes of their greatly detested, but even more greatly feared, captain.

Renji tries to make his voice soothing, tries to remember what he's supposed to do in these situations. Sometimes it's hard for him to remember how to act around normal civilians. "Hey, it's okay! There's no trouble. Why don't we go find someone to talk to about how to getting you out of here, alright?"

After all, if the Gotei has a beef with this kid, they can certainly do better than kidnapping.

The kid smiles, relief loosening the tension of worry on his face. "O-okay. Thank you, sir." He raises his hands to wipe his eyes, and the sleeve of his robe droops down over a bony wrist and a glint of shiny metal.

"What's this?" Renji asks, pointing to the circle of silver around the kid's arm.

The kid folds his arms self-consciously, obscuring the metal. "A r-Reiryoku dampener, I think. The people here put it on me when I got here, maybe so I wouldn't get hungry. I don't know how long I've been here."

And suddenly the idea that this kid's spiritual pressure is too low to be a shinigami is out the window. If a dampener was needed to eliminate his hunger, surely he must have at least a fair amount of power behind him. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean that the soul knows how to use it, nor can it be really be that much energy if the kid can't break out of one puny dampener.

Follow up point: why is the twelfth keeping a kid with high spiritual pressure in the labs in the first place? The first place Renji can think of the Gotei sending souls with unusually high energy levels is the shinigami academy, and even that is seen as part of the Court's inner sanctum from civilians.

The kid gives him a hopeless look as Renji's energy glides over the surface of the dampener. "It's no good. It'll just suppress your spiritual pressure too."

"Yeah, maybe if I was a shrimp like you," Renji says with a smirk, beginning to push the full extent of his power into the silver cuff. "Luckily, I'm made of some stronger stuff. Now listen up, cuz I'm gonna take this off for you, and in exchange you're gonna tell me everything you know about what the Twelfth division might want with you, got it?"

The dampener gives a whine of protest as Renji's spiritual pressure floods it, the sparks of magenta flying out of the ring and confirming Renji's suspicion that this gadget might work just fine on a nearly powerless kid, but it's not built to withstand a captain-class assault.

While the dampener sputters resiliently, refusing to give up the right, Renji registers the sound of footsteps outside, progressively getting louder. Renji tenses with the inherent nerves of one who knows he's breaking the rules, but his focus doesn't leave the dampener on the kid's wrist.

"They're coming," the kid says with a shaky inhale. "The shinigami who took me away!"

"I'm almost done." Renji promises, risking a glance back towards the door. "I'm a vice-captain, okay? They'll listen to me. Can you tell me which ones took you?"

"I don't remember. They were big, though, I remember that from when they grabbed me and brought me here!"

Renji pauses, ripping his eyes away from the door to look the kid straight in the eyes. They're green, and full of fear. Renji asks, and he's very careful to keep his tone steady, "That's all you remember? Are you absolutely sure?"

The soul gives him a belligerent look, "Yes! I am, so can you please hurry? I want to go home."

"Kid, this is important. You're completely positive?"

"I swear, I don't remember anything else," the boy pleads, looking confused and offended at Renji's doubt.

Renji clutches the kid's wrist a little tighter. "There were big shinigami and they took you away, is that right?"

"Yeah?" The kid gingerly? admits, looking frightful again. "You know this already! Why are you-"

"Then what happened to blacking out and waking up in here alone?"

The kid's eyes bug out. There's no other way to describe it—they bug out and get so wide Renji fears they'll just pop right out of the socket. Grey irises? whirl around the room in confusion, but weren't they green before? "I-I did. I think I did! I don't know!"

"Kid," Renji says sternly, fixing him with a look until the kid is meeting him with those grey-not-green eyes, "What's your name?"

"I'm Yasu… Yasuto…. No, I think it was Tasu-something. I don't remember! Why don't I remember my own name?" The kid looks at Renji, the pitch rising in his voice as his terror mounts. "What's my name? What's my _name?"_

Renji's response is cut off prematurely by the echo of a door slamming open, of the sharp cling sound of a good dozen swords being drawn, of the frenzied call of "Lieutenant Abarai, please step away from the prisoner!"

"Hey, hang on a second!" Renji demands, bewildered and not at all enjoying the feeling. "Why don't you tell me what's going on here-"

He would have commanded more, specifically something along the lines of an explanation but one of the officers interrupts him with a heavy shove that knocks him off his feet and away from the kid. Renji's back hits the dirt and okay, those violent urges from earlier in the morning have come returned full force.

Faster than the offending officer can anticipate, Renji is back on his feet with his fist clutching the shinigami's collar. Renji has almost decided whether or not it'd be worth it to deck this guy in the face when he hears the sound of metal hitting the floor.

Looking down, Renji watches the Reitsu-dampener roll to his feet, toppling over on its side to lie unmoving on the ground. The kid's arm hangs limply from where the cuff fell off, and he lifts his wrist to his face to inspect the trace of raw-pink flesh the cuff left.

Renji struggles not to gasp when he watches Tasu-something move, because even though the kid's movements have suddenly become slow and lethargic there's a split second when they're not—there's a twitch or a jerk, something so fast Renji's not sure it even happened. Then the kid lowers his hand again and it happens a second time, and it's like watching a glitch on a television screen. A jump in the frames that never was, a movement that goes in two directions at once.

Renji hesitates, still holding the other shinigami. "Kid?"

The soul's eyes jump to attention, looking straight at Renji, but now they're neither grey nor green nor any color Renji can determine. The kid jerks, glitches again, and a crackle of what looks like electricity jolts up and down his body. Not fuchsia, like Renji's spiritual energy when he was short-circuiting the dampener, but inky and black.

_"I'm scared, sir,"_ the kid says, and Renji is finding himself having a hard time determining if that's true because one second the soul is crying, tears streaming down his face and mouth pressed into a thin line as if restraining a sob, but then he twitches again and the tears are gone and his mouth is stretched into a toothy smile like that of a predator looking down upon its prey. His voice is garbled and two-toned and grates on Renji's ears. _"Please, I just want to go home."_

Renji drops the officer's collar, choosing instead to move his hand to his katana, but faster than he can draw the kid moves, too fast to be real, and his hand is on Renji's arm and the blood red sparks are shooting up toward Renji's shoulder/chest and everything goes blindingly crimson.

The world goes hazy. It's fuzzy and distant like a picture out of focus, so blurred Renji can't pick away one thought from another.

Gradually, his mind gets a little clearer, a little more aware but it's no less confusing for that. Occasionally he can pick apart a rare fragment of consciousness or two but they're disjointed, meaningless.

He's lost because he read the map wrong and ended up on the wrong side of town.

He needs to get home because his father is waiting for him and he'll be cross is he's late.

He's dying, slowly, painfully, of pancreatic cancer.

He can hear the baby crying, and honey can you get that I got up to feed her last time-

Eyes still closed, Renji furrows his brows. These thoughts—they don't make sense. They aren't even his. But if not, whose are they?

There's a voice, but Renji's still not sure if it's real or a part of the mixed-up puzzle pieces of his mind. "Looks like he's coming to."

"I don't think so, he's still pretty out of it."

"Well we don't have all day! Here, use this."

A foul odor overflows Renji's senses. It smells, perhaps, of hatred and malice.

Renji groans, batting away Ikkaku's sandal from his face. "Dude, that's nasty!"

"Knew that would do the trick. Worked every time when he was still in the Eleventh." A voice that is probably Ikkaku again. "Hey, Abarai, are you feeling okay or are you gonna faint again?"

"Are you feeling shut the fuck up?" Renji bites back with just enough awareness to not care if that made sense.

He blinks his eyes open, and the first thing he's aware of is that the light is way too bright. This probably means he's not on the floor in the Twelfth's labs anymore, or at least has been moved to a more well-lit one. There's something hard and flat pressing against Renji's back, not wide enough to fully support his shoulders so that his arms hang over the side. It's probably a bench or something, and it is killing his spine.

"Renji?" Hey, Renji definitely knows this guy. Shuuhei pops into his vision above him, the light from above giving him a celestial glow as he holds up his hand for Renji to look at. "How do you feel? How fingers do you see?"

Renji gently smashes his palm into Shuuhei's face, pushing the dark-haired shinigami away so that he can sit up. "No need for that, okay? I'll live. I'd do better if someone wanted to tell me what is going on."

Now upright, Renji identifies his new location as a room filled with lieutenants and high-ranked officers. Most seem preoccupied with him, seated patiently on the floor as if they're a class full of students awaiting instructions from an absent teacher, most likely all still waiting for the captains to finish their private meeting.

Rukia seats herself on Renji's bench, "We were hoping you could tell us that. A bunch of Twelfth division's guards carried you in here a few minutes ago, saying you had an accident in the labs."

"Some accident," Renji snorts, lifting his hand to rub the tips into his temple. "Ugh, I was down there and there was this kid… did the guards say if he was okay?"

Rukia gave him a puzzled look. "They didn't say anything else. What kid are you talking about?"

"There was this kid alone in the lab, said he didn't remember why he was there. I tried to help him but the guards came in and told me to back away, and then there was this… weird energy coming off him, and my head—I was thinking things that weren't my own thoughts."

There was probably a better way to phrase that, judging by the confused look Rukia gives him as her only response. Shuuhei looks slightly more alarmed as he turns Renji's face towards him, using his fingers to spread Renji's eyelids and get a good look at his pupil. "Did you hit your head down there? Quick, count backwards from ten."

"Would you get off him, Hisagi? He said he's fine, give him some space." Ikkaku throws in, having slipped his sandal back onto his foot. He gives Renji and Shuuhei a sideways look, only for a second before glancing away nonchalantly. He supposes that it's excusable, given that Renji and Shuuhei's relationship is kinda out in the open right now and also Shuuhei is being just a smidgen too touchy at the moment. It's still a little rude, though.

Yumichika tuts in response, tapping his fingers against his knee. "Now, now, Ikkaku. It's perfectly natural for young lovers to fawn over each other like this! It's almost romantic if you ignore the possibility of Abarai being concussed right now."

"I'm not concussed!" Renji insists, blushing, to his credit, only a little.

Izuru, seated only a little farther behind Yumichika and Ikkaku, has been strangely silent at this time, eyes fixed at the floor. When he speaks up for the first time, it startles Renji slightly. "Whatever happened, it seems like we're about to get an answer."

He casts his eyes towards the door, which do nothing to hide the captain-class spiritual energy barreling towards the room. The doors are flung open by the clammy, pale hands of Captain Kurotsuchi.

Those unnerving gold eyes glaze over the room, fixating on Renji in a way that makes him shiver. If Kurotsuchi gives any indication of acknowledging Renji's discomfort it goes right over his head.

"Lieutenant Abarai," he drawls as if it's a personal inconvenience for him to do so, like the valuable brain cells he's using in order to memorize the name could be better put to use on formulaic equations, or maybe new torture techniques. "I received a memo in the midst of the meeting that you had run into a rather unfortunate situation in my labs. To begin: I commend you for this, since the notification was an excellent distraction from the dullness of the meeting. Secondly, I admonish you for wandering into my labs in the first place! Most of the equipment there is worth more than you are!"

Wow, well excuse the shit out of _him._

The scientist-captain sighs melodramatically, finally saying, "And thirdly I must apologize. It seems that approximately 5.7 minutes before your arrival the subject of today's controversy managed to wriggle its way out of its confinements, due wholly, I'm sure, to the incompetence of my staff. Due reimbursement for your troubles will be made, or course. If you ever need anything grown back—a limb, for example—I will be sure to appoint someone to the task. I bid you good day, my peers will arrive shortly-"

Wait a second!" Renji barks, almost wishing he hadn't for the irate look Kurotsuchi gives him. "That kid was a prisoner, right? So why? What's up with the weird spiritual energy? What's happening to him?

Kurostuchi's lips peel back from his long yellow teeth in something between a grin and a grimace. "Well, wasn't it obvious, Lieutenant? He was dying."


	27. Fun Fact: Author Hearts Scary Monsters

**Author's note: [Eminem's Without Me playing in the distance] And friends, let me tell you, if you wanted Cover Me to update more regularly with me being in the midst of summer with nothing to do- you will be disappointed! Because I have about a week of entertaining my family members in exactly two days, followed by a brief reprise before I spend another following week wrangling small children in the woods. Don't worry though, because Cover Me will be haunting me on the forefront on my mind at all hours, just as it usually does.**

**Special thanks to my beta namayani, who did extensive construction on this chapter in particular for coherent reading for viewers like you!**

**Holy fuck this chapter is long as baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalls. **

At a certain point in the day, Shuuhei will find himself in a meeting room, patiently waiting for the fantastically long and time-consuming phenomena known as the captain's meeting to end. During this event, an unconscious Renji will get dragged into the room. Then, because the day wasn't rotten enough, Shuuhei will piece this event together with a bizarre encounter from earlier and learn some truly horrific news.

But that's for a later time. For now, he's in his own bed struggling to fall asleep even though it's probably past 3 AM. He misses the feel of Renji's body next to his own and is somewhat surprised at how used to his presence he's gotten during the past months. He even kind of misses the restless sleep-shifting and snoring. If he knew what was going to happen over the past few hours, he would probably be obsessing over that. How used to Renji's presence he's gotten, not necessarily the snoring. He doesn't, however, and is instead obsessing over the few things that really ruined what would've otherwise been a great weekend.

It all started when he and Renji attempted to go to bed, but were impaired by the realization of just how loud the hell butterflies flapping their little wings outside of the window were. A little over half an hour passed before both shinigami agreed their mutual irritation outweighed their took turns making the other listen to a message. In the end, the whole ordeal proved not to be that bad, but it was by no means pleasant. Comparatively, it was like getting a root canal after being told the alternative was to give birth to an adult porcupine.

They each got the official message about the meeting at the Twelfth on Monday morning and three nearly-identical messages from members of the Shinigami Women's Association requesting interviews. What the interviews were about and how invasive they were was not disclosed. Renji also got one from Yumichika. The message was short and left both men confused and slightly embarrassed: "I think you and Hisagi have a nice aesthetic quality together. Very edgy, neo-romantic. Tell me if you need any advice on purchasing lube or any other items."

The rest of the messages, however, were actually for Shuuhei, and they were the ones that bothered him. Four were from his captain who, with increasing agitation, informed him of the fact that he should report to the office at his earliest convenience. The following two strongly implied he should report even if slightly inconvenienced. No less than seven were from Kira, who wanted to talk. The last one, as polite as the previous six, stated simply "I do not want to be a burden, and I do not want to disturb you. I'll wait in front of your quarters, come if you can." This, Shuuhei couldn't ignore or else appear he had disregarded the messages on purpose, so he reluctantly headed towards the 9th. Whatever his friend wanted to say, it was better to deal with it before the very public meeting the next day.

As he entered his division's grounds, he heard a lot more chatter than he would've expected at that time on a Sunday night. Voices rose and fell like the persistent chirping of the crickets just outside. He followed the agitated voices towards their source, intent on chastising what must've been some of the younger squad members, until he got close enough to distinguish words and froze in place.

"-bout Hisagi-fukutaichou?"

"You know, he does seem to spend less time at the barracks. I mean, he usually comes back late so it's pretty easy to hear, but now it's kinda creepy how quiet the halls are late at night."

"Yeah, and did anyone even see him on squad grounds over the weekend? I told you he got a lover! Yukimi told me, and Chia told her, and she said that Asahina said she overheard Lieutenant Matsumoto say-" A second voice rambled off as Shuuhei wondered why it always has to be him to overhear the worst conversations. For a moment he played with the idea of going there and proving those girls that he indeed does sleep at the barracks, but was, unfortunately, undeniably curious as to where the conversation was going.

"I'd check my facts a little more thoroughly before believing a 'he-said-she-said' rumor. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea that he's the type to go after guys. Figures it would be guys like that." The third, inordinately snarky voice raises a lot of points Shuuhei would like to question. What makes Shuuhei not "the type?" What are guys like "that", besides Renji apparently, and why does it figure? "What if it's not true, though? Maybe he just got an apartment in town or something?"

"Hisagi?" his name unexpectedly reached Shuuhei once more, not from the collection of curious individuals he's eavesdropping on, but from somehwere behind him and much closer. He instinctively turned around, somewhat surprised to see his blond-haired friend.

"I'm sorry if I startled you, I just saw you walking in and..." Izuru quickly apologized, giving the other a slightly embarrassed smile. He looked relaxed- happy, even. Shuuhei was glad for a friendly distraction from the exchange of rumors he was just forced to witness.

"It's OK. Walk with me?" He suggested as he turned away from the girls and headed towards his own quarters. Kira followed without a question.

"I know it's late and everything so... Thanks for coming. The thing is, I thought you might, well… be upset with me. I did a poor job of minding my own business."

"To be fair, I didn't say I wasn't upset." Shuuhei pointed out, feeling like he'd definitely earned the right to be honest to his friends.

Izuru frowned, looking down at his shuffling feet. He seemed to be considering what he was about to say very carefully, testing each word in his mind before speaking. "I didn't realize that what Matsumoto and I told people would spread so quickly. I really am sorry, Hisagi, I should have known better."

Some of Shuuhei's lingering resentment disappeared. He didn't believe that Izuru and Rangiku meant anything malicious by their actions, but hearing his friend express regret made him feel a bit better about the situation. "Thanks. Honestly, that's really all I wanted to hear."

Shuuhei wondered if Izuru had simply wanted to apologize, but before he got to ask that question out-loud, Izuru's expression brightened to a genuine smile as he continued: "Now you can at least move on from Abarai and everyone can get on with their lives."

Well that sentence came flying out of nowhere. Shuuhei stopped in his tracks and spent a second wondering where his ability to respond appropriately had gone.

"What do you mean by that?" He demanded, tugging on Izuru's sleeve to stop the slighter shinigami. Izuru looked bewildered by Shuuhei's reaction, but not as bewildered as Shuuhei himself felt. "Kira, I said that I'm in love with Renji, by which I mean that I still am in love with him. We're together. It's kind of why this is a huge deal."

Izuru's brow lifted, and be blinked with the sudden understanding of a person seeing daylight for the first time. "You are? I was sure that he was going to reject you!"

Out of everything he had heard that night, this one hurt the most.

Izuru must've noticed the sour look on the dark-haired shinigami's face, because he started stumbling over his words to correct himself. "Uh- I didn't mean to say that I think you get rejected a lot! I just thought- I assumed Abarai was only interested in women. Also, I don't think the two of you would really work out-"

Holy shit.

"What do you mean we won't work out? We've been working out just fine for months, and we didn't need anybody's insight then!"

"You can't really think dating Abarai is a good idea, do you?" Izuru argued, suddenly vehement in his words. "What if you two break up? What if you end up hating each other and a decades worth of friendship is destroyed?"

"In my experience, people hate each other after break-ups when there's unfinished business. Renji and I don't keep secrets from each other!"For a split of a second, Kazeshini popped into his mind's eye again, taunting him with a bankai and an infuriatingly smug air of superiority."Secrets" he whispered, the word heavy and dripping with a mocking tone, but Shuuhei continued as if nothing had happened. "And we've got a good thing going, so I don't see us breaking up any time soon, Kira!"

Izuru's shoulders locked with hostility, but his eyes wouldn't meet Shuuhei's. "Sure, maybe now. What about in the future? You know that if you stay together you won't ever be able to raise a family, right? Even if you adopted, I doubt either of you would want to leave your vice-captaincy to raise a child!"

"Who said either of us want kids?" Shuuhei pointed out as he struggled to push an unwelcome sense of déjà vu from his mind. Rangiku's speculations on a future between Renji and Orihime. Bones of children in a crypt. Why is everyone so interested in Renji's non-existent offspring?

"Well, don't you think it might upset the dynamic between you and your friends just a bit?" Kira pressed on, his voice turning more venomous by the second. "If you and Renji have a relationship then… other people might feel neglected."

Ah, so that was it. Shuuhei folded his arms, trying to fix Izuru with his best condescending glare as if that could have made the light-haired man realize he was being rather stupid and childish. "By 'other people' you mean yourself, right? Well I'm fucking sorry if you're scared of feeling like a third wheel, but that's not my problem!"

Izuru looked taken aback, particularly since Shuuhei is the person east likely to make something not his problem. Everything is Shuuhei's problem. Shuuhei gets obsessed about trying to fix other people's problems. And this actually could be, at least somewhat, his problem. He probably never would've said such a thing if he hadn't been that angry, but suddenly it had been said. Shuuhei wondered, for a minute, if he's going to falter and take it back with an apology to Izuru but nope, looks like he's too much of a stubborn idiot. The audience is overcome with shock and disbelief.

"Okay, so maybe I was a little hurt that two of my closest friends were seeing each other and I didn't even know about it! Is that such a surprise?"

"Maybe we didn't tell you because I knew you'd be like this! Can't you just, I don't know, be happy for us instead of acting like a brat?"

For a long moment, there was silence. Izuru looked like he wanted to respond as he sent Shuuhei an icy glare, but was clearly uncomfortable continuing the argument. He finally settled on turning away and leaving the 9th division grounds without a word. After Kira left his sight, Shuuhei headed in the opposite direction, excited to finally reach the solace of his quarters. He tried really hard not to think about who might've overheard this particular exchange, and the additional rumors that would be running around Seireitei by the morning.

Half an hour later, Shuuhei is in his own bed, on his own, failing at not-thinking and playing out these past hours in his mind. He's torturing himself with all the little details: the tone of his captain's voice requesting to see him, the little rumors about him floating around, escaping his own subordinate's mouths, and finally Izuru—the changes in his expressions, the anger, the disappointment, the disapproval.

Things going distressingly wrong in Shuuhei's life isn't exactly uncommon, but there has at least always been a reason for it. Someone or something is responsible for the consequences that Shuuhei is left to deal with. So what is responsible now? The insistent flapping of butterfly wings against his window. The creepy-crawly sensation like something is wriggling around under his skin that comes with the knowledge that one's privacy has been violated. The heaviness in his head characteristic of oncoming sleep even though Shuuhei knows very well he's too unsettled to rest.

An unexpected chill works its way up and down Shuuhei's spine, making him shiver despite the fact that it isn't cold indoors at all. Shuuhei breaks away from his thoughts and fixes a glare at his zanpakutō, sheathed and leaning against the wall ever so innocently. "What?"

No response on Kazeshini's end, to Shuuhei's utter lack of surprise.

Shuuhei rolls his eyes, and sighs deeply, getting ready for what he knows will be an uncomfortable conversation. "If you've got something to say, just say it. I don't want to keep phasing between here and the catacomb world just to listen to you being a brat."

Shuuhei can actually feel his sword's smugness, even as there's still no trace of the usual brusque, raspy voice to match it. Shuuhei crosses his arms and shuts his eyes, unimpressed. "You're going to have to learn to manifest in this world anyways, seeing as you're the one who wanted to show me 'our true power'. Talking shouldn't be that difficult."

Finally the sound of grating laughter filters into Shuuhei's ears. "Difficult? Nah, but why give you the satisfaction?"

"Well don't worry about that. I'm far from satisfied." Shuuhei promises. "At least you're finally talking to me on my terms, I guess."

"Don't speak so fast, shinigami. Who's on who's terms here? Try taking your head out of your ass and take a good look around, eh?

Shuuhei takes his eyes away from the ceiling. Blinking a few times, he's a bit taken aback when he realizes the darkness around him is a lot thicker than it was just moments ago. Even if he can't see anything, the dusty, mildewy air invading his senses like a suffocating blanket of mustiness gives Shuuhei a good idea of where he is.

"Dammit." Shuuhei groans, sitting up on what has somehow turned from a comfortable futon into a cold stone surface. "How do you do that?"

Shuuhei places a palm straight out,his fingertips meeting a solid wall. He pushes, irritation growing as he gets not even a shift or a creak to tell him if the wall will falter. His hands travel up, feeling the gritty stone grind against his skin until he meets the corner where the wall turns into the ceiling not even three inches above his head. Shuuhei growls as his location becomes apparent to him, twisting his body to face the longer, adjacent wall.

A solid kick is all it takes for it to give one distressed moan of protest before falling, revealing the only slightly less musty, torch-lit halls of the catacombs.

"I'll admit, this is both new and unsettling." Shuuhei says as he climbs out of the newly-opened crypt.

Kazeshini, sitting in the open tomb directly above Shuuhei and kicking his feet through the air, cackles in response. "Heh, I know, right? Wish I could take credit for that. Maybe it's symbolic or something! A foreshadowing of your fate."

"What?" Shuuhei stands up, brushing dust off his clothes. "No, that's stupid."

"Suit yourself, just don't die simply because destiny is conspiring against you. If your stupid self gets killed because you're too weak to pick up a hint from the universe, I have to check out, too, y'know."

Wow. That was almost considerate except for that whole part where he spoke.

"'Course, having an ace up your sleeve might help out with living your pathetic life all the way into retirement. Something like- oh, I don't know, unlocking the full extent of our powers. I hear having a bankai is pretty handy for that." Kazeshini points out casually, swinging one of his scythes in his hand by the chain. He looks exactly how Shuuhei pictured him during his conversation with Izuru earlier- arrogant, malicious, the type who's so perfectly sure that if he keeps talking everything will just fall into his lap.

Shuuhei eyes his zanpakutō's spirit critically, keeping wary in case Kazeshini decides that scythe might look nicer lodged in Shuuhei's sternum. "I'd like to believe this is a thing rooted in mutual interest, but I'd also like to believe I'm not that stupid. In all seriousness, you know what I think of you. What makes you think I want your full power so badly?"

Kazeshini grins, so full of teeth it's almost more snarl than smile. "Well, shit. Just my luck to get the shinigami who argues against getting more powerful, ain't it? Even if it's gonna help your boy-toy?"

"Renji can handle himself, especially in a fight. Don't bother using him to bait me again." Shuuhei growls, pretending not to notice how Kazeshini's cheshire grin grows even wider.

"Who said anything about just being powerful in a fight?" The blade in Kazeshini's hand spins faster, twirling until it's a circular blur of black and silver, glowing orange like a halo in the torchlight. "I'm talking about respect, too, shinigami. Something you used to have, before you let your so-called friends stab you in the back."

Now Shuuhei is a little curious. Annoyed and insulted, but curious. "Could you maybe just skip to the point?"

"You know this whole scandal is starting to make your subordinates doubt you. And who could blame 'em, what with you being you and all? I mean, you got a real record of devotedly dogging after Tousen, then the monster-captain that saved you, and now baboon-boy. Maybe you like having all these stronger, powerful guys around you. Maybe you like having them rescue you, take care of you. I guess it just 'figures'." Kazeshini ends with a mocking, higher pitch, mimicking one of the rumor-mill girls.

Shuuhei sucks in air through his teeth, taking a deep breath to calm down because for one moment he's so angry he's forgotten how to see straight. "That isn't true. It's never been like that, with my captains or with Renji."

"Who gives a shit if it's true? All that matters is that people might start inferrin', and by that point it's about as good as headline news." The wiry form of Kazeshini disappears into a whirl of gusty wind, a little black twister that spins away and rematerializes down the hall a few feet away from Shuuhei, kicking up dust and cobwebs as it does. "We work together, though, help me help you and then not only are you on equal ground with lover-boy, people will think twice about belittlin' either of you."

Shuuhei keeps his stance, not easing up on the serious look he gives his zanpakutō. "Why would you help me? You've never exactly given me reason to trust you."

"I could say the same. You always go on about how I look 'like I'm meant to reap lives'." Kazeshini puts air quotes around the last phrase, using a dramatic voice for emphasis. "Kinda gets on a guy's nerves, you know? Verbal abuse, name-calling, losing me in a hollow for several days. Hurts my feelings. That's why I'm gonna prove that when all is said and done you need me, shinigami, and you need me a lot more than I need you."

Now it's starting to come together.

"So this is really about your ego, isn't it?" Shuuhei points out.

"Don't be like that. Think of it as a competition! Between the two of us, who relies on who more? Who's the stronger in this partnership?" Kazeshini offers with a shrug and a sweeping gesture between himself and Shuuhei. "Whatd'ya say?"

Shuuhei's glare falters, weighing his options. Shuuhei's been betrayed by someone he trusted once more than enough, thank you. On the other a hand, getting his bankai... there's a lot to be gained from that. He'd be able to stay with Renji, protect them both without looking weak.

"I say-"

"HEY

The startlingly high-pitched voice ricochets like a projectile around Shuuhei's skull, the impact so jarring that he's completely unprepared for the tugging sensation that follows, pulling him as if he's being physically yanked out of his spirit world. Coming back to his room, watching Kazeshini and the catacombs spin away from his vision, all but knocks the wind out of him despite the fact that his body hasn't actually moved for the entire duration of the conversation.

Then the wind actually is knocked out of him as a tiny blur of black and green bounces on top of him, and Shuuhei is pretty sure it's Mashiro. He's not positive, though, because a part of his brain that is doing it's best to function tells him that there's no way she would be in his bedroom—in his bed— in the middle of the night. That would be ridiculous. Would she?

Shuuhei blinks, rubbing one hand over his eye as he reclaims his bearings. "Kuna?

Mashiro folds her arms over her petite frame, puffing out her cheeks in irritation like a blowfish. It's hard for Shuuhei to remember she's much older than he is when she's like this, but to tell her so would only invite a temper tantrum. "It took you long enough to wake up!"

"I wasn't- never mind." Shuuhei slowly sits up and it takes him a moment to realize that he's actually the one who should be irritated. "What the hell are you doing in my room?!" he hisses through his teeth as he jumps out of his bed, Mashiro still sitting comfortably on it. Things like this never happen when Shuuhei stays over at Renji's.

Her expression changes into one of urgency and importance.

"You were supposed to report to duty at soon as you had the time. And it seems to me like you have the time now."

Time for sleeping, maybe. Although to be fair, Shuuhei can't officially be positive on whether Mashiro or Kensei actually sleep at all. That's not an innuendo, either. They're both just very high-strung people and always seem to be awake regardless of what hour it is.

"Time?! Kuna, it's the middle of the night! I'm trying to sleep! I'll come to the office tomorrow, like I'm supposed to. Now please, for goodness' sake, leave!"

"No can do. We were out paroling and we ran into something weird when we were out there, Kensei really wants to talk to you!"

"You were patrolling just now now?"

"We were patrolling all weekend. You would've known if you've reported for duty. I wanted to track you down and drag you out, but Kensei said to leave you be."

"Captain said to leave me be—so why are you here again?"

"As I said, there's something weird. He said to get you."

'Weird' is not typically a good indicator of events in Soul Society. To be dubious is not entirely uncalled for when used. "Weird in what way?"

Mashiro pouts, tapping the big, bubbly characters on her "Super-Duper Vice-Captain" badge. "I see that look on your face, Mr. Skeptic! It's rude to question someone of a higher rank! Especially at this time of the night. Just go talk to Kensei, okay? He'll explain it better, anyway."

There's no arguing with that. Ninety-seven seconds later Mr. Skeptic is rushing Miss Super-Duper Vice-Captain out of his quarters, heading towards the captains office. It's dark and quiet outside, and there is absolutely no sense of urgency in the air. It's so calm, actually, that Shuuhei finds it difficult to believe that he's walking around the barracks at some ungodly hour due to something that could simply be Mashiro's idea of a joke. He wishes to just go to his bed and sleep. Or Renji's bed—the one he should not have left in the first place. Whatever Renji is doing right now is probably at least fifty times better than what Shuuhei is doing, especially if the thing Renji is doing is sleeping. He wonders if this day could get any if this morning could get any worse, as the case may be.

The group of distraught-looking patrol members outside of his captain's office confirm the fact the something is, indeed, going on. The captain must have just dismissed them as by the time Shuuhei approaches they slowly start scattering, no doubt heading towards their quarters. Shuuhei glances after them with a slight pang of jealousy, only to recompose himself before facing his captain who's now standing alone leaning against the doorframe.

"Reporting for duty, sir."

"Hope you didn't get comfortable in your bed, Hisagi, because you're assigned to an investigation starting five minutes ago." Kensei barks, waving one hand to his side to dismiss Kuna, who gives him a raspberry to be ignored before vanishing. "We'll be running late to the meeting, " he adds as he heads out, confident that Shuuhei's following him.

As it happens, Kensei doesn't do a much better job that Mashiro at explaining. To be more precise, he doesn't really explain at all.

Now, Shuuhei doesn't consider himself the kind of person to overthink things—other people have disagreed on this matter, but that's beside the point- but there's only so long he can follow his captain past the Gotei's property, through the Seireitei and into the depths of Rukongai without growing a bit suspicious.

Flash-stepping makes things a little better, because it saves Shuuhei the inevitably useless task of trying to interrogate some actual information out of his captain. It also makes things a little worse, because Shuuhei doesn't notice the way the surroundings change until Kensei gives him the order to stop.

The sun is starting to appear on the horizon, and at this time of the year, that should also mean that people are starting to appear on the streets to begin going about their day. However this section of the Rukongai, in the high numbers and densely populated, if the tents and shacks built as makeshift homes on the side of the road are any indicator, is quiet. It is, in fact, completely silent. That is enough by itself to qualify as odd.

The visored captain, coming to a halt only a few paces away from Shuuhei, looks over the rows of houses from the middle of the street. "They've evacuated civilians. Stay on your guard, Hisagi."

"Sir, I don't know what I'm on my guard for." Shuuhei points out, feeling more than a little frustrated by this point.

"Don't be dense. You can feel it too, can't you?" Kensei pushes in that way that makes Shuuhei feel as if he's being talked down to and overestimated at the same time. "The spiritual energy here—the entire district."

Shuuhei flexes his reiatsu, reaching out across the area. Like a sonar, he feels his own spiritual energy brush against that of countless other souls. He doesn't focus on anyone in particular, but is vaguely aware of everyone, like they're standing there at the edges of his peripheral vision. "For this district of Rukongai? It's certainly less than average, but I'd guess that's due to the evacuations. There are probably still hundreds of normal souls here."

"Which wouldn't be a problem if anyone was still here. You misunderstood." Kensei says in a matter-of-fact tone, gesturing with a sweeping motion of his hand to the buildings around them, apparently trying to make Shuuhei see something painfully obvious. "When I said we evacuated civilians, I was saying we evacuated all the civilians. Everyone in the whole district."

"But- I felt other people here! I know I did." Shuuhei insists, feeling like he's losing more and more understanding of the situation by the second. "Look, I can just track someone's spiritual pressure and-"

Shuuhei tries to stretch out his spiritual energy again, attempting to focus on a specific target and locate the soul it belonged to. Yet when he attempts to lock on to a source of energy it suddently disappear, like the energy turned transparent, and the moment he moves on to the next source he can immediately sense the previous one again. Like an optical illusion, where he can see the whole picture but not the individual dots.

Shuuhei just can't hold onto a precise spiritual pressure, each one slipping away like sand through his fingers. He gives up when he feels the aching throb of a headache blossom in his right temple. "If there aren't any souls here, what's all that spiritual energy?"

"Wish I could say for sure. Then again, we did manage to find it before, so that's a plus." Kensei shrugs, then waves for Shuuhei to follow him. "We found whatever it is around here, shouldn't have wandered too far off. Mashiro was the one who originally stumbled across it, naturally, since she always manages to run straight into trouble. Searching would go a lot faster if we could sense it, but you already saw how well that goes in this case. Last time we found the thing, our patrol only managed to injure it, so I didn't want to bring more officers back out here to pursue it than absolutely necessary. Don't want any of the lower level shinigami to get hurt."

Shuuhei wisely doesn't comment on whether Captain Mugumura wants him to get hurt.

The silver-haired captain starts down the road, not flash-stepping but walking slowly, deliberately, as if waiting for whatever they were hunting to jump out of the alleys. Shuuhei has little choice but to follow after him, debating on how much more information he could press for before Kensei lost his patience for explanations. "Captain, what exactly is 'it'?"

As if triggered into action by Shuuhei's question, the ramshackle building almost directly next to Shuuhei gives a long, angry groan. The walls, already dilapidated and held together only by a patchwork of wood panels, begin to sag and swell forwards as if trying to drag themselves off their own foundations.

"That might be it," is the only thing Kensei can respond with before the wall splinters like a canon was fired at the walls from the inside and a great, chaotic thing staggers out amidst the debris.

In the human world, Shuuhei held a brief fascination with the cultures of other human nations. By brief, he means it was only for like three days, but it was long enough to gain some fleeting insight. Shuuhei had learned to align Soul Society with Japan in what humans called the Edo-era, and to see pictures and symbols of alien cultures nearly untouched by Japanese society was quite shocking and thrilling, for a moment at least.

This creature, the 'it', looks like one of the supreme beings from one of those cultures. Those ancient gods and monsters with six arms sprouting from their torsos, with singular bulbous eyes, entities with physical traits that simply looked not right—this being looks as if it could be the direct descendant of those beings. It staggers towards them, and seeing it walk with legs of different sizes is cringe-worthy sight. One is long and gangly, and the other shriveled and lame, like that of an old person. One arm swings at its side, the fingers gnarled and clutching at the air, but the accompanying arm has been reduced to a mangled stump, oozing blood down the creature's unnaturally long, stretched-out body. Shuuhei can't even see if the thing is in pain because its face is obscured by a tangled mess of mangy black hair covering patchy, discolored skin.

No, Shuuhei reconsiders; it doesn't look like a god. It doesn't even look like a monster. It looks like a mistake.

"What the hell…"

"Be careful!" Kensei shouts, his hand ready on his sword. "It's faster than it loo-"

For a moment Shuuhei feels like he lost time, like a piece of the jigsaw puzzle of the universe fell away, leaving him gaping at the black, empty space and wondering what the fuck happened. Because in one instant the pathetic creature is stumbling towards him on its merry way, mismatched legs tripping over each other at a snail's pace across the dusty road, and the next second there's flash of black light and Shuuhei's back hits the dirt.

The creature presses its only hand against Shuuhei's chest, holding him down with a shocking amount of strength. On instinct, Shuuhei's own hands wrap around the thing's wrist. He hopes he can use his advantage of using both arms to shake the creature off him.

That advantage takes a soaring leap out the window when the creature shivers, like its struck by a chill, and a black flare of spiritual energy races up and down its body. It circuits up to where the joint holding it's arm would be, sparks flying out of the shoulder. The energy spirals out in a vague, limb-like form, before dissipating and leaving a new arm behind, tan and muscular, unlike the rest of the creature, and twice as thick as the limb.

Shuuhei switches tactics, curling his legs towards his body and kicking up at the creature while shifting his grasp from the thing's wrist to Kazeshini's sealed form at his side. He doesn't make it that far. Before his fingers can meet the hilt, the creature's new arm slams his into the ground and Shuuhei's vision goes slightly blurry from pain as a thought flies through his head: his arm isn't supposed to bend this way.

He hears Kensei shout behind him, and there's a sudden flux in the air that makes Shuuhei's eyes tear up before the creature is knocked off him by a powerful blast of wind.

Shuuhei grimaces, only partly from the pain that's a result of forcing himself to move again, but mostly due to seeing the creature hit the ground head-first, twisting its neck at a horrific angle. He allows himself a sigh, thinking the fight is over, but then the thing start flailing its lopsided limbs against the ground in an effort to get up again. Shuuhei hearts his captain shout from behind him. "What are you waiting for? Attack it already!"

Another black flash and the lying creature disappears, only to abruptly reappear lurching towards Kensei, evidently finding him to be a more problematic opponent than Shuuhei. If Kensei was ever startled by the thing's speed, or its grotesque appearance, the surprise must have worn off during his first encounter. Unlike Shuuhei who now feels extremely useless, the visored just fixes the creature with an unflinching stare as he raises Tachikaze for another attack.

The combat knife slashes through the air twice, one strike down and one strike up, sending a high-powered stream of wind slicing into the creature's chest. There's a wet, sickening noise of flesh and bone ripping apart as Tachikaze's attack carves a deep 'X' in the creature, from shoulder to hip. It's not enough, though, because the thing's body sparks with more black spiritual energy and the sliced tissue attempts to close around the wound like water rushing to fill an open drain.

Kensei growls in frustration, "Unless you're waiting for an invitation you're free to jump in any day now, Hisagi!"

Oh shit, he's right. Shuuhei pulls himself to his feet, initial shock subsiding enough for him to ignore the pain in his arm and chest. His hand moves, a little jerkily, to place his palm out and focus his spirit energy into a hadō, when he's suddenly struck by the image of Kazeshini, dark outline against the torchlight, smirking.

Shuuhei's not sure if it's Kazeshini trying to pull a part of him back into the spirit world, or maybe he is just imagining the entire thing. Either possibility is wildly inappropriate for the given circumstance, but the image doesn't go away. The words are clear in his mind, and for a moment, they are the only thing he is aware of. "You need me."

A sharp stab of anger pierces Shuuhei's thoughts, because how dare that violent, self-absorbed brute interrupt his fight and imply Shuuhei cannot win on his own? Yes, Kazeshini is the source of power that has helped Shuuhei win countless fights, but it was a power that Shuuhei has long since earned. He doesn't need Kazeshini's assistance with anything. Kazeshini is his to use, his to control. He can handle anything the dark spirit throws at him, bankai included. And he most certainly does not need any help from the damned spirit.

The scythe slicing through the creature's body is finally what ends it, cleaving the ugly thing in half. Before Shuuhei can have his moment of dignified victory, however, he is almost knocked off his feet again by the wave of spiritual energy flooding from the creature's broken body.

The spiritual energy of hundreds of souls, the missing souls Shuuhei had sensed earlier, pour out of the destroyed body and swarm through the air like enraged hornets. Reiryoku of various color and strength drift up before dissipating like vapor. Hundreds of souls that had been crammed into one disfigured vessel, released only to fade away.

"Well, uh." Shuuhei struggles for words as he fights the impulse to go over and nudge the body with his foot to make sure that it's really dead this time. "That was new."

"'Least we found your missing, un-evacuated souls. The question is—what the fuck just happened to them?" Kensei points out, crouching over the creature's body without hesitation. It's a good question.

The two halves move, vibrating and shaking, making Kensei jerk back and Shuuhei draw back his scythe. Suddently, limbs aren't different lengths and sizes anymore, and patch-work skin is now smooth and even-toned. The sliced-up body on the ground is now unmistakably human-shaped.

Kensei stands back up, brushing the dirt off his knees as he looks over to Shuuhei. "This may complicate things."

Shuuhei is used to having a lot of questions in his life. Questions like "Why do I suck so much at standardized tests?" or "If I get less than four hours of sleep will I have enough energy to pretend to be a functional person the next day?" and "Yeah, I know what my usual tolerance is, but how much alcohol can I consume tonight before getting alcohol poisoning?"

This however, is the first time he gets to ask himself "What was this this unexplainable event involving a monster that I witnessed, which has left me both alarmed and confused, and whom can I talk to about it?" Trying to think of a way to start such a conversation, Kuna's words run through his head: "We ran into something weird."

After seeing that Shuuhei would get himself to the Fourth Division for his injuries, Kensei disappears to the captain's meeting, where he will have the responsibility as both the head of the security division and the person whose squad found and killed the creature to summarize the event to the other captains. This leaves Shuuhei with little to do but find a minimal amount of people to talk to about what just happened before the whole situation with the mysterious creature explodes into breaking news and military action.

His first impulse is to find Renji, whom, aggravatingly, he cannot sense anywhere. A sense of fear crawls its way into his heart that still hasn't calmed fully after the fight. And it's such an irrational fear, and Shuuhei knows it, but its impossible to chase away. What if the Sixth Division is just a bit too prestigious for a Rukongai-dwelling, apologetically brash, fresh-out-of-the-closet homosexual vice-captain? Well, from their perspective Renji is only maybe gay, since no one's exactly released an official statement on his sexual orientation. Still, a 'maybe' might be whole lot for some people, particularly people looking for a reason to criticize him. And Renji has a lot of people looking for a reason to criticize him. And, though Shuuhei tries to quell his anxieties best he can, he can't completely rule out the possibility that there may be people who would like to do much worse to Renji than criticize him.

But no, Shuuhei chastises himself, Renji wouldn't want Shuuhei to think of him as too weak to be able to escape a sticky social situation simply because Shuuhei can't find him for, like, fifteen minutes.

Or seventeen. And a half. You know, whatever.

Staring at a clock, Shuuhei suddenly remembers the meeting he was extremely late for—while the fight wasn't that long, it took him an Kensei a while to return to Seireitei, and then he was at the Fourth and then Renji... His feet are already carrying him towards the Twelfth Division Headquarters, at a speed that definitely catches some curious glances.

He slows down a bit to pass through the gate, when a guard blocks his path with the business end of a pike. "I'm sorry, sir, you can't go in there just now."

Shuuhei backs away from the offending weapon, while still trying to peer over the guard's shoulder. "This is where the meetings are taking place, right? I'm a lieutenant, I need to be in attendance."

"I realize that, lieutenant." The guard apologizes with a slight bow. "But we've had a recent incident inside the labs. There are people inside, so the situation is being handled with extreme care. I cannot allow you to enter the premises."

"Well, then where's the meeting?" Shuuhei fights the impulse to rub the returning headache in his temple.

"They've moved it to the main meeting room in the First Divison."

The First, of course, Shuuhei sighs as he heads back in the direction he came from. He runs past the Fourth, more than just a little angry that nobody informed him of the location change while he was getting his arm fixed, and is out of breath by the time he reaches the First Division.

It's a full house. Everyone's already there. Except for, to Shuuhei's dismay, Renji. He looks around the room and his eyes connect briefly with Izuru's but the blond quickly looks away. If it's possible, his heart gets even heavier. He drags himself to a wall and leans against it, looking at nothing in particular. He wants to forget about the monster, and about Kazeshini. He wants this day to end. He wants to sleep. He wants Renji. He does not want to talk to anybody, especially if anybody is not Renji. The others seem to respect that silent wish of his and they direct their chatter elsewhere. He does not hear any words. Does not even register anything around him.

After what seemed like forever, tragedy strikes yet again, mixed with the slightest of reliefs as Shuuhei's favorite red-headed trouble-magnet gets carted through the doors. Both Rukia and Shuuhei panic, but, fortunately, Renji quickly comes to with the promise his brain is perfectly undamaged, thank you very much.

He's not without distress though, but doesn't seem to be in the business of explaining. "That kid was a prisoner, right? So why? What's up with the weird spiritual energy? What's happening to him?" Renji asks Captain Kurotsuchi, much to the confusion of just about everyone in the room, Shuuhei included. Those words, however, the 'weird spiritual energy,' strike him as eerily familiar.

Mayuri's says, in a tone as condescending as if the explanation should be apparent even to an infant, "Well, wasn't it obvious, Lieutenant? He was dying."

Renji is pretty good at hiding it when things bother him, but even Shuuhei can tell that for some reason this news alarms him deeply. "What do you mean 'he was dying'? What happened?"

"Well, this meeting was supposed to be at my division exactly because I was to exposit my full research on the subject, including some specimens. Due to this inconvenient relocation," his eyes stray to Renji for a moment, "I guess a brief summary will have to do." Kurotsuchi sighs, folding his hands behind his back. "My division has done some research on the theory of combined souls. A more simple mind, such as ones belonging to my audience, could take Gillian hollows as an example, a masive, singular spiritual being comprised of many smaller souls."

This Shuuhei knew already. The creepy feeling is back, his gut telling him this information is relevant to the creature he fought. He hopes he's wrong.

The scientist-captain continues with his exposition. "Until very recently we thought this phenomenon only occurs among hollows, since all hollows are at their core made of souls full of despair. A soul is only as resilient as its willpower, after all. The idea that the same could happen to healthy, whole souls was unthinkable, until souls began vanishing in large quantities in Rukongai. Isn't that right, Lieutenant Hisagi?"

All heads swivel at once to face Shuuhei, who swallows and wonders if a response is expected from him and he might as well. "While on patrol, the Ninth Division encountered a strange… entity. I don't know how to really explain it, myself."

"And entity is one thing you could call it," Captain Kurotsuchi chuckles. "If we know a soul's despair can transform it into a hollow, perhaps it's not a huge surprise that other emotions can impact the constitution of a soul as well. From what our research can ascertain on the subject, we can almost definitely say that large amounts of apathy have a similar effect."

"If it's apathy, Rukongai is the perfect breeding ground for it," Rukia points out, more to Renji than to anyone else. "It's not like people have a reason to have hope out there."

"Without the ability to retain willpower, the total and utter lack of motivation or inspiration by anything, apathy consumes these souls until there is nothing left. The souls lose their individual traits until they all blend together, manifesting into one being made of countless souls, usually using one original host body as a vehicle for the others. The host becomes an empty vessel, unable to protect their memories or even their physical traits from the manipulation of the other souls. That is why, Vice-Captain Abarai, you probably received some blowback memories when the specimen you encountered in the labs exploded."

"Exploded?" Renji echoes, spine going rigid.

"Like a water balloon, yes." Mayuri agrees, offhandedly. "Some souls, such as that one, simply cannot sustain that much spiritual pressure from other souls. They can't use their energy from an excessive amount of sources to change physical form and adapt like the one the Ninth Squad encountered. It's too much for them, you see, which is why we had the dampener on it. That was the only thing keeping it alive, I'm afraid."

Renji sits next to Shuuhei, expressionless. Shuuhei has a feeling that, for whatever reason, this is going to take a lot of cuddling to fix.

"I hope that's cleared some questions up for you. I certainly appreciated being able to sort my thoughts out loud, myself." Mayuri says nonchalantly, turning and shuffling back out the door.

Shuuhei wraps an arm around Renji and pulls him closer. The red-head doesn't look at him, but he does relax noticeably. Shuuhei looks around the room and everyone returns his gaze, their eyes filled with worry and questions, even Izuru. Whatever this is, it's a lot bigger than two male vice-captains having a taboo relationship, and Shuuhei can't help but be ever so slightly grateful for the monsters.


	28. I Haven't Written A Sex Scene In a While

**Author's note: swimming anime. That is all.**

**oh also I finished this chapter and you should all be thankful to namayani for betaing for me and wading through all my crappy rough drafts despite having a life of her own hardcore shit I tells ya.**

**Edit: Mistakes in this chapter corrected one posting too late ugh I'm so done with myself fuck me with a shark.**

Renji is by no means an angel— you can, in fact have too much of a good thing, morals included. Plus, nobody likes a kiss-ass boy-scout. But he's tried to be a good person, tried to do the right thing. He's stood by his friends and his duty to the public as a shinigami, and in the end that's what has always been important.

Then Renji inadvertently killed a child.

It's like Rukia's execution all over again. It's every fight with every opponent that Renji just couldn't win. It's the looks of suspicion that Renji received just earlier today from people he thought had trusted him. It was the feeling of having absolutely no control.

But that's not important, right? What matters is that there's a new threat spreading around Soul Society, and it's something he should be getting ready to face. He should be training, preparing for the next big fight with these... creatures. He should not be huddled on some empty porch on Ninth division grounds, dipping into a fresh bottle of sake and recounting his experience at the Twelfth to Shuuhei and feeling depressed, yet that's exactly what's happening.

Shuuhei doesn't have a lot to say, and he doesn't interrupt. Renji has a feeling that the scarred man's own encounter with the Soul Society's newest crisis has left a lot on his own mind, but Shuuhei clearly doesn't want to share. He just lets Renji talk, presses their shoulders together and rubs Renji's wrist occasionally. It's nice to be able to do this, to have this kind of attention and this support that Renji honestly just hasn't gotten used to yet.

He almost doesn't notice he's leaning into Shuuhei more and more while talking until he's curled up around the other shinigami's side. Even though there's no one around, it feels so very vulnerable to be doing something so intimate out in the open and not just in the privacy of their own homes during the darkening hours. But the vulnerability feels raw and real, and it drowns out the tension in Renji's mind when he makes a split-second decision and leans in to kiss Shuuhei.

Shuuhei responds almost automatically, and whereas most of the kisses they share are slow and sensual, this time it's hard and desperate. Renji wraps his arm around Shuuhei's side, pressing his palm against the small of Shuuhei's back and holding him closer as if for dear life, but all his actions are on autopilot right now. What they're doing isn't important, not so much as the fact that Shuuhei is here right now, and Renji's not sure he's ever adored the mere presence of a person so much in his life as much as he adores Shuuhei's.

The spontaneous moment leaves almost as quickly as it had arrived, but the craving for physical contact doesn't. Renji still has his arm around Shuuhei, who leans his head onto Renji's shoulder while picking the sake bottle back up from where it had been placed precariously close to the edge of the porch and takes a long swig.

"You know what sucks?" Renji volunteers after a while.

Shuuhei looks up at him, eyebrows lifted in surprise at being asked for his input. "Probably. What?"

"Everything." Renji decides, letting down the bottle of sake. "Absolutely everything sucks."

"I concur. What sucks the most?"

There was a pause of quiet as Renji considers his options. "Dunno. I've just got a really bad feeling, and it's telling me that everything sucks. There's a distinct feeling of suckiness about this whole thing."

"Because we're going to have to fight these monsters?" Shuuhei asks with his voice full of empathy, tapping his fingers nervously on the wood porch.

That's not it. Renji blinks as the thought occurs to him for the first time, a sense of guilt bubbling up inside him for not having considered it sooner. "Uh, yeah."

Renji's lie must be as transparent to Shuuhei as it had been to himself, because Shuuhei fixes his gaze a little more intensely on Renji, like he's trying to read his thoughts. "The kid you saw in the labs really got to you, huh?" He asks, his tone turning softer. "Oh, Renji, I'm sorry."

A shiver of discomfort crawls up Renji's spine. "Yeah, well, whatever. It's just, like- hollows I can handle killing. I'm all about fighting hollows. Arrancars, too. Even bad people. But it's different to think about killing normal souls who just got a bad break."

"We don't have much of a choice." Shuuhei points out. "You didn't see that creature I fought, Renji. There was no humanity left it that, it would have killed me and my captain if we hadn't killed it first."

"I know, and I get that. I'm glad you're not monster food, Shuuhei." Renji snorts, mood lightening for a split second before dropping right back down. "But isn't it weird to think about these things being made from normal people in Rukongai? If we hadn't become soul reapers that could have been us."

Shuuhei opens his mouth to speak, looking as if he's about to chastise the red-head for something, but Renji cuts him off. "And before you say it, I know it's pointless to think about it. We didn't stay in Rukongai. Neither of us will ever know what happened because it didn't so why bother thinking about 'what-if's', bluh bluh bluh. I'm was just thinking is all."

"I don't sound like that." Shuuhei protests sourly, twisting his mouth into a pout. "Listen, it's not going to do you any good to keeping thinking like this. Let's just go somewhere for our lunch break. Let's go to… I don't know where, let's just go to a place."

Shuuhei pulls himself to his feet, offering his hands to Renji to hoist him up. Renji lets himself be dragged away from the porch like a wayward child. "Are we still social pariahs or does a monster invasion kind of cancel out our personal drama?"

At Renji's words, Shuuhei's face twitches in a frown and his brows knit together. His response is icy, in a surprising flip from his warm and laid-back mood from just a minute ago. "I have a this on-going project to not give a shit one way or the other."

"Something happen?" Renji asks, "I mean, something else? A lot of things have happened. Man, like, everything happened this week. Everything just… happens so much."

Shuuhei rolls his eyes like he's bored, but it doesn't disguise the flash of anger. "Nothing happened. I had a talk with Kira, but it wasn't important. Just- fuck. We're mad at him right now, okay? Don't ask me why, just be mad."

"Why, what happened?" Renji speeds up, trying to keep up with Shuuhei's quickening pace and yanking on his arm.

"I said not to ask. You're not very good at listening, you know."

Renji stops, acting as an anchor to halt Shuuhei in front of him. "Fuck you and fuck you once more for trying to keep me out of the loop. Did you and Kira have a fight or something? A fight about you and me?"

The slighter man shrugs his shoulders, completely ignoring Renji's question. "Forget it, I don't want to talk about it. Let's just move on and eat before we have to go back to work. It doesn't even matter where, we can frolic into the wilderness and eat raw deer with our bare hands for all I care."

Renji considers Shuuhei for a minute, folding his arms over his chest. Soft-spoken Izuru, who was so often the voice of reason and the one who thought things through, appears to have said something that deeply troubled his Shuuhei.

"Okay, let's go to lunch." Renji decides, nodding as much to himself as to Shuuhei. "That restaurant close to squad ten." Then, with a smile, he adds: "The usual place."

Shuuhei wavers, giving Renji a dubious look. "Are you sure? It'll be really busy this time of day."

"Yes it will, and chances are that we'll run into somebody we know and we'll have to engage in social interaction." Renji agrees, speaking of "social interaction" with the same inflection one might use when saying "guerrilla combat," or maybe "doing two weeks worth of paperwork in an afternoon." "But avoiding everyone on purpose would probably be worse anyways, and it's not like we can do that forever. We might as well get the hard part over with now."

Shuuhei twists his mouth into a thoughtful frown, regarding Renji with a bit of suspicion. "I suppose. I mean it can't be any worse than hiding and making people get the wrong idea, right?"

Renji shrugs, and despite the fact that it was his suggestion he's not feeling very committed to the idea. "I guess we'll find out."

"Do we have to like it?"

"Hell no."

Entering the restaurant provides Renji with a different kind of anxiety than being in the Sixth did. In his own squad, Renji is the second-in-command and is expected to be somewhat professional. And if he can't do that, he at least has to appear confident enough and play his part as the yang to Byakuya's yin. As long as he sticks to his image and acts like he knows exactly what's expected of him everything runs smoothly and that's just the way he likes it.

Off-duty, he's supposed to be relaxed and comfortable being surrounded by his peers. He's not relaxed. The feeling is more similar to being a freshman in the academy, sitting next to a distractingly and confusingly attractive student during second period, one who was struggling to find the least offensive way of asking where exactly Renji was from, because he definitely never heard such an accent before, causing the commoner in question got so nervous and frustrated he just wanted to take that student's face and hold it between his hands and demand that he stop talking, please, that's enough just shut up.

One graduation and a few squad-shuffles later, Renji would give that same dude a blow job at a boring party. Neither man would ever speak to each other or of the night again. But that is neither here nor there, nor relevant at all at this point. Perhaps it will be a story for another day, or perhaps it shall forever remain mystery lost to the ages.

The point is that Renji's uncomfortable, and wondering if it shows. He's devoid of that feeling of confidence his rank and reputation are supposed to afford him, and therefor walking into an establishment full of people trained in the art of taking down an opponent the moment they show weakness is not one of his more pleasurable experiences.

Not exactly detracting from his discomfort there is a flash of a familiar pink scarf among the otherwise mostly-colorless backdrop of the restaurant patrons that catches Renji's eye. Attached to it is an uncharacteristically lonesome Rangiku.

She's tucked away in her own booth, distractedly sipping a cup that looks like it contains tea. Well, it's probably tea, since she doesn't seem to be accompanied by anyone this time. Should she ever be asked, Matsumoto will report that only alcoholics drink alone, and she always drinks with friends. And Matsumoto has a lot of friends. But none are with her right now, making the situation just a bit alarming, and she's just sitting there and bobbing her head ever-so-slightly to some unheard tune in her head as if she's been spacing out for a while.

Something phases her back to reality, though, because she blinks back to full attention and catches sight of Renji and Shuuhei. Her gaze meets Renji's before rolling over to Shuuhei, and for an instant her eyes are wide with panic and she looks like she might bolt. Instead, she wipes the expression off her face and gives them both a wide, dazzling grin, waving her arm for their attention like a spastic marionette.

"I think she's trying to tell us something." Shuuhei comments into Renji's ear dryly, making Renji snort. He didn't mean it as a mean snort, though. More like a light-hearted snort. Shit, he hopes Shuuhei isn't going to be mean to Matsumoto. Out of all people, the busty lieutenant would normally be the least likely contender for Shuuhei's wrath, but with the weird Izuru-related vibes Shuuhei was sending out earlier, Renji can't really be sure of anything.

They seat themselves at Matsumoto's table, where Renji, to his surprise, confirms that Rangiku is indeed drinking some sort of herbal infusion. Some dark liquid that smells sickly-sweet, like passionfruit or pomegranates or one of those other exotic fruits that Renji associates with tiny umbrellas sticking out of brightly-colored drinks.

"Sooo," Matsumoto begins, stretching out the word like she's buying time to think of how to start a conversation, "It seems like you two have been busy, from what I've heard! Crazy stuff, huh?"

Was that a sex innuendo? Renji hopes that it wasn'to. That would be vastly inappropriate from Rangiku at this point. Renji looks over to Shuuhei, watching his brows lift and his face turn pink as he seemingly thinks the same thing Renji is.

Matsumoto catches this and her eyes go wide again, and she makes some sort of gesture with her teacup like she's shooing away bad thoughts and not just almost spilling her tea. "I mean the creatures-made-of-apathy thing! Like, Renji, you found that poor kid in the labs, and," she points her cup at Shuuhei, "you even got up close and personal with one of the monsters. It seems like you guys run into all the excitement lately."

"Yeah, sometimes I wish we could just run out of it." Shuuhei chuckles nervously, tensing his fingers on the edge of the table.

"If it were that easy to just avoid trouble, I think we might all be out of a job." Renji points out. He leans his elbows on the tabletop, trying to look casual and probably failing to do so. "Life as we have grown accustomed to it would be over. How would we keep either of you two in fine accessories without that trouble-justifying paycheck coming in?"

Matsumoto giggles and fingers the chain around her neck. Shuuhei pouts in Renji's direction before self-consciously glancing at one of the bands around his biceps that make up his explosive jewelry collection (a fashion must for those who want to blow up their enemies in the most punk rock manner).

"That's hilarious coming from you, Mr. 'Super Expensive Sunglasses Really Help With The Sun Reflecting Off My Sword'." Shuuhei observes, holding his jaw in his hand.

Renji feels himself bristle. "Sunglasses are awesome, shut the fuck up! I don't want to hear any fashion criticisms from you, sir. You think everyone's forgotten about that stupid chunky collar you used to wear in the academy? Because I remember, Shuuhei! I'll always remember!"

"Hey, anyways." Matsumoto cuts in, although she looks like she's reluctant to interrupt what would surely be a very interesting conversation. "I've been thinking a lot about, y'know, what happened over the weekend. When I let the cat out of the bag about what Shuuhei said, without really thinking that there might be a whole, like, actual relationship behind that. Although to be fair it was half Kira's fault, even though that doesn't really make it any less my fault- ah, balls!"

She knocks her head back against the wall, glaring at the ceiling. Shuuhei blushes at the her attempt to reach out to him, because he is Shuuhei, although Renji approvingly notes that he's much less dumbstruck by Matsumoto now than he was before the two of them got together. He even stares at her boobs for, like, only fifteen seconds. Good for him. Good for her. Shuuhei is the first to break the cleavage-induced silence. "I think a simple apology would be acceptable. Renji?"

"I wanted to wait to see what you'd offer as an apology gift, but you know for some reason Shuuhei shot me down." Renji reccounts dryly.

"No but shoosh, I'm totally trying to be sincere right now." Matsumoto protests, snapping back to attention and straightening her posture. "The point is: I was a crummy friend for doing that. It wasn't any of my business. I'm really sorry and if I could take it back I would. And I swear if anyone ever gives either of you shit I will personally cut the sorry bastard into pieces so fast he won't even have the time to plead for mercy." She raises her hand as she speaks, like she's making a pledge, and part of Renji is a little touched because he kind of believes her. Another part of him is a little scared because he kind of believes her.

He doesn't really know what to say or how to tell Matsumoto that challenging people to duels to protect his and Shuuhei's honor isn't really necessary or encouraged. "Okay, cool."

"Thank you, Rangiku. Although, if you still really wanted to make it up to us, maybe you could, you know, ask the Shinigami Women's Association to stop sending us hell butterflies," Shuuhei commands more than asks, in a tone that could make one think hell butterflies are fifty pound beasts with a wingspan of ten feet and large fangs. "And if you really want to cut someone into pieces, you could also kill some monsters, as there is also a non-Renji-and-Shuuhei crisis that we should be dealing with. As Shinigami. Vice-Captains. Our jobs."

"Oh yeah, that thing again." Matsumoto ponders, sounding like she has forgotten all about it during the past few minutes. "Pretty spooky, eh? It's weird, to think about that kind of stuff happening to normal people out there. Especially for us Rukongai brats who know what it's like to slum it up on the intersection of Nobody-Gives-A-Fuck Street and You-Might-Die-Today avenue."

"Yeah, that's exactly what I was saying!" Renji announces, looking at Shuuhei and gesturing to Matsumoto like she's Exhibit A. "And are we just supposed to keep cutting these things down? If memory serves, Gotei already tried to solve its problems like that before. Just ask your captain."

Shuuhei scowls, and Renji thinks a second too late that this might have been a low blow. It doesn't make his point any less valid, though. Tentatively counted point for Renji.

"Um, I know I said I wasn't going to stick my nose in your business anymore about fifteen seconds ago, but are you two having a fight or something?" Matsumoto asks, looking between the two men nervously.

"We're not having a fight." Shuuhei assures her.

"We're having a debate." Renji corrects in his best matter-of-fact tone.

"No, we're not."

"You guys!" Matsumoto accuses them, sounding distressed.

Renji pats her hand that's resting on the table, sighing dramatically. "It's all right, dear. Your mother and I just had a disagreement, it won't happen again."

Shuuhei swats him on the shoulder, glaring at both shinigami as they snicker. "How can you go from all empathetic to the plight of strangers to obnoxious and annoying in, like, three seconds?"

"A talented one you've picked up here indeed." Matsumoto smirks from over the top of her teacup.

"You people are going to drive me insane." Shuuhei grumbles, glancing at the clock mounted on the wall and glowering. "And if we keep on like this we're going to waste our whole break without even eating."

Matsumoto perks up. "I've got some snacks stored away in my office if you guys want to hang out after the lunch and-"

"Please finish your break and go back to work, Rangiku." Shuuhei chides, getting up with his eyes pointedly at the front counter where patrons are placing orders as he starts to get up. "You too, Renji. No more running into trouble, either. You scared me half to death earlier."

Renji rolls his eyes, "Not like I had much of a choice in the manner. Wasn't even my fault, y'know!"

"Just try to be good, okay?" Shuuhei pushes, lighting shoving Renji's head and making his bandana fall over his eyes as he stands up.

"Fine. I'll be on my very best behavior just for you, princess." Renji says sardonically, making a dramatic show of straightening his posture as he fixes his bandana. "Look, look at how professional I am, going back to work after my assigned hour of freedom."

Rangiku snorts, not making much effort fix her own very relaxed position. "Are the two of you always like this when you're together?"

"Yeah, something like it." Renji admits, watching Shuuhei's back as the slighter man regards the restaurant selections on the wall. He'd better order something on Renji's behalf, because he actually would like to eat at some point, thank you, and not just sit here watching the rest of his lunch break tick away.

"Oh, actually that reminds me!" Renji mentions aloud to Matsumoto. "Why were you hanging out here all by yourself? Seems a bit unlike you, to be honest."

She raises a brow at that, bright blue eyes regarding him with confusion, but also amusement. "How does yours and Shuuhei's behavior dynamic remind you of my social habits?"

"It doesn't. My own thoughts did, in a sort of round-a-bout way." Renji explains casually. "But more to the point, it's a little weird do see you around and not hanging out with anyone. You're probably the most social person I can think of."

At that she smiles and looks down into her teacup, which she passes over the surface of the table from hand to hand. "Ah, that. Well, I guess after the meeting I wanted to be away from everyone for a little bit, or at least anyone who would usually try to find me. I wasn't expecting to see you guys here, so that ended up being kind of a happy accident. You and Shuuhei are good company for situations like this, when souls in the Rukongai are involved. You don't... you know, try to forget."

Renji knows exactly what she means. Being a shinigami is supposed to make you better than "ordinary people"— it promises honor and prestige and seals you away behind white walls. There are a good portion of those who come from the higher districts who are perfectly happy to shed their former status and pretend their origins never existed. That kind of a thing isn't for Renji, though. He's not going to brag about going to sleep hungry and spending weeks at a time without a roof over his head, but the Rukongai is a part of his identity, just as much as being a shinigami is.

Sometimes, though, it's easy for Renji to forget he isn't as alone as he thinks he is. Matsumoto is a good friend with a frightening degree of street smarts, but she's not the person Renji's mind immediately leaps to when considering people who share his world view.

He tries to imagine Matsumoto the way she would have been when she was growing up- dirty, frail, and angry. When he fails to match the image to the charming, powerful woman before him, he lets his curiosity get the better of him.: "Do you ever try to forget?"

"No. Well, I never try to." Matsumoto admits, worrying her lip between her teeth anxiously. "I just never thought about it as being such a big deal. I guess I've never had a reason to. I mean, I had it rough out there, but everyone's got their horror story." Renji gets the feeling that there's a very specific story behind that phrase that he won't be hearing any time soon, but she just plows ahead. "But when I heard about the monsters, and the district... I had friends that lived in that district, Renji. They weren't close friends, but I grew up with them and I cared about them, and now I don't know if they're alive or dead or something worse. I don't know what's happening to anyone in the higher districts and if they were my friends, or if they were someone else's friends or their parent or their child. They could have their humanity ripped right out of them just because no one cared and it..."

Renji nodded as the reality of her words dawned on him. "It makes everything that much more personal."

Matsumoto sighs and runs a hand through her hair, tucking a strand of blond behind her ear. "Yeah, so now I don't even want to fight these things. Which is stupid because what are we gonna do if we don't, just let them keep popping up and ripping apart Soul Society? I dunno, everything just really sucks."

Renji knows exactly how she feels.

There's not a lot Renji can volunteer to comfort the blond at this point because what can he do except agree with her? A moment or two of depressed silence passes and just as Renji starts to get comfortable in his own little bubble of morose angst, Shuuhei reappears at the table. And praise the gods he has food!

"Shuuhei, you are my favorite!" Renji announces as he pulls a bowl closer to himself, because he can do a lot of things due to a somber feeling of vague despair, but going on an empty stomach is not one of them.

The mood elevated, the three shinigami spend the rest of the lunch hour talking about forgettable, inoffensive things. And, like the porch with Shuuhei, it's nice. And if Renji happens to spot a flutter of shimmering black out the window and considers that it may or may not be carrying news regarding further tragedy in the Rukongai, and if he happens to catch Rangiku's eye and wonder if she's thinking the same thing, he can just tuck those thoughts away, at least for a while.


	29. This Got Hella Les Mis Hella Fast

**Author's note: welcome back to school season, motherfuckers. I have no time for anything. Fanfiction more ike fanfUCKING RUINING MY LIFE.**

**Special thanks to namayani for being my beta because I am honestly embarrassed by how much this chapter needed to be edited before being fit for human consumption.**

**Also special thanks to my friend Ian for yelling at me to finish this for half an hour.**

Around Shuuhei, members of the Ninth Division dart through and across the streets of District Seventy-Five, banging on the rickety doors of shack-like houses and urging the occupants to gather their belongings and leave their homes. The same is happening all around the higher districts, shinigami troops evacuating the citizens of Rukongai from what are now deemed to be "high risk of contamination" areas to the lower district.

Shuuhei herds crowds down the main road, closer to thein the direction of center of Soul Society. "Towards the entrance to District Seventy-Four. That's it. Another troop there will guide you further," he calls, directing them with a wave of his arms and sidestepping around a family of five. The children are crying, the youngest huddled in the arms of the mother.

Bodies move like cattle, the dull hues of their clothes blending together, as colorless and worn out as the people wrapped in them. Resignation is written on their tired faces. Not exactly a good sign if Shuuhei understands their adversary correctly.

A movement like this required careful consideration and forethought. The captains and the Central 46 alike are still debating the best course of action to take against the soul manifestations, weighing the merits and drawbacks of each option available to them. There's are under lot of pressure riding to make the right—or at least the best possible—decision, Shuuhei realizes. This isn't a war, it's an epidemic, an infestation spreading through the Soul Society and nobody wants to be responsible for making a choice that will result in more bloodshed than is necessary.

The dirt streets are getting crowded, calloused bare feet kicking up the dust as the citizens of District Seventy-Five shuffle forward. Shuuhei glances over the top of the throng of people to a fairly solid-looking rooftop, one that appears like it could provide a good view of the procession, and in a flurry of movement and the whoosh of displaced air he flash-steps away from his position in the streets.

His sandals skid on loose roof-tiles, forcing him to adjust his balance to avoid topping over. Looking down, the view he gets isn't a very nice one; a long line of figures dressed in rags, poor, filthy and now homeless, shambling closer to the promised safety of the lower districts as slowly as a funeral procession. An icy strike of doubt pierces Shuuhei's thoughts, a stubborn feeling creeping up his spine that wants him to announce that this is pointless. Even now the next monster could be somewhere in the crowd below him, posed to kill hundreds of innocent people around it before he, or anyone from his squad, has the chance to step in.

His gaze moves towards Seireitei, the center of Soul Society. In the closer districts he can see the black specks of busy soul reapers darting around like flies to guide an even larger trail of people. All districts higher than District Seventy are being cleared, and somewhere in one of those districts is Renji, who seems firmly invested in the idea that the monsters are merely a symptom of a much larger, somehow curable affliction. Shuuhei doesn't doubt that Renji's heart is in the right place, but its concerning to think about what would happen if Renji's pity for the monsters won over his fighting instincts at a wrong time.

An alarmed cry jolts Shuuhei out of his thoughts, his body tensing in preparation for action. The wail is joined by several other, deeper voices, coming from a ways ahead, near the entrance of the next district. Shuuhei flash-steps, skidding over rooftops that crumble and creak underneath him, closing in on the source of the increasingly loud shouting.

A thick ring of bodies hides some sort of a commotion, and they are so absorbed in whatever is happening that not a single one notices his approach. A few of his subordinates are trying to rally the mob back into formation, calling for them to keeping moving and becoming increasingly frustrated when the irate crowd pays them no mind. Within the circle, screaming intensifies to an almost unintelligible uproar—the most understandable thing Shuuhei can glean is a few accusing voices shrieking about "the wretched little thief!"

Not getting a good assessment of the situation from the outside, Shuuhei tries to force his way past the walls of people. He elbows the crowd apart one person at a time, but as he tries to make his way to the center one person protests loudly and swipes a burly arm at the lieutenant. Fortunately, Shuuhei is faster and stronger than the average soul, and with growing crossness he catches his would-be assailant with a grip around his beefy wrist.

The man turns to give Shuuhei a venomous glare, stopping short the moment he sees Shuuhei's uniform and vice-captain's badge.

Shuuhei, on the other hand, doesn't hesitate. "I suggest you keep moving." He scolds, keeping his voice icy. The man and those close enough to notice the shinigami disperse quickly, allowing Shuuhei to finally see the cause of the chaos.

A large man, clutching a misshapen bag of what appears to be food, turns out to be the main source of the noise. He has a broad, unpleasant face with what is presumably a burn scar flaring around his right eye and temple, permanently flushing the skin an angry maroon hue.

"You'll pay for that, you stealing bitch!" His voice is just as unfriendly as his face, even more so when coupled by the furious waving of his fist towards the

young woman standing barely a foot away from him. She looks to be slightly younger than Shuuhei himself, although when it comes to souls that appearances tends to be a very unreliable estimate of age. She's skinny, buried in a ripped-up, man's size coat, the long corners of which she uses to carry a small pile of peaches. One tumbles to the ground when she flinches away from the man's yelling, her motions jerky and rigid like a startled animal.

Shuuhei approaches the woman, igniting a mixed reaction of the crowd, though neither side seems eager to intervene. As he steps into the small circle, he places himself between the man and the woman, a stern glare in his eyes directed at the advancing party.

"We don't have time for petty arguments," Shuuhei says seriously. Arguments turn into fights, and fights escalate into riots, and that's the last thing this emergency situation needs. "I need everyone here to continue to the lower districts. Standing around and getting into screaming matches isn't going to get you to safety any faster, so stop holding everyone else up."

The man with the burns looks affronted by Shuuhei's presence, to Shuuhei's utter lack of surprise. He looks to be the sort that doesn't particularly like soul reapers, or being interrupted for that matter. Red-faced with outrage, he points an accusing finger at the woman behind Shuuhei. "That little scavenger just stole my food and you want me to just ignore her? Since when did shinigami protect street-rat criminals?"

The woman's voice trembles when she responds, and her eyes are wide like she's in shock. "Please, this food is for my brother! He's starving, and we have no money… You have plenty more, just let me take this!"

"Yeah, where is this 'brother' of yours, girl?" the man scoffs. "Did a supposedly starving man already get to the lower districts before you, or did you leave him behind on his own?"

At this she stammers. "Um, w-well…" she blinks, dazedly, like she's only just aware of her surroundings. She looks around, eyes scanning the faces of the crowd but registering nothing. "He was here a minute ago. He must have already gone ahead…"

"You're a liar-" the man hollers, trying to close in on the woman. Shuuhei block his advance giving him a rough shove and sending the man stumbling backwards.

"I'm not going to repeat myself. Get moving. Now," Shuuhei commands, his hand moving threateningly towards the hilt of his zanpakuto. He would never use his sword on a living soul if he could help it, and he's especially not going to use it in this kind of situation. The man, however, doesn't know that and the threat/motion succeeds in getting him to back off, even though he does so with a fair amount of cursing and insults about corrupt, tyrannical shinigami and a sour look back at the young woman.

The rest of the crowd disperses, calmed by the diffusion of a potentially violent situation. They shuffle onwards, as if the interruption had never occurred and trickle down the road around Shuuhei.

The woman shakes herself out of her stupor, crouching down to reclaim the peach she dropped. One person moving with the flow of travelers coming from behind her carelessly bumps into her small frame, causing her arm to jerk violently. She drops the rest of her ill-gotten goods onto the ground where a few get squashed into a sticky past under bare feet.

Her bony hand scrabbles against the ground for the fruit, dropping them back into her makeshift coat-pouch. She doesn't notice Shuuhei coming towards her, nor his shadow looming over her and blotting out the sunlight over her head until he stoops down next to her and offers her his hand.

"Are you alright?" he asks, finally attracting her attention. Still, she doesn't accept his his offer to help her to her feet until she's collected what remains of the peaches.

Up close, Shuuhei can't say she's exactly pretty, at least certainly not by conventional standards. Aside from being on the petite side she isn't very visually interesting, with a plain face that promises to be easily forgettable. After a few moments, she finally allows Shuuhei to hoist her to her feet, not bothering to brush the dirt off her clothes.

"Thank you," she says quietly, eyes downcast to the ground. "I didn't mean to cause a scene. You didn't have to step in like that."

"It wasn't any trouble. But I wouldn't recommend stealing food in the future, stunts like that can get you into a lot of trouble with people much worse," Shuuhei chastises, speaking from his own experience. He feels a bit like a hypocrite for scolding her, as he knows just how hard it can be to come by food in the scummier districts. He's stolen his fair share of food, too, albeit as a child he had been a tad too easily spooked to rob the kind of guy she did. Now he just implies a physical threat and they run away. It's funny how it all works out.

Oblivious to Shuuhei's thoughts or origin story, the woman shifts the bundle of fruit in her arms, looking slightly offended by Shuuhei's morality lesson. "I would never have done anything like that if it hadn't been asked of me. My family is very poor, and now that we have to leave our possessions behind, we have nothing to sell in exchange for food."

Shuuhei is very tempted to feed her the typical "I'm sorry for your misfortune" line and move on. As someone who still has an actual job to do, that would probably be the appropriate response. But this woman sounds so hopeless, Shuuhei wants to give her some kind of reassurance that things will turn up.

"That will change when you reach the lower districts," Shuuhei assures her, trying to sound sincere. "Trust me, things will be better there than they ever were here. You'll settle in soon enough and, more importantly, you'll be safer."

At least until whatever district you're reassigned to swells in population from having too many people stuffed into it, becoming overcrowded and thus causing gods know what kind of complications for the inhabitants, but Shuuhei wisely chooses not to share this part with her.

"It doesn't matter to me one way or the other. It still doesn't change the fact that I have to take other people's food. I used to hate the idea of stealing," the woman's voice turns bitter, and Shuuhei truly believes this is a person who once had a powerful moral code she has been forced to abandon, "but like I told that awful man, with my daughter starving I'm all out of other options."

Shuuhei's brain cycles back through the incident with the unpleasant man. "Your daughter? Is she with your brother?"

The woman finally raises her eyes to give Shuuhei a confused look, brows crinkled with misunderstanding. "Excuse me?"

"You said your brother is the one who is hungry. Are they together if they aren't with you?" Shuuhei elaborates, eyes glancing over the the people shuffling around them as if the woman might point out a relative sharing her small figure and ordinary features.

"Oh, no just my brother. I mean, that's what I meant to say." The woman shakes her head, looking slightly mortified by her mistake. "I apologize, I misspoke. I don't know why I said that."

It's a rather odd slip-up to make out of nowhere. Shuuhei gives the woman a quick once over— she doesn't seem ill enough to be delirious, but she's clearly tired, hungry, and stressed. "Miss, are you sure you're alri-"

Before he can finish the woman glances over his shoulder, eyes widening in surprise. "The line just stopped. Has something happened?"

"What?" Shuuhei turns, fully expecting to see the continuing flow marching down the road, and therefore a little perturbed when instead he is faced with a very solid, very unmoving collection of people.

Unlike during the small altercation before, there's no yelling and screaming. Everyone just seems to be complacently waiting around, a little befuddled by the sudden stop in motion. Aside from a few vocal complaints, Shuuhei can't pick up any emotional outbursts from this crowd. They're all just standing around, as if waiting in line for some large-scale event.

"Again?" Shuuhei refrains from groaning to himself, taking himself to the rooftops a second time to get a better look at whatever's causing the commotion. From a fairly tall and relatively safe structure, Shuuhei marvels at the unmitigated chaos below him.

Clearly, fortune is not smiling on the well-meaning evacuation efforts of the Gotei's finest. The halt previous halt in traffic had been one thing, but this–this is a massive build-up of people. It stretches for miles, past the open west entrance into District Seventy-Four. Treading across rooftops, Shuuhei follows the progression of the refugees to where it has been blocked by something farther ahead.

The district is not that different from the Seventy-Fifth, rows after rows of abandoned buildings, the entire population clustered together in the streets, frozen by some force ahead. Further and further, past District Seventy-Three, Seventy-Two, Seventy-One… Finally, where the districts drop from the seventies into the sixties, Shuuhei sees what's holding everyone up.

It gives the impression, Shuuhei realizes, of an amateur barricade. A barrier of carts, heavy-duty ones that one might expect to see carrying large goods across districts, clumsily piled together on top of each other as if swept up in a tornado and suddenly dropped all in one place. Huge, thick burlap bags adding weight to the make-shift structure, standing against those trying to push through it. Behind the blockade, occupants of the Sixty-Ninth District hoist more and more weight onto the carts, seemingly entirely unsympathetic to the attempts of those on the other side.

Shuuhei scans the area for the shinigami assigned to this section of the evacuation route, displeased with the fact that this was allowed to happen. Preventing issues such as this is one of the reasons why they had officers assigned to help the evacuation in the first place!

There, Shuuhei spots the black shihakusho of his fellow shinigami, and even from a distance he can tell from their spiritual pressure that those are some familiar black spots. They are rather distinctive personalities, after all.

He can see Iba coming towards the barrier and shooing the people on the defending side away and ordering his re-enforcements to tear the barricade down, much to the protests of those working to build it. Not far away, Shuuhei can register Ikkaku screaming at someone who must be spearheading the creation of the blockade, because that someone appears to be arguing right back. Shuuhei decides to intervene when he notices Ikkaku's hands curling into fists.

Shuuhei flash-steps onto the scene, re-materializing at a safe distance between Iba and Ikkaku, successfully drawing the latter's attention away from frustrating civilians.

"Having trouble?" Shuuhei suggests, gesturing to the pile-up.

Ikkaku rolls his eyes with a sneer, which Shuuhei suspects is the third-seat's knee-jerk reaction to any implication of him having difficulty with something. He casually grabs the man he was just yelling at by the front of his yukata, presenting him as one might present a noxious dead animal carcass. "Just perfect, thanks for asking. We were doing just fine in the higher districts till we noticed these assholes blocking the roads. Why don't you ask this guy what's up? I'm sure he'd love to explain."

The guy, who looks far too young to be organizing inter-district mayhem, sputters at Ikkaku's manhandling. "It's not our fault! You shinigami wouldn't listen to us, so this is the only way. Let go!"

He struggles, but Ikkaku's grip is vice-like, and his voice is full of anger. "The fuck do you mean 'only way'? Only way to get people killed?"

"There's no room for refugees!" the guy insists, squirming uselessly against the bald soul-reaper's hold. "Not enough water, either. Pack people from another district in here, and we'll die of thirst! Do you just expect us to wait around to die?"

"You're not going to be waiting long if you don't get this thing out of the way," Ikkaku promises, swinging an arm towards the barrier. "Either move this pile of junk, or we'll move it for you!"

"Better do it soon," Iba advises, heaving a few sandbags off the structure with a grunt. "The longer this is up, the longer it's gonna take to get people through. The others are going to notice and come investigating any minute now."

With a quick scan of reiatsu, Shuuhei confirms that more soul reapers are picking and prodding at the area with their spiritual energy, wondering what's going on. A few of them are strong enough to be lieutenants. Shuuhei can't help but hope that Renji isn't among them— he really doesn't want to give the redhead any more reasons to stress over the safety of the civilians. So yeah not seeing  
Renji right now would be really great, second only to not seeing Izuru, the other lieutenant Shuuhei wouldn't be jazzed to see right about now.

"There's danger in the higher districts, and if these people stay out there bad things will happen and those bad things will also result in your death. The Seireitei is doing everything it can to see that your the districts will be well supplied. So take this thing down. Now." Shuuhei explains sternly. Because who cares if he personally doesn't agree with the evacuation plan? Who cares if the Seireitei's done so very little to help out the Rukongai before, Shuuhei has a hard time imagining how they will now? Because surely there's a plan already, right? There must be, and maybe he's just not getting it yet.

and with the confirmation of two vice-captains the unranked officers tear down the barricade piece by piece, shouldering the protesting civilians out of the way. The sandbags are the first to go, and Shuuhei picks a few up to help the others toss them. They're heavier than they look, the rough material of the bags scratching up the pads of his fingers.

Finally, they're able to push the carts aside, allowing refugees past and into the district. Shuuhei wipes beads of sweat off his forehead and looks into the thankfully now-moving crowd, wondering how long he'll have to wait before he can recognize any faces from the Seventy-Fifth to gauge their progress.

Iba sets himself next to Shuuhei, leaning against one of the dislodged carts and stretching. "At least that's over. Geez, you'd think some people would have more useful things to do than cause more trouble than there already is, wouldn't ya?"

Shuuhei shrugs nonchalantly. He doesn't feel like sharing the fact that a part of him feels this whole procedure is in itself causing more trouble than their already is. The protesters weren't being irrational in their fears of starvation and overpopulation. "Nothing like this has ever really happened before. They're scared, on the verge of panic, even. Right? At the very least they're easily suggestible, so as long as we can keep everyone in line they probably won't cause more problems."

"No more problems as long as a destructive, soul-absorbing monster doesn't appear. And that's only provided it shows up somewhere we can find it, seeing as we can't sense the damn things." Iba scoffs, face turning in a slight scowl.

"Worst-case scenario." Shuuhei admits with a shrug.

Ikkaku gives the cart closest to him one final kick before deciding it would serve a greater use as a seat, plopping down with his elbows across his knees. "Honestly, I'd take a monster attack right now over playing babysitter to this bunch. I get enough of that in my own squad."

"Yeah, and while you're off having fun fighting the thing, how many innocent people are getting turned into even more freaks and ripping up Soul Society?" Iba points out. "As far as I'm concerned, having no monsters is better than the alternative."

"Hey, this ain't my first time in Rukongai. If these… whatever they are- if they feed on apathy or passiveness or such shit, then they're going to show up here eventually and there's no stopping it. It's just a matter of when, and then everyone's just gonna get pissed when they realize that this-," he gestures at the continuing flow of refugees into the district, "-was only temporary anyways."

Shuuhei quirks a brow, a little surprised that he's not the only one with such a negative outlook on the current plan. "You don't think there's a way to prevent the monsters from manifesting at all?"

"Do you?" Ikkaku fires back, looking very matter-of-fact about it. "C'mon, Hisagi. You grew up in these kinds of districts, right? You know that nobody gives a fuck about what happens out here."

"It… it does seem that way. This entire evacuation gives the impression that the Gotei is just trying to buy time. But at the same time I can't exactly blame everyone for wanting to try and protect as many people as possible," Shuuhei admits, trying to look at both sides evenly. Before he can stop himself, he adds: "I think Renji's especially troubled about it, considering the incident he was involved in. I'm concerned about him." He curses himself the moment he says it, because even the rather neutral statement feels way too personal out loud. He suddenly feels over-protective and over-invested, the doting caretaker of Renji's dumb issues. Shuuhei tries to act like he isn't feeling a sudden rush of heat to his face, like he can blot out the sound of Ikkaku snorting and then trying to cover it with a cough, like he doesn't feel Iba's pity washing over him, unhindered by the man's shades covering up his expressions .

It takes a minute for Shuuhei to bring himself back out of his own head, and for him to notice the low, distant rumbling gradually growing in his ears. Refocusing, Shuuhei turns his head in the direction of the noise, a deep roar like an earthquake coming from way back in one of the distracts he passed through. "Do you hear that-?"

Another rumble, louder this time. A deep, low, unnatural sound that makes Shuuhei's ears ache and his chest tighten. This time it doesn't grab only Shuuhei's attention—other shinigami and Rukongai citizens alike turn their heads in the direction of the noise in an eerie synchrony, alarmed expressions on their faces.

"You might wish for a monster attack might come true, after all. Hope you're happy," Iba elbows Ikkaku roughly, his voice uncomfortably sardonic.

Ikkaku answers with a sharp laugh, already drawing out his sword. "Now this is more my speed! Let's get down there before someone else gets to it first."

With that, he flashsteps off in a whirl of wind before Shuuhei can warn him to be careful—these things are stronger than they look. Iba vanishes right after the eager the third seat, and Shuuhei has little choice but to follow.

He comes to a halt at the scene of the damage, with the gradual location that this place is not unfamiliar to him. Well, as far as he can tell. The changes that have taken place since is relatively recent departure are shockingly drastic.

Shuuhei slips off the roof's ledge, tiles coming out under his feet, to land on the ground below. Landing is a little trickier than he initially anticipated, considering the debris scattered across the road. A row of houses has been spilled onto the streets like something literally swept right through them.

Shuuhei kicks part of a wall out of his way, wary of the remaining structures that are still standing. He's fully prepared for a monster to burst out of hiding at any moment, the way it did when he was investigating with his captain. "I knew these things could do massive damage, but I didn't think it could cause a wreckage like this so fast."

"That in mind, I've got a new question for you, Mr. Monster Expert." Ikkaku's voice sounds out, and Shuuhei looks over to see him flash-step close enough to the destroyed houses to peer in suspiciously. "Where's the monster that did it?"

Shuuhei spots Iba a few paces ahead, climbing over a shambled section of stone wall to look over the rest of the street. "Here's an even better question- where's everyone else? I don't see any refugees around here."

"It's just like when the first monster appeared. People had already been absorbed in order for the creature to take it's inhuman form," Shuuhei recounts, thinking back to all the things he's learned about the monsters since he first killed one. "Which means that everyone here who hadn't been evacuated yet has been…"

"All blended together in the monster like a big soul smoothie. Well that's just gonna look great on a report. Can we just focus on finding this thing and killing it?" Ikkaku volunteers dryly, looking across the damaged neighborhood with a serious look.

Something flickers in the corner of Shuuhei's senses, like a stray breeze drifting through a window, gradually growing stronger and stronger. Two familiar spiritual pressures rapidly approach, no doubt having heard/sensed? the destruction from the north or south sides of Rukongai. And he doesn't know whether it's because he's used to the specific spiritual energy or because he's looking for it with an almost paranoid anticipation, but Shuuhei can almost instantly tell one of them is Renji. A few moments later he realizes the accompanying presence is Rukia from the ivory glow of her reiatsu.

Rukia is the first to arrive, her sudden appearance kicking up dirt and smaller bits of debris in the wind. Renji is not even a second behind her, landing on what seems to be the shattered fragments of a support beam that crunch under his feet. From the looks of surprise on both their faces, Shuuhei assumes this is a rather isolated incident. Neither of them look like they've been roughed up in a fight as of late. Shuuhei has at least that much to be grateful for.

"Lemme guess- it was like this when you got here." Renji says to the three already present soul reapers, though he glances at Shuuhei first and foremost. It's a small thing that shouldn't give Shuuhei a rush of both affection and anxiety.

Rukia, wisely choosing to ignore her companion's comment, surveys the scene around them. "What happened here? Did another monster appear?"

"We think so, yes. We just arrived here ourselves from a few districts inwards, and by the time we got here it was already gone." Shuuhei answers, feeling a little disheartened to admit they weren't fast enough to catch the thing. "But it could still be around. The one that attacked me and Captain Mugumura caught us by surprise, and I wouldn't recommend the experience to anybody else."

"Then there's nothing else to do but start looking for it, is there?" Renji suggests. Maybe it's another symptom of Shuuhei's overly-paranoid state, but he worries about something in Renji's voice that sounds a tad too much like reluctance.

And with that, a monster hunt begins.


End file.
